Having female managers is bad for mental health

[Rose]

Over my 10 year career, I’ve had many managers. Having female managers were always the worst times of my life.

 

Having a female manager is like having an emotional, demanding, controlling, wants things her own way, egotistical girlfriend. Only she is not your girlfriend, but you are an attractive woman and so she hates you in addition to that. 
 

My current manager is hyper critical, she msg-es me a thousand times, goes crazy if I have some free time at work (vs my previous manager actually told me that he understands that I have exams coming up so he will try to take it easy on me), she is just a complete nut job.. she also asks personal questions and critiques, compared my behaviour to her kids behaviour (you’re just like my daughter, she also has a hard time making a decision OR, it took my daughter 8 years to properly learn how to speak, just give some time with you improving on your presentations) 

 

My 2 last performance reviews before here were exceeds expectations and consistently exceeded expectations - with her it’s now “meets expectations” 

She keeps commenting on my mood, “oh you’re not smiling today, is something happening” or “oh I saw you were worried during that meeting” - wtf you’re not my psychologist and I don’t come to work to smile. 

I saw this Teal Swan video and I think women were not meant to lead, especially in a corporate world, the cross boundaries, they let their jealousy and ego get in the way,  they just cannot act professional and fair. And if they do try to act professional,

you just have a bitchy robot.

 

 

 

 

 

[WhiteOwl]

Okay 🙂 

 

So.. what do you hope to get out of this thread? Are you trying to look at discordant beliefs? I can already see the backfire if i start to point some out 🙂 

 

Expression is also fine of course

Edited March 15, 2023 by WhiteOwl

[Jonas Long]

You realize Teal Swan is a business owner, yes?  I can recommend a very good podcast about her called the Gateway.  She is one to stay far away from in my book. 

also, personally having had both, I much prefer the female managers I've had.  Like, by a lot, no question.  

[Mandy]

Whew!

 

Well. I think you're not listening to the discord around your own experiences and  and interactions with this one person and are projecting it out on women as a whole, which is really kind of self defeating in a lot of ways. 

 

My Dad had female managers at work for years and loved working for them. I coach under the Principal at my kid's school and she is absolutely amazing as a leader and administrator, I've learned a lot from her. There are many examples of wonderful and awful managers that are male and female. 

 

12 hours ago, Rose said:

She keeps commenting on my mood, “oh you’re not smiling today, is something happening” or “oh I saw you were worried during that meeting” - wtf you’re not my psychologist and I don’t come to work to smile. 
 

I think the world would be a lot better place if managers and companies cared more about how their employees feel and cared whether or not they enjoy their work. 

[Orb]

27 minutes ago, Lester Retsel said:

You realize Teal Swan is a business owner, yes?  I can recommend a very good podcast about her called the Gateway.  She is one to stay far away from in my book. 

also, personally having had both, I much prefer the female managers I've had.  Like, by a lot, no question.  

Agreed, Teal Swan marks all the red flags for culty person. 

 

@RoseAlso that's just a belief, I know women in high positions in my company that are very resilient, respectful, and good leaders.

Edited March 15, 2023 by Orb

[Rose]

2 hours ago, Lester Retsel said:

You realize Teal Swan is a business owner, yes?  I can recommend a very good podcast about her called the Gateway.  She is one to stay far away from in my book. 

also, personally having had both, I much prefer the female managers I've had.  Like, by a lot, no question.  

This is not about Teal Swan 

 

 

[Rose]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

Well. I think you're not listening to the discord around your own experiences and  and interactions with this one person and are projecting it out on women as a whole, which is really kind of self defeating in a lot of ways.

I’ve had 5 female managers in my career. They were all a nightmare. 

 

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

My Dad had female managers at work for years and loved working for them. I coach under the Principal at my kid's school and she is absolutely amazing as a leader and administrator, I've learned a lot from her. There are many examples of wonderful and awful managers that are male and female.

Your dad is a male though. They are different with males.

 

I don’t think you engage so much with the principal, my manager is fine from distance too. I talk to her at least once a week 1-1 for an hour.

[Rose]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

I think the world would be a lot better place if managers and companies cared more about how their employees feel and cared whether or not they enjoy their work. 

That’s none of her business. I don’t get paid to smile and I am allowed to have bad days and not tell her about it. She is acting like a psychologist, that’s crossing the professional boundary.. then she uses it against me in my performance review.. 

[Rose]

1 hour ago, Orb said:

Agreed, Teal Swan marks all the red flags for culty person. 

 

@RoseAlso that's just a belief, I know women in high positions in my company that are very resilient, respectful, and good leaders.

Until you work directly under them you won’t know what kind of leaders they are. And they act differently with men

 then they do with women.

[Jonas Long]

4 minutes ago, Rose said:

Until you work directly under them you won’t know what kind of leaders they are. And they act differently with men

 then they do with women.

Obviously what you say is not true for all employer/employees relationships.  Where I work I am the only male and the boss is a woman and it runs better than other places I've worked where that wasn't the case.  Maybe you've had bad luck with bosses who happen to be women, or maybe you are fighting something inward about your own femaleness. 

[Orb]

@Rose I've definitely worked with some women that while they aren't my boss, they were very arrogant. But such is the case for people in general in corporate culture. Some people have that cut throat attitude and wanna get to the top. There was one lady I was working with that would lose her patience with me. 

