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I doubt if I can carry on for much longer.


Blessed2
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I'm really tired and kind of losing hope.

 

Everything just seems like a battle and even the slightest relief or happiness seems out of reach.

 

I'm ashamed of myself and feeling worthless. I have battled with same problems for years and nothing seems to have changed. I doubt if I can never actually become a fully grown responsible adult.

 

I don't understand how people have the energy to have a job, run a business or even go to the gym regularly. I am so tired all the time and something has to be wrong with my brain. I just can't focus or do the normal stuff.

 

Makes me want to just hide under some rock. I'm ashamed to show my face anywhere.

 

Life is not fun, I am a failure, there is nothing fun to do, everything is boring and dull, everything just sucks and is a disappointment. I hate life. I'm angry that I have to go through this. 

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4 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I doubt if I can never actually become a fully grown responsible adult.

If that's your goal I'd reconsider. 😉 Much more fun to reconnect with your inner child in my opinion.

 

Notice the difference between "I am this way. This is who I am. My life is this way. This is how life is." and "I am experiencing this emotion right now. I want to feel better." Making that switch right there is eveeeeerything. And you CAN do it right now and ONLY now. 

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Suffering is like holding your hand on top of a helium balloon as thoughts arise about why it isn’t floating, why it won’t float, why it can’t float, how to make it float, and why nothing has worked… while only letting it go actually allows it to. 

 

Doubt is ‘the hand’. 

These are ‘taking your hand off’…

The Emotional Scale

Questioning beliefs & doing the turnarounds

How to deal with strong emotions

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I don't know what your going through but don't give up! Life can be impossible sometimes but no matter what you are going through, just know that you can get through this.

Many things happen to us in our lives that cause us distress. It's hard to remember at these times that life can also bring us joy. You might not be able to see the positives in your life, but there is always hope.

Regardless of what is happening in your life, your situation will change over time. There are so many things that can happen during a given week or month which can influence our lives. As time goes by, your problems won’t seem as bad and you will be able to see your situation in a different perspective.

Some help you can seek or something that will help you feel better is to talk to someone that you feel comfortable with and take the advice that person gives you it. You can talk to a family member, a friend, or a professional counselor who can help you view your problems in a different light.

You may feel lost and confused but there are always many different solutions a person can take to solve their problems. The answers might not come right away, however you will find a solution to your situation.

You think that there is no hope for you. When you are in this situation, remember that you can’t predict the future with one hundred percent accuracy. No one person can truly know what will happen next week or next month. The best thing a person can do is to not to rely on their negative thoughts when they are upset and stressed out.

Don't rely on your feelings that gives you fearful, depressing, and worried thoughts.Your fearful thoughts are exaggerated and are not based on reality. When you are depressed, focus on the facts of your current situation and not on what you think. Knowing all of the facts of your current problem will help you to find a meaningful solution to your issues.

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On 8/24/2022 at 2:52 PM, Blessed2 said:

I'm really tired and kind of losing hope.

 

Everything just seems like a battle and even the slightest relief or happiness seems out of reach.

 

I'm ashamed of myself and feeling worthless. I have battled with same problems for years and nothing seems to have changed. I doubt if I can never actually become a fully grown responsible adult.

 

I don't understand how people have the energy to have a job, run a business or even go to the gym regularly. I am so tired all the time and something has to be wrong with my brain. I just can't focus or do the normal stuff.

You can always see a doctor of course, but I don’t think anything’s wrong with your brain. I think what you’re tired of is the discordant beliefs. That’s the energy zapper. 

Have you tried the things mentioned here… change in diet, recognizing the emotions experienced vs identifying with the thoughts, doing the turnaround ‘work’, etc? 

On 8/24/2022 at 2:52 PM, Blessed2 said:

 

Makes me want to just hide under some rock. I'm ashamed to show my face anywhere.

 

Life is not fun, I am a failure, there is nothing fun to do, everything is boring and dull, everything just sucks and is a disappointment. I hate life. I'm angry that I have to go through this. 

