Blessed2 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 (edited) I know, I probably sound like a spoiled brat here, I'm sorry if someone finds it triggering. This has been a running theme for a loooong time. Sort of mixed with depression and nihilism etc. Basically it's that I'd like to have something gratifying and meaningful to do. Something to wake up to in the morning, like a job or studies. But not in a "just get through with it" - way. That feels so off, like the entire universe is shouting me "no!". I want it to be inspiring, something I really want to do. Though I have not found anything like that. Like literally, if I google what sort of stuff I could study or what sort of carreer possibilities there are, none of them really calls me like that. Right now I do have studies going on (massage therapy), which is or was probably the closest thing I somehow kinda maybe would be okay to do for living. Though now I doubt it too. It doesn't really feel that good. It doesn't feel good and exciting to wake up in the morning, go to the school etc. And I experience worry. That I should finally be fixing my life, that these studies should work out. I can't waste more time and just have nothing going on. I spent a few years like that, my parents didn't like it, and I just can't afford that sort of thing anymore. I have to finally "make it". Every day just kind of goes by and I keep hoping that somehow it works out for me and I manage to have even some sort of a carreer or a future like that. It really does seem like I need to do something. I need some sort of steady income you know. But it just does not feel like it's working out for me. I have trouble trusting that the dreamboard etc. is the answer here. I've been doing it. I've been trying to catch and dismantle limiting beliefs. Still though, the reality really seems to be that I can't just be and do what feels good, cause then I'd be doing nothing, and would probably feel even worse. And certainly would not succeed. I just don't see the way here. Edited February 13 by Blessed2 Quote Mention Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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