Healing after Actualized.org

[Rose]

I am very happy I am now able to see what Actualized.org really is - a cult run by a delusional narcissist with a messiah complex.

 

I can’t believe how blind I was at first to see what’s going on with that guy. I always felt something was off and doesn’t add up with who he claims to be and how he acts, but kept being gaslighted by him and his fanboys. “Leo is posting all this great content for FREE, how can he be a bad person?” - thank god I learned about communal narcissists soon enough.
 

I wonder if there is any healing I can do? I feel right now exactly the way I felt when I stopped being Christian - like I’ve been scammed. I also feel like there must be some justice, there should be some punishment for someone who manages to fool so many people.

 

How do I heal and recover from this? What steps should I take? I feel very angry at the whole situation and how many years I wasted being brainwashed by a textbook narcissist.

I wonder how much harm it did to me and my life. I can say for sure, he severely damaged my career as I kept thinking working as a professional in an office wasn’t “life purposy” enough and that I was wasting my life, thus sabotaging my work severely.

 

Another way in which it damaged me, is how arrogant I became. How life lost its colours for me, as everything seemed meaningless, but chasing some stage of enlightenment, and everyone who wasn’t chasing, seemed beneath. And how this enlightenment seemed so unattainable, how I wasn’t working hard enough, how only a few people can reach this level, and most of us never will “even begin to grasp the concept of reality”. 

 

Also, I became much more neurotic. Way back in 2016-2017, I remember watching his “signs you are neurotic” video AND becoming way more neurotic after it. It’s been 7 years of damage this sicko has inflicted on me. 
 

Please help! 

Edited January 28, 2023 by Rose

[Orb]

Your deconstruction of his behavior was really good 👍. It's alright, most of us here fell for that too. But the healing starts wits first noticing something was iffy about that whole leo thing.

 

 

 

[WhiteOwl]

3 hours ago, Rose said:

Another way in which it damaged me, is how arrogant I became. How life lost its colours for me, as everything seemed meaningless, but chasing some stage of enlightenment, and everyone who wasn’t chasing, seemed beneath. And how this enlightenment seemed so unattainable, how I wasn’t working hard enough, how only a few people can reach this level, and most of us never will “even begin to grasp the concept of reality”. 

Sorry to hear and i can really relate to a lot of what you write actually. Especially about how other people being beneath. It makes you think you are doing something important and that other people, which is almost everyone else IRL, are just fooling around being unhappy. Such a trap, compared to what you actually do want. 

 

That site is completely toxic and most people staying are the same kind of people which makes it a complete echo chamber. 

 

It's really great though that you can see it made you feel bad, and that you are ready for something new. The mind is gullible and can be healed, so its "just" about being aware and going in a new direction. What could be that direction? Maybe doing something for other people, (loving-kindness meditation feels really good and makes it easier to connect with the people you choose to do it "for"), just putting focus somewhere different for a while?

 

Also journaling is really great and using the emotional scale, i do that a lot and makes me feel a lot better. 

 

Anyways, i would take a step completely from sources like that and just keep life simple for a while. Eat healthy, go for walks, breath, meditate, some exercise could be good as well. You probably know all that.

[Rose]

2 hours ago, Orb said:

Your deconstruction of his behavior was really good 👍. It's alright, most of us here fell for that too. But the healing starts wits first noticing something was iffy about that whole leo thing.

 

 

 

I wonder if this is just what happens when narcissist starts taking psychedelics? I am just trying to understand how the leo gura  phenomena managed to happen. Like the mechanics of it. I honestly feel like I’ve escaped a dangerous cult.

[Orb]

@Rose it's narcissistic thought activity. what happened was he has presented himself as an authority when in the beginning he presented himself as someone who aspired to find truth but never acted as a teacher. But when he took 5meo dmt he started to believe he was enlightened and presents himself as an authority when deep down he knows he's not, this discord between how he presents himself and how he truly feels I suspect is the root of his dissatisfaction and arrogance. He's dug himself too deep, a large chunk of his income comes from his youtube channel so to delete everything and move on would be hard on his life. So either he admits he went too deep and risk losing a lot of money or keep the facade going, it's only going downhill from here. Truly wish him the best though, I hope he just shuts off everything and gets help.

