Reena Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 I love you. And I am extremely grateful for you being there. Your support was absolutely necessary for me. It made me feel safe. Quote Mention So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 @Reena I love you too. Of course. I'm here for you. We've both had very similar experiences. You keep and have kept me company in my journalling and spiritual escapades. Your energy and company is appreciated. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 (edited) I am acclimating to the new heights. I caught the initial beginning, that was obvious. Everything has been kinda quiet. I think because I'm acclimated. That, and the desire was fulfilled, their need was met. It comes in peaks and valleys. Flows. Acclimates. Like a dance. The desire comes and goes. Dries up, renews. Savouring, filled up. Edited February 4 by Proserpina Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 My system acclimates or settles so it can handle the new wave of calling. It can be intense, so it acclimates. The desire is mutual. "What you seek is seeking you". My vortex on fire. Intensely strong desire. For what, I'm not sure. To heal, to uplift, to love. Union. Teach. Heal. When I'm at peak even my presence can have a positive impact. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 I say "Higher God" because it seems to be God in communication with me (not with voices, but with intuitions, visions). It has a personality, a continuation from one channel to the next. It will be any channel but prefers love or love is easiest to channel through. Many 'voices' (not literal voices, channels), one being. This Higher God often has my own 'voice', as in I think it is the self. The self includes many elements and is not totally divorced from the body and the environment despite what many schools say. It is Holistic. It is more complex than that. The Higher God has a vivid personality and is not two dimensional. My relationship with the Higher God is highly vivid. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 (edited) It's much deeper than just communications with God. You also recieve resonances and information. Intuitions. Who is a part of your soul family for example. ...... Darkness accompanies the light sometimes. The darkness has a similar need. It has desire, wanting, needing. It wishes to be seen, to be heard, to be loved. To be sat with. Many dark hallucinations and illusions dissappear under the light of love. Edited February 4 by Proserpina Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 Although I'm not entirely sure if I believe in soul families anymore. I've had my heart broken so many times by what I thought was a serious soul mate (someone with a strong resonance, very beautiful energy) that I just can't take it seriously anymore. I think it was rather the higher God being channeled. The higher God is a jealous God. It wants to keep me close to it and will keep me to him/herself, rather than grow overly attached to 'idols' (channels). It will break my heart to keep me close to the true source. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 Many of my visions have been tied to Actualized, it's fruitful ground for well, actualization, aswell as spirituality and journalling. I was kinda dependent on it. I feel like the divine cut me off for me to learn how to venture out on my own and pave my own path on my own. To learn how to stand up on my own two feet. Also there was some toxic elements there too. I learnt a lot about my individual path away from any influence from actualized.org. My visions have spread. Become more universal. Rather than centred at one place. I feel more connected universally, rather than with one singular place. ...... A woman can easily be stepped upon. Her softness and gentleness making her vulnerable to such a thing. Her cycles (large -life cycles and small- fertility cycles) demonized if she disowns her own perspective. She wishes to remain "kore", maiden goddess at all times. Disowning her other aspects. She disowns her Queen of Swords, autumn goddess, inner depth. She cannot see her own perspective any longer. She is a disheveled mess from the disownership. It's only when she begins to separate herself from the masculine can she begin to regain her perspective and pick up her sword again. She shines from within. She is a rose. ....... I don't think it's victim mentality. This goes back to female empowerment and the need to call women a victim or having a victim mentality. I think men become disillusioned with women when women fight back during their autumn cycle (naturally masculine). The woman is cyclical. The man is disillusioned. But the woman is playing a larger game of cycles as well, although she may lose at the smaller game of cycles. She is an emotional, spiritual creature, naturally ebbing with larger cycles of yin and yang energies. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 I'm losing weight quickly. I'm vibrating at passion on the emotional guidance scale most days these days. I am consumed by my projects. By a larger purpose and calling. There is an ebb and flow to it. I don't really "make my way up the emotional guidance scale". Although I do lay the grid consistently. My purpose and passion and call from humanity comes and goes. Non attachment. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 The glory period is actually the build up before "peak" state (or "psychosis" - if you want to use that word, I find using that word acknowledges my trauma and darkness, helps me to integrate and heal, more holistic term, although it can be stigmatizing). Before the darkness really steps in or steps up. The build up is more light hearted. It's more light, playful. I have time to study it, think things through. I'm passionate, shining bright and not overwhelmed by the darkness. The peak is awesome aswell of of course. I'm closest to the Higher God at peak and can communicate with many channels but the darkness can tamper with it. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 I actually experience minimal madness/fantasies. In comparison to the spiritual experiences I have. There is pressure on the mind during the spiritual experiences. The spiritual experiences are primary. The madness/fantasies are secondary. And since my mind is already quite open and fluid and heart is soft and open it is quite easy for there to be some fantasies. