Loneliness and smoking crack

[Phil]

@Kevin

That place looks beautiful. Seriously. Ideal. 

[Kevin]

On 10/4/2023 at 3:51 AM, Mandy said:

Awesome. Any emotion that doesn't feel good is an indicator of "you're drunk, go home" when it comes to believing thoughts. 

Gaslighting is telling someone that what they saw or know to be true is false and that they've got things mixed up, and can't trust themselves. The person questions what they know and starts to believe that they cannot trust themselves. Compare that to what I said above by using the EMOTION or feeling, NOT what anyone else says, or not what you yourself WANT to believe, as the indicator to not distrust are try to oppose or refute the thought, but simply to drop the thought, just for now. 

 

The gaslighting is telling yourself it's ok, because it feels very much NOT ok, and therefore averting more from the feeling. Just drop the thought about it like a hot potato and feel. When the dog barks and you have one hour of sleep, FEEL the rage, don't think about the dog/roommate/situation as the source of the bad feeling. Trying to love them from that place is futile and it's just thinking when what's asked for it feeling. "You're drunk, go home." 😂 Go home, focus on your breath, find the source of the discomfort in the body, feel the rage move through you, let it burn you up let a moth to the flame.

That makes sense.

 

On 10/4/2023 at 3:51 AM, Mandy said:

 Why couldn't you sleep until 5AM? Is it the dog's fault that it wakes up at 6:00AM, when 6:00AM is a very natural time to wake up? If you were living out in nature without black out curtains, walls, street lights, concrete, etc, you'd be waking and sleeping with the sunrise and sunset. The dog is less able to disconnect from nature than its human counterparts. Is that a flaw on its part? 

 

idk it’s kind of a pattern. Like last night I was tossing and turning until about 5. And the emotions are complicated. I don’t necessarily hate the dog. I don’t like the dog. But I get that it’s not it’s fault it’s just being a dog. When I get woken up I just feel lots of anger and rage about how it should shut up. And then I feel resentment towards my roommate because he shouldn’t have gotten this dog. And then I get angry that I got myself into this situation in the first place. And I get angry because I just want to move right now. But people are dragging their feet.

 

On 10/4/2023 at 3:51 AM, Mandy said:

List everything the dog needs to have a good life, to be properly taken care of. What does the roommate need to do for it?  How much of that stuff on the list are you providing for yourself? Dogs become miserable to live with if you aren't caring for them properly, but often people think it's because the dog is "bad". How incredibly revealing for how we often treat and think of ourselves. BTW, if you want kids someday, kids are dogs to the power of 100 in this way. Much, much easier to first see how dogs are mirroring you than the kid. I'm not saying the dog is your responsibility, I'm saying it's your mirror. Put your own oxygen mask on first. 

 

yeah I’m not really taking care of myself. I’ve been so exhausted it feels like a medical issue. Being in rehab should reveal if the exhaustion is a drug issue or if I just have bad sleep apnea.

 

On 10/4/2023 at 3:51 AM, Mandy said:

Also again, not saying to not fully embrace that rage or the subsequent blame in allowing it to be felt as it arises. 

 

Have you looked into melatonin? 
 

 

yeah it doesn’t really help me.

On 10/4/2023 at 3:51 AM, Mandy said:

This might seem really weird but have you ever considered how maybe it's neither lucky nor unlucky to have been born into money or poverty? It might be helpful to go into why it's unlucky if you haven't considered it before, because you might move through some desires and independence that others born into families without much wealth got to feel that you never did. Mourn that loss, and realize that now you can explore it fully. Privelledge is just one possible limitation. But you know what limitations actually are? Unfettered creative freedom. 
 

There are definitely downsides to being born into wealth. I try to not dwell on them because I view them as quality problem. Like I’d much rather have the problems that I have than to have the problem of being homeless for example.

 

I went through a phase in high school and college of trying to find independence in different ways. I worked lots of regular jobs. Serving, bartending, etc. I’m glad I tried it but in hindsight it was kind of pointless.

