How do I get through this life?

[Phil]

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

"I can find a better alternative and I can do exactly what feels good to me, and still have my dreams come true."

 

OMG no. I can't find any genuine ways that's true.

As that (‘self’ referential) thought is let go / not believed / not ‘held onto’… reality is so perfect… that the thoughts desired, about what’s wanted, arise. It’s very accurate actually, that an I can’t find. But again, and I finding isn’t what’s wanted. So that thought can be let go, and what’s wanted arises. 

 

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

God damn the whole income-carreer thing SUCKS.

I knows that which I hasn’t experienced sucks. 🤔

Only what’s believed to be known get’s in the way. (Beliefs… be, leaving… contraction felt…. Guidance also felt). 

Income-career is not a thing and is not whole. That’s a very lofty unmeetable expectation. 

Without knowing what isn’t direct experience, pessimism is essentially ‘laid bear’. 

Understanding appears.

Same hole isn’t stepped in. 

Though wanted - of wanted, arises. 

 

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I feel so stuck in this.

Emotion is ignored, suppressed. 

Be-leaving is felt, and seems to be favored. 

Suffering speaks clearest though. 

 

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I don't want to fucking do anything. I don't want to get up in the morning and go to some place to do work.

Spider webbing. I story. 

These thoughts, we could say are ‘given life’, ‘given attention’, in spite of how these thoughts feel. 

The assumption of two carries on. 

Guidance (for attracting what’s actually wanted)  is put on hold. 

Suffering ensues. 

Scale patiently ‘waits’.

 

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Really what I'd like to be doing right now would probably just be traveling around europe in a camper van or something and looking at beautiful nature.

Something wanted arose, and can be written on the dreamboard. More wanted arises, as like attracts like. 

 

But thoughts of others arises as blame is not yet allowed to be felt…

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Who the fuck came up with this stupid shit that I need to live like this? Who wants it? Like what the fuck am I doing? Feeling like absolute shit barely getting by and getting drunk again and again, every day ruminating and worrying how I will get through this fucking life, everything revolving around that I need some sort of income to continue getting barely by in this shitty world. Supposed to go to school and learn shit I'm not interested in. FUCK this feels like a god damn prison. 

And it’s believed an I is worrying. Worry, is ignored. 

No one ever ‘get’s through this life’. 

There isn’t ‘this life’. There’s ‘this moment’, and as the creator, not even. 

Consciously creating is the beginning of a trackless track. Letting discordant thoughts go, again and again one is at the beginning and it only seemed like one wasn’t (already and always at the beginning). Awareness is not on the trains (thoughts) leaving grand central station (you, awareness). 

 

If you want to quiet drinking, quit drinking. Make a list of what you’re do instead. When the urge arises, follow your plan. 

If you the addiction is impossible to let go, allow help from others. Specialists. Allow all resources available. 

 

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

All around everything in this world from studying to jobs and even to spirituality seems like a bunch of "should / need to do's" you don't really want to do.

There’s no ‘you’. 

That’s “one’s own” judgements, veiled by emotional ignore-ance / suppression. 

Aka blame. 

 

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

It almost seems like a matrix thing. Everyone goes to work even though they would rather stay home, most of us are totally unsatisfied with our lives, it is a basic fact of life that "mondays suck"... WTF? This is horrible.

Only what’s believed ‘get’s in the way’, and I knows what everyone does, what most of us are, the a we has lives, and that these are facts. Creating is limited only by what I knows. The things are actually thoughts. There is no assertion. It’s a belief. 

 

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

If I did exactly and only what I wanted to do starting tomorrow, I wonder what would happen.

 

Not like I had the guts for it anyway.

There is no I that does. 

If focus was upon wanted, no experience but, could possibly be. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?"

[Blessed2]

9 hours ago, Phil said:

Emotion is ignored, suppressed. 

 

How is emotion being ignored??

 

I'm feeling like total crap right now. I'm not ignoring it. I'm literally focusing on it right now. How is that ignoring?

 

YES, I AM FEELING LIKE TOTAL CRAP.

 

I AM EXPERIENCING THE EMOTION DISCOURAGEMENT.

 

Now what?

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

How is emotion being ignored??

By the belief I am stuck in this. 

It’s felt, but overlooked via the belief.

 

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I'm feeling like total crap right now. I'm not ignoring it. I'm literally focusing on it right now. How is that ignoring?

Crap isn’t an emotion. It’s a self referential thought. A thought about a self. 

 

3 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Now what?

Overwhelment. 

 

 

 

[almond]

i feel like laughing but also cry . 

[almond]

what is, was it Loops quote., about laughter

Edited February 24, 2023 by almond
i checked.

