Whenever you complain about someone else, you complain about yourself

[Mandy]

True?

 

Not to suggest that you should feel bad about it, but that there's a desire there, or a part of you, you aren't allowing. An Easter egg. A horcrux. Something like that. We are each other's mirrors. There's nothing more fun than seeing this in action, than having conversations with others who see and own this too, though it can be uncomfortable for just a second. Next time you catch yourself criticizing others, listen yourself to what you are saying. It makes ourselves angry that we won't even hear ourselves. It's the discord, the emotional guidance we aren't hearing, but often the words we express give hints as to specifics of what we want to do, or they give us direction. 

 

Again, absolutely NO shame in it. Avoiding it does no good. Just listen. 

 

Any funny examples of how this came to light? Or would anyone like to criticize what was said? 😁

[Blessed2]

7 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Any funny examples of how this came to light?

 

Not really funny. Read a book, really contemplated what was said and got quite sick for a couple of days. Felt like a flu but wasn't really physically sick.

 

Did the practices the book offered and slowly it began to erode away the projection. Still work in progress I guess. It's hard to just stop projecting. It's sort of an addiction. Sometimes it almost feels good to judge, but really it's just hurting yourself.

 

10 minutes ago, Mandy said:

We are each other's mirrors.

 

Yeah. There is really only one projection going batshit crazy, and so it seems like there is a bunch of selves here.

 

This is where the genius of ACIM shines. It's primary "practice" is called forgiveness. It's seeing your sister/brother as they truly are; not a separate self, but spirit. And when you see "other" in true light, you naturally see yourself in true light.

 

I learned it broken down to three steps, to make it easy to remember and utilize. It's best to do when you feel that sting of projection (anger, blame, cringe, judgement). It can be super hard but is SO rewarding.

 

Basically... Go through this path step by step:

 

1. "None of this actually happens / this is not what's really going on / this is a thought-story / this is a dream I'm making up / I'm seeing something that's not really there."

 

2. "I forgive the other / I forgive myself for dreaming this up / I am innocent / they are innocent / all I see is innocent / only thing there is, is innocence / innocence talks, walks, eats, drinks."

 

3. "Separation never occured / I am not separate from God / all there is, is the face of God... etc "

 

When you see your brother/sister not as a body-doer-self, but as pure innocence and spirit, that's what forgiveness really means. It's taking the beam out of your own eye.

 

In fact I might go and do this right now. Someone on this forum is grinding my gears a bit. 😁 Though something in me really doesn't want to do that lol. There can be quite a bit of resistance to it.

[Jonas Long]

@Mandy the vanity of small differences... i am aware that the things that bother me most about others are the things i know i am a hair off from, if even that.  

[Mandy]

@Blessed2 ❤️ I was annoyed that you start really good threads, get awesome responses and then don't engage. I also recognized that I was holding back in engaging how I wanted to here. 

 

@Lester Retsel It's not about how you are though, or pointing out one's own flaws or failings, it's more about letting it go, or about gleaning what you want, or getting direction from it in that way. That's when it gets really fun. 

 

[Jonas Long]

46 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

@Lester Retsel It's not about how you are though, or pointing out one's own flaws or failings, it's more about letting it go, or about gleaning what you want, or getting direction from it in that way. That's when it gets really fun. 

 

believe me, i'm working on that... i'm not a jedi master alchemist yet though...i get annoyed, i get triggered, i get all that stuff.   i was just agreeing to the premise of your thread.

[Jonas Long]

16 minutes ago, Faith said:

@Mandy Maybe sometimes, yes, but always, I'd say no.

Those other times though I'd venture to say ppl may remind us of family or other ppl we don't care for much or get under our skin for whatever reason.

but...why do those people get under our skin?

[Blessed2]

The thing is there isn't anyone who could get under your skin.

 

The belief that there are separate selves is what "gets under your skin".

 

Imagine there is only One Enlightened Self, and all people here who seem to think and do stuff is just a veil or a mask pulled over the One Enlightened Self. Like a running movie that veils the screen.

