MazE

Taxes, governments, family and financial situations try their best to keep me down. I've had enough of this. I am a good problem solver if i want to. I will get a piece of paper and find out what i need to do to get what i want. Brute force attack.

My spider is gone. I feel tough. I wouldn't want it any other way. When i catch myself complaining i laugh. This life was a training so far. I can move my emotional pecs.

I have some big spiders in the garden. I used to kill them if they came too close. Because they are creepy looking i guess. I saw a spider that lives under a window 2 days ago. I am observing it. It's beautiful.. yesterday a mosquito was caught in the web. I never saw it in real time. It was stupid to kill those spiders. It's spirit in the form of a spider. It's alive. Who made this? Building webs and stuff. It's fucking interesting. Every morning i go and look at it. She comes out to say hi lol. I was watching a beetle some time ago. It was beautiful. After 5 seconds a bird comes by and eat it. Nature is brutal. Factory farms make me sick. I did gave up meat but i am healthier eating meat i found out. I also enjoy eating my junk food. I am like the bird that ate the beetle but the difference is that well we live in a sick world. Who knows where my salami comes from. It would be more honest to look that animal in the eyes and kill it to eat it. But we are the smartest animals and we satisfy our needs at any cost. I won't be a vegan again but at least i know what a piece of shit i am. Not exactly any guilt in there. I will eat my pizza because i love eating pizza. The vegans worthy of respect are those that shut up about it. They started growing meat in a lab. I'm not eating this stuff. Maybe after 20 years.

Everyone lives in a bubble. Should i poke my bubble with a needle? Then i will fall. Flat on my face or fly like a fly. Nobody really understands. Unfair? Sure. Is there unfairer? Plenty of it. I don't want to complain. If i do it it's because i'm used to it. Life is beautiful. Universes inside of universes. But i live in this bubble. To reach a goal i need to be patient and suffer a little more. Why do i need to suffer? I prefer to be happy without a reason. There is always a reason if you search for things to be grateful for. I will muscle through it. Happy face it is. The detail is to not have a fake happy face. My millennial generation was born fucked. So what. I will make it by being a clever ape. Everyone around me will remain depressed. How the fuck do they accept this kind of life. Not for me thank you.

@Someone here hi! Welcome.

The secret sucks. That doesn't mean that loa doesn't exist. The science of getting rich as well as ask and it is given are great books. You can practice them and see for yourself. Faith in the sense i believe blindly something that someone said or something i read is always stupid. See for yourself.

I remembered. I read just a bit E.T.'s new book and the process was started. How could i forget? 11 years of unnecessary suffering. The circumstances were like that. I paused it but i don't think that i can stop it. I feel inspired. I have goals to accomplish. It all starts now. If you ignore the now you ignore your whole life. I have experience dealing with hard stuff. These periods will come. I will be ready to respond to the best of my ability when the now comes. There is nothing to fear. All my attachment generate fear. I will lose everything i love eventually. One day i will die as this body. Maybe i'm creating this dream. I think it's time to go lucid and have fun.

I have every right to complain today but some space around the subject was created.

"There are no random events, nor are there events or things that exist by and for themselves, in isolation. The atoms that make up your body were once forged inside stars, and the causes of even the smallest event are virtually infinite and connected with the whole in incomprehensible ways. If you wanted to trace back the cause of any event, you would have to go back all the way to the beginning of creation. The cosmos is not chaotic. The very word cosmos means order. But this is not an order the human mind can ever comprehend, although it can sometimes glimpse it."

Well by doing cold showers is almost impossible to get sick but it's not for everybody. Why fear getting sick though? If you get sick you get sick you rest and then you are good again. Now the no1 reason to get seriously sick is how bad you feel for how long psychologically. Water quality, a good diet, exercise, feeling good and enough sleep are the pillars of good health.

@Phil you are right. It can play out like this and it did at first but now i have a choice to freely choose what i want to do from there. I realized that these things don't 'need' to get done. I just like the clarity of getting the things that need to get done out of my head in front of me and then have a choice instead of feeling overwhelmed.

@Orb Our bodies do like to conserve energy but this is just another common held belief. Yes they are uncomfortable because it's outside of our comfort zone. What this is, is just thoughts and a feeling that make the tasks appear more difficult than they actually are. It's also used as an excuse to not do the tasks. Not all people use pride as the main motivator. It depends on where someone is in life. Pride does move mountains but if its seen through it can no longer do that. If you stay in the now there are only thoughts and emotions in the moment. It is what it is and this moment is not any worse than any other moment. Have you taken a cold shower before? Try it. Start with a comfortable temperature and then suddenly change the water to the coldest setting. What happened there? If you are not used to taking cold showers you will jump around and move like crazy or close the water or make a big deal out of it. I did it for a whole year as a spiritual practice. The last 1-2 minutes in the shower i changed to the coldest setting and sat still without moving at all. This way you can connect with who you are. There is this extremely uncomfortable cold feeling and this need to move around but you have the choice to just observe all of it and let it be. Easier said than done of course in life in general but it's the most important skill to develop.

@Phil yes but people react. The you are just not right is the part i don't like. It could be perceived by some people the same way as by saying: running is not hard you are just fat.

Because it's easier and our default is to avoid discomfort.

I guess the answer is to stop focusing on it and mentioning it and focus on better thoughts instead. I do this habitually. It's time to focus on what i want habitually.

Exactly my conclusion!

@Nowt yeah i tried it in the past. It reminds me of the binaural drugs i tried once when i was 14 or something lol. I just got a headache nothing more.

@Phil ok i get it. I don't want to choose being right over feeling good, aligned and healthy. What i am saying is a fact but i am not saying it to be right. If this is unaligned i want to change it. What is the best way to do it? Should i start believing that my job is easy?

If you want to do psychedelics then do some. This is not the same in any way and is just a waste of time but its only my opinion.

@Mandy @Mandy amazing thank you. I think i understand. I wouldn't wear that even if true unless i wanted to attract triggered people.

This weird guy on the mirror can spit some 🔥 It is what it is. I can't take the credit. It needs to find expression.

@Phil this job came up exactly when needed. Exactly what i wanted delivered exactly when i needed it and i took some risks before because i was sure i would get it. I do appreciate this job in the sense that it builds character by being so hard and that it's the last time that i will experience something similar. It's also the only way to go where i want to go. One more year of this or 2. It's really difficult to allow things while doing this job. That's the challenge. I often work to my limits.

@Mandy this was mind-blowing. Thank you. What do you mean by putting feeling (directly aware of) ahead of things? How do you do that? What happens when awareness is ahead of things which is beyond all these? Is it the same thing? Because as i see it awareness is beyond but putting feeling ahead of things is like a level below to play with form? Of course there are no levels but i try to understand this a little better.

What is a vibration? Is it thoughts or emotions? Is what everything is? Who am i? I am clearly nowhere and everything is meaningless. So small in a universe that each thing is another vast universe.

Really? I might have started to believe this a little more.