[Loop]

@almond

 

The True Belly Laugh! 
😂😭🤯☺️

 

[Blessed2]

I asked for guidance from the universe & Tao Te Ching, about how to go about with emotions. What was in mind was the worry and frustration about not really wanting to go to school. The worry about what would happen if I just gave up and did what I really want. I shuffled through the pages and landed on this one:

 

SIXTY-SIX

 

Why is the sea king of a hundred streams?
Because it lies below them.
Therefore it is the king of a hundred streams.

If you would guide the people, you must serve with humility.
If you would lead them, you must follow behind.
In this way when you rule, the people will not feel oppressed;
When you stand before them, they will not be harmed.
The whole world will support you and will not tire of you.

Because you do not compete,
You will not have competition.

 

 

I did notice right away that it was saying to put feeling first basically.

 

Though a minute ago there was like a flash of lightning about what that verse is really saying.

 

If I'd really give up and say fuck the school, fuck the job, fuck the success, fuck the making it, fuck the being resonsible, and put feeling first, I'd ace the crap out of those studies.

 

I doubt however, if I could really pull that off. It was just a flash of lightning. Now back to doubt.

 

Edited February 26, 2023 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

On 2/27/2023 at 12:52 AM, Blessed2 said:

SIXTY-SIX

 

Why is the sea king of a hundred streams?
Because it lies below them.
Therefore it is the king of a hundred streams.

If you would guide the people, you must serve with humility.
If you would lead them, you must follow behind.
In this way when you rule, the people will not feel oppressed;
When you stand before them, they will not be harmed.
The whole world will support you and will not tire of you.

Because you do not compete,
You will not have competition.

 

 

A day before this verse I did the shuffling once and that time I got this one:

 

NINETEEN

 

Give up sainthood, renounce wisdom,
And it will be a hundred times better for everyone.

Give up kindness, renounce morality,
And people will rediscover filial piety and love.

Give up ingenuity, renounce profit,
And bandits and thieves will disappear.

These three are outward forms alone:

They are not sufficient in themselves.

It is more important

To see the simplicity,
To realize our true nature,
To cast off selfishness
And temper desire.

 

 

Last night I had an interesting new idea or sort of a breakthrough.

 

I've always kind of admired and wondered how some peeps like Jesus, Ryokan, Ramana Maharshi, Neem Karoli Baba etc etc all seem to kind of live solely for the spirit or Tao.

 

These folk did not have carreer plans and anxieties. They lived for and from the spirit. Brings in mind the daily bread thing.

 

I don't think there was "I need to make a living or I starve, I need to make money to have a dream house, I need money to travel, I need to have a job to not be a shameful outcast, I can't leech off from others" etc.

 

They trusted the Tao.

 

Always I thought this was something only some special enlightened people can live by. But now I wonder, maybe I could actually live that way too. A day at a time.

 

In fact that's what I want. It has just been pushed away cause it has been thought to be an impossibility.

 

I bet if I did that, I would have that dream of traveling come true, one way or another. And it would be a hundred times better. Are you really even enjoying yourself if you travel but worry about money and jobs and carreers?

[Phil]

I think you’re really onto somethin here. Trusting life, trusting the universe. That and the ‘nipping it in the bud’, letting a discordant thought go rather than ‘solving or figuring out’… unstoppable. Magic, synchronicity follows. (Already is 🙂)

Much love. 

[Blessed2]

I feel like I don't have a place in this world. Like I don't fit in.

 

I've been thinking through over and over all kinds of studies and options but none of them feel like truly what is fun to me.

 

I'd like to have a sort of personal mentor. Like an actual master who'd teach and guide me to some real skill and mastery. In something I'm really passionate about. Reiki is the only thing that comes to mind. It's interesting and fun, though I don't really know if it actually works. Makes me want to get out of the bed in the morning though.

 

Usual studies (and the subjects) kind of suck.

 

I can throw out all of university cause I'm not a scientist type.

 

And other stuff, like journalism that I've been thinking about a bit lately etc, the way it's taught sucks, and it's not really what I'm that passionate about. Maybe it's a fun subject to contemplate every now and then but really the practicality of it is just boring and not fun. More like something "I just have to do". Stuff like writing articles, taking and editing pictures & video, etc. It sounds like a ticket to grind culture hamster wheel of nonsense.

 

Would be cool if some Reiki master took me as a long-term disciple or employee. I don't want to just take 2 or 3 classes and then try starting some crappy company alone.

 

Edited March 8, 2023 by Blessed2

[Phil]

@Blessed2

What about starting. 

Smallest step possible. 

Experience (of anything) tends to make what you prefer clearer. 

Whatever it is, it’s not downtime, and I’m betting you’d feel better / great about doing it, and feeling great begets more thoughts / insights as to what’s more specifically wanted. 