 

 

[Jonas Long]

14 minutes ago, Faith said:

 

Many reasons. I can think of tons. No sense listing them all.😅

 

So, then you might say that it's something in me that makes it so that the list of things irritates me. Maybe so. Not perfect over here. 

of course it's something in you....something in you is the thing reacting.

Edited March 9, 2023 by Lester Retsel

[Jonas Long]

if you're hanging out with an alien, and all the other aliens agree that it is the most annoying alien, you might not be annoyed by it at all, because you have no frame of reference for anything about it that would be deemed annoying by their standards.  you need to relate in order to be annoyed, and the more you relate, the more you're likely to be annoyed(or to relate in a good way)

Edited March 9, 2023 by Lester Retsel

[Jonas Long]

1 minute ago, Faith said:

@Lester Retsel mmm, yeah, I dunno. There are ppl that the majority would say are "get under your skin" worthy.  So, to say the person is ALWAYS complaining about themselves I still think is a stretch. 

i think those that get under the majority's skin are probably the most relatable among the majority

Edited March 9, 2023 by Lester Retsel

[WhiteOwl]

@Mandy Its sometimes hard to see but i feel it is right. I can see that when i blame my roomate for being lazy, its triggering because of my own judgement of it, my own relationship to being lazy. 

 

Also if anyone is competing with me in any area, and i think they are winning (could be anything ( who is most happy, doing most sport, could be anything), i also get feel anger. 

 

Same with being triggered by Joseph comments earlier. I am 100% sure its my own judgements/beliefs making me triggered, but i don't see clearly how it relates to what i want to create.

 

The difficult part is as you mentioned relating it to what you DO want. 

[Mandy]

10 hours ago, Faith said:

@Lester Retsel mmm, yeah, I dunno. There are ppl that the majority would say are "get under your skin" worthy.  So, to say the person is ALWAYS complaining about themselves I still think is a stretch. 

I agree that the wording is sort of inaccurate for the sake of explaining quickly in a title. I'm mostly saying that when it occurs there's a gift there, something wants to come to light. When discord is felt in reaction to another person, there's always something there for us that we want. "We" is impersonal and not separate, which is why this commonly overlooked pattern seems to be a phenomenon and is there in the first place. But if we aren't willing to unwrap the obnoxious or triggering wrapping paper with curiosity to see what it is and reject it entirely before knowing what's there when we believe it's just about the other person. That's just how they are. We ignore the guidance of the emotion, which is always guiding is to what is wanted. What we want and what the other wants when clarified and brought to light, when we get straight to the heart of the matter at its essence, are always the same thing. 😳We attract each other, we called each other. 

 

4 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

@Mandy Its sometimes hard to see but i feel it is right. I can see that when i blame my roomate for being lazy, its triggering because of my own judgement of it, my own relationship to being lazy. 

And you probably already understand this but sometimes it's not simply that you want to work harder yourself, but that you aren't allowing yourself to be lazy, and therefore aren't allowing yourself the nonresistant attitude to do what you really want to do. If someone is hard on themselves and forcing themselves to do things they don't like all the time, watching someone be lazy is really going to set them off. But they are attracting exactly what they are wanting. 

 

4 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Same with being triggered by Joseph comments earlier. I am 100% sure its my own judgements/beliefs making me triggered, but i don't see clearly how it relates to what i want to create.

 

The difficult part is as you mentioned relating it to what you DO want. 

Sometimes it's reading the desire in the words rather than just immediately drawing a conclusion that the person is how they are. Sometimes it's a collective want, not a personal one, but that separation isn't really there to begin with. If we aren't willing to be patient and just get annoyed and angry and respond from the discord unwilling to see the guidance there, that isn't in itself wrong or right, but nothing can be communicated or brought to light until we ourselves read what we wrote, see the desire and listen to the discord/guidance in it. What we wrote was for us. Then we can communicate in a very clear and powerful way. Love itself is the only real communication. 