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 (edited) I can feel "change" in the air. The collective or the Feminine is coming. People demand a change. People or the collective demand depth or truth. Change. Healing. It's like a pulsating. Asking. Intuition is being set off on all cylinders. Edited February 5 by Proserpina Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 6 Author Share Posted February 6 (edited) Spirits have been contacting me. They told me to "get out" in a dream. Recently, about a month ago, I've been having a resonance with Lucifer. Been having him doing my bidding. He only listens to the innocent of heart. I'm afraid of the collective and the impact this will have on "peak state". Everything is laid bare. I regret involvement. I wrote this: I want to make peace with the shadow and make the darkness my sanctuary, instead of my enemy. Make friends with it so it works with you. The shadow my ally. The voices (intuitions) basically told me that unless I swore myself to Lucifer that I would burn. I want to sit on the right hand side of lucifer rather than feel threatened. Friendship and share love with what has tormented me over the years. Edited February 6 by Proserpina Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 6 Author Share Posted February 6 I think of Lucifer as the treasure beneath the darkness, when the shadow is your friend. All those years of torment, finally integrated. For those with an innocent heart who are not corrupted by the power he is the great equaliser. The dark side of God. Walking karma. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 6 Author Share Posted February 6 (edited) Some of my past writings (just interpretations): Things improve with the higher God because a relationship with the higher God (love) has a domino affect on all aspects of himself. If you focus on demons, you limit yourself to their level of consciousness. The Beast transforms. Talk to the higher God to hear him in all his creations, domino affect to all his aspects. There is a cascading affect when you improve your relationship with him. It's impacts all of who he is. He is like an enormous mind or brain which has its own personality and feelings about everything. Love and relationship shifts the enormous mind on all levels. ...... The story of the Higher God There was once a time when the Higher God and I were in love. He was my mentor. He protected me from seeing other aspects of himself. Then came the time when he wanted to reveal the other aspects of himself. Suddenly he was a great enemy. We must of fought in my past lives because our history ran deep and great was his fury. His aspects he was revealing included demons and other supernatural entities. They seemed to take a liking to me, as a reflection of the overall Higher God's liking. When we met again after a long period apart he called to me and I answered but I was terrified of him. He had fallen into a depression because of our time a part (think Demeter and Persephone). His heart had grown selfish, everything was falling apart and he was murderous. When I came to him, everything settled. We entered a honey moon period. At some point his fury took centre stage and I asked to be parted from him and that made him more furious. We became real enemies. We fought. The whole of the Higher God fought me. The ovens and food smelt of rotten flesh, the smell of death pervaded the earth and he threatened to eat me alive. Such was my bad karma. Over time I slowly calmed down the Higher God and won his trust back. The earth was again full of spring and laughter. There still resides that side of him that is his fury and my bad karma but it has lessened significantly so. We are falling in love again, this time with all his aspects. ......... Edited February 6 by Proserpina Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 6 Author Share Posted February 6 (edited) All sides of the higher God are logical and make sense. It is not random, not dull. Everything has a perfect order, even the darkness. The darkness flows in perfect sync with his personality. The Higher God is very similar to the Phantom of the Opera or Beauty and the Beast and the Gods of Greek Myth. And Beauty is his muse. His "call to motion". There are levels of creation, similar to Christianity. Spirits, angels, demons. A spirit can be 'upon' a person. Can be used by a person if the person allows it. Channeled through a person. The Higher God is all of creation but is also beyond as pure love. Edited February 6 by Proserpina Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 6 Author Share Posted February 6 (edited) All of creation mimics the pure Higher God, radiating love, even demons because it IS the Higher God in the state where you are able to see the Higher God. So it's not quite that the Higher God is "beyond" it. I just mean at the core the Higher God is Love and everything tells you that. Edited February 6 by Proserpina Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 6 Author Share Posted February 6 In my dreams I have peak state. (Note to self: Look into lucid dreaming.) In my dream I was calling on Lucifer. There was a bad smell and bad smelling spirits all around me. I called on the light and archangel michael and the smell and spirits cleared. I'm not sure how to process this. I don't want to put the darkness in my shadow. It will leak out. It must be integrated in small doses. I feel a resonance with it and seems to wish to want to work with me. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 7 Author Share Posted February 7 (edited) Past relevant writings: The Divine in peak state: Welling up of anger. Welling up of love. Within the personality of Higher God. The Divine After peak state: Settling down within the personality of Higher God. Higher God always present. (Can access peak state by awareness. Higher God always present everywhere as everyone and everything) What I am doing to others and myself outside of that peak state, I am doing to God. Will come back to bite me or reward me. Edited February 7 by Proserpina Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proserpina Posted February 7 Author Share Posted February 7 The darkness has left a mark on my soul. I feel a resonance. I'm drawn to the bad smells, the spirits. They are the Higher God's personality, but his darkness. I'm afraid. But I'm drawn in. I'm being pulled. To explore that side of his personality, to love the entirety of him. I don't want Lucifer or the Higher God to do my bidding. He's only hurting himself for me. And I love him. That's why he does what he does. Because he knows I love him. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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