I don't think I´m ever taking psychedelics again

[ConsciousDreamer666]

I took 45mg of 5-meo-dmt, I know it was a big dose but I was at the verge point of my life, I was going to this findom humiliation session with a 'goddess' and I couldn't take the darkness anymore, I went straight to LIGHT, load up the dose, up my ass and straight sit in sirdahsana and put myself "Aim Namah Shivaya" mantra and stood there like a warrior to face whatever it should be faced.

 

Until... it hit me. But this time like no other.

 

Absolute horrendous time I had, because I was completely confused at what was going on, nothing existed but this present moment, I could not handle the Brutal Love. I think this is what happens with psychedelics, you force yourself and then you are not ready for the TRUTH.

 

Then I started shouting like a madman, for 20-30 minutes. The thing is, I am sharing the house with the landlord, now im coming down the trip and I start again to have self-doubtous thoughts about myself "What would she think of this? Will she kicked me out"?

 

The Love that I experienced is no longer here. I am doubting it. Why I am not anymore feeling the Love? The ego mind is again talking breaking This Love... and tomorrow of course it will talk more.

Will I remember that it was all pure Love? That all differences were created?

 

That Reality is absolutely freaking perfect because is all a 'trick' of God to forget it is God? Lol

 

Fuck psychedelics. I don't think I´m doing this again lol

Edited July 13, 2023 by ConsciousDreamer666

[ConsciousDreamer666]

I think either this trip changed me for life in some way, or either this is the last trip of my life. Will see tomorrow how im feeling. Now I just want to say is all fucking love lol.

[James123]

@ConsciousDreamer666 good 👍 pychedelics are fantastic to learn how to live your life, which is being in present moment and loving no matter what. However, they will never provide the truth or Enlightenment, because which does not come from experiencing. 

[Mandy]

Note the back and forth thinking movements, thoughts like "I'm feeling like this so I need to do this to escape it". But there's no excluding anything, only vibrationally moving towards what's wanted, which is never done in the motivation of escaping darkness. Feel the emotional guidance and clear the slate before you move to something else. It's not a world of poison and antidotes, it's a buffet just for you. 

[Orb]

@ConsciousDreamer666 psychedelics can be a very sutble "trickster" in the sense that they seem to create convincing nondual experiences and can trick the ego into identifying with those experiences. 

[Phil]

23 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

Will I remember that it was all pure Love? That all differences were created?

Thanks for sharing! There isn’t really a forgetting or remembering, or any differences created. ‘There’s’ an illusion of a knower which knows there are differences & remembering. The illusion starts with the knowing of “here”, based on the presupposed thought ‘there’, and then… “I’m here”.

 

Love seems brutal & horrendous to the knower, which there isn’t. That’s the message. The love that is has never been experienced. No one’s doubting. Doubt’s an emotion. Doubt is love. But not to the knower that it isn’t. The knower needs to know something else in the absence of doubt, which there also isn’t. 

 

 

[Pluto]

I have been guided to deter away from the toad / 5-meo or synthetics in general. Often you only need a small "nudge" back to presence and doing too much can send our nervous system on overdrive and the excess energy can cause "burnout". Stick to Mushrooms, Cactus, Iboga, Aya (within respectable dosages).

 

Careful not to feed the mind with substance because then you only feed the mind, inner-freedom is more about fasting than feeding then adjusting the middle.

Edited July 20, 2023 by Pluto

[Joseph Maynor]

On 7/13/2023 at 12:01 PM, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

I took 45mg of 5-meo-dmt, I know it was a big dose but I was at the verge point of my life, I was going to this findom humiliation session with a 'goddess' and I couldn't take the darkness anymore, I went straight to LIGHT, load up the dose, up my ass and straight sit in sirdahsana and put myself "Aim Namah Shivaya" mantra and stood there like a warrior to face whatever it should be faced.

 

Until... it hit me. But this time like no other.

 

Absolute horrendous time I had, because I was completely confused at what was going on, nothing existed but this present moment, I could not handle the Brutal Love. I think this is what happens with psychedelics, you force yourself and then you are not ready for the TRUTH.

 

Then I started shouting like a madman, for 20-30 minutes. The thing is, I am sharing the house with the landlord, now im coming down the trip and I start again to have self-doubtous thoughts about myself "What would she think of this? Will she kicked me out"?

 

The Love that I experienced is no longer here. I am doubting it. Why I am not anymore feeling the Love? The ego mind is again talking breaking This Love... and tomorrow of course it will talk more.

Will I remember that it was all pure Love? That all differences were created?

 

That Reality is absolutely freaking perfect because is all a 'trick' of God to forget it is God? Lol

 

Fuck psychedelics. I don't think I´m doing this again lol

Lol.  5-MeO-DMT was terrifying for me too but I'm grateful in hindsight for the experience.  It was kinda terrifying combined with "this is how things really are" aspect too, so it felt good to know the truth in that moment as it was presented to me -- and more importantly what was previously considered true and was seen to be false or illusory.  It definitely had a terrifying aspect to it because it changes your aspect/concept/idea/belief of self unlike other psychedelics that don't really do that do much -- at least not that severely.  It's not a fun psychedelic.  I have no interest in doing it again, once was enough.