[Rose]

On 1/26/2023 at 5:59 PM, Orb said:

Truly wish him the best though, I hope he just shuts off everything and gets help.

But who cares about him at this point, what about all the people he is deceiving? I would celebrate if he dropped dead tomorrow. 
 

Majority of his followers really believe they’ve found the next Jesus, but way better - because that’s what he is telling them. Can you imagine how he’s gonna screw up their lives with his narcissistic teachings? 
 

He is deceiving people that he is enlightened and that he can guide them to love, when he is the exact opposite of that and guiding people to a depression, aggression, arrogance, or full psychological breakdown.

Edited January 28, 2023 by Rose

[Orb]

@Rose acknowledging his dysfunctional behavior and abuse and calling it out is enough, anything more is going too far in my opinion.

[Rose]

Just now, Orb said:

@Rose acknowledging his dysfunctional behavior and abuse and calling it out is enough, anything more is going too far in my opinion.

I just truly believe what he is doing is more large scale than “him being just a guy” and “everyone has issues and makes mistakes”.

 

His business is built on a lie and scam premise.

 

What would be the consequence of  someone owning a store, selling jewelry, claiming their jewelry was 14K gold, charging $400 for a bracelet, when it turns out it’s a stainless steel bracelet that costs $20? They would go to jail.

[Orb]

@Rose yea I understand the consequences of his actions. But I honestly only care about helping people heal and healing myself, if there is justice for what he's done I'm not really concerned, although I acknowledge the hurt he is contributing to in that community, not to mention the suicides that happened rip 

Edited January 26, 2023 by Orb

[Orb]

When you oppose something intensely, you only make it stronger. Imagine how amazing it would be if instead of hunting down leo everyone just forgot about him and focused on healing, self realization, and loving each other. Forgetting him is already the end of the battle.

 

 

[Rose]

1 hour ago, Orb said:

When you oppose something intensely, you only make it stronger. Imagine how amazing it would be if instead of hunting down leo everyone just forgot about him and focused on healing, self realization, and loving each other. Forgetting him is already the end of the battle.

 

 

But do you think it’s doable? I feel as if I was severely scammed.. I started watching him when I was 22-23.
 

Like what do you do,  for example, if you’ve been in a long term marriage with someone, and suddenly you realize your husband has a whole family on the side, a PIMPing business and is also a pedophile. I know how this sounds, but that’s kind of how I feel right now 🥲

 

Also, guilty for being so stupid before and falling into that cult. Thinking about the damage it has done to me, and what is the damage that I am not even aware of yet. 

 

Edited January 27, 2023 by Rose

[Orb]

@Rose it's alright, it can take time in the beginning to let it go. I don't blame you for how you feel right now.

[Serenity]

@Rose

 

Without any desire for revenge against Leo, unfortunately for him, he is already suffering the consequences of his thoughts, believes and actions, and they will keep on unfolding until he learns humility.

 

His vanity and lack of wisdom is showing seriously at this point (more than ever before if I may say) and I have never seen as many people ghosting him and deserting his forum. As a matter of fact, on Actualized.org, only the very young ones that are still developing remains, or those that have a psychological abuse issues in their shadows seems to remain. Most of the mature, knowledgeable/spiritually gifted people have been leaving that place.

 

With maybe 1-2 remaining, but mostly there to sell something or promote themselves. There are also those that want to prove themselves worthy and project on him some kind of authority.

 

The quality of his forum has also greatly decreased with the progressive exodus. I've seen posts asking why the Actualized.org has become so blah recently.

Well, obviously THIS is the answer ☝️. 

