Aware Wolf

Great thread. I was surprised to see couple pages added since my last visit. More so, since on p2 , I thought @Someone hereon p2 or p3 had a great post that summed up everything. Done as far as reflection. From what I read, I think you got it. My straightforward answer is No, probably we dont have Free Will. For the reasons you mention and I mentioned on my p2 post. But I think in inquiry it's good to ask questions. What do we mean by Free Will? (you posted a definition but is that true in all cases, could there be a free will lite version, another definition?). In fact, Daniel Dennett criticized Sam Harris rejection of free will because Harris relied only upon the popular (dictionary) definition of free will. Evidently there's others. And the definitions can vary widely. And what are the implications of having a free will or a belief in one, vs. not having a free will or a belief in one? For example, @Someone hereyou mention that if there's no free will nothing matters. I don't agree here. You used a thinking of a movie example to buttress your claims of no free will. Sam Harris does the same. He uses a "think of a movie" thought experiement. Sam has a book "Free Will" that I think you'd like. But in no way does not having a free will or a belief in a free will make one believe "nothing matters". It doesn't follow your conclusion. It reminds me of theists who say atheists who don't believe in God have no morality. Doesn't follow. In fact, atheists do have a moral code. I think this book and Sam's talks on free will would be up your alley. In your reply to me, you mention about how a belief in no free will might alter how we deal with criminals. I agree. Since our legal system assumes they committed a crime not because they had to, or were forced to, but out of their own free will and choice. Sam gives the example of the Texas tower shooter, Charles Whitman who murdered over a dozen people and wounded dozens others. In a note, he asked to be autoposied. In the autopsy , they found a brain tumor. Whitman suspected there was something wrong with him and there was. So, Harris asks, we're probably a bit more understanding on why Whitman did it. He had a brain injury that messed him up. In sentencing there might be a bit more understanding or leniency in dealing with him (had he lived). Sometimes lawyers for child abusers will bring up their client's own past history of them being abused. It doesn't excuse them but maybe they cease being a 100% horrible villain in the jury's eyes. Maybe they get 35 years instead of 45. Or maybe like the Menendez brothers they get off entirely. I believe there's an illusion of free will. I believe many of decisions may actually be made in some brain black box that I have no conscious knowledge of. There's a lot of studies that confirm this. Look at split brain studies. I believe that wherever this decision gets made -- my actions matter. My choices matter. @Someone hereI think your issue here isn't your POV concerning free will -- but the implications of it. You mention your "nihilistic" view of not having a free will. I would ask you to reflect on the nihilistic implication of no free will. It's not a given. (see sam harris). Is it beneficial? if you ask me your example, Wolf, which would you rather eat a shit sandwich or a steak? -- I'm human not a fly. You could predict that I will choose the steak. However there's a chance, however small I could surprise you. Perhaps I'm in a Connor Murphy mode (disciple of Leo Gura) who was eating shit for the good bowel bacteria to replinish gut health. Ew, but there's still a .00001 I've gone a bit down the Leo Gura Connor Murphy rabbithole. Also, I might say "Shit Sandwich" to be funny. That's a much (much?) higher chance. Or maybe I say "Neither. Shit sandwich sounds bad and I'm a Vegan" or "Oh God you're on about Free will again." My point is that it's not as deterministic as one might think. Chomsky used a similar example in his classic rebuttal to BF Skinner's Stimulus-Response behaviorism. Theres no Free Will, we agree on. But there's some free will definitons that ask "At the last second -- could we have done differently?" And if that's the definition, use the example me and shit sandwich. I could say "Shit sandwich" first to be funny. Then "This is a metaphor for there's no free will isn't it?" then "Seriously if I eat the shit sandwich does that mean there's Free Will now??". If I want to murder someone, could I decide not to at the last moment. Could I think, "This is crazy -- what am I doing!" I once had a cool coworker. His wife was cheating on him. He got a machete and started driving to where his wife's lover lived. On the way, he decided "Fuck this is crazy. Not his fault. And for the sake of his little daughter not worth screwing up his life killing the guy.". And in this thought experiement, does it go the same with Charles Whitman, the Texas Tower shooter. I could see that day him deciding not to. But he's deeply sick. Every day is like a roll of the dice. Maybe next friday the tumor wins and he does it.

Okay lets say there's no free will. Is there volition ? The practical thing about free will is that those who profess there's no such thing, mostly live their lives as if there was Free Will. Someone bullies you -- you don't like that person at a minimum. How many people think it was inevitable? For parents, if your kid misbehaves, and uses no free will as an excuse for it -- but is it determinate? Something they couldn't help because the universe is deterministic? Ya, right. There's people that label themselves as an angry person and this label is an excuse. "Well, I can't NOT get angry. I'm just an angry type person!" I could go on here : "The deterministic Universe made me angry." or "YOU made me angry." Course if you say "There's no I, no You...." like a lot of nondualists say, if there's no self, there's no free will for a self or person to have. There's choice but choices just get made. Interestingly nondualist Jim Newman said on Sam Harris, that he still gets angry in traffic. Huh. The traffic though is deterministic. Idiot drivers have no other choice but to be idiots. If you rerean the road scenario 1000 times it would be the same. It was funny in the Harris interview, Jim Newman couldn't answer basic questions about his background and mentors "because there is no Jim Newman" but he still evidently has a self that doesn't like to sit in traffic and feels frustrated by it and thinks it could be otherwise. I don't believe in a Self or self, but there's a construction of a self. In a new book, Jay Garfield said there's clearly no self -- but there is obviously person. I don't know if we gain by this semantic differentiation between selves and persons. The same with Free WIll. If I don't have free will, then I can't choose to give the nondualist teacher or lama any money. A donation will simply be made. I don't have do do anything. Okay, sure, let's try that. Are you okay with that Jim? There's random number generators but in small print they say they are not really true random number generators. It's a simulation. But it does the job mostly. I think the same with selves and free will. There's no big self and no free will but there's a constructed person (using Garfield's terminology here) and a faux free will. One's choices do make a difference. Part of the benefit of mindfulness is that it can provide a gap for us to have a wise reaction.

