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So I have tried to date a new girl and I constantly get rejected. And my energy, attention and love is not reciprocated. I don’t have this with guy friends. I came to a pivotal point to just take the black pill for now because I have some trauma issues with parents and with my mother especially. I think it started with her and it just drags on. I never had a good relationship with her. Trying to date while having such a powerful pain body attack is just not healthy. The thing is that I have been trying to solve these emotional issues for a while. I have therapist for years and nothing gets solved in this regard. In other regards I have been making progress but not in this regard. I’m kind of disappointed in the psycho therapeutic help. 

Edited by Energia
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5 minutes ago, Energia said:

So I have tried to date a new girl and I constantly get rejected. And my energy, attention and love is not reciprocated. I don’t have this with guy friends. I came to a pivotal point to just take the black pill for now because I have some trauma issues with parents and with my mother especially. I think it started with her and it just drags on. I never had a good relationship with her. Trying to date while having such a powerful pain body attack is just not healthy. The thing is that I have been trying to solve these emotional issues for a while. I have therapist for years and nothing gets solved in this regard. In other regards I have been making progress but not in this regard. I’m kind of disappointed in the psycho therapeutic help. 

Why do you want a girlfriend?

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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"Love is never wasted for its value does not rest on its reciprocity." -CS Lewis 

 

People turn away attention when it's expected that it is reciprocated.  If you want it reciprocated, give with no expectations that it be reciprocated. Start really small in situations that are easy. Help someone reach something off a high shelf in the supermarket, etc. Make a joke when everyone is bored or annoyed because the bus is late. 

 

Instead of blaming women when you expect reciprocation, revel in noticing that old pattern and ask how you can give or make it fun. Same idea.

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It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Dealing with rejection and having unresolved trauma from your parents, especially your mother can be incredibly difficult.Stepping back from dating while you work through your emotional issues is a smart move. It's important to be in a healthy headspace before pursuing a relationship.Rejection hurts, but it doesn't define you. Don't take it personally or let it damage your self-esteem.

 

Invest time in activities and hobbies you enjoy. Build a strong support system of friends and family. As your confidence grows, so will your attractiveness to potential partners.. If you haven't seen progress with your current therapist, consider exploring other options like specific approaches like EMDR or somatic therapy can be very effective in dealing with trauma.Books like Healing the shame that binds you  by John Bradshaw can offer insights into childhood trauma.

So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. 

My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. 

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Do you feel like sharing with us more of what the trauma with your mother is about?

 

 

One thing that comes to mind is that you could question a bit whether there is actually hatred of women.

 

Like for example, do you experience the same hatred in regard to older women, like the grandmas you see walking around in a park?

 

You probably don't. So there isn't really "hatred of women". The hatred is likely about something way more specific. Not about womanhood. This might sound trivial, or maybe it even is trivial, but there might also be something worthwhile to inspect here.

 

At least if you find that there isn't really hatred of women but it's about something more specific, the issue will no longer be defined as hatred of women. Which might make things way more simple.

 

 

There must be an effortless way.

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@Energia because you see “women” as a category, a group that is fundamentally different from you.. try to see them as human that have some physical differences to you that somewhat end up dictating their life path

 

Also, I am sure there are some woman you would not want to date either. There is nothing wrong with a man or a woman not being attracted to someone. 
 

You need to understand clearly what kind of women you are attracted to and why. Then you need to understand what kind of men these women are attracted to and if that is the kind of man you are.

 

 

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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, Orb said:

Why do you want a girlfriend?

It is my instinct. I'm a young guy and I want a gf: there is not much too it. It is nature calling. I'm ok looking I guess. I see women looking at me all the time so I'm kind of confused why they won't. Yesterday I asked one and she said I had low confidence.

 

7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Do you feel like sharing with us more of what the trauma with your mother is about?

 

 

One thing that comes to mind is that you could question a bit whether there is actually hatred of women.

 

Like for example, do you experience the same hatred in regard to older women, like the grandmas you see walking around in a park?

 

You probably don't. So there isn't really "hatred of women". The hatred is likely about something way more specific. Not about womanhood. This might sound trivial, or maybe it even is trivial, but there might also be something worthwhile to inspect here.

 

At least if you find that there isn't really hatred of women but it's about something more specific, the issue will no longer be defined as hatred of women. Which might make things way more simple.

 

That is true. But there are different kind of love. Human love is reciprocal while saintly love it not. I'm not a saint and I'm not going to try one. In dating if you don't get the attention back you want, it is wise to stop putting attention in it. I'm not going to pursue an one sided love. Women don't appreciate that anyway.

Edited by Energia
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7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Do you feel like sharing with us more of what the trauma with your mother is about?

 

 

One thing that comes to mind is that you could question a bit whether there is actually hatred of women.

 

Like for example, do you experience the same hatred in regard to older women, like the grandmas you see walking around in a park?

