How do I get through this life?

[Jonas Long]

2 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

If you aren't comfortable in this life under all circumstances that tells me you haven't integrated the Divine Masculine.  You have self-esteem problems maybe.  You don't know what it feels like to believe in the self or the I, to feel sovereign, and to cherish that.  The Divine Masculine is a thing, it's an area of development work.  The Divine Masculine is about: I am sovereign, I am free, and I am 100% adequate within myself alone (despite any relation to another or the other).

jesus christ, every one of your posts is starting to sound the same...it's really is like you are not listening to what people are actually saying here, you are just automatically looking for a way to shoehorn in this obsession of yours.  you know, like how a kid finds a way to make every conversation and and activity about dinosaurs.  if you actually want to reach people you would do well to meet them on their level, speak to them in their terms, not yours.  that's what being integrated really means, it doesn't just mean talking about theory all the time, that is not how you embody it.

[Joseph Maynor]

 

3 hours ago, Lester Retsel said:

jesus christ, every one of your posts is starting to sound the same...it's really is like you are not listening to what people are actually saying here, you are just automatically looking for a way to shoehorn in this obsession of yours.  you know, like how a kid finds a way to make every conversation and and activity about dinosaurs.  if you actually want to reach people you would do well to meet them on their level, speak to them in their terms, not yours.  that's what being integrated really means, it doesn't just mean talking about theory all the time, that is not how you embody it.

Please for the love of God go bully someone else Lester.  You are a piece of work.  My posts are not all the same.  Leave me alone.  Moderators, please do something about this user.  I'm tempted to make a video about how I'm being bullied on this forum in particular.  I'm messaging Phil about this problem right now.

Edited March 13, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

I don’t see where @Lester Retsel has broken any guidelines. 

53 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I'm tempted to make a video about how I'm being bullied on this forum in particular.

Making threats is however prohibited in the guidelines. 

[Joseph Maynor]

12 minutes ago, Phil said:

I don’t see where @Lester Retsel has broken any guidelines. 

Making threats is however prohibited in the guidelines. 

So is bullying another user.

Edited March 13, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Jonas Long]

@Phil i told him, i wont reply to his posts anymore, i know its not helping, sorry

[Phil]

Generally speaking, let’s try to stick to the topics / threads at hand, and make new threads for new topics that arise. That way it doesn’t carry on too long personally. Apparently. 

 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

21 minutes ago, Lester Retsel said:

@Phil i told him, i wont reply to his posts anymore, i know its not helping, sorry

To your credit Lester, yes you did do this but only after I messaged you to stop bullying me.  But I give you partial credit for this although it was never tested through action and it will never be because I'm not going to post on here again.

[Phil]

Just to share, this is what I’m referencing with regard to bullying…

https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/what-is-bullying

 

Types of Bullying

Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things.

• Teasing.
• Name-calling.
• Inappropriate sexual comments.
• Taunting.
• Threatening to cause harm.
• Leaving someone out on purpose.
• Telling other children not to be friends with someone.
• Spreading rumors about someone.
• Embarrassing someone in public.
• Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions.
• Hitting/kicking/pinching.
• Spitting.
• Tripping/pushing.
• Taking or breaking someone’s things.
• Making mean or rude hand gestures.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/bullying

Bullying is a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are smaller, weaker, younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully. The deliberate targeting of those of lesser power is what distinguishes bullying from garden-variety aggression.

 

Bullying can involve verbal attacks (name-calling and making fun of others) as well as physical ones, threats of harm, other forms of intimidation, and deliberate exclusion from activities. Studies indicate that bullying peaks around ages 11 to 13 and decreases as children grow older. Overt physical aggression such as kicking, hitting, and shoving is most common among younger children; relational aggression—damaging or manipulating the relationships of others, such as spreading rumors, and social exclusion—is more common as children mature.

 

Most bullying occurs in and around school and on playgrounds, although the internet lends itself to particularly distressing forms of bullying. Approximately 20 percent of students report being bullied at school, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. Boys and girls are equally likely to be bullied.

 

People bully because it can be an effective way of getting what they want, at least in the short term, and because they lack the social skills to do so without harming others. Bullying also is a way of establishing social dominance, although over time, as children’s behavioral repertoires generally broaden, it becomes an increasingly dysfunctional way.

 

 

Most or all of these aspects are already accounted for in the guidelines, as what is specifically prohibited & in the suggested principles. 

[Phil]

13 hours ago, Phil said:

Generally speaking, let’s try to stick to the topics / threads at hand, and make new threads for new topics that arise. That way it doesn’t carry on too long personally. Apparently. 

 

 

Making new topics / threads might look like… 

What is bullying? How & why does it happen?

What is integration?

What is self esteem? What resources or experiences worked for you?

What is a / the sovereign individual?

What is the masculine, the feminine?

 

There are infinite conversational ‘places to go’. 

Personal ‘one ups men ship’ is (imo) unproductive, egocentric, not the point of this forum, and is uninteresting reading typically seen as banter or drama & an opportunity to take pause & apply maturity. The tango always requires two. Which there isn’t. Great time to contemplate & reflect on the principles in the guidelines. 

 

[Blessed2]

Same discord playing out today.

 

How can it be that I experience this life in a world where I need to work in order to make money? I just can't accept that. It's ridiculous. I'm not gonna spend my life doing shit I don't really want to do, just to keep getting by in order to do more shit I don't like to do. It's insane. Like mockery on my soul.

 

I'm a child of eternity. It's not negotiable for me to do what I don't want to do. It's nonsensical. Sometimes the thought makes me feel such despair even death seems like a better option.