One answer is that thinking is fine in meditation, just notice that thinking is thinking and thoughts are just thoughts. Thoughts come, stay for a while, and then leave. You can call this an insight if you’d like. You’re welcome. A perspective is that thoughts are just inherently hard to control. A famous example, is the test to try not to think of a Pink Elephant. And even if you achieved some no-thought blank state – what have you gained? What differentiates one from someone who is deep asleep or in a coma? So not-thinking is difficult, maybe impossible, and in the end – what have you achieved if anything? Hell, I could have a few beers and a xanax and achieve no-mind (Don’t do this – mixing alcohol and drugs can really mess one up and even kill – seriously it’s ultra dangerous). Then when I pass out, I’m in another non-thinking state, sleep. A double-double. The Internet YouTube lifecoach and guru Leo Gura in his video lecture on the Zen oxherding pictures misunderstands non-thinking as a no thinking zombie-like state and advocates being in a happy state no matter what. If your dog dies, Leo says, you’re okay with that. Nah Leo, that’s not it at all. We can look at this zombie-like state of no-thinking and no feelings, no emotions. It seems less an attainment than a disassociation. It’s more akin to a serial killer affect than a true zen master’s one. Leo’s no-thinking, no feeling state is achievable too with an isolated cell-like no-attachment existence. But is a solitary jail-like escape the same freedom of a zen master? I think not. It’s textbook spiritual bypassing. However, there are some dharma masters that advocate no-thinking. Zen in particularly frequently mentions not-thinking in writings and poems. Dogen’s 300 Koan Shobogenzo, Case 129: “Yoashan’s Non-Thinking” The Main Case When Priest Yaoshan was sitting in meditation1 a monk asked,2 “What do you think about, sitting in steadfast composure?”3 Yaoshan said, “I think not thinking.”4 The monk said, “How do you think not thinking?”5 Yaoshan said, “Non-thinking.”6 The Commentary Abide in neither thinking nor not thinking. Thinking is linear and sequential, a separation from the reality that is the subject of thought, and thus is an abstraction rather than the reality itself. Not thinking is suppressive. It cuts away thoughts the moment they arise, making the mind into a great impenetrable mountain-dead, unresponsive. Non-thinking has no such edges. It is the boundless mind of samadhi that neither holds on to, nor lets go of, thoughts. It is the manifestation of the buddha mind, in which the dualism of self and other, thinking and not thinking, dissolves. This is the dharma of thusness that is the right thought of all the buddhas in the ten directions. The Footnotes 1. What is he doing? Even Kasho Buddha didn’t attain it with hundreds of kalpas of zazen. 2. Why doesn’t he leave the old man alone? 3. Huh? What are you thinking, venerable monk, in asking such a question? 4. He’s much too kind. It really can’t be explained; he’s just setting the monk to thinking. 5. Now they’re both in the same hole. Just shut up and sit. 6. How kind. But say, what does it mean? I love the footnotes. When we are sitting, we do not follow our thoughts, nor do we stop them. We just let them come and go freely. We cannot call it thinking, because the thoughts are not grasped. If we simply follow our thinking, it is exactly that, and not zazen. We cannot call it not thinking, either, because thoughts are coming and going, like clouds floating in the sky. When we are sitting, our brains don’t stop working, just as our stomachs don’t stop digesting. Sometimes our minds are busy; sometimes they are calm. Just sitting without being concerned with the condition of our minds is the most important point of zazen. – Footnote 23, Opening the Hand of Thought: Foundations of Zen Buddhist Practice, By Kosho Uchiyama