Edited February 22 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

10 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Lol.  5-MeO-DMT was terrifying for me too but I'm grateful in hindsight for the experience.  It was kinda terrifying combined with "this is how things really are" aspect too, so it felt good to know the truth in that moment as it was presented to me -- and more importantly what was previously considered true and was seen to be false or illusory.  It definitely had a terrifying aspect to it because it changes your aspect/concept/idea/belief of self unlike other psychedelics that don't really do that do much -- at least not that severely.  It's not a fun psychedelic.  I have no interest in doing it again, once was enough.

Thoughts appear that there is someone else here, a separate self in time.

[Ceejay]

Brutal love seems synonymous with the word 'torture'. So if you felt that, why do you ever want to repeat that experience? Nobody likes to get tortured. It's enough to put your hand in the stove once. Once you learnt it hurt thoroughly enough you might stop. Maybe you hope that it will hurt less next time, or as you keep on tripping.

 

One of the greatest problem with psychedelics is that it makes sober meditation seems blase and boring. But no, you are hooked. It's like a child who is addicted cartoon refuses to do his math homework, and finds it extremely boring, not realising the deep cost of slacking in his studies would possibly wreak on his future career, intellect and emotional well-being.

 

Just some analogies that came to mind.

[Phil]

I sometimes wonder what it would have been like listening to years of content in which psychedelic trips are re-contextualized personally as my awakenings and increasing my consciousness. I wonder if self referential thoughts / the separate self of thoughts like ‘I don't think I’m ever taking psychedelics again” would be more readily noticed, or frankly & most likely imo… not arise at all. I suspect this is the case, and the influence is completely overlooked.

 

In any case it’s never too late to see it for what it is. Frankly (not anyone specifically of course), there seems to be mass denial of lying, manipulation, deception and obvious intentions behind it. Essentially just pretending it doesn’t happen (experientially speaking of course).

 

The effect this influence seems to have is heartbreaking. The weirdest aspect is that when re-contextualized personally as a teacher, or, in accordance with one nonexistent separate self of thought, it is outright said a trip was ‘horrifying’ or ‘terrifying’, and being convinced by a teaching doesn’t seem to bat an eye at the impossible-to-miss discord of it all. Yet, the same discordant interpretation / explaination is adopted nonetheless. That might be the weirdest ‘thing’ I’ve ever witnessed (so to speak). It’s truly astounding how manipulative consciousness can appear to be, and how easily manipulated innocence is. 

[Joseph Maynor]

9 hours ago, Phil said:

Thoughts appear that there is someone else here, a separate self in time.

Yes.  I deliberately speak and write like a normal human.  I make it a point to do this.  That doesn't mean that I don't also know that human is a construct too.   I'd rather do this than avoid using certain words or feel constrained in my use of language.  It's not that I don't understand the assumptions one could make.  Anytime you use words at all, you're already laying stakes in the ground on some level, so I don't play that game in the first place.  I make it a point to be plain spoken and talk like a human.  It's like the last Ox Herding picture, you come down from the lofty heights and chop wood and carry water.  I don't get hung up on language because I understand the assumptions of language and I assume other people will make whatever edits they want while interpreting my language.  I enjoy a normal human persona.  I have a job where I have to be a normal human persona in my communication patterns.  This is my writing style, but don't assume that just because I choose to communicate in this way that prima facie I lack understanding of issues regarding the self.  The way I communicate feels comfortable to me just like the way you communicate feels comfortable to you.  

Edited February 22 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

15 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Yes.  I deliberately speak like a normal human.  That doesn't mean that I don't also know that human is a construct too.   

This is a testimony to what was said and is not in contrast to it. 

 

With respect to self-realization, the separate self of thought is ‘the speaker’, ‘the knower’. 

Speaking happens without a speaker, knowledge unfolds without a knower. 

In reality there isn’t humans, normal or otherwise, speakers or knowers - there are the thoughts… thoughts appear that there is someone else here, a separate self in time.

 

The relevance is non-suffering, peace, happiness, love, bliss - not how a speaker speaks or what a knower knows. 

[Joseph Maynor]

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

This is a testimony to what was said and is not in contrast to it. 

 

With respect to self-realization, the separate self of thought is ‘the speaker’, ‘the knower’. 

Speaking happens without a speaker, knowledge unfolds without a knower. 

In reality there isn’t humans, normal or otherwise, speakers or knowers - there are the thoughts. 

 

The relevance is non-suffering, peace, happiness, love, bliss. 

I write like I speak.  Your speech differs from your writing dramatically.  I watched this video last night which I must say I found to be excellent.
 

 

[Phil]

@Joseph Maynor

😂🙏🏼♥️