Ceejay

Allergy is a boundary. Some people does not like to see a snail, not to speak of touching them. They find them to be yucky. They may not be allergic to the snail. But something about the sliminess about the snail makes them feel yucky and uncomfortable in the body. So they naturally wants to stay away from them. If they override this, by daring themselves consciously to be more exposed to the snail -- the are venturing outside their comfort zone and unknown territory. They know they are crossing a boundary. Sometimes, they have no choice, life crosses their boundaries without them consciously seeking it out -- and this can produce an allergic response. It's a crossing of a boundary line, into the unknown, viscerally. Of course, when I touch rusty metal, or fungus-infected fruit or something, my skin begins to immediately react, by producing rashes and redness. These kinds of skin allergies are more prone to happen for me, especially when I have significantly compromised my health with too much alcohol or tobacco. I am currently abstaining and has decided to be permanently be sober, and I am hoping that some of these allergic reactions would be lessened. But there are lots of allergies that are truly required for the survival of the body. In the materialistic paradigm, some of the allergies are categorized as false alarm, given by the body. But, I wonder, if there is anything actually called a false alarm. It probably is not a false alarm. There might not be anything called a false alarm, at a cellular level. Every response and reaction is indicative of something. Like if I smoke too much cigarettes, to the point of not being able to stand another whiff of that smoke -- and then I saw a movie where someone is seen to be smoking, I have this weird response in my body.

Naturally occuring sugars have minerals in them which have some nutritional value. White sugar is empty calories with no nutritional value. Fruits have rich fibre in them, so the sugar in them are processed differently in the body, which is okay. But make sure not to consume too much fruits. It is important to recognize that white rice is also carbohydrate like sugar. I think it is very akin to white sugar, but not as bad. Boiled white rice is my staple food, but we eat them with other curries, which makes the assimilation different and less unhealthy. I also want to eat sugary things after a meal. I drank Pepsi an hour ago. I am currently not trying to quit sugar.

Yes, I had very difficult times with my father. We are heavily influenced by our parents.

You don't have to meditate everyday for 10 minutes or 30 minutes or 1 hour. Can you meditate right now, as you read this, for some moments? If you feel like "not now" -- then that is alright. Don't force it. But there are times in the day, when you simply want to deeply rest, and maybe relax for a while from everything. Notice these intervals. Be present for them. Honour them. It might just be a minute or two, nothing necessarily very long. Just appreciate and notice the stillness. Let regular meditation practice emerge on its own, as a consequence of you falling in love with this stillness. And if it doesn't - that's alright too. I don't meditate formally these days. I might start it soon. But I don't want to force myself. The Tao is like the wind.

Yes, I am drinking Pepsi on a daily basis. But, I probably would quit it soon. I am currently abstaining from alcohol and smoking since this new year and is planning to always remain sober till the rest of my life. You journaled that you have an appointment with psychiatrist and is feeling very anxious and afraid. I don't know your backstory and I have not been following you. I was an inactive member of this forum for a long while... and I started visiting this forum only from yesternight onwards. A friend of mine is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Do you have any specific psychiatric issues? Did you suffer any trauma? Were you the one who said was severely damaged by Leo Gura's content from Actualized, or was that another girl?

Of course not. That's like being tickled to death, and it should not be called happiness - it's called torture.

Yes, Goli soda is available where I live. Haven't tried it yet.

Yes, lime soda is available here and I drink it occasionally. The Sarsaparilla root extract is added to that lime soda in order to make this. Depending on where you live, it may or may not be available for you. It is definitely available in India, where I live. Google "Nannari Sarbath" and you'll get it. It has a cooling effect.

No, I haven't. Ceejay is not my real name. And I am an Indian, living in India.

Wow. Mumbo jumbo.

Inner blissfulness could be a living reality without using psychoactive drugs. It would be much more stable if this state is learnt through meditation and inquiry without using drugs. With drugs, the brain has a hard time learning the fine nuances of achieving the nondual state on its own. However, you cannot always be in blissfulness, or could always be happy. And emotional untouchability... that's a fantasy!

