How do I feel good?

[Omelette]

I wrote an even longer post I was going to share, but read over it, and it's just words...

 

I just want to feel good...

 

Actively damaging my self due to anhedonic feelings: losing weight, no motivation to stop smoking, avoiding women because I don't want to think about sex, avoiding friends because who cares, avoid going to anything I am invited to because the Universe/God/whatever is not giving me enough trinkets and good feelings, so fuck connecting to the world.

 

All I am doing now is focusing on setting up my career so I will be able to support my family.

 

I can say with 100% certainty I am not alive for myself right now, I am going to "log out" when this specific family member is gone, I have even told them. Why? Although death is uncertain, for some reason I believe it is the end of suffering.

(I am not planning on harming myself or anyone else, just venting and looking for advice)

 

I don't care about meditation, heaven, hell, sex, money (to a degree obviously, given how I am trying to set up my career), health, looking good, acting good, friends, helping others, helping myself, etc., . I'm a robot programmed to complete my task of helping my family, then I can self destruct after.

 

I really just want to feel good, at any cost...

I don't feel depressed or even bad, just empty.

 

Please tell me how. Broken down to this point, I understand nothing "out there" will fix this, now can true "progress" be made?

[Devin]

@Omelette is there anything you like? The sky, sunrise, sunset, stars, cold drink, a good salad, basking in the sun, stretching, meditation, walks, fishing, running, hiking, ....?

If so, do those things

[Omelette]

25 minutes ago, Devin said:

@Omelette is there anything you like? The sky, sunrise, sunset, stars, cold drink, a good salad, basking in the sun, stretching, meditation, walks, fishing, running, hiking, ....?

If so, do those things

 

Yes, there are. A lot of things I like, I think are repressed in some way. Despite however I feel or what I say, I think I like connecting to people, hence why I come here and post versus using a journal.

 

Sometimes I wonder why it feels like there is resistance towards the thing I want.

 

I wake up and had thoughts of meditating, but spent the hour on my phone instead.

 

I know the meditation will feel better... why didn't I?

 

I have a vision of who/how I would like to be, not for any particular reason like self worth, just because I think it will be fun.

 

It is silly for me to ask, but how do I do this stuff I like? Genuinely, I don't understand.

 

I think the ideas I have of free will has caused some tricky thought patterns. If self is illusory, how can one simply do what they like?

Isn't it all just happening, as in, the sense of anhedonia, being sad, not caring about life, is just happening, so "I" just have to "deal with it"?

Even now, the idea that there is an "I" that has to "deal with" is just happening, and if there was ever enlightenment it would never be "caused by" something/someone?

If I wake up tomorrow and say "I am going to only do what I love from now on", if there is no free will,  then no one can even control that, so how can it happen?

 

I don't mean for each of these to be questions I want an answer to, just trying to illustrate what my mental framework is like.

 

If it was so simple to just do what I like, why wasn't that happening my entire life?

 

Right now, dropping all these stories, there is no apparent sense of control, just stuff happening.

But even the sense of "dropping all these stories" sort of implies that there is an I that has a choice to, but it's all seemingly happening. And if I woke up depressed and sad tomorrow and wanted to die, or woke up and had the best day ever, what is even in control of that?

 

I don't know if it's clear what I'm trying to say, and quite frankly I don't even care about understanding if it doesn't make me feel good. I'm so confused😅 I hope the gist of this is comprehensible though; I am trying to get at, what is the mechanism in the present moment to actually start doing what I like/feeling good

[Devin]

Yeah, you're stuck thinking, you're thinking thoughts that have been programmed into you, those aren't your thoughts."being sad, not caring about life" those aren't feelings, those are thoughts you can tell because "being" and "life" "caring" are programmed thoughts

 

You can feel sad, but it seems you're stuck in thinking. Do whatever is easiest to do that you would like to do, follow your intuition, not your mind of what you've been told you should want to do.

 

Whatever you can do right now that you want to do, do it. It's medicine, it's the key that will unlock you. Think small, enjoy a cold drink, breathe, shower, sit in the sun, eat a piece of avocado tomato and red onion toast, nap, workout, do chores, go for a walk, eat something good, .....