 

One day we had a disagreement on how to do a project and she started being passive aggressive with me and annoyed. Maybe she felt like I assumed my way was right bc I'm a man? When in reality I just had more experience with doing these projects. 

 

Eventually I said we can both create our own demo slides to show our boss, and he ended up preferring mine, I never told him specifically who made the slides to keep things professional. 

Edited March 15, 2023 by Orb

[Mandy]

17 minutes ago, Rose said:

I’ve had 5 female managers in my career. They were all a nightmare. 

We kinda get what we expect from people though, right? To make generalizations is to expect that same thing in the future, to actively look for it, to vibrationally attract the evidence of our belief, and that's how we really cripple ourselves. 

[WhiteOwl]

@Rosein your previous post it was men it was all wrong with. There are a lot of hostility and negative judgements towards people in your posts. Did you ever consider you might also be contributing or causing it? Try to look at yourself instead of pointing your finger out. Reality is not the way you currently think it is. Or actually it is exactly that way, so you have the opportunity to change it. 
 

Its all about awareness, if you look for the positive in people and things, there won’t be “space” for the negatives as much. They simply wont exist in your experience. If you continue to look for it and believe it is the way you think it is, it will stay like that.

[Joseph Maynor]

I’ve worked for both men and women and have been a manager myself.  Being a manager is hard work.  Most people don’t go to school to learn management either.  And sometimes bad people are promoted to manager.  As a manager you have to inspire people to follow through on assignments on the one hand and also be kinda feared on the other hand because people who work with you need to step up to the plate and develop their own initiative to keep deadlines and to assist others.  People naturally slack off under a crap or weak manager which slows down the entire team.  If a manager is having to ride you that could be you’re not doing a great job.  You’re not following through or there’s something wrong with your work or communication.  Female managers have it hard because they have to learn how to inspire a bit of fear in people working for them or they just get blown off.  Sometimes women go too far with the boss from hell persona because they don’t want to act like anyone’s mom or some chick or have people think of them that way.  There is nothing harder and nothing more rewarding in life than being an excellent manager.  I like to think of a manager as a team leader.  But I get your point about female  managers sometimes going way too far in the direction of micromanaging boss from hell territory.  I have worked for women like this.  The thing to do to get around all this BS is do excellent work quickly and make sure they don’t need to babysit you.  Once they realize you actually help them they usually back off.  But they can be very on you like flies on a pile if they feel like you’re any kind of a problem for them.  The female boss from hell is like the inverse of the male pushover subordinate.  There’s a balance or marriage to be had between those extremes!  But a manager always has to be intrusive on some level  because that’s their job.  The thing to do is be one step ahead of them so you earn their respect.  And then maybe one day you become a manager and they give you a good reference. Lawyers and engineers make especially terrible managers in my experience, but I’m sure there’s exceptions.  Also don’t kiss a manager’s ass or get too personal with them — prove your worth through your excellent work and lack of a need to be guided or babysat.  Self-initiative goes a long way as well as perfect work and quick turnaround of communications and projects/tasks.  I still get a rare spanking every now and again from my current boss.   Usually it’s due to waiting until the last minute to get something done and jamming him.  But he loves my work and we’ve been working together since 2015.

Edited March 15, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Rose]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Most people don’t go to school to learn management either.

My manager is a new manager, she was promoted recently.

 

She has a phD in physics, and my last manager were all mathematicians. Spending most of your life in front of a math textbook does do a number on your social skills and humanity. And the fact that they never get proper training to be managers is devastating. I see them as angry math nerds who finally have some power.

[WhiteOwl]

17 hours ago, Rose said:

Spending most of your life in front of a math textbook does do a number on your social skills and humanity. And the fact that they never get proper training to be managers is devastating. I see them as angry math nerds who finally have some power.

Do you not see that this is just your own little perspective and not facts? And one causing a lot of hostility and negativity for you. But you seem more interested continuing your way than looking at yorself. Well, maybe one day you’ll get tired enough of how things are and try.

[Mandy]

23 hours ago, Rose said:

Until you work directly under them you won’t know what kind of leaders they are. And they act differently with men

 then they do with women.

Why does it seem to be a thing that we are often more forgiving or get along better with someone of the opposite sex? Kind of like how men are often a lot harder on their sons than they are their daughters, and mothers can be the same way with their daughters. Almost like it's a dislike of ourselves, we can't take the mirror. Or it's like we impose all kinds of expectations on the same sex that we do ourselves but are more forgiving and naturally appreciative of the opposite one. 

[Jonas Long]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Why does it seem to be a thing that we are often more forgiving or get along better with someone of the opposite sex? Kind of like how men are often a lot harder on their sons than they are their daughters, and mothers can be the same way with their daughters. Almost like it's a dislike of ourselves, we can't take the mirror. Or it's like we impose all kinds of expectations on the same sex that we do ourselves but are more forgiving and naturally appreciative of the opposite one. 

possibly because our shadows are the same gender as us.

[Mandy]

Just now, Lester Retsel said:

possibly because our shadows are the same gender as us.

Doesn't the shadow boil down to just not accepting yourself, thinking there's two, a you and a you that can't accept the first one? 

[Jonas Long]

Just now, Mandy said:

Doesn't the shadow boil down to just not accepting yourself, thinking there's two, a you and a you that can't accept the first one? 

essentially, yeah