Seductive Coitus - my feminine feelings

[Reena]

A man doesn't ask those kind of questions Reena. Don't challenge his masculinity. 

[Reena]

I just love this dance girl. 

 

[Reena]

I've noticed that I like men with a focused stare. 

I guess the kind of people we attract in our lives are also the kind of people that we ourselves are.

For example, in a study it has been found that most borderlines attract  narcissistic people. 

This is also true in my case. 

There is a very good reason why I attract narcissists. Because I lack their qualities myself. I'm attracted biologically to the one who will complement me and supply me with something that I don't have. That's why  they say opposites attract each other.  There's magnetism there since the progeny should have the best genetic combinations. This makes sense from the point of view of genetics. That's why we're psychologically attracted to someone whose values we appreciate yet whose vibe is the complete opposite to our vibe.

Extroverts attract introverts. Angry people like calm people. Submissive people like dominant people. It's like we're always looking for our other half to complete us. 

 

[Reena]

To create harmony through attraction, it's important to focus on values and qualities. For me commitment and loyalty are supremely important in relationships. 

 

Attraction is not a conscious activity. It's very biological. 

It has roots in human biopsychology.. 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

The reason why I am attracted to narcissists is quite simple. Narcissists are generally great leaders. They take responsibility. They drive things forward. Women are magnetically drawn to men who lead, men who are ambitious. Women don't like to date broke men because it's obvious that broke men don't exude qualities of success, ambition and leadership. Because a guy who represents ambition reflects stability. Stability is important for a woman who wants to start a family. Having a financially unstable man will cause insecurity and  such a thing is eliminated by the biological system of attraction. 

The qualities that I admire in a man are usually found in narcissists. 

Example - ambition, orderliness, discipline, organization, duty, social status, moral integrity, leadership, guidance, provision, hard work etc. 

At the same time narcissists can be abusive people. They can be a self esteem downer. 

People who are like me have low self esteem. People with low self esteem need someone to lead them. Someone who will guide them. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

The concept of the zero sum game. 

[Reena]

I've created AI based images of Indian ethnicity men by logging in the desired facial traits and these are results. 

 

I'll choose the desirable ones out of these. Just an exercise for me to know what seems more desirable to me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

The men that I found desirable from the above lineup are

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

The most desirable man among the top three is

[Reena]

I can call him Vicky. 

[Reena]

I think in my mind. I have two forms of love that I tend to validate constantly. 

One is the white swan and the other is the black swan. Both are valid although one is a controversial form of love. 

The white Swan love is a form of love that does not involve control. It's based in understanding, loving, compassion, empathy and caring. 

The black swan love is a rather risky biologically oriented survival form of love that will include discipline, control, punishment, psycho love that involves you being the muse of someone else who then uses control to make you both fear and like them. This is a more parental form of love that will involve taming. So it will be sexual but not affectionate. 

 

The picture below is an indicator of this sort of love.

 

[Reena]

White Swan love - The first one is the more empathetic love. Based in total trust. And acceptance. 

The second one, the black swan love is a punitive love. The trust lies in knowing your punisher won't kill you and will let you live but with limited freedoms. 

[Reena]

White Swan love is the guilt free liberating love. The one that slowly heals you. The kind of love that I'm yet to experience. It is a validating love. It tells me that I'm full, fulfilled, beautiful, whole and need guidance, support. 

 

The Black Swan love is the approval love where I'm the one who is seeking approval of someone higher in authority, someone who doesn't validate me easily, a narcissistic form of love where I have to constantly be on my toes to be approved by this authoritarian love. 

 

[Reena]

How do both work? 

 

One works through empathetic tender love. The other through hardcore logic and intense passion and codependency. 

 

The Black Swan love is very karmic. It means it will be existential and influential and intinct based. The white Swan love is endearing, warm, affectionate and empowering love. 

 

Both cannot be denied in their power to shape a person and in their influence. 

 

 

[Reena]

I'll need to identify three distinct behaviors (influenced by CPTSD and genetic components) that shape my feminine instinct and romantic behaviors. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

The above character who I call Vicky is a representation of White Swan love. 

 

The Black Swan love is represented by the character below and his name is Nick. Nick and Vicky. 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

I'm gradually able to understand through these characters why I suffered such shocking levels of trauma. CPTSD and it's huge impact on my life. 

 

I'll need to identify three distinct behaviors (influenced by CPTSD and genetic components) that shape my feminine instinct and romantic behaviors. 

 

And these behaviors are - 

 

   Stockholm Syndrome 

 

 

   Codependency 

 

 

     Limerence 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

I finally found the character that had been dominating my life like a black shadow for so long. It almost felt like he did black magic on me. 

This dark shady character is Nick. 

 

He gaslighted me. Abused me. Did mind control. Made me feel loved. Geez. Maybe he did love me. But then he would guilt me over nothing. 

 

Today is a chance I can be free of his web if I am able to fully grasp all the games he played. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

Reena, escape him. Get out of it. Snap out of it. Run. Run as fast as you can. Take your car through the garage and escape. He can't keep you for too long. He wanted to control you. He needed you. To manipulate. 

 

Run. Because he will love you but it will soon turn very toxic. He will engage in toxic levels of control or he will be bored if he cannot play games anymore. 

 

 

[Reena]

In my dream I was safely transported out of the lair of this Dark dark demonic man who had been controlling my mind and heart. 

 

Finally I'm piecing my trauma together and getting at least partial closure.