How would you describe a healthy sexuality?

[Someone here]

How would you describe a healthy sexual life ? Does it involve porn and masturbation?  I'm asking because I'm noticing that my porn and masturbation habit have affected me in a rather negative way .  Should you have casual sex with whoever you find available?  Idk prostitutes and hookers etc or should you just commit to one partner and maybe even marry him/her to bond on a deeper level and also raising children and all that cool shit.

Let's talk about it .

[Nowt]

What feels right for you? If something is having a negative effect then it's obviously not right. Do what you instinctively feel is best for you. Nobody is judging you. There's no definitive answer that suits everyone.

 

I remember you saying on another thread that you're at University and so I assume you're in your early twenties? I'm an old man in comparison, but remember the dilemmas I had about girls at that age too. My advice would be to just relax and don't over-think or analyse it. 

 

In my experience the right person comes along  at the right time, but ALWAYS when you least expect it! 

 

All of the relationships I've ever had have started through chance encounters. My wife for example was someone I just got a light from for my cigarette. I didn't use that as some sort of chat up line, she was simply the closest person to me at the time. Romantic huh! 😂

[Phil]

 

 

20 hours ago, Someone here said:

How would you describe a healthy sexual life ? Does it involve porn and masturbation?  I'm asking because I'm noticing that my porn and masturbation habit have affected me in a rather negative way . 
 

There’s nothing wrong with pornography, it doesn’t have a negative affect, it doesn’t have any effect, because it isn’t a cause.  It’s helpful in drawing judgments up and out. It brings up the distinction of consent, and  freedom, and highlights loving versus harming ourself.  It’s like a knife, which can be used to consciously lovingly share, or  to harm.  The knife in and of itself has no effect on anyone,  and when heat is applied it can be used to save a life by cauterizing a wound.

20 hours ago, Someone here said:

Should you have casual sex with whoever you find available?  Idk prostitutes and hookers etc or should you just commit to one partner and maybe even marry him/her to bond on a deeper level and also raising children and all that cool shit.

Let's talk about it .

Perhaps an easier approach is should I be, would I want to be, would I need to be?

 

Another framing that might be clarifying, is getting versus giving, and for everything there is a season. 

[Orb]

@Phil to play devils advocate here, what about all the research on the destructive effects of porn? 

[Phil]

@Orb

What about it?

[Orb]

Scientists are saying there's proof that porn is damaging to the brain, leads to higher objectification of women, orients the brain towards instant gratification. 

[Phil]

@Orb

Thanks. The double slit experiment comes to mind with respect to research and proof. Then the distinction comes to mind, between believing indirect experience as compared to inspecting direct experience.
 

The documentary Supersize Me comes to mind because the producer proved the effects of eating supersized fast food combo meals everyday can be detrimental to health and well-being, by eating only supersized fast food combo meals every day.  
 

I am presently on the expressway and have passed many fast food restaurants. While I have directly experienced eating fast food before,  I cannot earnestly say fast food is bad, wrong, or negative, because in direct experience none of the restaurants  or fast food are having any effect on my well-being. At the same time I did watch that documentary and I do not think he was lying. 

[Orb]

5 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Orb

 I am presently on the expressway and have passed many fast food restaurants. While I have directly experienced eating fast food before,  I cannot earnestly say fast food is bad, wrong, or negative, because in direct experience none of the restaurants  or fast food are having any effect on my well-being. At the same time I did watch that documentary and I do not think he was lying. 

@Phil works for me 👍.

[Orb]

@Phil seems like when we view substances as adversaries, we are trying to create space between ourselves and the substance. 

[Phil]

@Orb

Yeah. The ‘space’ is desired, and the thought ‘between’ is added. 😕  Similar to how the brain is the most sophisticated thing in existence, and yet in direct experience only the thought “brain“ is found. 

[Orb]

@Phil so out of the eternal space, only the thought of two things can be found?

[Someone here]

@Phil

In the last few years there was a growing number of studies showing the "addictive" effects of porn on the male  brain. It rewires the brain to be responsive to porn rather than real sex.. Lots of forums and support groups and websites (most famous YBOP) were spread on the web last five years filled with thousands of guys reporting how porn has negatively affected their sex lives and the tough addiction they are dealing with. 

My own experience is I used to watch porn back in my teenage years (I guess every teen on the planet watches porn).. But I kinda outgrew it as I grew up. Nowadays I just buy quality porn from intimacy-like sex novels producing sites.  Just watching here and there no big deal. 

What's your experience with watching porn? Are you addicted? Do you feel it's positively influenced your sex life or negatively? Any possibile down sides ?I know you are married and have kids ..do you even use pornography? 

[Blessed2]

4 hours ago, Someone here said:

It rewires the brain to be responsive to porn rather than real sex.

 

A thought comes to mind. So what?

 

What's the problem? Why be wired to "real sex" rather than porn? Masturbation can be fun, just like having sex with another person. It's not that serious.

