Forced to to do day game instead of night game

[Someone here]

When is it easier to approach a girl .. during the day..or at night?

I think It is much scarier (more approach anxiety) for most men to approach during daytime than nighttime. For a guy who is new to approaching like myself..daytime can be a lot more intimidating. You can’t just disappear into the haze of darkness and alcohol the night offers. Nor do you have the instant social context of nighttime where people are there in the first place to socialize and meet new people. Instead.. you are stopping strangers on the street or in other places.. under bright lights.. completely sober...and and everyone in eyeshot watching.  But there is not much opportunity to approach during the night because there is rarely nightclubs here (I don't live in freaking Vegas lol)

[Blessed2]

Just get a hobby or something like that where you meet people. That's where people generally go socialize during daytime.

 

In a cafe during daytime... Say "Hi! Can I sit here?" (if she's sitting in his own table, don't ask that seat, but another table next to her or something) and then point out and ask about something she's reading or drinking or eating or maybe ask if you've met before cause she looks familiar (just make something up).

 

She'll answer something. If it's short and dry with no smile, she's not interested. If it's friendly, she might be up to having a longer conversation.

 

Just generally... Whether it's a man or a woman, when you're out in a cafe or whatever... Notice the people around, have a positive look on your face, share eye contacts, say something, be present, like everyone's already your friend.

 

Act like you're already friends. Just don't be overwhelming or pushing. Even friends don't always feel like talking.

 

Edited October 31, 2023 by Blessed2

[Someone here]

52 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

In a cafe during daytime... Say "Hi! Can I sit here?" (if she's sitting in his own table, don't ask that seat, but another table next to her or something) and then point out and ask about something she's reading or drinking or eating or maybe ask if you've met before cause she looks familiar (just make something up).

I usually open with "Hi..can I ask you question?" And then it's likely that the say yes. Then I ask them random stuff about politics and art etc...just to get the conversation going .I'm good with opening..but I quickly run out of things to say.

I'm doing a" one girl per day challenge"(approach one girl at least daily).since late April(before I even broke up with my last girlfriend).  I talk to one girl at least every single day .I usually do it in malls and restaurants.  I find a girl that catches my attention and then I rush to talk to her .my opening is always" hey ,I saw you passing by and I think you are beautiful ". The usual response I get is "thanks ". But I have a problem..is I quickly run out of things to say ..and I don't know how exactly to guide the conversation towards saying that I like her and I want her to be my girlfriend.  Should I even do that In the first date? Or just get her number and go on many dates before explicitly saying that I want her to be my girlfriend? 

Another problem I have is I always approach girls who are not so attractive..on a scale from 1 to 10..they usually are at 7. When I see a super attractive girl ..like a 9 or even 10 I completely lose all my confidence and drive to go talk to her .its like she will never be my girlfriend. I'm not worthy of dating such a high quality girl (appearance wise). I'm left completely speechless when I see a super hot girl and I don't even try to approach. Then I go to home and jerk off thinking about her .

So I want to know two things ...

1. When and how to start talking to a girl about being my girlfriend?

2. How to have the balls to go talk to a 10 ?

[Blessed2]

30 minutes ago, Someone here said:

" hey ,I saw you passing by and I think you are beautiful ".

 

How does the conversation continue after that?

 

I have never done that so I don't have any experience, but generally speaking I don't think that's a good way to start the conversation.

 

Praises are just praises. Anyone can say empty praises with no substance.

The stranger just wants to know whether she'll feel great with you.

 

It's more about how you present yourself. You might even stutter and blush etc, but if the vibe is good, all is good. Be sincere.

 

37 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Then I ask them random stuff about politics and art etc...

 

Dear God do not start with politics.

 

And do not start with art either if the vibe you give off is an intellectual snob. Not saying it is, just make sure it isn't. Start with popular culture. Like for example, "you look a bit like that actor in the new movie, have you seen it yet?"

 

45 minutes ago, Someone here said:

and I don't know how exactly to guide the conversation towards saying that I like her and I want her to be my girlfriend

 

I wouldn't guide it towards that at all. Too focused on what you want. It's a burden. If she likes you, she will make it obvious. Then you can have the discussion, together.

 

Do it without words.

