Stress around relationships

[Kevin]

3 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

And circumcision? 

If you’re asking if I go around yelling about circumcision then no I don’t. She asked me about it because I’m uncircumcised.

 

I’m honestly really confused about if there is a point you’re trying to get at.

[Phil]

@Kevin

Can you see the opposite interpretation is equally as true & valid? 

On Trump & circumcision, as objective examples that point to a subjective experience. 

[Kevin]

1 minute ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

Can you see the opposite interpretation is equally as true & valid? 

I’m so lost man I can’t see how the opposite is true. Can you spell it out for me?

[Phil]

@Kevin

The opposite is how she ‘see’s’ these topics, right?

[Kevin]

Also some more background. Before she sent me that text I was really excited to see her since I’d planned a trip to go see her. I was tired of thinking of her 24/7 and I really wanted to get high. I went and bought some Coke because I never had a problem with it. The crack was the problem. Anyway I get halfway through the baggy and my nose was destroyed. I didn’t want to snort anymore but I wanted to keep doing it.

 

so I decided to turn the rest of it into crack then I’d be done. So after a few hours of smoking crack I was close running out and I was gonna be done. But then I checked my phone and a few hours ago she’d texted me that message and immediately I said fuck it and went and bought so much more and I’ve been doing that and then Xanax at night to sleep. Today is my first day sober again and I’m gonna keep it that way. But I feel awful today.

[Kevin]

1 minute ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

The opposite is how she ‘see’s’ these topics, right?

Yes and in that case we are incompatible. Because I was willing to have a conversation about these topics. She was so certain she was right that she couldn’t actually talk to me about it.

 

[Phil]

Doing crack or cocaine is what a crack or cocaine problem is. Support & rehabilitation is the way to get realigned. Check into a center. Contact a friend or family member to assistant and support you with signing up & getting there. It stands to change your entire idea of yourself, your life & what’s possible. Don’t delay, just go. Self-care & self-love is the most aligned action. ♥️

 

 

The way to see what I’m getting at is to notice when you are ‘in’ interpretations.

Then to notice you are aware of, and not in, interpretations.

 

But put basic bodily health & well-being first. None of this talking really matters if it doesn’t even amount to that.

 

[Joseph Maynor]

Politics destroys relationships.  I hate politics.  I hear ya about relationship pain.  It’s tough.

Edited February 7 by Joseph Maynor

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Doing crack or cocaine is what a crack or cocaine problem is. Support & rehabilitation is the way to get realigned. Check into a center. Contact a friend or family member to assistant and support you with signing up & getting there. It stands to change your entire idea of yourself, your life & what’s possible. Don’t delay, just go. Self-care & self-love is the most aligned action. ♥️

 

man I truly believe I don’t have a crack problem. I was able to quit before. I had a stupid lapse of judgement thinking I could get powder coke and it would be different. It won’t happen again.

 

I have a loneliness problem. I have a problem where I crave a relationship and sex but I’m afraid of talking to girls. I have a low self esteem problem where I’m so happy that a girl likes me I’ll stay even though it’s probably not a good relationship for me. 
I just want a woman in my life and I’m such a damn softy that I’ll date a girl for a month and be heartbroken and resentful if she ends it.

 

Self love for me would be to forgive and let go of this girl. But right now I don’t believe I can. I’m incredibly sad about it right now. I don’t want to do anything except lay here under a blanket and cry.

 

I’m sure some of this is me going through withdrawals from 2 different drugs at the same time. Maybe I’ll feel more normal and better in a week.

1 hour ago, Phil said:

 

The way to see what I’m getting at is to notice when you are ‘in’ interpretations.

Then to notice you are aware of, and not in, interpretations.

 

Yeah I think I see what you’re saying. This girl stuff is sticky though. Each time a girl I’ve liked has ended things with me it’s been heartbreaking. Like debilitatingly heartbreaking. I don’t believe this is normal. And I believe I’m weak and should be ashamed because it shouldn’t affect me this much.