Edited September 23, 2022 by Devin

[Mandy]

Use the emotional scale. Rather than believing "my life is this way" see that it is one subject or perspective that is currently filtered through the current emotion. It may be that because you haven't been in the habit of listening to the guidance of emotion, that that emotion seems like it's present a lot of the time. However, seeing that it is only now and it is the only the present thoughts being responded to free you from the tragic-tory of "your life". 

[Omelette]

2 hours ago, Devin said:

Yeah, you're stuck thinking, you're thinking thoughts that have been programmed into you, those aren't your thoughts."being sad, not caring about life" those aren't feelings, those are thoughts you can tell because "being" and "life" "caring" are programmed thoughts

 

You can feel sad, but it seems you're stuck in thinking. Do whatever is easiest to do that you would like to do, follow your intuition, not your mind of what you've been told you should want to do.

 

Whatever you can do right now that you want to do, do it. It's medicine, it's the key that will unlock you. Think small, enjoy a cold drink, breathe, shower, sit in the sun, eat a piece of avocado tomato and red onion toast, nap, workout, do chores, go for a walk, eat something good, .....

 

I will try, I guess maybe I will start with small stuff and work up. I feel this morning what I want is to meditate for 1 hour, eat breakfast, do some cardio, and then lift weights. Instead I'm sitting in my bed smoking and scrolling the internet.

 

It is belief in / stuck thought patterns which causes resistance to this? I know what I want/ "should do" every day yet why don't I? I have enough "things to do" to literally fill all 24 hours but why do I choose distraction?

 

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

Use the emotional scale. Rather than believing "my life is this way" see that it is one subject or perspective that is currently filtered through the current emotion. It may be that because you haven't been in the habit of listening to the guidance of emotion, that that emotion seems like it's present a lot of the time. However, seeing that it is only now and it is the only the present thoughts being responded to free you from the tragic-tory of "your life". 

 

I think these are "core beliefs" stuck with me :

 

- There isn't free will (although this is something I "picked up"/parrot from spiritual teachers more so than a solid observation)

- No thing will make me happy

 

So when I read your comment the thought comes:

 

"Who chooses to use the emotional scale?"

then, I "shift" to feeling, some relief is felt, another thought arises and I either feel or attach to it, for infinity...

 

As in , the use or not- use of the emotional scale is just an appearance, since Omelette is just a thought and has no control there is no one to choose whether or not it is being used, it just happens? Like how you never chose the country you were born in, your parents, gender, race, etc., it feels like this can be applied to literally every area in life, meaning there is no choice?

 

Illusory nature of self is not seen through for me, all I know is that I don't know. I feel more confused about these topics like self than before I even started with spirituality. This philosophizing that I keep doing is deeply unsatisfying though, idea of something to "figure out" then I can go somewhere.

 

What is actually being controlled RIGHT NOW?

 

I notice : keyboard sound, coldness on my feet, sight, mild uncomfortable feeling in stomach,  see some arms and hands,  feel clothes around the body, taste and smell what I'm smoking

 

Where do I find the thing that chooses to listen to emotional guidance?

 

 

YET ...

strangely there always seems to be the choice to "turn to feeling", regardless of how true the words feel to me, or the lack of sense being made, it seems like an option somehow? Is this just another frame of the movie, or there is actually choice being made?

 

It's eventually more thought that says "Stop listening to feeling and listen to me!" that after 1 hour, 1 day, 1 week, I eventually stop using the scale and go back to being dominated by thought pattern.

 

 

 

 

[Devin]

@Omelette one thing, there's only one thing you actually want to do right now, my list was options not a to do list. Feel what you want to do, no thinking

Edited September 23, 2022 by Devin

[Omelette]

3 minutes ago, Devin said:

@Omelette one thing, there's only one thing you actually want to do right now, my list was options not a to do list. Feel what you want to do, no thinking

 

Meditate for an hour it is then 😁

 

I hear the thought "Keep smoking instead"... but feel like meditation, see you in an hour 😎

[Devin]

@Omelette awesome

[James123]

12 hours ago, Omelette said:

Please tell me how. Broken down to this point, I understand nothing "out there" will fix this, now can true "progress" be made?

