Uncomfortable feelings around women

[Eternal]

I don't get it. I find the suffering around women who I have had sex with multiple times and talking over text is far worse than just doing pickup. I feel extremely afraid and vulnerable to the point where I am kind of secretly hoping that they don't want to see me again. Every comment they make about me feels like a test. It feels so hard. I am so afraid of saying anything because of this extreme fear of rejection. I am used to sleeping with girls only a few times at most and then they reject me. I can't be myself around women. It feels so draining. 

 

I think I would rather just go my own way and stop chasing women, leave them out of the picture. There is way to much fear and vulnerability when they are with me. Being in such close proximity feels strange. They just play all these games and it feels like everything is a test. 

 

I am even afraid of escalating how I want to because of fear. My fear of rejection is far to big. 

 

I don't even enjoy my time around women because I am always scared of saying the wrong thing 

[Mandy]

Instead of just looking for "a" woman, why don't you look for a woman you reeeally like? Maybe you're so fixated on getting what you think you need but at the same time not doing the wrong thing, maybe you haven't determined what you really like. Why don't you do an experiment and look for a friendship and interesting conversation instead of a means to have sex? Find out what you actually like that way. Then conversation isn't going to be like a business arrangement, it's conversation for the sake of conversation. It's a lot easier to talk to some random person you bump into and be yourself than some multimillionaire you're pitching a business idea to. 

 

Also appreciate this irony. 

11 hours ago, Eternal said:

 to the point where I am kind of secretly hoping that they don't want to see me again.

 

11 hours ago, Eternal said:

My fear of rejection is far to big. 

You are not afraid of rejection, you secretly hope for it because the discord of doubting yourself feels so crappy. You WANT fun interactions. Focus on what's wanted. Less on what is not. 

[Phil]

 

If it’s true you can’t be yourself around women, then it can’t be true they reject you, since according to you, you weren’t being yourself.

So what you want is to learn how to be yourself around women. 

 

The suffering isn’t “around women”, it’s the discord of thoughts about yourself, around the subject of women. Likewise the fear isn’t of something or of rejection at all, it’s how the rejecting of Yourself feels.  But you’re missing that because you’re projecting the emotions felt onto the women, as if it were coming from them / proximity.

 

It’s the separate self, ego, facade… the way of thinking & being such that ‘it’s about getting laid, escalating, etc’ which isn’t you being yourself. That isn’t resonating with them & is why they don’t hang around. It isn’t resonating with you either. It actually doesn’t really resonate with anyone. Trying to be someone or someway you’re not to get laid, and then projecting they are playing games, testing & rejecting you is what’s draining.  

 

Actually just being you self is effortless & awesome. Some thoughts about you are discordant. Powerlessness & fear is felt as guidance with respect to those thoughts, which aren’t true, and thus feel discordant. Powerlessness & fear are not at all about you & are not indicative of you, but are about the way you’re thinking & being with respect, or lack of, to yourself & women. 

 

Take more of a interest, a curious inspective unattached approach. Rather than settlling for ‘uncomfortable feelings’, inspect, see what it really is. Therein ‘the truth shall set you free’, and you’ll realize the relief and clarity you’re looking for. 

[Orb]

 

17 minutes ago, Phil said:

 

If it’s true you can’t be yourself around women, then it can’t be true they reject you, since according to you, you weren’t being yourself.

 

🤯🤯

[Phil]

Give consideration to the difference between solving something to feel better and letting something go to see that it was a belief, which naturally results in feeling better. You don’t have to take action or experience anything to feel yourself.

[Eternal]

On 8/2/2022 at 2:14 PM, Phil said:

Give consideration to the difference between solving something to feel better and letting something go to see that it was a belief, which naturally results in feeling better. You don’t have to take action or experience anything to feel yourself.

I still have to much seeking energy. How do you actually let go of a belief? It seems easier said than done

[Phil]

@Eternal

When the belief that you have something arises, just question where you have it, when you got it, how you got it. You can also inspect it scientifically & study what it is. 

Generally the simplest way to let a belief go and allow clarity to arise which illuminates that there was a belief, is feeling breathing from the stomach. That’s simple enough, but it’s often the habit / belief one has to figure something out or solve something to feel better which distracts attention back to thoughts / the belief. 

 

Sometimes it’s as simple as bringing the opposite to mind and focusing on it, contemplating that in fact the opposite of anything & everything believed is equally true. As an example, there’s gravity ‘ gravity is obviously real… and yet it’s true there’s no such thing as gravity. 

