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Relationships & The Elimination Game


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When my little ones were littler I noticed there was some tension in the mornings before school around indecision as to what they wanted in their lunchboxes. I thought about how I could make this fun & easy, and came up with The Elimination Game.

 

I would line up all the options like cereal boxes, fruits, snacks, juice boxes, etc all in one long row along the edge of the kitchen counter … and one kid would knock over each thing they didn’t want. It was well received because it was different, engaging and fun. They would even, in a sort of Harry Potter-ish voice say, ‘eliminate!’ as they knocked each thing over. What remained on the counter went in their lunchbox. Then I’d reset the game, and the next kid would do the same. The fun of it contributed to setting an aligned-mood in an easy & fun way before they even got to school. 

 

Like alleged grown ups - kids are never at a loss to express what they don’t want… but are sometimes at a loss for clarity around what they do want. 

 

Relationships, with respect to beliefs, desires, and co-creating together as well, are very similar & there is potential for a lot of push & pull, arguing, positioning, accusing, defending, etc. 

 

 

It is as if I have a counter, and she has a counter, and the ‘stuff’ on the counter is beliefs. What’s on her counter is not what’s on my counter and vice versa. There are beliefs I’ve already ‘eliminated’, and so they just don’t come up / are not on the counter / are not ‘in my way’. Likewise there are beliefs she’s already ‘eliminated’, and so they just aren’t on her counter / don’t come up.

 

The ‘meat’ of the insight is while we can support each other in many many ways - we can not play each other’s elimination game. We can talk about desires, beliefs, discord, alignment, consciously creating and the like - but technically - neither can ‘get in there’ and actually let a belief go for the other, because the entirety of communication, every word said, is interpretational. 

 

Another insight is that we don’t ever actually experience each other’s counter, nor each other’s interpretational filter. That can be presumed, assumed, analyzed and even deduced - but it’s critical imo communication wise to be aware that is all assumptive, and one never actually experiences, so to speak, what the other is thinking, and more relevantly, how the other is thinking. 

 

The recognition of this ‘eliminates’ maybe 90% of assumptions, miscommunications and any symptoms stemming from assumptions therein like arguing, fighting, resenting, etc, only to ‘make up’ and end up on the same page later, most often after a whole lot of positioning. 

 

The recognition of this just makes for smoother sailing, clearer & more enjoyable communication, and co-creation that is therein more simple, efficient, effective and enjoyable. 

 

Just thought I’d share this and as always all comments and questions are welcomed! 

 

🤍

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Us europeans used a slightly different approach of not using tax money for military and bombing other countries, but offering free lunch for all students. Though this one sounds pretty good too. 😁

 

 

Jk of course.

 

🙏🙏💗

 

 

There must be an effortless way.

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I saw a post from you Phil on Actualized where you said something along the lines that the "Infinite doesn't contemplate the finite."  I wonder if you still believe that and how you would express that now.  The answer to that is going to factor into how I interpret your story above.  I think it's in the "Connor Murphy goes Full Eckhart" thread to be exact.  I can actually find the quote if you like.

Here it is: 

 

@Someone here

Infinite can not know finite. 

SOURCE
https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/57535-connor-murphy-has-eckhart-style-awakening/?page=14

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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22 hours ago, Phil said:

When my little ones were littler I noticed there was some tension in the mornings before school around indecision as to what they wanted in their lunchboxes. I thought about how I could make this fun & easy, and came up with The Elimination Game.

 

I would line up all the options like cereal boxes, fruits, snacks, juice boxes, etc all in one long row along the edge of the kitchen counter … and one kid would knock over each thing they didn’t want. It was well received because it was different, engaging and fun. They would even, in a sort of Harry Potter-ish voice say, ‘eliminate!’ as they knocked each thing over. What remained on the counter went in their lunchbox. Then I’d reset the game, and the next kid would do the same. The fun of it contributed to setting an aligned-mood in an easy & fun way before they even got to school. 

 

Like alleged grown ups - kids are never at a loss to express what they don’t want… but are sometimes at a loss for clarity around what they do want. 

 

Relationships, with respect to beliefs, desires, and co-creating together as well, are very similar & there is potential for a lot of push & pull, arguing, positioning, accusing, defending, etc. 

 

 

It is as if I have a counter, and she has a counter, and the ‘stuff’ on the counter is beliefs. What’s on her counter is not what’s on my counter and vice versa. There are beliefs I’ve already ‘eliminated’, and so they just don’t come up / are not on the counter / are not ‘in my way’. Likewise there are beliefs she’s already ‘eliminated’, and so they just aren’t on her counter / don’t come up.

 

The ‘meat’ of the insight is while we can support each other in many many ways - we can not play each other’s elimination game. We can talk about desires, beliefs, discord, alignment, consciously creating and the like - but technically - neither can ‘get in there’ and actually let a belief go for the other, because the entirety of communication, every word said, is interpretational. 

 

Another insight is that we don’t ever actually experience each other’s counter, nor each other’s interpretational filter. That can be presumed, assumed, analyzed and even deduced - but it’s critical imo communication wise to be aware that is all assumptive, and one never actually experiences, so to speak, what the other is thinking, and more relevantly, how the other is thinking. 

 

The recognition of this ‘eliminates’ maybe 90% of assumptions, miscommunications and any symptoms stemming from assumptions therein like arguing, fighting, resenting, etc, only to ‘make up’ and end up on the same page later, most often after a whole lot of positioning. 

