Hate, hamas, and war

[Kevin]

Not sure if this belongs to the emptying section of the forum. Please feel free to move it.

 

Basically this all starts by me experiences hate towards terrorist groups. Specifically Hamas. To the point where I am actually seeking out videos of them being blown up and. Defeated. Most of us recall when the IDF captured them and stripped them to their underwear so they could’t suicide bomb.

 

I see large air strikes blowing up massive buildings in Gaza and I find it exciting. 

 

i felt satisfaction towards this. In fact if I were the IDF I was be far less companionship.

 

seeing Hamas slowly get obliterated brings me huge satisfaction.

 

I’m not a warmonger. But after seeing what I saw from the Hamas go pro footage I have a hard time feeling any sympathy for them.

 

i post here not because I’m worried about my bloodthirstiness. I post here to examine why I care so much. So many people have died in wars within my lifetime and I didn’t get emotionally involved. As harsh as it to saw I probably didn’t care.

part of it is I saw the go pro footage of the gleeful murder and rape and torture. Soldiers calling their families and gleefully declaring they had killed Jews. Watching women being shoved into trucks with huge block stained leaving room their backsides, clearly raped.

 

what’s even  more sickening is the denial of these things happening. My father doesn’t like Jews so I guess that’s understands. My mother is a bleeding heart who cannot believe these kind “freedom fighters” would do such a thing.

 

its effecting me because 3 days ago I got 8 Xanax. Normal dose is 1 or 2. Thought out the day I ate them all.  Last night i bought 8 more and I ate 4 and then an hour or 2 later I ate the rest.

 

I definitely feel weird today. I don’t usually write posts like this but here I am

[Phil]

How’s it effecting you? 

[Kevin]

43 minutes ago, Phil said:

How’s it effecting you? 

Badly. I took 16 Xanax is like 2 or 3 days. For reference most prescribed Xanax take 1 or - half of one a day.

 

i believe I want to join up and kill some terrorists. My moderate intelligent brain doesn’t want to do this and I won’t join up. I’m just filled anger.

 

the only time I don’t feel this way is when I’m with a girl I care about. Because love and companionship with a woman is far more important.

 

i think i get sexually frustrates and lonely and i want to take it out on shit people who torture and rape.  None of this feels good Or aligned so I bring it up here for guidance.

[Phil]

I hear you on how much Xanax you’re taking. It’d probably be good to talk with your doctor about this soon. 

I also hear you on what you believe. That’s your prerogative of course, not trying to infringe. 

I hear you on feeling anger. Sorry to hear that, obviously it’s no fun. 

I definitely hear you on love is more important. 

Just two cents of course, but I think it’s really great that you express it here instead taking it out on ‘shit people’. 

 

As far as alignment though, I still don’t quite hear how it’s effecting you. I mean in the actual or literal way. 

 

 

 

[Phil]

As you don’t feel this way when you care about the girl, and do feel this way when you think about terrorists & shit people… then the obvious ‘solution’ is acknowledging the discord is how those judgements feel, and caring about terrorists & shit people. The discord felt is the evidence that you in fact already do. Care might not be the best word though. 

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Phil said:

I hear you on how much Xanax you’re taking. It’d probably be good to talk with your doctor about this soon. 

I also hear you on what you believe. That’s your prerogative of course, not trying to infringe. 

I hear you on feeling anger. Sorry to hear that, obviously it’s no fun. 

I definitely hear you on love is more important. 

Just two cents of course, but I think it’s really great that you express it here instead taking it out on ‘shit people’. 

 

As far as alignment though, I still don’t quite hear how it’s effecting you. I mean in the actual or literal way. 

 

 

 

Yes the Xanax is a strange one. I’ve done Xanax before but never 8 at a time. That’s a huge warning sign.

I avoid talking it out on others. I know people who are Hamas apologists and it would do me know good to act in that. In fact it would feel bad.

 

I guess it’s not affecting me at all. I’m just insisting things should be different which causes suffer

[Phil]

31 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Yes the Xanax is a strange one. I’ve done Xanax before but never 8 at a time. That’s a huge warning sign.

Yeah. What’s the plan with that my man? Bout ready for a program or what?

 

31 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I avoid talking it out on others. I know people who are Hamas apologists and it would do me know good to act in that. In fact it would feel bad.

 

I guess it’s not affecting me at all. I’m just insisting things should be different which causes suffer

I’m not denying atrocities, I’m just suggesting the underlying ‘good & bad people’ doesn’t resonate. The ‘taking sides’. There’s ignorance apparently, but it’s innocence. Therein is the peace of mind, stronghearted-ness, equanimity, compassion & clarity. 