1 hour ago, Phil said:

But put basic bodily health & well-being first. None of this talking really matters if it doesn’t even amount to that.

 

I definitely should be working out more and and eating better. In terms of emotional well being, last week I started meditating a ton and I think it actually made me feel worse. Maybe that’s normal at first. Idk it’s been a while since I meditated.

[Kevin]

57 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Politics destroys relationships.  I hate politics.  I hear ya about relationship pain.  It’s tough.

Yeah man it’s rough. I wish people didn’t care so much about it.

[Joseph Maynor]

1 minute ago, Kevin said:

Yeah man it’s rough. I wish people didn’t care so much about it.

It's divided my family.

[Kevin]

1 minute ago, Joseph Maynor said:

It's divided my family.

I’m sorry to hear that man. I’ve found this best thing for me is to keep it to myself unless asked. Also Ignore the news and the media in general. If you follow mainstream media you will inevitably start to think the other side is crazy.

[Mandy]

@Kevin Drugs are the problem, the way you are with girls is not. There's nothing wrong with you except that you think there is something wrong and turn to drugs to forget it. 

 

People who use those drugs usually don't realize how clearly drugs are written all over thier face and vibration, how instantly people can tell something is off, with one look into their eyes and usually they can also tell exactly what that is. You can't begin a romantic relationship in that state without it being a mess. It's not you, it's the drugs.  Get clean first, long term clean, you've got the first steps totally mixed up here. ❤️

[Phil]

9 hours ago, Kevin said:

man I truly believe I don’t have a crack problem. I was able to quit before. I had a stupid lapse of judgement thinking I could get powder coke and it would be different. It won’t happen again.

Yes. That is a belief.. You didn’t quit before, as you are doing the drug again. Crack & coke are the same drug in different forms. 

9 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

I have a loneliness problem. I have a problem where I crave a relationship and sex but I’m afraid of talking to girls. I have a low self esteem problem where I’m so happy that a girl likes me I’ll stay even though it’s probably not a good relationship for me. 
I just want a woman in my life and I’m such a damn softy that I’ll date a girl for a month and be heartbroken and resentful if she ends it.

 

Self love for me would be to forgive and let go of this girl. But right now I don’t believe I can. I’m incredibly sad about it right now. I don’t want to do anything except lay here under a blanket and cry.

 

I’m sure some of this is me going through withdrawals from 2 different drugs at the same time. Maybe I’ll feel more normal and better in a week.

Yeah I think I see what you’re saying. This girl stuff is sticky though. Each time a girl I’ve liked has ended things with me it’s been heartbreaking. Like debilitatingly heartbreaking. I don’t believe this is normal. And I believe I’m weak and should be ashamed because it shouldn’t affect me this much.

I definitely should be working out more and and eating better. In terms of emotional well being, last week I started meditating a ton and I think it actually made me feel worse. Maybe that’s normal at first. Idk it’s been a while since I meditated.

These interpretations are what feels discordant. They’ll help you see this and work through it all in rehab. 

[WhiteOwl]

9 hours ago, Kevin said:

I wish people didn’t care so much about it.

be the change you want to see in the world 😉 

[Kevin]

9 hours ago, Phil said:

Yes. That is a belief.. You didn’t quit before, as you are doing the drug again. Crack & coke are the same drug in different forms. 
 

 

it is the same drug but experientially very different. I did coke many times throughout college. I never had a problem. I realize now that since I’ve done crack I can’t just do coke anymore.

9 hours ago, Phil said:

These interpretations are what feels discordant. They’ll help you see this and work through it all in rehab. 

I didn’t like rehab. I don’t believe it helped me quit. I have full confidence that I’m not gonna do it again. There’s a lot of things I’m uncertain about in life but this I am certain about.

 

I don’t mean to assume and I mean this with respect but I don’t believe you have first hand experience with crack. And maybe not Coke either? Idk but you seem to think you need rehab to quit. I don’t think this is the case for me. There’s to much pain coming along with doing it now. There’s no chance I’m doing it again. I feel empty depressed and alone to the point I don’t wanna be here anymore. I know the intensity of these feelings will pass. But it points to that I want a relationship and a family and I don’t like how life is going right now.

