MazE

@Phil i will! What are you talking about this is a great pointer 😂 It happened two days in a row now. I made 2 songs. When i was listening my first song something literally impossible happened when i was listening to it after making it. By making the second one the next day events that were also very rare happened that were scenes i created in my writing. I do realize that i maybe overthinking it or give it meaning. If i sit to think about it it's a bit scary or spooky. I'm serious something is happening there. I may should use songwriting as my dreamboard. I can't just overlook it and ignore it if it happens so often in my face. I don't do psychedelics but they could reveal that i create all of this. I never accepted this seriously. I live as a "normal" person but these things happen out of nowhere. What do i do with this?

@Mandy i do appreciate the answer and the pointer. I actually lived in the now a bit more today because of this. However this synchronicity thing is happening too often to just ignore it. I want to understand what is happening. I'm sure you did but have you experienced it? Is there nothing to learn from those experiences?

@Mandy aren't there? Even if this is true we naturally differentiate between different incidences in everyday life in order to function. All is one, is what you are saying? Are people miles away influenced telepathicly by what i experience now?

The way i experience them is like glitches in the matrix. It happened 3-5 times the last year. It's things that shouldn't happen in the exact moments. It's like impossible. Of course i'm the only one that can give a meaning to them. But i do and it's like they are showing that this whole thing is a dream. One category of them is the right circumstances or people showing up at the right time, exactly when needed. The other category is what i described. Things that have a meaning for me showing up at the most crazy moments combined. Like seeing a black cat in the matrix the movie. Other similar experience is seeing certain numbers crazy often. Example 420. It's dumb and it's the weed number. I see it all the time everywhere. I extremely often look the time exactly at 4:20. Or that my body is for some reason sometimes the perfect alarm clock. It happened to me several times to wake up 2 seconds exactly before the alarm clock starts ringing in the morning.

Why do they happen? What are they? It happens so often and in a way that i notice it and become speachless.

Ahh the irony... Those synchronicities man... Make me wonder sometimes. Why do they happen. It's not just random, i figured out so much.

A deep trauma was scratched unexpectedly today. Oh well. This isn't going anywhere. I did everything but i need to continue living with it, it seems. I don't care anymore. Take a seat bitch ass trauma. Make yourself comfortable. I can only be happy now. Inspire my lyrics. Whatever.

I fucking loove making songs. It makes me happy. Happiness is not just walking around with a smile on your face. I could tap into joy. My job is a huge challenge to do that. The only way is to create health. It took me 10 days of no work to feel ok again. I better do some yoga and self massage. I had the option to go to another job but this is the fastest way to get what i want and i know that i will make it no matter how hard it is. I'm excited for the future but i need to stay excited in the present.

That's true.

Fuck! It is so simple. Never thought about it this way. What's not so simple though is to be happy when nobody else around is.

I concluded so far that a leader is someone that minimizes suffering.

@Faith i read it and it worked for me even if it was only for 2 weeks. I don't believe that the tittle was just marketing. This book actually showed me that it's actually easy to quit with the right mindset. I didn't know that he died. I don't find it ironic. 5 packs for 30 years is a lot... Maybe he expanded his lifespan by 23 years who knows. He is good example of a leader for me.

@Phil humans are extremely similar to monkeys. Our natural tendency is to have a feel of where we stand if we compare ourselves with others. We know who is alpha in a group. Is that a leader? Not really, usually someone that inspires fear. Then there is respect and someone that inspires us by just doing himself. Yes what you said is true. Not the popular opinion but an opinion that i agree with. If you harm another then you are not a leader but according to who? There are people that inspire soldiers to go and die a meaningless war. Ask the soldiers before they go to battle. They will agree that the person convincing them to go die is a leader. In that case the leader is someone that harms people by default. Or minimizes his extended's ego suffering. Ultimately there is no leader because there is not an us. But unless we realize that we are not humans we behave exactly like smart monkeys.

@Faith yeah i know... The thing is that day that i smoked that cigarette after 2 weeks i was in a bar for hours without the slightest temptation. I was so proud that when i went home i thought that it was not a problem anymore. Of course that was a mistake. Or other times extremely stressful things happen out of nowhere and i go back to it. It's also a good mix with coffee... Coffee, alcohol, stress etc that i'm used to automatically deal with smoking for over a decade. But of course i know that it's possible to quit just like that. It's so hard is what i would normally say but the reason this book works so well is because it's called the easyway. It will be what you believe it is. I certainly can't quit while working. I have a week left to stop.

@Faith thank you. I started drinking more alkohol lately but other than that i take nothing. Coffee and sugar. So 4 mind altering substances i'm on.

@Faith yes this book worked the first time for 2 weeks and then i smoked one when i was drunk thinking that there is no way that i start again and then here we go again. Vaping i tried i ended up both vape and smoke. I tried with sweets and junk food and i didn't smoke till night but i ate so much unhealthy stuff that it could be dangerous. I have one more week off. I will just do it. I smoke for 11 years now. Plus 4 years before only on occasion.

@fopylo are you sure you want to do this job? If you are pressured in any way to follow this path then just don't. In case you do want it then just pinpoint what skills are needed to be the best and work on them. The same is true for every job. I may be way off but i hope that you don't try to please your father. Look as i see it you look for acceptance from others. You don't need it. Just do you and let others do or say what they want. Being a clown earns you a special reward. Everyone likes you. If it's your personality to be funny that's great. My best friend was a clown but this is just his character to be silly all the time. To call it being a clown thought means that you wear a mask to keep people giving you attention and liking you. Do you actually like the people that you try to make like you? You wanting to become a leader is just trying to get love in another form. You want respect. You want to just play another role. I mean it's normal. 99.99% of people play roles all the time. What is normal is also insane. Life is simpler when you have no such need. You creating what you want to create, having a strong vision, working at it and not caring about permission, validation and a need to control is what creates a leader. A leader is someone that inspires others and make them to willingly follow without this being his intention in the first place.

@Orb i agree this is the most important step. However we also need clarity on the steps that need to be taken. The dots that we connect to paint something in a crosswords magazine. I wrote today 50 things that i need to do. The next small or larger steps. This way i'm not confused or overwhelmed. Out of my head written on my phone. Some of this stuff take only one minute to do but i postponed for months. I cross off stuff and as my list becomes smaller the better i feel. I also prioritize them. I use an app called prioritize me! which i highly recommend.

@Phil only consequences.

Some passion is waking up and i love it.

@Llurendt yes gratitude is important and something that i always forget. Thank you for your post.

People are hypnotized and form automatic patterns. This resolves itself when you realize that you are hypnotized and have automatic patterns. You are not really your patterns neither are they.

I have a plan.

🎤

@Mandy i see. Yes addiction is too a belief even if true. Everytime i don't smoke for a day i can't do anything other than stay in bed. I can't function. There was also a time that i quitted for 2 weeks effortlessly because i changed my beliefs. Small steps then. Got it. The 5' that were not about me made me realize that i'm completely disconnected from nature. I live in my head, go to work and look at screens. I will start by taking a walk some days. It's like i'm living in a cage. Like living in a cage is of course a negative thought. Is it discordant to say something like this? I guess i know the answer. I'm free to take walks and drive around then.