 

But first, rehab amIright?

[Kevin]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

As you don’t feel this way when you care about the girl, and do feel this way when you think about terrorists & shit people… then the obvious ‘solution’ is acknowledging the discord is how those judgements feel, and caring about terrorists & shit people. The discord felt is the evidence that you in fact already do. Care might not be the best word though. 

I think I get what your saying but the last bits unclear.

[Kevin]

13 minutes ago, Phil said:

Yeah. What’s the plan with that my man? Bout ready for a program or what?

 

no not really for a program. Xanax I can take it or leave it. Maybe it’s not coming through in my writing. It would be a lot clearer if voice chat but I really don’t need it. It’s not like. How crack used to be.

13 minutes ago, Phil said:

I’m not denying atrocities, I’m just suggesting the underlying ‘good & bad people’ doesn’t resonate. The ‘taking sides’. There’s ignorance apparently, but it’s innocence. Therein is the peace of mind, stronghearted-ness, equanimity, compassion & clarity. 

 

But first, rehab amIright?

I agree the taking safes is toxic. I don’t have any desire to be around protests. Free Palestine protects, blm protests. They all see toxic and now where is want to be.

 

I am confused about you always mention rehab. I am one of the fief people I’ve ever met who’s immune to addiction. I can the addicted to alcohol or tobacco. I can say no to cocaine easily. I’ve done heroin and I didn’t get addicted. I quit crack cocaine. Which is one of the hardest to quit.

 

I’m not perfect and I can work on stuff but addiction is not one of them and I’m used as to hey you keep mentioning it.

[Blessed2]

@Kevin The only difference between a casual user and an addict is that the addict has realized he has lost control, and the "casual user" doesn't (yet).

 

You say that you can say 'no' to Xanax, yet you are taking it, as if there was an actually good reason for it.

 

The reason you take them is the same reason why an addict takes them.

 

Similarly like people say they can say 'no' to alcohol, yet they don't. As if there was a good reason to drink shit tasting and expensive lethal life-ruining poison. That "good reason" is the same reason why an alcoholic drinks it.

 

The casual drinker looks at an alcoholic and thinks "that guy drinks because he's addicted, weak and can't control his urges. I drink just to enjoy and relax a bit."

 

Meanwhile the alcoholic thinks: "I drink just to enjoy and relax a bit."

 

[Mandy]

In 2014 I was watching some CNN both on TV and checking the website out and the Malaysia Airlines flight 370 disappearance happened. I got so obsessed with it, so drawn in with all the breaking news, I had a hard time focusing on anything else, I was checking in every 10 or 20 minutes thinking there would have been some resolution. It really felt like there was going to be some end to that story, that it would be found and the possibilities of what might have happened haunted and intrigued me. My husband recognized and tried to tell me what was happening, that this is how news works, don't get so taken in, but it was a lesson I had to learn. This is how the momentum of thought works if you don't drop the thoughts or choose different ones. 

 

10 years later no one has any idea what happened to the plane. 

 

Do you really believe there will ever be an satisfactory result as of violence or drug abuse? 

[Kevin]

10 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

@Kevin The only difference between a casual user and an addict is that the addict has realized he has lost control, and the "casual user" doesn't (yet).

 

You say that you can say 'no' to Xanax, yet you are taking it, as if there was an actually good reason for it.

 

The reason you take them is the same reason why an addict takes them.

 

Similarly like people say they can say 'no' to alcohol, yet they don't. As if there was a good reason to drink shit tasting and expensive lethal life-ruining poison. That "good reason" is the same reason why an alcoholic drinks it.

 

The casual drinker looks at an alcoholic and thinks "that guy drinks because he's addicted, weak and can't control his urges. I drink just to enjoy and relax a bit."

 

Meanwhile the alcoholic thinks: "I drink just to enjoy and relax a bit."

 

I hear you. I personally have a unique relationship to substances  nowadays. High school and college I had a an unhealthy addicted personality. Maybe you could say I have that now as well. The difference is that I wasn’t a wife and kids and a family. Sometimes I get discouraged and will take drugs. 
 

it’s no where near my unhealthy drug seeking behavior when I was young. I don’t view myself as an addiction with a problem because when I have. Responsibility I can easily forgo the drugs.

 

they don’t have a hold on my like they once did.