[Phil]

@Kevin

Quitting the substance is just an aspect. The bigger picture of rehab is being present and fully feeling. Then there won’t be any of these concerns anymore. 

[Kevin]

9 hours ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin Drugs are the problem, the way you are with girls is not. There's nothing wrong with you except that you think there is something wrong and turn to drugs to forget it. 

 

 

I agree and I’m gonna be sober. 

9 hours ago, Mandy said:

People who use those drugs usually don't realize how clearly drugs are written all over thier face and vibration, how instantly people can tell something is off, with one look into their eyes and usually they can also tell exactly what that is. You can't begin a romantic relationship in that state without it being a mess. It's not you, it's the drugs.  Get clean first, long term clean, you've got the first steps totally mixed up here. ❤️

I was sober for a few months when I met this girl. Things were going good. And I’m not blaming this girl but I felt very vulnerable about how much I liked her and I suspected something like this would happen so I guess I got some Coke to try and forget.

 

Also you’re right I truly think there’s something wrong with me and I’m fucked up and a girl will never love me. And logically I know it’s stupid. Logically I'm above average in a lot of categories. In terms of fitness, financial stability, empathy, extroversion, etc. but on the inside I don’t feel good about myself at all. It’s completely illogical but I believe in a piece of shit.

[Kevin]

9 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

Quitting the substance is just an aspect. The bigger picture of rehab is being present and fully feeling. Then there won’t be any of these concerns anymore. 

I just don’t want do make that kind of commitment when I believe I can do it at home. Also I used to think therapy was good but the last couple times I’ve done therapy I felt like things got worse because I just kept talking about the same bull shit over and over

[Mandy]

3 hours ago, Kevin said:

Also you’re right I truly think there’s something wrong with me and I’m fucked up and a girl will never love me. And logically I know it’s stupid. Logically I'm above average in a lot of categories. In terms of fitness, financial stability, empathy, extroversion, etc. but on the inside I don’t feel good about myself at all. It’s completely illogical but I believe in a piece of shit.

Love isn't logical, there doesn't need to be any reason for someone to love you. Just like how you feel isn't logical, it's just pure direct guidance. No one loves you like Source loves you, and you gotta let that in. Then let it reflect in as many beautiful ways and unexpected as it does. It's all just a play of light, go right to the Source. 

 

3 hours ago, Kevin said:

I suspected something like this would happen so I guess I got some Coke to try and forget.

This is miscreation, which serves only to give more clarity to Creation. You get what you suspect, what you expect. A few years ago I went through a lot of intense expression journaling and there was bliss or practically unwavering clarity on the other side. During that other side time, I slipped on ice and fell down some tall steps outside and it was like a test drive that the pain was just love, nothing could touch me, nothing could shake me. Had to drive in a snowstorm and there was so fear just pure bliss that it was impossible for me to die. Watching my parents remorse over some wasted food, knowing how silly and hilarious it was that nothing could be wasted, and that lesson was so much more valuable than the spilled milk ever was. Everything is utterly working out. You can't attract anything bad.

 

I would never suggest seeking out pain, but you can change your expectation of it, that it will be a face slap awake, and you're fucking ready. Hit me. Insult me. Call me names. Fuck with my head. Say something really unforgiveable. Break my heart. The cracks are where the light gets in, and the light illuminates what wonders are next.

 

Maybe you take this invincibility for a test drive. Maybe that's just what life is. Maybe you see how fast it can go, and maybe it thrills you, OF COURSE YOU WOULD WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU DO? BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE, COKE ISN'T THAT. Coke is trashing the car on the test drive instead of having fun driving it. You wouldn't take a thrillingly fast sports car through the McDonald's drive through, buy a big mac and wipe the grease all over the windshield, dump your soda in the seats and key it. TAKE CARE OF THE FUCKING METAPHORICAL CAR. IT ISN'T YOURS to trash. Stop with the coke and enjoy the test ride, test the limits, don't trash the car.