Proserpina

The spirit/s are leaving. The doors are closing. I know what that symbolises, that they are leaving plus their activity has disappeared. The spirits and entities or higher God have been here the whole time looking after me but I've been asleep to it. In people, spirits, dreams, circumstances. I've been in peak state the whole time but asleep. Hindsight is 20/20. I leave the door open, hoping they will come in but they are gone. People are missing now. Possible incoming period of bad karma? I don't want to think on it. Non attachment is the way. Cycles or periods of union and departure.

Love him or hate him, that's his temperament. He is questioning and confrontational. It's endearing to some. He's an ENTJ. I personally find it endearing. It has a magnetism.

I'm stable. Very stable. That stability carries my disagreements and conflicts with others I feel. I'm not so emotionally volatile or disagreeable. Less sharp edged. I'm more balanced. My energy kinda white washes it. The light or good overpowers the negative. The stability has a work of love and bonding over time.

I take it as proof at this point that I am healed that I am attracted to the shadows that once haunted me and frightened me. That I have curiosity and desire to explore. I am not frightened of what I used to be frightened of. Sometimes the spirits do things that I would have been frightened of and run away from in the past but now I have experience and I know what they want. They are a key in my awareness.

Every night spirits contact me. The supernatural is real. They tap me or they simply feel me, move the bedding around. They do this all night. Sometimes they might cradle me in their arms. They're very polite, they always knock on the door first to ask to be let in. I'm not sure why they are doing this. This happened at my last house too so they are following me. I recieve messages and synchronicities in alignment with the spirits too.

Things I'm grateful for: 1. Jan Blomqvist 2. The spirits in my room 3. My beautiful house 4. Music 5. Lovely dresses 6. Friendships 7. The chakras 8. Feminine self care 9. Synchronicities 10. Journalling

I wanted/ want to be that light in the darkness for him. My heart went out out of love. That's all I'll say. I think brutal beat downs have a limit until they need to be balanced with some light. I try to be that light for everyone. Including myself. Especially during my autumn season (pmdd) when I'm more individualistic and conflict active. Just reflecting in my journal. I still love this forum. I think it can be very loving and has good voices.

Why do you have so much hatred in your heart, Isagi? You are loved. I felt Jonas was subtly bringing up my disorder and I'm sure it's not in my head and my feelings and gut notified it. I wasn't triggered. I was just expressing how I felt.

I agree. I think it was unnecessary to bring up my disorder especially since I act relatively reasonable on this forum and keep to myself most of the time. I'm not harming anyone. It was an attack on me and my reasonability and ability to reason since I have schizophrenia. It hurt. I think I'm a reasonable person with a kind heart.

This is why friendship and relationships are so invaluable I find. And online forums and psychologists cannot equate. The heart is missing in so many ways online and with psychologists.

@Jonas Long In my experience with psychiatrists and psychologists, a lot of them lack understanding and empathy, as well as spiritual understanding and context. I can never properly express my experiences I've had because they feel the need to place things into strict medical frameworks devoid of spirituality and the mystic. I never really feel heard. I think Joseph would benefit more from a loving environment where he can talk about ĥis experiences openly and freely.

I have experience with mental health and so I have empathy for those who may or may not struggle. That is the upside to having "issues". My history with him is that I love him and that I have a heart for his issues and the things he is going through.

Why am I the last person who should be his therapist?

❤︎

Only because he was being so radically demonized was he letting you know that there is such a thing as defamation. If panic attacks are the result then it can only be a consequence of the prior demonization. Again he was very genuinely affectionate. He is principled, that can come across as intimidating and stiff in text. His harshness in self defence, anyone can see that. The aggressor vs the one defending themselves.