 

[WhiteOwl]

On 3/8/2023 at 8:23 AM, Blessed2 said:

Would be cool if some Reiki master took me as a long-term disciple or employee. I don't want to just take 2 or 3 classes and then try starting some crappy company alone.

 

On 3/8/2023 at 8:23 AM, Blessed2 said:

Like an actual master who'd teach and guide me to some real skill and mastery. In something I'm really passionate about

 

It sounds like what you wan't is to feel you are good at something, have success etc. Maybe you are attached to to some idea you have of yourself, how you should be. So everytime you are not, you feel negative emotions, which holds you down from enjoying things that could lead you to something you are passionate about. 

 

Questions like "If there were no others, would i still be doing what i am doing?" That question made me feel sad in the beginning, because i realized that "others" were a big reason for doing things.

 

Put putting that aside more and more, it becomes more easy/fun doing things. Just see it as a small activity and not something that will lead to your perfect self / successful life in the end. 

If you find something you actually like, you might end there though. And maybe not, it doesn't matter so much.

[Eternal]

@Blessed2

 

You got this, I believe in you. 

 

Just notice thoughts for what they are, which is essentially nothing. Focus on the good and let go of the bad

[Blessed2]

On 3/9/2023 at 2:55 AM, Phil said:

What about starting. 

Smallest step possible. 

 

Not sure what to start. What step.

 

I have experienced what work in media is like, and it wasn't that great.

 

I have experienced what massage therapy is like, and it hasn't been so great.

 

Starting what?

[Blessed2]

On 3/9/2023 at 11:00 AM, WhiteOwl said:

And maybe not, it doesn't matter so much.

 

It matters almost everything.

 

It's literally not possible for me to have anything I want this way. 

 

I can't and don't want to "just do something" because that just eats my soul and makes me want to die. I'm not going to have a 9-5 job doing something I don't like. I want my work to feel meaningful.

 

I need to find something I really do want to do. Something I can make money from.

[Blessed2]

It's fucking ridiculous that this is what life is like.

 

I feel stuck and hopeless.

 

What's the point to wake up in the morning to a life like this? And do it over and over again for years? To have to go do some shit you don't like doing? And spend more than 50% of your week like that? Just to get by to the next week which is the same?

 

Every day I feel like shit because if this. I just wake up in the morning and the same bullshit continues. A meaningless day after a meaningless day. It's all just a "have to".

[Phil]

25 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Starting what?

Independence.

 

Watch Groundhog’s Day. 

You’ll get it. 

[Mandy]

@Blessed2 What DO you appreciate?

[Phil]

On 3/10/2023 at 3:19 PM, Blessed2 said:

It's fucking ridiculous that this is what life is like.

 

I feel stuck and hopeless.

 

What's the point to wake up in the morning to a life like this? And do it over and over again for years? To have to go do some shit you don't like doing? And spend more than 50% of your week like that? Just to get by to the next week which is the same?

 

Every day I feel like shit because if this. I just wake up in the morning and the same bullshit continues. A meaningless day after a meaningless day. It's all just a "have to".

Meditation, every morning. Work up to an hour a day. Let all this go. It isn’t how life is, it’s anywhere & anything but present here / now so to speak. Careful not to trivialize that, it’s all the difference. When discordant thoughts come up, let em go. Don’t hang on to them and believe a pessimistic future story. That way aligned thoughts about what you do want have space to arise in. Can’t put anything in a full cup. Respect, get, notice, appreciate… momentum. Consider the simple logic of it… in the same way things can get rough, things can be let go and things get better. 

 

Also, write everything you like, love, appreciate & want to do, be, experience or have on your dreamboard. You’ll see what you’re looking for from the combination of these. 

 

If you’re looking for something meaningful and motivating / inspiring, let self referential thoughts go swiftly and instead focus on being of service / servitude. Don’t allow that to get the least bit grandiose. Get up and actually go help somebody less fortunate today. That in & of itself will be very clarifying. It’s the best medicine for pessimism. 

 

Spend three days in this way, letting every judgmental thought go swiftly. As in, as the thought arises. Everything will change. You’ll forget how you were thinking / feeling, like a toothache is unnoticed when it’s not aching anymore. 

 

I’d also give the diet a once over for any beneficial changes. 

[Joseph Maynor]

If you aren't comfortable in this life under all circumstances that tells me you haven't integrated the Divine Masculine.  You have self-esteem problems maybe.  You don't know what it feels like to believe in the self or the I, to feel sovereign, and to cherish that.  The Divine Masculine is a thing, it's an area of development work.  The Divine Masculine is about: I am sovereign, I am free, and I am 100% adequate within myself alone (despite any relation to another or the other).

Edited March 12, 2023 by Joseph Maynor