 

You probably don't. So there isn't really "hatred of women". The hatred is likely about something way more specific. Not about womanhood. This might sound trivial, or maybe it even is trivial, but there might also be something worthwhile to inspect here.

 

At least if you find that there isn't really hatred of women but it's about something more specific, the issue will no longer be defined as hatred of women. Which might make things way more simple.

 

I have good relationships with older women or girls that are too young for me. I do have a good relationship with my mother, female therapist and some female friends but they are the exception. Women my age seem to be flaky and very shallow what they want in a partner. Rarely they keep to their word. The relationship with my mother was traumatic. She physically, emotionally and mentally abused me for years and I got scared for years. And still I tried to have a good relationship with her.

 

9 hours ago, Reena said:

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Dealing with rejection and having unresolved trauma from your parents, especially your mother can be incredibly difficult.Stepping back from dating while you work through your emotional issues is a smart move. It's important to be in a healthy headspace before pursuing a relationship.Rejection hurts, but it doesn't define you. Don't take it personally or let it damage your self-esteem.

 

Invest time in activities and hobbies you enjoy. Build a strong support system of friends and family. As your confidence grows, so will your attractiveness to potential partners.. If you haven't seen progress with your current therapist, consider exploring other options like specific approaches like EMDR or somatic therapy can be very effective in dealing with trauma.Books like Healing the shame that binds you  by John Bradshaw can offer insights into childhood trauma.

thank you

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2 hours ago, Energia said:

Women my age seem to be flaky and very shallow what they want in a partner. Rarely they keep to their word. The relationship with my mother was traumatic. She physically, emotionally and mentally abused me for years and I got scared for years. And still I tried to have a good relationship with her.

 

I very sorry to hear that.

 

I don't want to 'push any buttons', but is it really women your age either.... But is it actually the women you are attracted to?

 

When you're let's say at a grocery store, and a woman you find attractive + is the same age as you (dating potential), that's when the challenging emotions arise?

 

But if it's a woman your age but not attractive to you, do those emotions arise then?

 

 

There must be an effortless way.

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4 hours ago, Phil said:

If energy, attention and love are yours, how could these possibly be reciprocated? 

Not unrelated, “my hatred”. 

I wouldn't pursue a women who doesn't appreciate me and return my affection to me. I don't want to be arrested. 🙂

5 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

I very sorry to hear that.

 

I don't want to 'push any buttons', but is it really women your age either.... But is it actually the women you are attracted to?

 

When you're let's say at a grocery store, and a woman you find attractive + is the same age as you (dating potential), that's when the challenging emotions arise?

 

But if it's a woman your age but not attractive to you, do those emotions arise then?

 

Usually all women, including women I'm not interested in sexually. I do have 2 females friends who are an exception. And I love my grand mother. Those are the only exception to the rule.

But usually there are some women that are interested in me but I'm not interested in them but I 'm still nice to them and answer their texts and treat them as an actual human being.

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@Energia

It’s easier to acknowledge emotions than hold the beliefs of black pill ideology, powerful pain body, trauma, it’s about your mom, it’s about women. Not only is it easier but it’s attractive. Denial is exhausting & therein fundamentally isn’t attractive. Women intuitively see how that’ll play out down the road, whereas guys have to suffer for many years, maybe even decades on average before acknowledging emotions. It’s easier for women because they don’t default to the misogynist (inferiority) superiority complex & objectify. They’re typically very comfortable acknowledging fear, insecurity, etc. At least all which I can reference, but loa is funny this way. (Not that there’s anything wrong with pursuing). 

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2 hours ago, Phil said:

It’s easier for women because they don’t default to the misogynist (inferiority) superiority complex & objectify. They’re typically very comfortable acknowledging fear, insecurity, etc.

 

So I am supposed to be acknowledging emotions?! 

 

Woah, I could almost swear that we just talked about this and agreed it is a discordant interpretation. Something about bypassing or smn.

 

 

There must be an effortless way.

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2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

So I am supposed to be acknowledging emotions?! 

 

Woah, I could almost swear that we just talked about this and agreed it is a discordant interpretation. Something about bypassing or smn.

It’s like unwrapping presence & allowing whatever it is you’re wanting, not to mention communion as happiness, peace love. There’s no suggestion anyone’s supposed to, but, why wouldn’t anyone want to?

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2 hours ago, Phil said:

What?

 

This:

 

5 hours ago, Phil said:

Women intuitively see how that’ll play out down the road, whereas guys have to suffer for many years, maybe even decades on average before acknowledging emotions. It’s easier for women because they don’t default to the misogynist (inferiority) superiority complex & objectify. They’re typically very comfortable acknowledging fear, insecurity, etc.

 

is a refrence to separate selves. Men & women. Someone who would be ackowledging emotions. Someone who is more comfortable acknowledging (wtf does that mean?) fear, insecurity etc.

 

 

There must be an effortless way.

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