There is nothing out there, yes, but The missing point is the you who say these sentences are illusion itself.  Understanding nothing out there is thinking by ego, which is you. However, embodying nothing out there is completely letting go, who think these sentences. There’, many people fall in trap of solipsism in the path. 

[Devin]

1 hour ago, James123 said:

There is nothing out there, yes, but The missing point is the you who say these sentences are illusion itself.  Understanding nothing out there is thinking by ego, which is you. However, embodying nothing out there is completely letting go, who think these sentences. There’, many people fall in trap of solipsism in the path. 

Thinking you exist? Therefore feeling lonely, the need to accomplish something, feeling empty, .....?

[James123]

7 minutes ago, Devin said:

Thinking you exist? Therefore feeling lonely, the need to accomplish something, feeling empty, .....?

Yes. There is no you to feel empty ☺️☺️☺️

[Omelette]

4 hours ago, James123 said:

There is nothing out there, yes, but The missing point is the you who say these sentences are illusion itself.  Understanding nothing out there is thinking by ego, which is you. However, embodying nothing out there is completely letting go, who think these sentences. There’, many people fall in trap of solipsism in the path. 

 

The "I", ego, one who makes distinction, is illusion ...

Is there anything that can even "be done" then?

 

As in, how can it all be let go? Just meditate more?

 

Not sure if this is related exactly, but I bring it up because I feel as though when I am doing what I love, these questions don't even matter too much. If I had the choice of feeling amazing 24/7 or enlightenment/non-dual I pick feeling amazing every time.

 

I wonder why then I feel resistance to doing what I love...

I would love to exercise now but will smoke and then nap instead. I have some events I am invited to which sound fun, but I think I won't go and will sit in my room instead. I see beautiful women walking and honestly sometimes it makes me want to hurt and isolate myself because I haven't connected with women for so long that I feel like there is something wrong with me. I don't know why I chose to feel anxiety.

Yet, I remember times where I had women who really cared about me who would hook up whenever, going out to parties every week, quit all my addictions, and still felt shit.

 

I realized during meditation when I feel like wanting to die, I don't want the body to die, it is okay, I want Omelette/ego/self to die. I really really really want him to die

(with the expectation that if/when he does, then I will feel amazing and get what I want?)

- says Omelette/ego/self 😄

 

 

I said that I don't really care about X,Y,Z as long as I feel good, but that is a LIE... I'M A LIAR! Because I still think why are others able to have blessings that I am not able to, and I look over my own current blessings. And why am I smoking, becoming malnourished, wasting the day away, if I truly care about feeling good why can't I stop doing stuff that makes me feel bad.

 

It's so paradoxical, I feel like words are futile to "fix" or "change" to feel better, yet at the same time, the words can point to something that I can do to make me feel better.

 

edit : I see how even this response "strengthens" the though attachment somehow and I stop focusing on feeling

Edited September 23, 2022 by Omelette

[Phil]

@Omelette

There is much confusion but you can clear all of it up and feeling more amazing, everyday, than you ever thought possible. 

 

If you were 100% certain you were not alive for yourself right now you would be so blissful & happy that this thread would be asking about how to dial it down. 

Death in this context is not the end of suffering, it is the beginning of suffering. 

The end of suffering is the end of the confusion. The confusion is conceptualizing. The suffering is that the concepts aren’t actually true. 

 

Anhedonic means; the inability to experience pleasure, as seen in certain mood disorders.

There are discordant thoughts in direct experience, and there is the thought ‘mood disorder’ in direct experience, but there is never a direct experience of a mood disorder. ‘Mood disorder’ is a conceptualization of feeling, while what’s desired & sought is… feeling.

This is saying the desert is a mirage, and then looking for the desert in a mirage. The more you inspect the mirage, the more you find the desert you believed was a mirage. 

 

Feelings is a pluralization of feeling. This is like saying there are PSA 10 Pikachu Illustrator cards, when there is actually only one. If you believed there are multiple cards and were searching accordingly, the search could only end via the realization there are not multiple cards. 

 

The relevance is that ‘losing weight, no motivation, avoidance of women, friends & events are not feeling’. Those are thoughts. 

The relevance of that is feeling is most definitely pleasurable, while the conceptualization of feeling (believing the thoughts  ‘losing weight’, ‘no motivation’, etc) are feeling is discordant (suffering) only because it isn’t true. 