 

Also Byron Katie’s Work, specifically the turnaround, is specifically designed just for this. It favors relationships, past & present more, and is quite powerful because one always believes how one feels is because of past, someone else, etc. The truth is that it’s the last place we look, our own belief. 

 

[Jonas Long]

@Phil not related to this thread at all, but why did your disable your yt comments? I just asked you one very basic question, wasn't rude or anything.  You can't have your beliefs even questioned, or you couldn't answer, what's the deal??

[Jonas Long]

On 8/3/2022 at 3:46 PM, Phil said:

@Eternal

The truth is that it’s the last place we look, our own belief. 

 

Maybe it is related afterall lol...you said something like "anything you can be aware of can't be you" but what exactly makes you think that's the case? You said it as though it were self evident, but I don't see any reason why you can't have awareness of yourself. 

Edited August 5, 2022 by Lester Retsel

[Phil]

4 hours ago, Lester Retsel said:

@Phil not related to this thread at all, but why did your disable your yt comments? I just asked you one very basic question, wasn't rude or anything.  You can't have your beliefs even questioned, or you couldn't answer, what's the deal??

I didn’t think it was rude or anything like that. I appreciate it. I just started putting in the description of the videos to go to the forum for questions and discussion, and forgot to turn the comments off. 
 

1 hour ago, Lester Retsel said:

Maybe it is related afterall lol...you said something like "anything you can be aware of can't be you" but what exactly makes you think that's the case? You said it as though it were self evident, but I don't see any reason why you can't have awareness of yourself. 

The theme of the video is walking yourself back to yourself. Or, detaching from entanglement with experience, and feeling as the true nature. The not this, not that is a  method called neti neti.

 

There is self awareness in the colloquial sense, like being aware of behaviors, how one treats others etc. But in the more literal sense awareness is aware that awareness is awareness, and that anything awareness could be said to be aware of is already awareness, as awareness is infinite.

[Jonas Long]

11 minutes ago, Phil said:

I didn’t think it was rude or anything like that. I appreciate it. I just started putting in the description of the videos to go to the forum for questions and discussion, and forgot to turn the comments off. 
 

The theme of the video is walking yourself back to yourself. Or, detaching from entanglement with experience, and feeling as the true nature. The not this, not that is a  method called neti neti.

 

There is self awareness in the colloquial sense, like being aware of behaviors, how one treats others etc. But in the more literal sense awareness is aware that awareness is awareness, and that anything awareness could be said to be aware of is already awareness, as awareness is infinite.

That seems like circular logic to me. 

[Jonas Long]

@Phil I also heard you charged someone am exorbitant price to teach them meditation because you knew their parent were wealthy, any truth to that? 

[Phil]

14 minutes ago, Lester Retsel said:

That seems like circular logic to me. 

Maybe some more specific questions arise to investigate this further. 

15 minutes ago, Lester Retsel said:

@Phil I also heard you charged someone am exorbitant price to teach them meditation because you knew their parent were wealthy, any truth to that? 

No.  

 

How to meditate:

Bring attention to the feeling of breathing in the stomach. If & when attention wanders to the activity of thought, gently return attention to the feeling of breathing in the stomach. 

Other suggested methods:

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/meditations

 

For a few years I offered free online & in person awakening sessions, and then began charging for the sessions, then stopped booking them for a few months, and then very recently resumed. The cost is $150, and the sessions are 90 minutes. 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/sessions

 

 

[Jonas Long]

@Phil Ok, the figure I heard was $8000....still 150 sounds like a lot, for someone who seems to say exactly what every other one of whatever yall call yourselves say.  I mean, I watched a few of your videos and was like, why does this guy bother when all of this has been said verbatim by so many people already... I'm probably not going to come here any more, I just wanted to ask those things.  

[Jonas Long]

@Phil So just to be clear, you didn't  charge anyone that amount? When you were a mod on Leo's forum? Cause that's the story I heard, I'll have to question the person who told me that 

[Phil]

7 minutes ago, Lester Retsel said:

So just to be clear, you didn't  charge anyone that amount?

No. 

[Jonas Long]

@Phil let me rephrase that, did you accept over $8000 in donations over time from an individual from Leo's forum?

[Phil]

@Lester Retsel

No.

[Jonas Long]

@Phil huh, weird, well,, someone is claiming that, so you know....and you're not using some "nonduality" loophole, like "there is no me" or "there is no money, only awareness of an awareness of a concept of money" thing?

[Phil]

@Lester Retsel

No. Try to notice people makes all kinds of claims, hurt people hurt people, and there is no moderation on that forum.