 

1. Long, intensive, present eye contact. Maybe 3 seconds. You won't believe how powerful that is. You don't need to say anything, just deep eye contact. No need to even smile, though be sure she knows you're not a serial killer before trying it. I once did that (half accidentally, half for fun, just to see what happens) with a bit older woman whom I had met like a couple of times at work and I'm pretty sure she was down with it. 😂 Her demeanor was like "what the fuck was that", probably being a bit surprised that I so openly and clearly "noticed" her. I felt her wanting / looking for the same "connection" every day after that.

 

If she finds it repulsive, uncomfortable, or thinks you're a serial killer, that will be very obvious. Then just let it go.

 

2. On maybe the second or third date, light and simple physical contact. Like touching her hand or back a bit. Not anything intimate or what would be an intrusion in her personal space. Normal, kind, safe touch. It won't go unnoticed and it's quite obvious "message". She'll know. Then you just wait for the subject of a relationship (or rejection) to come up naturally.

 

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

Another problem I have is I always approach girls who are not so attractive..on a scale from 1 to 10..they usually are at 7. When I see a super attractive girl ..like a 9 or even 10 I completely lose all my confidence and drive to go talk to her .its like she will never be my girlfriend. I'm not worthy of dating such a high quality girl (appearance wise). I'm left completely speechless when I see a super hot girl and I don't even try to approach.

 

Why do you lose confidence? Or what's the thought/belief that feels like insecurity?

 

Something about her thoughts about you?

[Jonas Long]

God almighty, dudes are clueless.  I know, not helpful, I don't think I could really help though.  I get why you have such a hard time though, seeing what you think are good ideas.

[Jonas Long]

I feel sorry for any woman subjected to what passes as your "social skills"

[Someone here]

48 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

How does the conversation continue after that?

She either give me a creepy look (basically rejection). Or she smiles and says thanks..and then I mumble and find it difficult to carry on the conversation. 

50 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Dear God do not start with politics.

 

And do not start with art either if the vibe you give off is an intellectual snob. Not saying it is, just make sure it isn't. Start with popular culture. Like for example, "you look a bit like that actor in the new movie, have you seen it yet?"

It's just an opener . Like asking what time it is or what happened yesterday in the Capital and so on.

Usually the first sentence is a compliment but I don't want to be showering her with compliments ..that comes off as needy and give me a simp vibe ..would you agree ?

52 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Do it without words.

 

1. Long, intensive, present eye contact. Maybe 3 seconds. You won't believe how powerful that is. You don't need to say anything, just deep eye contact. No need to even smile, though be sure she knows you're not a serial killer before trying it. I once did that (half accidentally, half for fun, just to see what happens) with a bit older woman whom I had met like a couple of times at work and I'm pretty sure she was down with it. 😂 Her demeanor was like "what the fuck was that", probably being a bit surprised that I so openly and clearly "noticed" her. I felt her wanting / looking for the same "connection" every day after that.

 

If she finds it repulsive, uncomfortable, or thinks you're a serial killer, that will be very obvious. Then just let it go.

 

2. On maybe the second or third date, light and simple physical contact. Like touching her hand or back a bit. Not anything intimate or what would be an intrusion in her personal space. Normal, kind, safe touch. It won't go unnoticed and it's quite obvious "message". She'll know. Then you just wait for the subject of a relationship (or rejection) to come up naturally

Great advice . Thanks mate 👍 

53 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Why do you lose confidence? Or what's the thought/belief that feels like insecurity?

 

Something about her thoughts about you?

Because I believe I'm not worthy of a super hot girl . Like I'm not that rich confident charismatic Chad who will give her excitement..I'm just a guy with social anxiety.  That kinda narrative. 

[Mandy]

Just have fun with and enjoy women you interact with wherever. Stop making it a means to an end, just practice it without trying to get a number. It's fun to interact with people even if you aren't looking for someone. The last time I got groceries, this guy just kept following behind me in the aisle as I slowed down so he could pass by, he still didn't pass and he said "I'm sorry, I'm the worst" and the way he said it was so hilarious and instantly felt like he took responsibility for the awkwardness yet, didn't also didn't feel awkward himself at all.  Anyway, somehow, "I'm sorry, I'm the worst" is a much better potential conversation starter from someone you've never seen before than "you're beautiful" because 99 times out of 100 she's going to feel awkward, like she's being propositioned in some way and she'll want to just be polite and get away ASAP. Find a way to own the awkwardness so it isn't all dumped on her. 