@Celestial You could do longer vipassana retreats. I remember when I told my friend that I'd done two 10-day back to back Christopher Titmuss vipassana retreats. She was into Goenka. She said I was an "iron man". This statement puzzled me. I'm a slow starter and doing twenty days with Christopher was fine, even good, and not *that* difficult. I also watched "Dhamma Brothers" a documentary on teaching Goenka vipassana at an Alabama prison. One of the inmates said it was the most difficult thing he'd ever done in his life. I was again puzzled by this. The vipassana retreats I'd done with Christopher and with a Mahasi center wouldn't be in my top ten, maybe top twenty difficult experiences. Christopher's retreats are kinda fun. Eventually I learned about the structure of Goenka, mandatory group sits. i attended a Goenka retreat. I half joked that I wanted to experience it myself so I could talk smack about them. I had a chair that I requested before hand. The people there were nice. The method of sweeping is a good one. Still on day 2, there was a 2 hour sit. Crazy. The only other western guy in my dorm left on day 3. Once at a cafe, someone told me that they *hated* vipassana. I like vipassana. I inquired as to why. She told me the pain she had doing a Goenka retreat and how it was torture. I told her what she hated was Goenka -- not vipassana. if she'd done a Christopher Titmuss vipassana retreat it would be a completely different experience. Christopher tells new people that just flew in, that if they're really feeling tired, jet lag, -- they had his permission to start their day with breakfast and they can sleep a little later. Even Mahasi which I like a lot and is strict and intense -- yogis put it all on ourselves. But everyone is working hard and one can get into a habit. But you could shorten your sits, use a chair, do more walking meditation, or just lie on your bed in your cabin and meditate. It's up to you. THis type of structure is more conducive to longer retreats. At a Mahasi vipassana center, you can setup your own schedule. I think doing all four postures of meditation is a good one along with including Metta meditation. Most retreats if you don't show up for a sit, no one really cares that much. Whereas Goenka, they will come and get you. To be honest, although I believe I'm a good yogi. I often volunteer and help setup Chistopher's retreat for example, I am always up earliest and doing the early morning yoga sessions. I have a habit of missing the last evening scheduled meditation sits. Usually it's cold and dark. I enjoy being back at my bed with my warm sleeping bag, perhaps reading a bit of inspirational dharma or suttas before falling asleep. doing 90% of the schedule is fine with me. Although evidently it's not just me as Christopher complains that in the last sit, the meditation hall is sometimes only half full. @Celestialdo you have plans for another vipassana retreat ?

Stuff will come up. Goenka is intense. Whatever comes up, is something to look at. Anger might be more interesting to look at than the breath.. Goenka people, like Christopher Titmuss writes in the article linked above, may say it's one's sankhara's bubbling to the surface. So it's good to deal with it, they say. That's one reason that at some centers, they refuse people option to move to a chair. If you're new to meditation, and say on day 4 after 8-12 hour days of sitting are having leg issues and pain --- well, that's your sankhara's coming up, they say. Your life will have pain too. So it's good to face it here. Moving to a chair is an escape and doesn't deal with your root sankharas, they say. It's a POV. I don't agree with it. Many vipassana retreats non-Goenka a chair is always available as an option.Looking at pain and suffering I believe is rather an advanced meditation. People will hate meditaton if they have a lot of pain and suffering doing it. 90% of Goenka participants never return to another retreat. Although I think looking at pain is valid technique, I suggest starting out at 5 minutes. Then go have some tea or play with the cat. As someone with leg issues -- I think barring people from using a chair when they need it -- is ridiculous and I'm surprised that they've not been sued in the US by someone who gets a DVT or something. I think pain and suffering comes into one's life enough that we don't need to go looking and seeking it out by not letting people sit in a chair. It's just silly. Which is why I was a bit surprised to see Celestial's Dream Board with nice words about doing a meditation retreat. Vipassana retreats are many things, and I try to dissuade people from expecting peace and bliss coming from attending one. For many, they are a hard slog. Some people might find the shock and stress of 8-12 hour day sitting a rude awakening (no pun intended). I have done many Mahasi sayadaw style vipassana retreats. Mahasi is intense too, but at the center I was at, the individual yogi made it so. We set our own schedules. Some beginners sat for 20 minutes sitting, then 20 minutes walking, then repeat. In my corner of the meditation hall, I had a chair available, if needed, but also a pile of cushions. I would sit for a long time, sometimes hours. But sometimes I used a chair too. I also did a ton of walking meditation. In the hot afternoons, after a nap, I would do lying meditation on the cool concrete in my room. I also did standing meditation. When I have friends who go to this center, I recommend slow walks around the compound and doing Metta meditation. Metta meditation helps keep one grounded and I think helps with a vipassana disconnect where sometimes people walk around ultra slow like vipassana zombie. I had my own private cabin and so I could do morning stretching (yoga) and also light stretching during the day. I think my longest retreat here was around 75 days. With being there 75 days it's certain you'll have some bad days. Just do more walking meditation, Metta, and lying meditation. Relax, it'll pass. Sometimes I think yogis think they cannot decrease their sitting mat time or they'll lose whatever progress they've made. Me, on the other hand, i don't think there's anything wrong with walking meditation. Some monks all they do is walking meditation. I don't think sitting in lotus or half lotus or burmese style is anything special. It's not holy. It's the mind that's the issue, not the body. I say that if Buddha was born today, he'd be meditating in a chair. I often post that something is a point of view. Here too I think it's important to realize that Goenka's is a POV. One of many POVs about vipassana. I've attended Christopher TItmuss's vipassana retreats and while they're not easy, they're not the slog Goenka is. With Goenka, I was counting the days until it was over. With Christopher's I enjoy it, mostly, and it seem fun. Or as fun as a vipassana retreat can be. With Goenka, the schedule is mostly just sitting. WIth Christopher and other vipassana teachers, there might be: yoga, daily instructions, karma yoga daily chores, group interviews, personal interviews (optional), dharma talk, dharma inquiry -- along with sitting meditation and walking meditation. One meets other people and makes friends. It's a good sangha. Sometimes I save up difficult questions I have for a Christopher personal interview. He's been helpful for me.