If there were no boundaries, you would be able to walk through the concrete wall. You know that if you run into the concrete wall in your room, you will get hurt. So you know how to interact with a concrete wall, and therefore that concrete wall does not cause you any issues. It does not cause you any issues, because you have learnt to deal with it. When you meditate, you are better able to correctly deal with the walls inside your mind, that makes you feel claustrophobic. Hence, you feel a sense of liberation which you perceive as boundless. But, there are boundaries in this universe, everywhere. Your job is to deal with them. With lots of meditation, you might feel like you can levitate away, or fly away, beyond this universe. This does not mean your body can do the same. It also does not mean you don't have a body.

I personally like cool butter milk, and it is available in the summers. Nowadays, I'm drinking Pepsi. Today mom bought Indian Sarsaparilla root Sherbet and some Lehar Soda. I drank some this midnight. It was "cool"!

Inquiry, and the willingness/discipline to engage in inquiry.

My diet is usually not this bad. It's not all too good either. But I don't binge eat fast food or consume way too much sugar or anything. But I remember one time order some 2 piece fried chicken from Chicking and I ate them up at evening, maybe along with some coffee (with sugar and milk). I felt like a gorilla.. (Imagine that full-moon gorilla Goku? from Dragon Ball Z)... I felt like that creature.. It sure is not healthy.. But whenever I smoke/eat weed, my body feels so gravitationally dense.. and heavy.. that need to eat some heavy food like meat.. otherwise I feel like my body is getting fried.. Sorry, I don't know how to help. You need to consume better food than fast food.. Maybe why don't you go to a regular restaurant.. and eat something that's not so bad like total junk food.. What are healthy alternatives you can order, to Denny's or Jack in the Box? Yes, bananas are good. But that might be too puritanical for you to persist with given the nature of your habit. P. S. Since I am from India.. I actually had to google Jack in the box and Denny's and Popeyes.. (yes.. popeye and such are open in Bangalore.. but I am not living there..)

So, "loneliness"... that is a keyword right?

It is also important to know that life might feel much more easy-peasy without the booze. Because booze creates stress in the system as it is a poison, which dehydrates the system (Hangover is a dehydrated brain if I remember correctly). It is also possible to have a resistance towards "feeling good". Because that might go against the grain of your personality. Your personality might feel more secure with under-the-weather attitude and booze, but when you cut it out and your body-mind begins to change --- it is possible to have a resistance towards this. Everything is working out fine -- hence there I should complicate things once again... This is a self-sabotage attitude. I don't know whether you have it. I had this with alcohol and tobacco and weed.

I don't think he "made the scale to simply make money out of it." There are better ways to become rich, if that were the intention.

I probably won't try psychedelics. It could be de-stabilizing.

Read this book by Anna Lembke: Dopamine Nation. We are addicted to dopamine generating activity. Why are you motivated to ask this question here in this forum? Why are you motivated to subscribe to this forum? Why not just stay in your room and do nothing. The thing is, when you are simply staying in the room doing nothing - your brain is not doing nothing. It is in the Default Mode Network. See Gary Weber's blog to know more about the neuroscience behind this.

Man, I have been struggling with drinking and smoking for years now. Alcohol abuse is exhausting. Being passed out, again and again, despite wanting to quit is exhausting. Sometimes you really have to exhaust yourself totally, in order to change. That is my experience. Being pessimistic is alright. Being unhappy is alright. Not believing any of this non-dual statements are alright. Questioning them is alright. Being fed up with spirituality is alright. Everything is alright, except abusing your body. Since you have a problem with drinking heavily, your first priority should be to quit drinking altogether. When you stop drinking, life will definitely suck. You will feel that life sucks. You attitude should be -- even if life sucks, I am not going back to drinking (or any kind of drug abuse) anymore. If it sucks, then it does. Just accept that. I can assure you, if you have abused alcohol recently, then you are unable to think straight right now. You are unable to be really happy. You are unable to feel comfortable in your own skin. This will be the case, at least until you have accrued 2 months of total sobriety from all drugs. Stop drinking. And if this means you begin to eat too much food as a compensation, or spend too much screen time, or masturbate too much... yadda yadda yadda.. it really doesn't matter. This is not the time to act all too spiritual. You can do that after two months of total sobriety. Watch Andrew Huberman's video about "Alcohol". Drinking alcohol really messes with you and makes you an anxious wreck. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkS1pkKpILY