 

The king of all discordant conceptualizations is that you are not alive for yourself right now. That feels highly discordant only because it isn’t actually true. The instant this is considered the mirage begins to be seen (felt) from the desert. 

 

There is no such thing as the absence of something. There is pure consciousness, and there pure consciousness appearing as things, aka, being, or existence. All ‘things’ are apparent, vibrational appearance. Therein, there is no such ‘thing’ as… the absence of any ‘thing’… because there is no such ‘thing’ as ‘things’ in the first place. 

 

So when it is believed this absence of pleasurable feeling is losing weight (etc)… what’s felt is the discord of the belief in the absence of feeling. Has nothing to do with weight, motivation, etc. It has only to do with the belief in absence. 

 

The more you consider there is no such thing as absence, the more connected, ‘better feeling’ you feel. The difference felt is felt instantly upon sincere consideration.

 

15 hours ago, Omelette said:

Despite however I feel or what I say, I think I like connecting to people, hence why I come here and post versus using a journal.

Very wise. Journaling has it’s place, and can also be one’s own paradigmatic echo chamber. Questioning busts paradigms. Yet, the wonderful connectiveness felt isn’t per se because of people. 

 

15 hours ago, Omelette said:

Sometimes I wonder why it feels like there is resistance towards the thing I want.

Bring what you want to mind, notice there is no resistance. Resistance is how the thoughts about the absence of what you want feels. Look up at the sky, night & day. That is what you’re believing can not be, what you want to co-create and experience. The audacity of the notion, right? Notice - reality! 😂 Notice the hilarity of doubting that which is being reality can be what you want to experience.

An ant: “There can’t be anthills, vast ant caverns, ants to fall in love with & co-create with, or picnics to explore”. 

God: WTF are you talking about ant!?

Ant: “I’m actively damaging my self due to anhedonic feelings”.

God: I Am yourself, I Am feeling!

 

Control, free will, choice, etc, are thoughts. Focus on these thoughts only serves to realize the ceiling of thought. The thought loops are the continued attempt to find feeling, in thought. Contrary to popular collective conjecture, it simply doesn’t work that way. You can’t ‘get there’. Feeling is only uncovered by inspecting & seeing through beliefs & conceptualizations.  Overthinking is the experience of conceptualizing emotions & feeling. The mind is overworked in a fruitless attempt to somehow resolve the discord, to feel better. Understanding emotion is a step away from thought, towards feeling, if you will.

 

’Thinking’ about using the emotional scale isn’t using the emotional scale, like thinking about using a can opener isn’t using a can opener. It might seem the same, until it is realized why you’re still so hungry. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[James123]

@Omelette you should focused on cleanse your body now. Have a Lovely girlfriend, lovely sex, not being addicted to anything, even gym or smoking or nap. Balance. Stay simple. For now. Because, everything is you going crazy for you now. It will be impossible you to realize that you are an illusion itself. 

[Devin]

Yep, Maslow's hierarchy of needs

[nurthur11]

18 hours ago, Omelette said:

I wrote an even longer post I was going to share, but read over it, and it's just words...

 

I just want to feel good...

 

Actively damaging my self due to anhedonic feelings: losing weight, no motivation to stop smoking, avoiding women because I don't want to think about sex, avoiding friends because who cares, avoid going to anything I am invited to because the Universe/God/whatever is not giving me enough trinkets and good feelings, so fuck connecting to the world.

 

All I am doing now is focusing on setting up my career so I will be able to support my family.

 

I can say with 100% certainty I am not alive for myself right now, I am going to "log out" when this specific family member is gone, I have even told them. Why? Although death is uncertain, for some reason I believe it is the end of suffering.

(I am not planning on harming myself or anyone else, just venting and looking for advice)

 

I don't care about meditation, heaven, hell, sex, money (to a degree obviously, given how I am trying to set up my career), health, looking good, acting good, friends, helping others, helping myself, etc., . I'm a robot programmed to complete my task of helping my family, then I can self destruct after.

 

I really just want to feel good, at any cost...

I don't feel depressed or even bad, just empty.