The method in Goenka is fine. But the structure of mandatory group sits -- is one size fits all -- and sometimes people need a break or take the foot off the gas. I think people should be trusted if they need to alter the schedule to fit them. If someone needs a chair, they should always have that option. Goenka might not let people use a chair. I think the unhealthiness of sitting for a long time could be averted if Goenka had walking meditation, but they don't. I think its because Goenka feels they can lose control of the yogi if there's walking meditation scheduled. Goenka seems a bit authoritarian to me. Christopher Titmuss has written a good piece about Goenka here: https://www.christophertitmussblog.org/10-day-goenka-courses-in-vipassana-time-to-make-changes-12-firm-proposals I don't know if they become more fruitful but retreats become more doable. there's less doubt about completing them. Usually day 6 or 7 I get doubt or have a bad day and it's "Ohh day 6 blues!" Have you read any of U Tejaniya? His books are free on his website. Good stuff. A different vipassana POV than Goenka.

Have you gotten medically checked out for the arrythmia ? The Buddha referred to Death as one of the heavenly messengers. Death can turn us to the spiritual and make us reflect. Bhikkhu Analayo says the one meditation he thinks has the greatest transformative power is meditation on death. (see youtube video below) Journal and write like you did here. There are many beliefs as you point out about death. It's not certain we'll know everything upon death. The Tibetans have the Bardo of death and it's an illusion. Maybe there's nothingness. Maybe it will be better. Maybe not though. But certainly it will be different. May as well enjoy an incarnation in a human form as much as you can while you've got it. What's important to you? “There is no Death! What seems so is transition; This life of mortal breath Is but a suburb of the life elysian, Whose portal we call Death. Bhikkhu Analayo Guided Meditation on Death: I've posted this clip from MIdnight Mass before but I really like it. It's a good palate cleanser after the rather dry Bhikkhu Analayo death meditation.

There's research on the Default Mode Network (DMN) since the 90s. Relatively recently. For meditators, it is one area where there's evidence that meditators have a quieter DMN than non meditators. This is something I have personally noticed. There are of course thoughts. There still occur random thoughts, sometimes silly thoughts, sometimes thoughts wonder -- where did THAT come from? I'll give you a random thought I have almost daily, usually morning, before making coffee. I think "Who was the best chess player of all time?". It just pops up like an old friend. I usually mull over it a bit and answer it mentally. If there's aversion to the thought, I include with this thought, the message to send Metta and Kindness to others. So I can use this random thought as a trigger for a short meditation. Trying to end involuntary thought is tricky and probably unbeneficial for most. It's like going to war with your mind or spiritual bypassing. Most meditation teachers stress not trying to end thoughts. That being said, it's possible to investigate with cutting through thought in a Dzogchen sort of way and seeing what happens. Don't try to force it.

Rupert Spira has some videos on this. It's a common enough question "I had it, but lost it." Adyashanti mentions this too. You might look them up, they'd talk about it better than I could paraphrase it here.

@Celestial Congrats on your first Goenka retreat. They're not easy. I'm not particularly a fan of Goenka, but it is a blessing that they're donation-based which makes them affordable in the West. If your dreamboard words came up fruitfully in your retreat -- wow-- that's great. Many people struggle with their first ten-day. There's not much peace or bliss tbh. I've done a ton of Vipassana retreats. Some day I"d like to do an extended one in Burma -- but right now the military took control with a coup so it might be a while.

I hear ya.... First, I think it's good that you've identified two areas, romantic companionship and phone addiction, to work on. I'm not an expert on either of these, but I think there's certain to be people on YouTube and elsewhere that can give advice. I also think working with someone on these, whether it's a therapist or simply an accountability partner, could be helpful. I could give some tips on both, setting up a phone schedule or getting off social media, but you probably already know these or you might have different ideas/goals here. You mention having a strong sex drive. This is good, this means everything is working, you have testatarone.You mention being enthralled by hedonism. Again, you're noticing what's what. But reflect on the detriments of sensual desire. Sex can feel empty too. Sex can be incredibly awkward. When I was younger and partying, after a night of chasing women if it did end up in sex, I'd think Geez, all these hours of work, listening to their life story, and for what -- 8.5 minutes of sex and then an orgasm. I could have hung out with my friends instead. Was it all worth it? I know a lot oif single friends who are desperate to find someone. I know married friends who wish they were single. A lot of rock stars who appeared to have it all: fame, money, groupies, sex, -- committed suicide.. I'm not going to refer to pickup artists, but I do think confidence and humor are great in meeting girls. IMO you've got to be comfortable in yourself. Realize you bring a lot to this party too If you don't think you do -- that's another issue to be worked on. If you have no job or Income, work on yourself. It's a cliche but go to the gym. Go to the gym and meditate. Look at the Wim Hof method. It's pretty hard core and I think will give you a sense of achievement and pride. MMA and Brazilian jiujutsu might be a good out let for you too. Take a free online class. Volunteer. You get the idea. Although I did have a friend, who gave me advice, "Like what they like, love what they love, hate what they hate." -- so what values are we refering to here? What do you like to do? What give you a sense of pride and accomplishment? What's important to you? If you were to give advice to a younger cousin of yours -- what would you tell them to do?