 

All these people around me, the entire system, day after day, the same hamster wheel. Going nowhere. Just mindless asleep rat race. Fuck this. It isn't what we're meant to do.

 

The entire society should be structured like one big monastery of self-realization, self-expression, prayer and celebration. This is the only sensible way. It's what we're meant to be.

 

Sometimes I'd just want to quit trying to make it in this ratrace and just stand in the middle of some road with a sign saying "FUCK THIS SHIT! JOIN ME."

 

I mean someone has to do it. Someone has to take the first step. You can't wait for the system to change. You have to be the change. To make all of society one monastery, you gotta start living it today.

 

Makes me angry at those right-wingers who complain about unemployed people living on welfare, on other's taxes. "They're just lazy" etc.

 

YES I'M FUCKING LAZY. I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL ALRIGHT TO GIVE MY LIFE FOR SHIT I DON'T WANT TO DO. THAT'S NOT WHAT WE ARE MEANT FOR. THAT'S NOT WHAT OUR BEING IS INTENDED FOR.

 

Fucking sucks to wake up every morning to this. Every day goes by stressed and in despair. Give me a moment of peace.

[almond]

On 3/12/2023 at 12:37 AM, Phil said:

Meditation, every morning. Work up to an hour a day. Let all this go. It isn’t how life is, it’s anywhere & anything but present here / now so to speak. Careful not to trivialize that, it’s all the difference. When discordant thoughts come up, let em go. Don’t hang on to them and believe a pessimistic future story. That way aligned thoughts about what you do want have space to arise in. Can’t put anything in a full cup. Respect, get, notice, appreciate… momentum. Consider the simple logic of it… in the same way things can get rough, things can be let go and things get better. 

 

Also, write everything you like, love, appreciate & want to do, be, experience or have on your dreamboard. You’ll see what you’re looking for from the combination of these. 

 

If you’re looking for something meaningful and motivating / inspiring, let self referential thoughts go swiftly and instead focus on being of service / servitude. Don’t allow that to get the least bit grandiose. Get up and actually go help somebody less fortunate today. That in & of itself will be very clarifying. It’s the best medicine for pessimism. 

 

Spend three days in this way, letting every judgmental thought go swiftly. As in, as the thought arises. Everything will change. You’ll forget how you were thinking / feeling, like a toothache is unnoticed when it’s not aching anymore. 

 

I’d also give the diet a once over for any beneficial changes. 

 

hmm.. 

[Phil]

On 4/3/2023 at 1:44 PM, Blessed2 said:

Fucking sucks to wake up every morning to this

 

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

― Portia Nelson

 

 

Tomorrow wake up to letting those thoughts go. 

Allow thoughts of appreciation, for anything at all. 

Change the vibe, the thoughts change. 

[Blessed2]

The saga continues.

 

Not much has changed, on how I feel in regard to this. Unbearable discord. Sometimes so much so a suicidal thought appears.

 

I just try and try to figure it out. Constant trying. Constantly on my mind. Like it's consuming my time etc.

 

It just seems impossible to live the life I want. To have what I want.

 

"Something needs to change. I need to have some sort of an insight that makes me suddenly find a perfect job, or a perfect carreer plan for my future."

 

I am not at all willing to really even consider that I just need some sort of healing and then I'll be able to have a normal job or something.

 

I don't want some 9-5 job. I can't do that, and I don't even want to do that.

 

I just don't fucking want to do anything. There is not a single thing I like to do that also would make income.

 

so a) I need to find something I want to do that makes income

 

or b) I need to do something I don't really want to do in order to have income

 

or c) not do anything, don't have any money and fail miserably and shamefully.

 

I could try b) but maybe the third or the second day I'd wake up in the morning to go do that job, I'd feel so miserable that there would probably be physical sickness and so I'd just skip whatever it is, get fired and continue to c).

 

And a) just doesn't seem to happen. There just isn't anything I enjoy doing. I'm jealous of people who seem to have some sort of a god-given fucking gift or something they love and get income from. I keep asking and asking for that but it doesn't come. Like a proof of my un-god-ness. Powerlessness.

 

 

Jeez how I would like for someone to just fix this problem to me. To read my future and tell me it's going to be alright and I'll find a way or something lol.

 

 

[Phil]

@Blessed2

How many jobs have you experienced?

Might be feeling the perspectives, not per se, what the perspectives are about.

The perspectives might have more to do with conditioning, how environment led you to think about work & income… much more than how work & income direct experience wise, actually feels. 

When alignment is allowed, what’s wanted always follows. 

If what’s wanted is realizing what’s wanted, step one is alignment. 

The first step of alignment, is letting discordant perspectives go. 

The mind can not simultaneously house a problem and a solution, only one or the other. 

The truth of this is how it feels to attempt to, and not anything known.

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

How many jobs have you experienced?

 

Only one real job.

 

The discord was just so intense I had to quit after maybe 7 days. Every day was just painful.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

What was the cause of the discord?

[Blessed2]

47 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Blessed2

What was the cause of the discord?

 

I felt a lot of insecurity working with others. I felt like an outsider, like I didn't belong. And there was a lot of physical stomach and digestion problems at that time. When I was at the work, there was a constant feeling of basically insecurity, vulnerability, threat, social anxiety, unworthiness and anxiety.

 

The whole thing, driving in the morning to the workplace etc, felt like carrying the ring from Lord of the Rings.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

Oh yes, I hear ya, been there as well. 

What’s the cause of all of that discord though?

[Blessed2]

2 minutes ago, Phil said:

What’s the cause of all of that discord though?

 

Self-referential thoughts.

 

Assuming something is known.

[Phil]

@Blessed2 

And what is it ultimately which is assumed to be known?