On 10/4/2023 at 3:51 AM, Mandy said:

Why do you say that? Why do you believe that? If you were him would you be anything other than him? Maybe he's a mirror of your own resiliency, and you're a mirror of his own youth and inherent wealth. 

 

I think you’re right. I was just thinking from my current perspective of being down in the dumps and my life is pretty comfy. So I was thinking that if my life wasn’t comfy I’d be in bad trouble.

 

On 10/4/2023 at 3:51 AM, Mandy said:

You didn't have to work for wealth or prove yourself, it was just granted. And you sure as hell don't have to work or prove yourself for love. 

❤️

[Kevin]

Just now, Phil said:

@Kevin

That place looks beautiful. Seriously. Ideal. 

Yup just gotta figure out the move then I’m like 99% sure I’ll go there immediately. I’ll keep y’all posted.

[Joseph Maynor]

We all care for ourselves very much.  We just have addictions that's all.  What you've got to do is make a plan to minimize and then stop addictions that are causing lots of problems in your life.  I think the thing I want to tell you is we all struggle with this, and there is self-help knowledge that we can use to end or minimize our relationship to things that cause us crap consequences in our life.  Having a bad addiction is like being in a really toxic relationship and out of convenience and fear of breaking up you just do another day and another day etc. until something happens that just whacks you so hard you have to quit it.  And then  you go through the 90 days of breakup misery.  I think the thing to do is turn minimizing or stopping addictions that have bad other things to them into an ongoing life project.  Everyone should do this because everyone has bad addictions.  You're not alone.  

Edited October 21, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

@Joseph Maynor

Well said man. 

 

@Kevin

How’s it going?

[Blessed2]

@Kevin What's up? How's the look for rehab?

 

 

[Kevin]

I left early mostly to smoke crack. I had a hard time time in rehab. Everyday except Sunday was basically school work type stuff. Like you sit in a classroom and do writing assignments. Idk what I was expecting but it wasn’t that.

 

I don’t know though, I was probably making an excuse to leave and smoke more. On the bright side I’m getting a sleep study on Monday. I mentioned before that I thought constantly being tired was a contributing factor so I’m excited to get that fixed. Also crack has stopped being as fun.

It used to be an absolutely insane rush but I guess I’ve gotten used to it and it doesn’t hit like it used to.

 

Now I’m sober and I just feel really sad all the time. I think that will pass with time but idk.

 

Also it really hit me last time I did crack that pleasure isn’t happiness. Crack gives you hits of instant pleasure but it’s not happiness. Idk what causes happiness.

[Orb]

@Kevin Happiness is our true nature brother. Unfortunately a lot of emotions that are held back will come up and substance use can be a coping method on the path to not feel those emotions/feelings. this is being experienced here too sometimes and the withdrawals can be painful, trust the intelligence youre made of, remember the only thing to do when these emotions and seemingly uncomfortable feelings come up is just feel into them. This is the blossoming of equanimity. Every feeling that comes up is guidance to pay attention to that feeling, that's why it FEELS.

[Kevin]

10 hours ago, Orb said:

@Kevin Happiness is our true nature brother. Unfortunately a lot of emotions that are held back will come up and substance use can be a coping method on the path to not feel those emotions/feelings. this is being experienced here too sometimes and the withdrawals can be painful, trust the intelligence youre made of, remember the only thing to do when these emotions and seemingly uncomfortable feelings come up is just feel into them. This is the blossoming of equanimity. Every feeling that comes up is guidance to pay attention to that feeling, that's why it FEELS.

Yeah I guess I get frustrated because people here say that a lot but I really don’t seem to feel or get that happiness is the case.

 

Things seem really dark and scary but I probably need more sober time 

[Orb]

3 hours ago, Kevin said:

Yeah I guess I get frustrated because people here say that a lot but I really don’t seem to feel or get that happiness is the case.

