Ceejay

@Phil Thanks.

Okay. "And then what?", or "what next?" -- are also thoughts with an assumed subject. So there is no aversion other than an assertion (thought). The labelling of the feeling (using emotional scale) is a thought, isn't it? But if it is used without it getting in the way, it doesn't get in the way, and represents an aligned thought. Okay.

I don't understand what you actually mean by "nothing happening". You use it very often. Can you rephrase it, whilst retaining the intended meaning?

Yes, agreed. Already tried that. It only creates more discord, and things tend to quickly escalate, with doors being closed and more cut off from each other than before. When we communicate minimally/only-functionally, there seems to be greater mutual alignment.

Form is formlessness. Formlessness is form.

Nothing. Nothing. Maybe the implications of the statement "nothing's happening" is not getting fully felt and/or fully explicated. Which is unalloyed happiness without subject and object.

I think it was Peter Ralston who said "Reality is an infinite sandbox".

How so? Exception to what? Admitting this one. Yes. Because it is nondual. Didn't get what is meant here. What is an assertion? "Where" as in, can it be pinpointed like something objective? The location of it? Are you being grammatically correct, or did you miss any word in between, because I don't seem to get what you meant here. How do I? Then?

Because there is no one to do and nothing to be done The some one who would do anything is a subject. And something there to be done is the object. I don't know, if this resolves my original question.

Plus, whenever I release my pressure valves.. and beliefs... and become softened with him... he too becomes softened with me (he is a soft guy who loves me) recognizing my state... and this creates resistance in me.. as I naturally act more lovingly towards him... which wasn't typical until this point... (i used to create much ruckus and arguments and I think I am attached to that image or who I was)... Reluctance to let go detected.

I think I have shadow issues regarding my father. He is so restrictive and has numerous psychological issues and is on medication. I suspect that I have aversion towards him. Since, both him and me, are "strange folk with strange intuitive abilities"... sometimes when serendipitous or synchronous moments occur... I over-think/over-read that experience to the point of suspecting that my father (and sometimes other people I think as very perceptive) would be reading my vibration... and this includes the secret thoughts that I harbour... or that are being harboured in the subconscious without getting a release yet... It's like I feel that I cannot keep any secret.. or secrets cannot be kept... and if someone is highly developed intuition-wise, they can read others' intentions/secrets, albeit they wisely choose not to tell the party concerned.. This is not a problem, if I realize that my father is not judging me.. but he is a judgmental type, and that is what creates the tension... I know I need to release aversion to my father.. My father's toe nails have some sort of infection.. and it is in a weird shape.. I have aversion to this... you know, this feeling of aversion is palpable... and it increases when I try to release my gripe with him... Of course, everything that I said above are thoughts.. which presume a subject-object duality... I know that, and when I am in a meditative mood, such thoughts won't occur... But I said what I said, in this thread, so as to get some insights from others regarding some of this, and approaches to work with this.. or question such thoughts...

In the attempt to "empty myself of thoughts/beliefs" I bump into fantasties/desires, which I could spell out to myself. Then I could ask them the Byron Katie set of questions like: Is it true? What happens when I believe this thought? etc. For example: I want to move to another city and meet new people. Is it true? What happens when I believe this thought? Why do I want to do it? Who wants to move to another city and meet new people? .... Such questions tends to descontruct the subject and the object. Therefore, dissolving the very desire itself. If the very desire itself is dissolved in the inquiry of it, is that a good sign (that there is nothing then to write on the dreamboard at that time)?

by releasing that belief.

@Phil Okay.

I need 7-9 hours of sleep. I have heard Sadhguru say that he usually sleeps around 3-4 hours and that is enough for him. He considers "rest" is important, whereas "sleep" is negotioable. Ramana Maharshi also reportedly slept like 4 hours or something. The Zen Buddhist meditators are notorious for sleep deprivation. Martin Ball had a sleep crises, whereas his "off switch" got broken and didn't slept for 11 days or something, and states that not being able to sleep is truly hell. A spiritual guide of mine slept like 5 hours everyday and meditated/did-yoga for 1-2 hours every morning and says that meditation could substitute sleep to some extent (but not entirely). He also says that sleep is necessary for the consolidation of memory and so on. Why do different people need different duration of sleep in order to feel fully restored? How much do you need?