[Kevin]

4 hours ago, Mandy said:

In 2014 I was watching some CNN both on TV and checking the website out and the Malaysia Airlines flight 370 disappearance happened. I got so obsessed with it, so drawn in with all the breaking news, I had a hard time focusing on anything else, I was checking in every 10 or 20 minutes thinking there would have been some resolution. It really felt like there was going to be some end to that story, that it would be found and the possibilities of what might have happened haunted and intrigued me. My husband recognized and tried to tell me what was happening, that this is how news works, don't get so taken in, but it was a lesson I had to learn. This is how the momentum of thought works if you don't drop the thoughts or choose different ones. 

 

10 years later no one has any idea what happened to the plane. 

 

Do you really believe there will ever be a satisfactory result as of violence or drug abuse? 

Really like the analogy. I truly don’t believe there will be a satisfactory result of violence. Some with drug use. I just get overwhelmed, sad or I experience intense insomnia and I reset to them.

 

As for the violence of course there won’t be a resolution.

Sometimes I get sad like my life has no meaning. And it seems like a a good way to solve that would be to join the IDF.

[WhiteOwl]

5 hours ago, Kevin said:

they don’t have a hold on my

they obviously do mate.. 

 

drugs block you off from feeling emotions which will lead you to the growth and good feeling you are looking for. 

 

go 3 month without and then you can say they don't have a hold on you. 

 

5 hours ago, Kevin said:

Sometimes I get sad like my life has no meaning. And it seems like a a good way to solve that would be to join the IDF.

"your life" is a thought, so no it doesn't have any meaning. Thats great news though. Whatever you think your "life" is, is just not true. 

 

 

This is a great talk imo if you have spare time at some point. Great from the beginning or from the chapter called "The bridge"

 

Edited March 4 by WhiteOwl

[Joseph Maynor]

This thought that there is no right and wrong, without qualification, has confused a lot of people.

[Kevin]

36 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

they obviously do mate.. 

I’ll admit they do. I few a feeling of superiority over other truck addicted because I can quit one whenever I want. Even if that means a few weeks later I’ll do a different drug.

 

36 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

drugs block you off from feeling emotions which will lead you to the growth and good feeling you are looking for. 

 

go 3 month without and then you can say they don't have a hold on you. 

 

challenge accepted. Do psychedelics count?

 

36 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

"your life" is a thought, so no it doesn't have any meaning. Thats great news though. Whatever you think your "life" is, is just not true. 

 

 

This is a great talk imo if you have spare time at some point. Great from the beginning or from the chapter called "The bridge"

 

I’ll definitely watch that video today or tomorrow. Thank you.

[Kevin]

21 hours ago, Phil said:

I hear you on how much Xanax you’re taking. It’d probably be good to talk with your doctor about this soon. 

I also hear you on what you believe. That’s your prerogative of course, not trying to infringe. 

I hear you on feeling anger. Sorry to hear that, obviously it’s no fun. 

I definitely hear you on love is more important. 

Just two cents of course, but I think it’s really great that you express it here instead taking it out on ‘shit people’. 

 

 

 

21 hours ago, Phil said:

As far as alignment though, I still don’t quite hear how it’s effecting you. I mean in the actual or literal way. 

 

 

 

I was still feeling the effects of Xanax when I read this. Reading it sober I’m confused. Could you clarify what you mean by the above paragraph?

[Kevin]

10 hours ago, Mandy said:

In 2014 I was watching some CNN both on TV and checking the website out and the Malaysia Airlines flight 370 disappearance happened. I got so obsessed with it, so drawn in with all the breaking news, I had a hard time focusing on anything else, I was checking in every 10 or 20 minutes thinking there would have been some resolution. It really felt like there was going to be some end to that story, that it would be found and the possibilities of what might have happened haunted and intrigued me. My husband recognized and tried to tell me what was happening, that this is how news works, don't get so taken in, but it was a lesson I had to learn. This is how the momentum of thought works if you don't drop the thoughts or choose different ones. 

 

10 years later no one has any idea what happened to the plane. 

 

Do you really believe there will ever be an satisfactory result as of violence or drug abuse? 

No idk why I’m so wrapped up in this.

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

 

I was still feeling the effects of Xanax when I read this. Reading it sober I’m confused. Could you clarify what you mean by the above paragraph?

What @WhiteOwl said. 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

challenge accepted

Yes, do that. 

[Blessed2]

How about not three months, but forever?

 

If not, why?

 

Edited March 5 by Blessed2