But to say that Joseph is "pure evil" is too harsh a statement. And I don't think it can stand on its own merit. He runs on principles. He felt it was right action to remove you from the forum due to principle. Not out of malicious intent. He is driven by right action. He understood that it might hurt you but you were saying some things about phil. He was very very kind to you throughout most of your stay on the forum. And I don't believe it was love bombing or narcissistic, I think it was genuine affection for you. He does not deserve to be demonized as he had been. I understand he called you a narcissist but does that really justify this level of demonisation in this thread? Anyways, I don't want to rehash this.

@Reena I want no conflict with you. No ganging up here. What I said came from sincerity, if that came across as cringy or trauma bondy, so be it. I want a heart that is free of hardening and is soft. So I make room for admitting fault, and appreciation of the people I love. I'm sorry Joseph has hurt you. I acknowledge that and understand that.

You're welcome. When the divine was moving through me and certain nodes in the collective were sensitive to and translating the energies that I was transmitting you were the most sensitive to the energy transmission. The divine, moving through me, was able to transmit its message through nodes in the collective. I got the impression that you were my specific conduit or bridge and that I hold a special relationship with you in a very deep way.

Joseph is quite normal. Not creepy at all. He has an astounding ability to channel. During my mystical experiences, he has an amazing ability to connect with my soul and channel my meaning. As if he were the walking collective or feminine. Direct connection. He is very kind to women. He is a walking phenomenon and he knows it and people pick up on it and assume it's ego. Incredible channeller. Deeply connected to the divine. I pick up on this especially when I am "tapped in" or in mystic state. He can be fiercely independent.

""This woman" who was once your girlfriend was threatened with legal action during psychosis during the very beginning of our relationship. I don't lie. I was having a delusion. And you considered it defamation (very personal, can't share online) even though I was in psychosis. I was in an extremely vulnerable state. And was given no empathy and I remember it being incredibly jarring and painful. You had no regard. " proserpina I believe I was too harsh (especially these two posts) in this thread. Joseph and I have had a long history, I've known him closely for 6 years. I didn't lie but there is a lot of missed context, missed history. I let a lot of my angst out publicly those several days which I regret. I suffer from PMDD. I think people were too harsh towards him on this website. Some strong points of Joseph Maynor: -Strong Principles -Remains silent in the face of opposition majority of the time (in a good way) - Aligned with the good (majority of the time) - A big heart - A strong mind

Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall opened to you. Ask for his presence. Seek out the higher god's love in sources of love. A lot of things are neutral or indifferent or ever nefarious parts of the higher god. You have to find where about in the personality of the higher god does he love you. Seek out the sun. Of course all parts of the higher god radiate love with awareness but you can't always rely on that. That comes and goes. With repeated exposure to love you can have awareness.

The darkness has left a mark on my soul. I feel a resonance. I'm drawn to the bad smells, the spirits. They are the Higher God's personality, but his darkness. I'm afraid. But I'm drawn in. I'm being pulled. To explore that side of his personality, to love the entirety of him. I don't want Lucifer or the Higher God to do my bidding. He's only hurting himself for me. And I love him. That's why he does what he does. Because he knows I love him.

Past relevant writings: The Divine in peak state: Welling up of anger. Welling up of love. Within the personality of Higher God. The Divine After peak state: Settling down within the personality of Higher God. Higher God always present. (Can access peak state by awareness. Higher God always present everywhere as everyone and everything) What I am doing to others and myself outside of that peak state, I am doing to God. Will come back to bite me or reward me.

In my dreams I have peak state. (Note to self: Look into lucid dreaming.) In my dream I was calling on Lucifer. There was a bad smell and bad smelling spirits all around me. I called on the light and archangel michael and the smell and spirits cleared. I'm not sure how to process this. I don't want to put the darkness in my shadow. It will leak out. It must be integrated in small doses. I feel a resonance with it and seems to wish to want to work with me.

All of creation mimics the pure Higher God, radiating love, even demons because it IS the Higher God in the state where you are able to see the Higher God. So it's not quite that the Higher God is "beyond" it. I just mean at the core the Higher God is Love and everything tells you that.