I have to reframe the question. As realization is here now. There is a Gateless Gate So my first attempt is "What keeps me from ..... ?" I dunno. Probably not much. If it's something like flying or walking through walls, I'd say causes and conditions. If it's "What keeps me from living a more free, liberating, equanimious life?" Ah. That's more like it. There's several more adjectives I can add in here: "kind" for example. I can live a more kindness filled life by being kinder. What's important to me? Your mileage may differ here. Finally there's beliefs that we all have. I grew up with gender and cultural beliefs. These should be looked at. I discard gender stereotypes but I've kept some beliefs, that engagment for social good is possible on the dharma path. Some cultural beliefs should be respected and followed. I wear clothing and men's clothing at that. Shawls are great. Easy to take on and off I'm a trail blazer in this area though. The last ox herding picture is "return to marketplace" and this is the person returning to the society and being ordinary. I brought up recently to a neighbor about a young kid, trying to sell something dodgy who when I opened the door, he opened up the screen door (!). I took this wrong Like wtf dude So I asked my neighbor how out of line was this? My belief was that this was way out of line. So on the one hand, one shouldn't have racial, caste, gender, sexual preference discrimination or hate beliefs and still expect to be a realized person. I don't know of any sage who said "Love Everyone except the Jews, immigrants, gays, feminists, and libtards" On the other hand, although I'm free, I still make it to meals on time and take semi-regular showers.

There's a ton of beliefs. For example, I'm a big fan of coffee. Coffee is great. It's a belief. Trivial. I eat eggs. I think the jury is out on whether eggs are healthy or dangerous. It's all a belief. I believe the song 'We dont talk About Bruno' from Encanto is a great song, beautifully designed. Where does the belief lead? Is it beneficial, neutral, or unbeneficial? Most of our beliefs are probably neutral. Spiritual beliefs are probably what is more interesting. I think that many times people have some an awakening experience and then they try to explain it according to some concept or framework. That's fine, that's probably normal. But I think it's another thing when they believe that's the only way to do it. An example might be Leo Gura's framework of solipsism, that he's God, and can cure all diseases. There's many nondual teachers on YouTube and it's a cliche they all go on and on and on "There's no self!" i started reading a New book by Jay Garfield on this no self topic. It's called Losing Ourselves: Learning to Live Without a Self Garfield says there's No Self. That's quite clear to him. But he admits, that there's clearly a person! I'm laughing writing this. This does seem to solve a lot of no self paradoxes. But what do we gain by this? I'm not sure we gain anything. I haven't read the whole book yet, I like it so far, he's a good writer and I can appreciate his view. What I would say concerning No Self is that there's different perspectives here. In Buddhism, there's sutras that espouse No Self, a luminous mind or Buddha Nature, and sutras where Buddha refused to answer the question as to whether there was a self. I'd probably want to clarify what we mean by a self. Do we mean a self or ... to use Garfields terminology a person? Because persons do exist, binding exists, memories exist, personalities exist, selfing happens. As far as grounding, I've seen a lot of people lose it on the spiritual path. There may indeed in truth be no spoon, as the movie the Matrix says, but I counter there is a bus. And you have to respect the bus. If you don't and walk out in front of it, sure everything we experience we experience in consciousness, and the bus is mostly atoms and atoms are mostly blank space and energy, and there's quantum too -- well if you walk out in front of a bus you're likely in for a BAD TIME. When Jim Newman was interviewed by Sam Harris on Waking Up, Sam's first question to Jim was for Jim to briefly explain his background and his teachers, mentors, and influences. Newman refused to answer the question. "There is no Jim Newman." Sure, Jim's right, but he's being pedantic and annoying in this context. What does Jim Newman tell the Starbucks baristas when they want to write a name down on a cup for an order? I saw Jim gives Zoom teachings, for a fee, and a credit card is required. But ... who is paying Jim? ? Can we pull Jim's trick here? Hell no. You're paying ! -- and with a valid credit card number. "The kitchen has a grease fire." "Ask yourself who is saying this." ; "Realize it's just a thought" ; "Look at the positive in the situation. Many rooms do not have a grease fire." Do I know who I am? Any answer I type will be incomplete and wrong. It's like asking what is God? Any answer we give will likely not be correct. I like Father Ama Samy's answer: We are a Mystery. And that Mystery is Fullness. A fullness that is Graciousness." I try to have a sense of humor and wonder. I try not to take myself seriously.