[Someone here]

41 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Just have fun with and enjoy women you interact with wherever. Stop making it a means to an end, just practice it without trying to get a number. It's fun to interact with people even if you aren't looking for someone. The last time I got groceries, this guy just kept following behind me in the aisle as I slowed down so he could pass by, he still didn't pass and he said "I'm sorry, I'm the worst" and the way he said it was so hilarious and instantly felt like he took responsibility for the awkwardness yet, didn't also didn't feel awkward himself at all.  Anyway, somehow, "I'm sorry, I'm the worst" is a much better potential conversation starter from someone you've never seen before than "you're beautiful" because 99 times out of 100 she's going to feel awkward, like she's being propositioned in some way and she'll want to just be polite and get away ASAP. Find a way to own the awkwardness so it isn't all dumped on her. 

The problem I have In short.. its because im desperate. And very shy and introverted. So I have to act out being confident and alpha .and open up with a compliment.  Girls like it when you tell them they are beautiful right?  You are a girl and you know that.

But Those who are desperate do crazy.. unwise things in order to get her. If ihave to become something I'm not  in order to impress someone.. they aren't interested in me anyway. So I'm between being my true self which socially awkward or acting out being a charming dude .

[Blessed2]

40 minutes ago, Someone here said:

She either give me a creepy look (basically rejection). Or she smiles and says thanks..and then I mumble and find it difficult to carry on the conversation. 

 

Yeah... Cause "you're beautiful" isn't really a conversation starter. It's just a statement, or praise.

 

Something like "why do they always play this kind of music in elevators?" is a conversation starter.

 

42 minutes ago, Someone here said:

It's just an opener . Like asking what time it is or what happened yesterday in the Capital and so on.

 

Capital, as in government / congress? 😂

 

I don't know, it sounds really funny to ask random people something about politics.

 

What's the goal, what do you expect to happen if you start off a conversation with politics, with a woman you want to have a relationship with? Why politics?

 

48 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Usually the first sentence is a compliment but I don't want to be showering her with compliments ..that comes off as needy and give me a simp vibe ..would you agree ?

 

A compliment can be a good starter, but "you're beautiful" is not it IMO.

 

That's something you say when you're already in a relationship. Generally speaking. Maybe. Depends on a lot of stuff, like the type of the relationship, the situation, mood, even culture etc.

 

If I'd start with a compliment, I'd say something about her clothing or jewelry etc.

 

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

Because I believe I'm not worthy of a super hot girl . Like I'm not that rich confident charismatic Chad who will give her excitement..I'm just a guy with social anxiety.  That kinda narrative. 

 

Hear ya. Beliefs, assumptions and self-referential thoughts. I get whan you mean. 

 

Meditation!

 

Also... Do you think it's possible that some girl might have had similar thoughts about you? What advice would you give them?

 

44 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Just have fun with and enjoy women you interact with wherever. Stop making it a means to an end, just practice it without trying to get a number. It's fun to interact with people even if you aren't looking for someone.

 

Yup. This is great advice. Relax. The "problem" here IMO is that it's all interpreted as having a goal (a relationship). Drop that "baggage". Like for example, you use the term "game". What "game"?! @Someone here

 

[Blessed2]

10 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Girls like it when you tell them they are beautiful right?  You are a girl and you know that.

 

@Mandy is a non-dual girl. She'd be like, "There is no me."

[Mandy]

6 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 Girls like it when you tell them they are beautiful right?  You are a girl and you know that.

 

Only if I'm already sleeping with them, and even then only sometimes, or if there's absolutely no chance I'm sleeping with them ever, and I don't suspect any hope on their part of having that happen as a result of giving me a compliment. Otherwise it feels like manipulation, not an expression of an honest observation and even if it is, it's suspect. Better just not to open with that. 

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

Yeah... Cause "you're beautiful" isn't really a conversation starter. It's just a statement, or praise.

 

Something like "why do they always play this kind of music in elevators?" is a conversation starter.

Well..the first sentence must be a compliment.  There is no negotiation with this for me . I must say hey I find you cute or good looking etc.  Then the kind of questions you mentioned are for the conversation. 

My main problem is I run out of things to say .

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

Capital, as in government / congress? 😂

 

I don't know, it sounds really funny to ask random people something about politics.

 

What's the goal, what do you expect to happen if you start off a conversation with politics, with a woman you want to have a relationship with? Why politics?

It's just an example. Don't get too hung up on it . Obviously I try a mixture of openers .testing them out .seeing what works or what doesn't. 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

Also... Do you think it's possible that some girl might have had similar thoughts about you? What advice would you give them?