 

Please tell me how. Broken down to this point, I understand nothing "out there" will fix this, now can true "progress" be made?

Don't try so hard and eventually you will feel good. Eat when you feel like and similarly sleep when it comes. 

[Blessed2]

@Omelette Something that has helped me at times... Really take a look at how you feel. I mean really look at the suffering eyes wide open. Feel the pain. Feel how shitty the situation "you find yourself in" (what you think and believe) feels. Feel how shitty your thoughts feel like. Really just try to feel the pain as clearly as you can.

 

I'm not saying you need to "face it" or "accept it" or "surrender". I'm suggesting to simply look at it, feel it. See it with clarity.

 

Doing this might make the emotional guidance more obvious.

 

[Omelette]

On 9/23/2022 at 4:31 PM, Phil said:

@Omelette

There is much confusion but you can clear all of it up and feeling more amazing, everyday, than you ever thought possible. 

 

If you were 100% certain you were not alive for yourself right now you would be so blissful & happy that this thread would be asking about how to dial it down. 

Death in this context is not the end of suffering, it is the beginning of suffering. 

The end of suffering is the end of the confusion. The confusion is conceptualizing. The suffering is that the concepts aren’t actually true. 

 

Anhedonic means; the inability to experience pleasure, as seen in certain mood disorders.

There are discordant thoughts in direct experience, and there is the thought ‘mood disorder’ in direct experience, but there is never a direct experience of a mood disorder. ‘Mood disorder’ is a conceptualization of feeling, while what’s desired & sought is… feeling.

This is saying the desert is a mirage, and then looking for the desert in a mirage. The more you inspect the mirage, the more you find the desert you believed was a mirage. 

 

Feelings is a pluralization of feeling. This is like saying there are PSA 10 Pikachu Illustrator cards, when there is actually only one. If you believed there are multiple cards and were searching accordingly, the search could only end via the realization there are not multiple cards. 

 

The relevance is that ‘losing weight, no motivation, avoidance of women, friends & events are not feeling’. Those are thoughts. 

The relevance of that is feeling is most definitely pleasurable, while the conceptualization of feeling (believing the thoughts  ‘losing weight’, ‘no motivation’, etc) are feeling is discordant (suffering) only because it isn’t true. 

 

The king of all discordant conceptualizations is that you are not alive for yourself right now. That feels highly discordant only because it isn’t actually true. The instant this is considered the mirage begins to be seen (felt) from the desert. 

 

There is no such thing as the absence of something. There is pure consciousness, and there pure consciousness appearing as things, aka, being, or existence. All ‘things’ are apparent, vibrational appearance. Therein, there is no such ‘thing’ as… the absence of any ‘thing’… because there is no such ‘thing’ as ‘things’ in the first place. 

 

So when it is believed this absence of pleasurable feeling is losing weight (etc)… what’s felt is the discord of the belief in the absence of feeling. Has nothing to do with weight, motivation, etc. It has only to do with the belief in absence. 

 

The more you consider there is no such thing as absence, the more connected, ‘better feeling’ you feel. The difference felt is felt instantly upon sincere consideration.

 

Very wise. Journaling has it’s place, and can also be one’s own paradigmatic echo chamber. Questioning busts paradigms. Yet, the wonderful connectiveness felt isn’t per se because of people. 

 

Bring what you want to mind, notice there is no resistance. Resistance is how the thoughts about the absence of what you want feels. Look up at the sky, night & day. That is what you’re believing can not be, what you want to co-create and experience. The audacity of the notion, right? Notice - reality! 😂 Notice the hilarity of doubting that which is being reality can be what you want to experience.

An ant: “There can’t be anthills, vast ant caverns, ants to fall in love with & co-create with, or picnics to explore”. 

God: WTF are you talking about ant!?

Ant: “I’m actively damaging my self due to anhedonic feelings”.

God: I Am yourself, I Am feeling!

 

Control, free will, choice, etc, are thoughts. Focus on these thoughts only serves to realize the ceiling of thought. The thought loops are the continued attempt to find feeling, in thought. Contrary to popular collective conjecture, it simply doesn’t work that way. You can’t ‘get there’. Feeling is only uncovered by inspecting & seeing through beliefs & conceptualizations.  Overthinking is the experience of conceptualizing emotions & feeling. The mind is overworked in a fruitless attempt to somehow resolve the discord, to feel better. Understanding emotion is a step away from thought, towards feeling, if you will.