This probably isn't helpful. Please excuse me. I know people and environment can be trying. But I keep thinking that it's a great opportunity to practice equanimity. Look at your mind. What is arising? What is your judgement of it all? Also, my mother passed away a couple years ago. If she was around asking me for help on everything -- it would be wonderful. Your mom won't be around forever. Enjoy the ordinary moments. Enjoy you have the ability to help another. Helping others is a great gift for both. Practically, i'd say help your mom. When there's a gap in her requests -- find something convenient you can get away for a bit.It's a dharma thing to say you can wash the dishes with no mind or wash the dishes with mindfulness. Ride your bike to a park and sit for a bit. Done.

https://www.lionsroar.com/why-is-doing-a-retreat-helpful/

Like @Mandy, sorry to hear of your health issues. To be clear, I don't have any memories or valuable insights concerning what happens after die. I don't know. "Death is a mystery", zen master Father Ama Samy says and then adds, "and so is life". I believe that death is not the end. Sometimes I think there's validity in Fantasy Author Terry Pratchett version of Death and the Afterlife: What do you expect to happen? Valhalla?--you get Valhalla. There's some support for this in Buddhism. In Buddhism we wouldn't want to confuse a good Christian with a Buddhist Pure Land Heaven. Better they go to a Christian one. Make the most of the rest of your days. Whatever then happens, happens. Studying dharma though is one of the most valuable things you'll ever do. If you're a believer in karma, or of God, or Brahman, then making merit is supposed to benefit one. Be kind. Give dana. In Tibetan Buddhism they have some advice on how to transition in the Bardos. My quick .02 here might be is to realize everything you see in the Bardo is an illusion. Don't get bent out of shape by illusions. This world too is a Bardo. 'I die and I do not die' -- this is my vision of self in death and beyond. I have written about this in many places and have given one chapter on this in the book, Zen is Eternal Life. Some zen masters will hold that in zen there is no death; this is supposed to be known simply in consciousness as presence; or, that in zen vision your life is eternal, death is only an illusion. Some will hold life and death are nondual, you die every minute and come back to life every minute. Hence, death is death, and life is life. Some will accept rebirth, that after death you take birth into many lives endlessly. Some will hold that in death your self and energy are transformed into the many living things like plants or animals, or even clouds and rains and so on. Some will aver that there is no self literally, the self is only an illusion. And so on and on. For me, learn to live well, learn to love and care; learn to accept joys and sufferings, ups and downs. As regard what happens after one's physical death, we do not know, it is a mystery. But it is no nihilism, no eternalism. You live only once; cherish this one life and live this one life in faith and hope; in freedom, joy, and caring. And learn to love the living and also the earth. Your life is enveloped in the mystery. Not only in death you enter into the mystery, your whole life is lived in the invisible presence of the mystery. We do not know where we come from, we do not know where we go. The entire universe is mystery; even matter is mystery, life is mystery, consciousness is above all a great mystery. Our life is shrouded in mystery; and paradoxically we are the mystery, the mystery of Emptiness. Emptiness that is Mystery, Mystery that is graciousness. -- Father Ama Samy. Koan seminar handout from future book 2019. There is no Death! What seems so is transition; This life of mortal breath Is but a suburb of the life elysian, Whose portal we call Death. -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow I liked this from Midnight Mass

Read U Tejaniya. He practiced while working at his family's stall in a busy market in Rangoon. You can look at your mind wherever and whenever, check in. Here is a list I made called One Minute Meditations. Enjoy! One Minute Meditations Check-ins With the Mind What's Your Mind Doing? What's the Attached Judgement? Mantra Buddho Mantra Happiness, Joy, Rapture, Bliss Quick Body Scans. Can combine with Happiness, Joy, Rapture, Bliss mantra. Focus on a pleasant sensation. Hearing (e.g., inner ear) Metta & Gratitude Kasinas Sky Gazing Mind Training Slogan Tonglen Mindful Stretching Sit in Quality Awake Awareness Namo Buddhaya (I take refuge in the Buddha). Mentally repeat separating each syllable and saying them slowly in his mind. Na. Mo. Bu. Da. Ya. Try to lengthen the pause between each syllable only moving on when your mind starts to wander. If it's ten seconds between syllables or a minute between syllables, that's fine. Relax and enjoy the pause, the silence. What's in that pause, anyway? Anticipation? What? Hearing, Seeing, Smelling, Breath, Quick Body Scan, Mind State & Perception, and Sit in Awake Awareness My favorite body parts include the shoulders which hold a lot of tension and a half Buddha smile). Smelling is a good sense to focus on as we often give smelling short shrift. For some reason, it amuses me. We don't often rely upon smells for information but smells can be powerful. Breath in focusing on the beautiful breath. Breath out with a silent mental Ommmm. Have a nice half Buddha smile while doing this. Gathas: Breath in with a word or slogan, Breath out with a word or slogan. I breath in Metta, I breath out smiles. I breath in peace, I breath out calm/equanimity. Relax. To the Max. Seven Factors of Enlightenment. This is in both the Satipatthana and Anapanasati suttas so it seems important. In early Buddhism, when someone was ill, reciting the seven factors of enlightenment to them was done because it was believed this had recuperative properties.

Is it Goenka 10 day retreat? If it's your first one, you might want to ask for a chair as an option if needed. if you don't clear this in advance, some Goenka retreats wont let you switch to a chair if you get leg pain. This is crazy. My 2nd day Goenka we had a two hour group sit and this is challenging even for veteran meditators. Lik2 @Dimasays, try to follow the rules, the schedule, don't cause drama. I'd also say try to relax, smile, and take it day by day. You only have to do 1 day at a time.