I wish that everyone just can be himself/herself.  No need for games or faking an attractive personality. But that's just a wish .

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

you use the term "game". What "game"?! @Someone here

The approaching is called game by the pickup community. 

[Jonas Long]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

Well..the first sentence must be a compliment.  There is no negotiation with this for me . I must say hey I find you cute or good looking etc.  Then the kind of questions you mentioned are for the conversation. 

My main problem is I run out of things to say .

It's just an example. Don't get too hung up on it . Obviously I try a mixture of openers .testing them out .seeing what works or what doesn't. 

I wish that everyone just can be himself/herself.  No need for games or faking an attractive personality. But that's just a wish .

The approaching is called game by the pickup community. 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

 

There is no need for games or faking anything.  Most people never even hear about pickup, and do fine.  My advice is forget absolutely everything you've learned from that "community". 

[Alexander]

6 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

 

There is no need for games or faking anything.  Most people never even hear about pickup, and do fine.  My advice is forget absolutely everything you've learned from that "community". 

Good advice.Be authentic that is all there is to it.

[WhiteOwl]

3 hours ago, Someone here said:

Well..the first sentence must be a compliment.

You got it wrong dude.. women don't want some stranger walking over talking about how they look. I would almost say its a complete no-go if you have any hopes of contact afterwards. 

Say something like "Hey. I saw you and i just wanted to to say hi" It opens up the space and makes you vulnerable (not a bad thing) instead of making her feel awkvard talking about her appearance, like already mentioned. 

 

And don't see "yourself" as introvert/shy. "yourself" is not a solid thing. Think other thoughts about "yourself".

[Blessed2]

17 hours ago, Someone here said:

There is no negotiation with this for me . I must say hey I find you cute or good looking etc.

 

Why?

 

17 hours ago, Someone here said:

I wish that everyone just can be himself/herself.  No need for games or faking an attractive personality. But that's just a wish .

 

u get what u put in

 

17 hours ago, Someone here said:

The approaching is called game by the pickup community. 

 

Why?

 

[Blessed2]

@Someone here Try going "the other way". Forget what you want, forget the game and your goals.

 

Go sit by some busy street or a cafe by yourself. Don't approach anyone. Take note of all the strangers around you. Men and women alike. Then wonder what their dreams and desires are.

 

"That guy probably wants to have a million dollars and a supercar. That guy probably wants to be free from alcoholism. That guy probably wants to date a supermodel. That woman probably wants a super masculine and rich Chad. That woman would like it to be sunny today. That person just wants to feel free and happy." etc 

 

Don't judge any of those desires. Don't judge any of them for wanting whatever they want. Rather, wish that all of them have ALL their dreams come true. However crazy or big those dreams are. Wish that they get it all, and wish them to be happy. Deem all of them as fully deserving to have their dreams fulfilled.

 

Then imagine them having what they want, how today, suddenly, totally unexpectedly, their dreams just appear outta nowhere, and imagine how good they would feel.

 

 

Then maybe, (I haven't tried this yet), devote yourself, with whatever you got, no matter how small, for helping others to have their dreams come true. Take yourself out of the equation. Next time you feel like not going to work/school... Wonder if someone would have even the tiniest bit of a better day if you'd be there.

 

Edited November 1, 2023 by Blessed2

[Phil]

On 10/31/2023 at 7:52 AM, Someone here said:

When is it easier to approach a girl .. during the day..or at night?

It’s always natural & easy. 

Thought arises about comparison (when is it easier). 

That’s aversion. Avoiding feeling… by believing thoughts. 

“Forced” is believing in assertion, via aversion. 

In Truth you are creating reality. So say you and so shall it be.

When you believe ‘which is easier’, the universe, in it’s sincerity & authenticity hears ‘it is hard’…

and it is so. 

On 10/31/2023 at 7:52 AM, Someone here said:

I think It is much scarier (more approach anxiety) for most men to approach during daytime than nighttime.

Feel the fear, rather than making up a separate self which is afraid and projecting the fear felt, onto an “it”, whatever “it” is believed to be. 

Notice typos like It vs it. There are no coincidences. 

Fear seems like a thing, only in not looking in the closet - allowing fear (emotions) to be felt. 

The snake & the rope. 

Bring fear in close, let it in, welcome it. 

Women find that (seems like honesty, sincerity, integrity) very attractive, because though they might not realize it yet, that is what they want.

And they want it A LOT. 