 

Leo lack the will to listen because he doesn't respect anyone in there (see his posts of tonight for reference) and thus see everyone as 'below him' by default. 

The bummer is, he is and has been totally wrong on a lot of subject. And it's tough to admit that people who he sees as below him are/were correct. For this, he would need to give up on his delusion of grandeur and see himself as the vulnerable, unknowledgeable/ignorant one... which he has so much contempt for. So he is kinda trapped.

 

Also, he says this is a style... I don't believe him one second. The reason why it's so though for him to correct is that this is his conditioning and how he functions.

[Rose]

1 hour ago, Serenity said:

With maybe 1-2 remaining, but mostly there to sell something or promote themselves.

I somewhat understand that, people need to eat. But at the same time, I am not sure if this is a moral thing to do. Kind of standing back and watching him abuse other people. Not saying anything and walking on eggshells around him.

 

1 hour ago, Serenity said:

Leo lack the will to listen because he doesn't respect anyone in there (see his posts of tonight for reference) and thus see everyone as 'below him' by default. 

The bummer is, he is and has been totally wrong on a lot of subject. And it's tough to admit that people who he sees as below him are/were correct. For this, he would need to give up on his delusion of grandeur and see himself as the vulnerable, unknowledgeable/ignorant one... which he has so much contempt for. So he is kinda trapped.

Based on what I’ve seen, and my experience studying narcissism, he seems to exhibit all the characteristics of  narcissistic personality disorder. His manner of speaking is very sneaky, anything to make himself look good and appear right. Even when he “accepts criticism” it’s just for a show, he can’t always keep up the show though, so sometimes he writes long twisted excuses to make himself look better.

 

Narcissist will never admit they were at fault. They will lie, change topics, twist, gaslight, etc. And they are so so good at this, you won’t realize the topic was changed or the conversation was steered in some other direction. 

It is believed by most specialist that narcissistic personality disorder is impossible to be be cured. One of the experts on NPD, Sam Vaknin, says it is possible, only if you do deep childhood therapy for a few years consistently. But it’s impossible to make the narcissist do it - they think there is nothing wrong with them at all.   

 

That is why I am curious, what happens when you take someone so deeply psychologically traumatized and make them take psychedelics for 25 days consistently, without a trained psychiatrist overlooking/guiding the process. 

 

 

[Rose]

1 hour ago, Serenity said:

Also, he says this is a style... I don't believe him one second. The reason why it's so though for him to correct is that this is his conditioning and how he functions.

Oh, of course, he is lying and making excuses to make himself look better. Look how he slipped today because it was brought up how ridiculous it is that he thinks he’s the most enlightened person in the world, and how he said that only 1 person will ever understand his highest teachings, and at most 5 people will ever get enlightened from his students:

 

 

Narcissists can’t keep their facade at all

times. Oftentimes their mask slips and they reveal their true character.

Edited January 27, 2023 by Rose

[bnyland]

[Rose]

5 hours ago, bnyland said:

 

 

 

leo’s fanboys hearing that ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Edited January 27, 2023 by Rose

[Phil]

@Rose

Welcome! 

[Orb]

@Rose 😄

[Reena]

@Orb @Rose right now Leo opened a thread "are you a narcissist?" 

Lmao the irony. A narcissist asking others if they're narcissists. He stated there the average US adult score is somewhere at 15 and his own score is 13.  He is trying to use the line of reasoning that he is less narcissistic than the average American. His mental gymnastics is amazing to watch. This will be his future defense against any claims of narcissism that anyone will make against him. He is already preparing for how to combat claims on his narcissism, well in advance. Instead of actually focusing on how to combat his own narcissism, he is mentally gearing to defend himself well in the future against any viable criticism. 

He doesn't spend his time in rectifying himself, he would rather spend it in showing how he is not a big deal and all his flaws are minor. His shadow is quite strong. He simply cannot accept any criticism and has to find some loophole to defend himself. He won't believe even if the entire world is screaming at him. 

He is a lost cause..