 

I noticed when I learned reiki that while I was doing reiki on another I had a clear intent for healing, easily accepted them as they were. But if I was doing reiki on myself on that spot that hurts that has hurt for months and that I really want to just go away, I found that I was unwilling to be with it. And that being with it, seeing it, curiosity, acceptance of it, is the healing, is the reiki. It's the same way with our words and interactions with others. You cannot see a wound or blind spot in self or other clearly until you stop trying to push it away. You see the hurt fully but not as a flaw or failing that must be excluded or pushed away, and see that the love and healing are mutually wanted and already the case. Essentially it's the same thing as listening to emotional guidance. That's what you want primarily.

[Jonas Long]

i've heard, and it makes sense to me, that the universe doesn't waste any energy, and that's why everyone is slightly(or very) different, but there has to be something we recognize in order to get annoyed.  the quality we get triggered by may be something that we ourselves keep under control. but still recognize that we do, or have the potential for it.  theres someone, much older than me, who literally reminds me of how i was when i was about 12 years old, and i still remember myself acting that way, and i cringe, when i see that behavior.  but the understanding of it, i maintain, is necessary to the botherment.  it's like, you're not going to get triggered by anything someone says to you in a language you don't speak/understand.  right?

Edited March 9, 2023 by Lester Retsel

[Mandy]

@Lester Retsel Why would you cringe in recognition? Is that actually recognition of self or recognition of self judgement? 

[Jonas Long]

Just now, Mandy said:

@Lester Retsel Why would you cringe in recognition? Is that actually recognition of self or recognition of self judgement? 

it's like having a sympathy pain when you see someone get a paper cup, or yawns getting passed around, i think... i think it's recognition of both?  

[Mandy]

@Lester RetselIs there really a past you? Do you ever want someone else to feel sorry for you? 

 

cringe (v.)

1570s, "to bend or crouch, especially with servility or fear," variant of crenge, crenche "to bend" (c. 1200), from causative of Old English cringan "yield, give way, fall (in battle); become bent," from Proto-Germanic *krank- "bend, curl up" (source also of Old Norse kringr, Dutch kring, German Kring "circle, ring"). Related: Cringed; cringing. As a noun from 1590s. Cringe-worthy (adj.) is attested by 1990. https://www.etymonline.com/word/cringe

 

When you feel the cringe it always comes back on yourself. 😳

 

@Faith Love it! 😊

[Jonas Long]

2 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Lester RetselIs there really a past you? Do you ever want someone else to feel sorry for you? 

 

cringe (v.)

1570s, "to bend or crouch, especially with servility or fear," variant of crenge, crenche "to bend" (c. 1200), from causative of Old English cringan "yield, give way, fall (in battle); become bent," from Proto-Germanic *krank- "bend, curl up" (source also of Old Norse kringr, Dutch kring, German Kring "circle, ring"). Related: Cringed; cringing. As a noun from 1590s. Cringe-worthy (adj.) is attested by 1990. https://www.etymonline.com/word/cringe

 

When you feel the cringe it always comes back on yourself. 😳

 

 

it does always come back on yourself, yes, i'm not arguing with that definition or anything you said, that's why it's uncomfortable.  I'm not saying it's a virtue to have that reaction.  if i was further along i probably wouldn't.

[Mandy]

1 minute ago, Lester Retsel said:

 if i was further along i probably wouldn't.

Eh. 😬

That's still the "if I was better" frame of reference. You don't ever want to be without emotional guidance. If you are thinking a thought that feels bad, emotions are there to be like "HELLO, come back to yourSelf. " 

[Jonas Long]

Just now, Mandy said:

Eh. 😬

That's still the "if I was better" frame of reference. You don't ever want to be without emotional guidance. If you are thinking a thought that feels bad, emotions are there to be like "HELLO, come back to yourSelf. " 

i know, if i was better i wouldn't still have the "if i was better" frame of refence...

[Mandy]

@Lester Retsel Right, that's just how it works. 😆