My view on Solipsism? -- it's a view. One of many. There's a ton of nondualists on YouTube. They tend to spout of nondual cliches like "There is no YOU!" -- but where they are different many times is how they describe the ineffable. Emptiness or Fullness or Illusion or Buddha Nature or Nihilism or Brahman or God. We put our own conceptual framework on our spiritual experience to explain and talk about it. Solipsism takes the Brahman or God view a step further -- you are Brahman, you are God. Indeed, in Vedanta, there's the saying, "The World is Illusion. The only thing real is Brahma. You are Brahma." Many paths talk about how we're already awakened, that we all have Buddha Nature, we all have Christ Nature or God Nature. But they don't seem to go as far as Leo Gura's explanation of Solipsism where You are literally God. I like Ajahn Chah's saying: "Don't be an arahant. Don't be a bodhisattva. Don't be anything at all. If you're anything at all, you'll suffer." Being God seems like a lot of pressure you know? I"d feel I"m doing a piss poor job of things. Kids getting cancer. Eye parasites. Comcast. Solipsism gets a lot of attention here because of Leo Gura. Solipsism to me seems a bit egotistical. Which is paradoxical because a lot of paths is deconstructing the "I", the ego. Does Solipsism help here? Is the view useful on the path? See the educational tale of Connor Murphy, who was like Leo Gura dialed up to 11, and was committed twice. Leo disowned him, but really Connor wasn't saying anything that Leo wasn't. There's a fine line between awakening and psychosis. Oh, so after doing some drugs and listening to Leo, one is God, omnipotent and all-knowing now? Prove it. There's a funny Leo Gura video, Awakening in Real Time, I think it's called. Leo takes some drugs and films it. He claims he is God, omniscient. Then early on, a delivery guy knocks on the door. "Who is that??" Leo asks. Then he wonders if the camera is on and is filming. Leo claims to be able to heal all world diseases. This is something even his most ardent fanboys do not even try to defend. (Yet Leo himself still has health issues. Huh. ) The start of this next video makes a good point. The most alarming delusion of all is thinking others don't matter. I think Solipsism can foster this view.

@Forza21 What you're going through isn't unusual for seekers. So many people have had difficult times during their Path. Some people put a term on it, and call it The Dark Night. Some people think it's a stage that one must go through. Difficult times can respond to widely varying treatments. Sometimes one needs to ground oneself by doing something physical. Exercise, is good Go for a long walk or hike or run. Garden, do some tai chi. Or maybe play with some puppies or kittens. At other times, it may be necessary to talk to a professional. I think counseling is often under utilized and under emphasized here. I've written about the Dark Night. I think that writing and journaling can be useful here too.. Here is a section from my work: Summary of Some Helpful Practices for Dark Places Go for a Walk. Talk to someone, perhaps even a professional. Consider too, seeing a medical doctor and getting a checkup. Read & Work through the CBT book Feeling Good. Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living is a classic. Physically Exercise Listen to an uplifting Dharma Talk (Try Ajahn Brahm). Read an uplifting Dharma book (Try Jack Kornfield or Pema Chodron). Contemplate the Buddha: Watch PBS The Buddha & Read Old Path, White Clouds. Watch a Dharma movie or documentary. For me, watching and listening to the Dalai Lama is inspiring. Practice Metta meditation, Tonglen, or the RAIN meditation. Listen to chants or your favorite music. Do some Moving Meditation: Tai Chi, Yoga, or Five Rhythms Dance Play with an animal. Walk a dog. . Garden or Work Do some Art. If you don't do Art, why not learn? (No Skills or Talent? -- Perhaps watch a Bob Ross painting tutorial, try a Mandala coloring book, or pick up a ukulele) Start a new hobby. Take a long hot bath. Put the kettle on and have some tea. (Recommended for British peoples) Watch a comedy. Tapping for Trauma http://www.selfhelpfortrauma.org/ Read a calming favorite book (if you like fantasy try Terry Pratchett's The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, if you don't, try Alexander McCall Smith's Number One Ladies Detective Agency or James Herroit’s All Creatures Great and Small). * In forty years of medical practice, I have found only two types of non-pharmaceutical ‘therapy’ to be vitally important for patients with chronic neurological diseases: music and gardens. -- Oliver Sacks * Truly, it is in darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us. -- Meister Eckhart * In the story of the “Fifty Gates” Rabbi Baruch had a student, who frequently visited his rabbi and teacher to discuss his life, his studies, his doubts and his questions. Even after the student had moved to a different town, he returned to Mezhibuzh at regular intervals. At one point, the rabbi realized that he had not seen his student for an unusual length of time. Possessing insight, divine inspiration and a keen sense of psychology, Rabbi Baruch sensed something was really wrong. He ordered his servant to harness his wagon, and traveled without delay to his student’s town. Upon arrival, Rabbi Baruch made his way into the house of his student, without so much as even taking the trouble of having his servant announce his presence. The student was home, seated at his desk, surrounded by books and papers, and the sudden appearance of the rabbi startled him! The rabbi greeted with the words: “I know what is hidden in your heart! You have passed through all the forty-nine gates of reason. You became horribly entangled in your thoughts. You tried logic, reason, all kind of other sciences and philosophies! Every time you came up with a question, you tried to find an answer as best as you could (this made you pass a ‘gate’). After you passed through the first gate, each additional problem brought you to a second gate, which in turn brought you to a third gate, and so on. Soon you noticed that all of your reasoning and analytical skills invoked still other questions, which led you to discover still other answers, which led you to pass through higher and higher levels of gates. And so you continued on this path, till you arrived at the fiftieth gate. This is the gate that leads one straight down into the abyss. “You have now posed and wrestled with questions for which no living man in this world has ever discovered any satisfactory or truthful understanding. If you proceed and continue trying to do so anyway, you will stumble, fail, and fall ever more deeply. There is no return from this abyss!” The student was stunned that Rabbi Baruch not only knew what was troubling him, but that he had taken the time, trouble and effort to come in person in order to share his wisdom and show support to his wayward former pupil. The student felt great remorse. “So, what can I do?” he asked, “Please! Don’t just tell me that in order to repent I have to go back all the way to the first gate!” “No,” answered the rebbe, “you can’t undo knowledge or experience once you have acquired it, but you can handle it in a different way. When you turn yourself around, you will not be going backwards. You will be standing way beyond the last and fiftieth gate. You will stand in faith!” The rebbe brought the student back to himself and the community. Discovering more joy does not, I'm sorry to say, save us from the inevitability of hardship and heartbreak. In fact, we may cry more easily, but we will laugh more easily, too. Perhaps we are just more alive. Yet as we discover more joy, we can face suffering in a way that ennobles rather than embitters. We have hardship without becoming hard. We have heartbreak without becoming broken. -- Archbishop Desmond Tutu The Book of Joy