 

The recognition of this just makes for smoother sailing, clearer & more enjoyable communication, and co-creation that is therein more simple, efficient, effective and enjoyable. 

 

Just thought I’d share this and as always all comments and questions are welcomed! 

 

🤍

Totally resonates. I'm learning this in my relationship. 

 

Ideally, its all about just giving the other person space to feel their emotions deeply and inspect/let go of their own beliefs. Pretty much the same thing we do by ourselves, we give the "other" the space to do the same. 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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22 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Us europeans used a slightly different approach of not using tax money for military and bombing other countries, but offering free lunch for all students. Though this one sounds pretty good too. 😁

 

 

Jk of course.

 

🙏🙏💗

 

Weird. 😂 Just to be clear, The Elimination Game isn’t about eliminating people, it’s about recognizing each one as it were ‘has’ a unique counter… or… beliefs still on the counter, not dispelled or ‘eliminated’ yet. The potential insight 😅 is communication accordingly is easy. Stress, tension, ‘rollercoaster’ free. 

 

Free lunch is a thing in the Us too. Some examples of countries that European countries used tax money to bomb are Kosovo, Libya, Bosnia, Iraq & Afghanistan. 😬 

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9 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I saw a post from you Phil on Actualized where you said something along the lines that the "Infinite doesn't contemplate the finite."  I wonder if you still believe that and how you would express that now.  The answer to that is going to factor into how I interpret your story above.  I think it's in the "Connor Murphy goes Full Eckhart" thread to be exact.  I can actually find the quote if you like.

Was it, ‘Infinite can not know finite’…?

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6 minutes ago, Orb said:

Totally resonates. I'm learning this in my relationship. 

 

Ideally, its all about just giving the other person space to feel their emotions deeply and inspect/let go of their own beliefs. Pretty much the same thing we do by ourselves, we give the "other" the space to do the same. 

Yes! 

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33 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I saw a post from you Phil on Actualized where you said something along the lines that the "Infinite doesn't contemplate the finite."  I wonder if you still believe that and how you would express that now.  The answer to that is going to factor into how I interpret your story above.  I think it's in the "Connor Murphy goes Full Eckhart" thread to be exact.  I can actually find the quote if you like.

Here it is: 

 

@Someone here

Infinite can not know finite. 

SOURCE
https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/57535-connor-murphy-has-eckhart-style-awakening/?page=14

Infinity not knowing finititude gets covered a lot here.  Infinity knows or recognizes nothing finite.  Nothing finite can exist within infinity, because it wouldn't be Infinity if it did.

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21 hours ago, Jonas Long said:

Infinity not knowing finititude gets covered a lot here.  Infinity knows or recognizes nothing finite.  Nothing finite can exist within infinity, because it wouldn't be Infinity if it did.


Are you telling this to me or to you?  I disagree.  There's a wobble between the infinite vs./and finite duality.  

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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1 minute ago, Joseph Maynor said:


Are you telling this to me or to you?  I disagree.  There's a wobble between the infinite vs./and finite duality.

Man, give your wobbles a rest, huh.  This isnt about infinity, this is about what is becoming apparent is a very real compulsive sickness.

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25 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Man, give your wobbles a rest, huh.  This isnt about infinity, this is about what is becoming apparent is a very real compulsive sickness.


Maybe you should have a more openminded and mature attitude toward someone who disagrees with you.  You give it a rest.  You don't get a free pass to be a jerk on here.  I know you think you have one.

The reason I think this is a good insight is because it takes the finite out of the shadow which is a  common trap on the path.  When we take the finite out of the shadow we realize there really is no clear cut difference between infinite and finite, which is an important insight in my judgment.  If anyone is open to discussing this further, please do so or don't.  It's up to you.  I'm just sharing my insights on here like everyone else is.

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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2 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:


Maybe you should have a more openminded and mature attitude toward someone who disagrees with you.  You give it a rest.  You don't get a free pass to be a jerk on here.

The reason I think this is a good insight is because it takes the finite out of the shadow which is a  common trap on the path.

You have a real opportunity for self reflection right now.  I'd take some time off here and do that.  This is sad. 

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4 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

You have a real opportunity for self reflection right now.  I'd take some time off here and do that.  This is sad. 


Stop this stuff.   You're in no position to lecture me or give me this kind of advice.  You're stirring the pot and keeping it going as usual.  I see you.

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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4 hours ago, Jonas Long said:

You have a real opportunity for self reflection right now.  I'd take some time off here and do that.  This is sad. 

I wholeheartedly agree with this and thanks for saying this. Also this is somewhat needed for everyone. The pressure goes really high sometimes with so many egos clashing left right center. I wish people would give space to each other. 

 

So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. 

My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. 

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On 2/1/2024 at 11:13 AM, Joseph Maynor said:

I wonder if you still believe that

 

5 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

There's a wobble between the infinite vs./and finite duality.  

 

‘Infinite can not know finite’ is not a belief. 

There is no ‘wobble’ between infinite and finite. 

Infinite means no finite. 

Thus, infinite can not know finite. 

 

The aim here as it were is certainly not spiritual and or intellectual bypassing, but self-realization. 

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4 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

The reason I think this is a good insight is because it takes the finite out of the shadow which is a  common trap on the path.  When we take the finite out of the shadow we realize there really is no clear cut difference between infinite and finite, which is an important insight in my judgment.  If anyone is open to discussing this further, please do so or don't.  It's up to you.  I'm just sharing my insights on here like everyone else is.

those are not insights theyre discordant beliefs 

Edited by Isagi Yoichi

:IMG_0991:

 

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