 

’Thinking’ about using the emotional scale isn’t using the emotional scale, like thinking about using a can opener isn’t using a can opener. It might seem the same, until it is realized why you’re still so hungry. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thought tells me that the resolution is to be found with more thinking...

I think "I want an apple and don't have any"

Then a bad feeling is felt

Think "If I only did ___, my apple was here."

"Since I don't have an apple but others do, they must be doing something right that I am not."

"Fuck apples, I never even liked apples, the skin gets stuck in my teeth, there are worms in them sometimes. Hmph, one day I will get revenge on those apples😈"

"If you did your meditation, etc., my apples would be here. I'm just not trying hard enough, doing enough"

 

I even notice the thought of "one upping" my own self sometimes, like I am trying to think it out, prove or disprove my own thoughts, then I will be happy?

 * * *

What are limits to what can manifest?
If I say, I want the same shirt that Phil wore in his last video out of his wardrobe...
can this shirt spontaneously appear in front of me, and no longer be in his possession (Take the exact same shirt)

 

Desire for desiring sake?

If I desire with the expectation that the desire will get me what I want, will it come?

 

Part of me afraid of getting what I want because I know how empty it feels after chasing a goal for self worth and achieving it, it sort of removes the "excuse" for why my life isn't good.

 

Discordant/bad feeling thought = can be thrown in the garbage, no need to think or figure it out?

 

For example, I fear walking alone in an area with high crime rates at night...

Thoughts like "What if someone tries to hurt me?", feel uncomfortable... I have heard stories of people being harmed walking in the same area at night.

 

Should one continue walking alone in the area, with attention shifted towards the discordant feeling of these thoughts, so they are released? Or just take a taxi instead?

 

I experienced these thoughts and purposefully entered the area just to see that nothing happened. But something could happen of course.

 

Sometimes I've seen Mandy's videos in forested areas and I have thoughts like

"It isn't safe for a woman to be alone out there, she needs a self-defense tool, pet dog, etc."

not just due to gender (I'd probably suggest the same to anyone) , but I think women can be more vulnerable in these areas, more likely to be targeted.

 

 

On 9/23/2022 at 4:47 PM, James123 said:

@Omelette you should focused on cleanse your body now. Have a Lovely girlfriend, lovely sex, not being addicted to anything, even gym or smoking or nap. Balance. Stay simple. For now. Because, everything is you going crazy for you now. It will be impossible you to realize that you are an illusion itself. 

 

To be honest, I don't notice a major difference in feelings with regards to what I am getting out of life. This is why I went into unhealthy behavior... I guess the thought is "Now that I am all healthy I still haven't manifested everything I want, so why even care?" and if I do manifest everything I want, "Why doesn't it feel good, why do I still have fears, anxiety, etc.?"

 

On 9/23/2022 at 5:56 PM, Blessed2 said:

@Omelette Something that has helped me at times... Really take a look at how you feel. I mean really look at the suffering eyes wide open. Feel the pain. Feel how shitty the situation "you find yourself in" (what you think and believe) feels. Feel how shitty your thoughts feel like. Really just try to feel the pain as clearly as you can.

 

I'm not saying you need to "face it" or "accept it" or "surrender". I'm suggesting to simply look at it, feel it. See it with clarity.

 

Doing this might make the emotional guidance more obvious.

 

 

I think this may be why I'm drawn to writing and making posts sometimes, feeling the emotions and seeing what words come out help me.

 

[James123]

11 hours ago, Omelette said:

 

To be honest, I don't notice a major difference in feelings with regards to what I am getting out of life. This is why I went into unhealthy behavior... I guess the thought is "Now that I am all healthy I still haven't manifested everything I want, so why even care?" and if I do manifest everything I want, "Why doesn't it feel good, why do I still have fears, anxiety, etc.?"

The most important thing is you should understand that you can't manifest everything you want. Because manifestation is letting go without expectation, when you manifest you expect to feel good, have no fears or anxiety. You should let go them too, not only physical. Firstly physical and secondly psychological .