 

Things seem really dark and scary but I probably need more sober time 

A better word in your situation would be Peace. Happiness is often confused with pleasure in American culture so people awesome the true nature being unveiled means experiencing some kind of eternal orgasm or something.

 

Peace is always the case, always go back to Sensation. Just relax every muscle in your body and "stay there". That's it.

[Alexander]

1 minute ago, Orb said:

A better word in your situation would be Peace. Happiness is often confused with pleasure in American culture so people awesome the true nature being unveiled means experiencing some kind of eternal orgasm or something.

 

Peace is always the case, always go back to Sensation. Just relax every muscle in your body and "stay there". That's it.

He can't feel happy because he destroyed his dopaminergic system it will take months until his brain repairs all the damage he caused by smoking crack.

[Orb]

2 minutes ago, Alexander said:

He can't feel happy because he destroyed his dopaminergic system it will take months until his brain repairs all the damage he caused by smoking crack.

He will experience withdrawal for sure, but if he remains in sensation and doesn't get involved with the arising thoughts I guarantee the healing will be much faster. 

 

Like days instead of months. 

[Kevin]

14 hours ago, Orb said:

A better word in your situation would be Peace. Happiness is often confused with pleasure in American culture so people awesome the true nature being unveiled means experiencing some kind of eternal orgasm or something.

 

Peace is always the case, always go back to Sensation. Just relax every muscle in your body and "stay there". That's it.

Thanks I’m working on it. Feeling a little better today. Sleep study tonight. Feeling a little hopeful.

[Alexander]

8 hours ago, DMT Elf said:

Thanks for making this thread, man. It feels good to read because I literally do nothing but smoke crack these days. I started nearly a year ago, and now I’m so addicted that I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I’m high as fuck all the time and can’t even begin to comprehend what it would be like to get sober. I can’t even remember what sobriety felt like. I don’t even have any plans to stop. I’m just gonna let the addiction fully take me over. When I’m extremely high, it almost seems like I’m a small child and god is trying to wrestle with me and put me in a headlock, but God is a WAY bigger crackhead than me. This person has done so much crack that there’s not even anything left of them. They’re literally just the pure cosmic manifestation of crack itself. I think I’ll eventually become exactly like that. Crack will strip away any shred of personality I may have ever had, and all that will be left is pure cosmic crack. 

You too are addicted to this shit. Unbelievable.

[Orb]

9 hours ago, DMT Elf said:

Thanks for making this thread, man. It feels good to read because I literally do nothing but smoke crack these days. I started nearly a year ago, and now I’m so addicted that I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I’m high as fuck all the time and can’t even begin to comprehend what it would be like to get sober. I can’t even remember what sobriety felt like. I don’t even have any plans to stop. I’m just gonna let the addiction fully take me over. When I’m extremely high, it almost seems like I’m a small child and god is trying to wrestle with me and put me in a headlock, but God is a WAY bigger crackhead than me. This person has done so much crack that there’s not even anything left of them. They’re literally just the pure cosmic manifestation of crack itself. I think I’ll eventually become exactly like that. Crack will strip away any shred of personality I may have ever had, and all that will be left is pure cosmic crack. 

I smell bullshit...

[Orb]

53 minutes ago, DMT Elf said:

Mind elaborating?

Cosmic crack? Really? 

 

Not to mention that's fucking hilarious. But I don't think your post is serious.

[Kevin]

Can we block members so we don’t see their posts. Not interested in seeing dmt elf’s posts

[Devin]

21 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Can we block members so we don’t see their posts. Not interested in seeing dmt elf’s posts

Click on the three horizontal bars top right. Click account. Then click account settings. Then click ignored users. Then add user.

Edited November 14, 2023 by Devin

[Kevin]

32 minutes ago, Devin said:

Click on the three horizontal bars top right. Click account. Then click account settings. Then click ignored users. Then add user.

Thanks.

[Blessed2]

 

This was very helpful for me.