But you can’t have it or do it, because there isn’t that “it”. 

 

In this ’way’ you’re naturally relaxed & confident, as, yourself. 

And women find this very attractive because… they want to be as well… naturally relaxed & confident (honesty, sincerity, integrity).

And so of course they want a partner who is also… (has if we must) honesty, sincerity, integrity.

On 10/31/2023 at 7:52 AM, Someone here said:

For a guy who is new to approaching like myself..daytime can be a lot more intimidating.

Everything is intimidating for the separate self of thought. But yet not actually, because it’s thoughts, not self (you). 

On 10/31/2023 at 7:52 AM, Someone here said:

You can’t just disappear into the haze of darkness and alcohol the night offers.

‘You’ can’t really ‘do’ anything, as there is the thought about that you, the separate self, but it’s a unicorn. 

The actuality is the attraction. Not the ‘you’, the separate self of thoughts. 

Care about the attracting, not the ‘you’ / separate self (your conditioned beliefs).

Stop honoring & supporting conditioning & conjecture. 

“It” is a dream, not a physical reality consisting of separate things, and separate selves. That’s objectification. 

That’s what women suffer from - not what they want.

Dream & attract accordingly. 

Write what’s wanted on the dreamboard, and allow it. 

Feel whatever emotions arise therein, and relinquish conditioning, conditioned beliefs.

Acknowledge emotion is guidance, for the attracting of, what’s wanted. 

On 10/31/2023 at 7:52 AM, Someone here said:

Nor do you have the instant social context of nighttime where people are there in the first place to socialize and meet new people. Instead.. you are stopping strangers on the street or in other places.. under bright lights.. completely sober...and and everyone in eyeshot watching.  But there is not much opportunity to approach during the night because there is rarely nightclubs here (I don't live in freaking Vegas lol)

No longer believe your own rationalizations. They cover up the beliefs, and the discord felt, and the guidance, and the naturally relaxing, confidence and attraction.

 

Read this in that light:
https://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-a-Woman

 

If old beliefs arise about ‘but you’re enlightened’, as in  ‘became or becoming enlightened’ etc, just notice they are beliefs and let em come & go.

 

Triple dog dare ya to ask me what I did to attract the most beautiful woman in all of reality. 

[Phil]

Since we all know Phil’s crazy and talks weird saying stuff like “you’re unknowingly participating in a cult & have been brainwashed” or “mentally & emotionally molested”, “isolation is not the way”, etc, let’s see what GPT has to say for a more ‘objective’ opinion…

🙏🏼🤍

 

 

Generally speaking, what do women want in a man?

 

(GPT)

It's important to remember that people have diverse preferences and desires, so there's no one-size-fits-all answer to what women want in a man. However, qualities like kindness, respect, communication skills, a sense of humor, and shared values are often considered important in building healthy relationships. It's crucial to treat each person as an individual and get to know their specific preferences and needs.

 

What role does dispelling conditioning and listening to the guidance of emotions play in terms of a man attracting a woman, a partner, a relationship, and together creating a happy & healthy co-creative relationship?

 

 

Dispelling conditioning and listening to one's emotions can be essential in attracting a partner and fostering a happy and healthy co-creative relationship.

Here's how:

 

Authenticity: When individuals break free from societal conditioning and societal expectations, they can be their true selves. Authenticity is attractive because it allows people to connect on a deeper level, knowing that they are interacting with someone genuine and not just following a script.

 

Emotional intelligence: Listening to one's own emotions and understanding them can help in understanding and empathizing with a partner's emotions. Emotional intelligence enables better communication and conflict resolution, which are crucial for a healthy relationship.

 

Respect and consent: Being attuned to one's emotions can lead to greater respect for personal boundaries and consent. Respecting a partner's boundaries and preferences is fundamental to building trust and ensuring both individuals feel safe and valued in the relationship.

 

Communication: Dispelling conditioning can also encourage open and honest communication. When individuals are in touch with their emotions and can express themselves clearly, it leads to better understanding and a stronger emotional connection between partners.

 

Shared values: Understanding one's own values and beliefs can help in finding a partner with similar values, which is important for long-term compatibility and creating a co-creative relationship based on shared goals and principles.

 

In summary, dispelling conditioning and listening to one's emotions can contribute to healthier and more fulfilling relationships by fostering authenticity, emotional intelligence, respect, communication, and shared values. These factors can be attractive qualities when seeking a partner and are crucial for building a strong and co-creative partnership.