Tarak Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 I have been semi-actively doing the work for a few years now. If I look back at those years, I can see a lot of progress, but there was one thing I didn't feel ready to say goodbye to: smoking cannabis. I smoked cannabis for almost 25 years to repress childhood trauma and a few months ago I decided to quit. The first weeks were hard, but I had anticipated that. My body has to adjust to a life without THC and it goes quite well, one day better than the other. What is not going well is the infinite hate that has been coming to the surface. In the past I had lots of times where I lost control over myself, and I punched or kicked or headbutted the wall until I broke something. Since I quit smoking, those moments are happening every few days and the emotional load is becoming bigger by the day. I don't doubt I have it in me to kill someone. To be honest, if I didn't have a kid that adores me, I'd be one of those "nutty shooters" that kills dozens of people before blowing his own brains out. The hate is starting to change me for the worse. Before I quit smoking I was a patient, loving dad who took his time to play games with his kid, listen to what he had to say, encourage him with trying different things. In a few months time I changed into a depressing guy who yells for the smallest thing that goes wrong, ignore my kid more and more and I kill his dreams with my cynicism. I'm doubting if I should just start smoking again. I hate it that I seem to only be able to live a good life with it, but at the rate I'm destroying everything around me, if I don't start again, my end might be very near. Quote Mention I don't claim any truth. I just share my personal experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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