@Orb I was active on another Abraham Hicks thread earlier this year. In fact, I think I started it. First, I'm with you Orb, I am skeptical of Law of Attraction and the Secret too. I wrote a lot in the previous thread. I won't rehash it. I'll just say that sometimes the dharma is like a cafeteria. You don't have to take everything. There's no reason to feel guilty for not believing in anything. Even in Buddhism which emphasizes rebirth and karma -- you still don't have to believe in it according to the suttas. Just don't reject them outright. You're free to be agnostic about it. There's also "light" versions of views. I don't believe karma is everything, but I do think that actions (karma) produce results. A drug dealer may end up dead at a young age because of their karma. Many people have become awakened and didn't believe or follow Law of Attraction. My path, evidently, does not include Law of Attraction.

Practice. This is one area where daily life provides practice. One of my favorite slogans is "Anything that can happen to a human being, can happen to me, and I accept the reality of this." Stoicism has a lot of good writings on equanimity. Death meditation, if it's not triggering (I just listened to a Gizmodo podcast on Teal Swan and she's criticized for death teachings which people have pointed have lead to suicide). But Death meditation can be transformative. It doesn't have to be, and shouldn't, be morbid. Instead, see how precious daily life is, and let go of the little stuff that doesn't really matter in the end.

There's different perspectives here. Theists imo have a tougher time answering this. It's the whole question of if God is loving, omniscient and all -powrful -- why doesn't HE do something about it? In Buddhism, there's Buddhists will say it's because of karma. I prefer to refer to Dependent Origination. That is, Suffering happens because of causes and conditions. This is a Mystery. You ha.ve to reflect and investigate for yourself. Maybe there's feelings and perception of sound because it's evolutionary advantageous. Maybe we live in a "just-so" universe because if say gravity was either weaker or stronger, planets wouldn't form and we wouldn't be here to ponder about it all. Maybe there is no Why. The Buddha discouraged questions about whether the Universe was infinite or finite etc because these metaphysical questions were a forest of views, a thicket of views, and a fetter of views and not conducive to liberation. Reflecting on why you are in this world and your place in it, is cool. What is important to you? What are your core values? What is, or might be, your mission statement? Are there beneficial practices? Are there things one can do that will lead to happiness not in the hereafter, but in the here and now? Yes, I'd say there are. Do I know this for certain? -- Yes, based upon people who've suffered and came out the other side. There are 84K Dharma Doors, the Buddha said. There are different ways. You might investigate: Stoicism Lojong The Direct Path Mahamudra & Dzogchen Satipatthana Yoga Kindness & Equanimity Practice Advaita Vedanta

If you investigate, you'll find there's different flavors of awakening. There's yoga kundalini awakenings, Zen kensho, Christian Mysticism God Awakenings, Mother Ayahuasca awakenings, Shamanic visits from Spirit animals, Pentecostals speaking in tongues, NDE's, etc etc. And even in Zen, there's different kinds of Kensho. One size does not seem to fit all. Evan Thompson in his chapter The Rhetoric of Enlightenment in his book Why I Am Not A Buddhist, recommends that modern buddhists: "ask not just what it (Enlightenment) is but also what it could be. In other words, which concept of enlightenment is appropriate and worth elaborating here and now? Which concept and social practices of enlightenment or awakening are worth reaching for? In Kant's words: 'Dare to be wise. Have courage to use your own understanding.'" Rob Burbea too stresses the importance of our conceptual framework on our Path. Burbea’s Soulmaking Dharma is an attempt to open up practice to bring more beauty, dimensionality, and meaningfulness, and to restore, open, and expand our senses of sacredness. Something to be pondered is that your movement towards your concept of a grounded vision of awakening can become your reality. This may be one case where the law of attraction actually works. So consider perhaps having a concept of awakening that includes your core values and what's important to you. For me, it was all about being kind, compassionate, a person of integrity, a good listener, having a sense of humor and wonder, and being equanimous.