 

Also, masturbation can be made even more fun with all kinds of tricks. Toys come to mind. Also, not just fapping whenever, but literally setting aside time for it, putting it on the calendar. Also, choosing clothes for masturbation only. Clothes you feel good in, pants you can smudge.

 

Also not only jerking off, but touching other parts too. Nipples, lips, the butthole etc.

 

Doing it in different places. In the bed, on the couch, in shower, outside...

 

There's a whole world for lone sexy times. I'd say set yourself free.

[Someone here]

@Blessed2 it becomes a  problem when you try to have real sex with a real person. Because you are used to the hyper stimulation of porn ,you will not be able to perform well sexually and satisfy yourself and your partner.

[fopylo]

@Blessed2

8 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Also, not just fapping whenever, but literally setting aside time for it, putting it on the calendar. Also, choosing clothes for masturbation only. Clothes you feel good in, pants you can smudge.

Personally I don't put that importance on scheduling. I feel like it's something spontaneous that you do when you feel like lol.

 

8 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Also not only jerking off, but touching other parts too. Nipples, lips, the butthole etc.

Totally agree. Touching your butthole (and the pelvic area) increase the fun.

 

8 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

outside...

Bruh moving mad 🤣

 

8 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

There's a whole world for lone sexy times. I'd say set yourself free.

Wait for no one to be home and then unleash the tiger within

[Blessed2]

19 minutes ago, fopylo said:

Bruh moving mad 🤣

 

😂 Yeah, I forgot that's probably illegal almost everywhere.

[fopylo]

@Blessed2 You meant like in your garden? Hey, not gonna lie I probably like 1-2 times did it at the mini forest we have here lol

Edited May 31, 2022 by fopylo

[Mandy]

16 hours ago, Someone here said:

 

In the last few years there was a growing number of studies showing the "addictive" effects of porn on the male  brain. It rewires the brain to be responsive to porn rather than real sex.. Lots of forums and support groups and websites (most famous YBOP) were spread on the web last five years filled with thousands of guys reporting how porn has negatively affected their sex lives and the tough addiction they are dealing with. 

 

When I was 15 I had a traumatic event followed by an intense migraine and after that I had eye floaters that didn't go away. I was horrified. I found an online forum full of people who were miserable about eye floaters. Then I talked to my parents and they both had them and never thought about them. You only see them if you look at a bright blank surface, and you only really see them if you choose to unfocus your eyes from anything in your line of vision and look for them. They are essentially an impurity in the fluid of your eye, being projected and therefore magnified. I realized that it was insane to focus ON them, and that the forum was full of others doing the same thing. When I first found the forum I got MORE depressed, but then it clearly showed me exactly what I was doing with my focus.

 

Focus on what you want. Don't believe a wonderful life will occur if you focus on all the things you don't like doing, or don't like about yourself. It's the thoughts themselves believed that veil happiness, not the content the thoughts are about. 

 

[Someone here]

@Mandy I'm not focusing on what I don't want . I have decided to avoid porn and masturbation for good .as they are definitely unhealthy for me . Maybe it can be healthy for other people. To each his own.

But I was sharing that scientifically there is enough data that porn is harmful .both for the producers ,the actors/actresses and  especially the consumers.

I've watched interviews with a lot of retired workers in the industry reporting how it was overall a negative experience but anyways..... ..  more for the consumers.  The majority of the consumers of course are young males.. Young single males. And they don't know what they are getting themselves into .

The issue I see is it's so easy to become an addiction. Because it's extremely pleasant unlike video games or fast food. Especially for young boys with you know with an explosion of hormones during  puberty age. the thing is.. exposure to porn results in dopamine spikes in the brains of the porn-users.. However.. after being exposed to many graphic images.. the brain becomes de-sensitised and unable to be satisfied by ordinary sexual encounters.  now what is needed is sexually extreme experiences and hardcore pornography to become sexually aroused.  You get how this works? 

[Phil]

@Someone here

Let’s say you’re view / interpretation / assessment is accurate & right, and all of the people who see this the same way & experience the same & agree with you are also right, and anyone who disagrees with you is wrong.

 

Does this bring to light what you want isn’t actually to be right?

And maybe that this doesn’t actually have anything to do with anyone else?

 

What do you make of this:

The Four Noble Truths as outlined in 624 B.C. by The Buddha:
The truth of suffering.
The truth of the cause of suffering.
The truth of the end of suffering.
The truth of the path that frees us from suffering.

 

What is it you actually do want?

 

Did you watch these two videos?

 

 

 

What did you ‘make of it’?

Are you experiencing transference?

Are you experiencing transmutation?

(Basically, as defined in the very beginning of the video)

 

How are the ‘fundamentals’ suggested going?

Daily meditation. Everyday? How long? How it is going?

Expressive journaling? Everyday? How is it going?

Have you made a dreamboard? Do you look at it daily? Add to it often?

How many times a day do you pull out the emotional scale? 

How is that going? What are you ‘finding’ so to speak?