Quotes like “be the change you wish to see in the world’ are profoundly true. Rational thinking / rationalizing / rationalization can be perfectly collectively rational, and at the same time in stark contrast to our actual direct experience, and the discord of this, the suffering, is what’s felt. 

 

It also might be clarifying to bring anyone at all that you care about to mind, and question if you would shame them and tell them they are worthless. It’s easier to notice how off those thoughts feel sometimes if you consider if you would treat someone else that way. 

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2 hours ago, Phil said:

Have you tried the things mentioned here… change in diet, recognizing the emotions experienced vs identifying with the thoughts, doing the turnaround ‘work’, etc? 

 

Diet change coming soon. Dropping wheat, sugar etc. Less bread and snacking, more full meals. More vegetables. Might also drink less tea and shift to a lower-nicotine products. I believe quitting cold-turkey would be too much.

 

The emotional scale just doesn't resonate for some reason, though I did try something new a few days ago. Was sitting in a classroom and felt unworthiness and shame of my body etc. So I figured why not to really feel it. Intentionally felt it as clear and whole as I could. Even though it would sting. Literally looked for whatever thought/belief felt like shit and looked at it directly, and allowed the 'sting' and pain to arise. And it felt good! Much more clarity!

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4 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Diet change coming soon. Dropping wheat, sugar etc. Less bread and snacking, more full meals. More vegetables. Might also drink less tea and shift to a lower-nicotine products. I believe quitting cold-turkey would be too much.

 

The emotional scale just doesn't resonate for some reason, though I did try something new a few days ago. Was sitting in a classroom and felt unworthiness and shame of my body etc. So I figured why not to really feel it. Intentionally felt it as clear and whole as I could. Even though it would sting. Literally looked for whatever thought/belief felt like shit and looked at it directly, and allowed the 'sting' and pain to arise. And it felt good! Much more clarity!

Just wanna add I experienced more energy and improved mood and much improved steadiness to my moods when I dropped pasta and bread and crackers. When I dropped that stuff out of my diet I stopped getting tired and low energy after meals so I highly recommend that change. Also glad your feeling better. Keep your head up. Things will get better for you.

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On 8/26/2022 at 11:32 AM, Blessed2 said:

 

Diet change coming soon. Dropping wheat, sugar etc. Less bread and snacking, more full meals. More vegetables. Might also drink less tea and shift to a lower-nicotine products. I believe quitting cold-turkey would be too much.

 

The emotional scale just doesn't resonate for some reason, though I did try something new a few days ago. Was sitting in a classroom and felt unworthiness and shame of my body etc. So I figured why not to really feel it. Intentionally felt it as clear and whole as I could. Even though it would sting. Literally looked for whatever thought/belief felt like shit and looked at it directly, and allowed the 'sting' and pain to arise. And it felt good! Much more clarity!

Those two paragraphs are very related. Getting good feeling from experience(s) ‘works’ for a while. Seems to at least. Nothing wrong with it, but it’s not ultimately satisfying so we make changes like that, cutting things out; less is more. The changes are in favor of well-being & alignment, and there is naturally then less thoughts of shame or worth. In hindsight those thoughts were indicative of resisting the desired changes. Like a grand finally of stubbornness. 🙂 ‘Returning’ to feeling & clarity is inevitable. 

‘Just gonna put this here’…

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-loophole-shake

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Posted (edited)

Entertaining an idea of quitting caffeine + nicotine both cold turkey, just waking up tomorrow morning and not consuming any.

 

I would feel better about myself if I managed to quit. And I just know that I would feel so much better. Especially nicotine is quite harmful for focus, mood etc. It kind of gives this 'heavy' energy, spreads over the body.

 

Though at the same time I somehow just love it.

 

Damn, I don't like this at all. I feel like I'm stuck and it's not in my control.

 

I have been using it for years now. Started somewhere mid teens. Around the same time depression etc. began. Makes me wonder what role did the habit play there.

 

I use it a lot. Not cigarettes, but swedish snus. Which kind of has it's own trouble. There is a lot more nicotine. And it's easy to use it almost constantly. I'm like a chain-user. Sometimes might even fall asleep with it.

 

I'm already feeling despair and doubt, that I could not do it. I would probably be quite devastated. I'm already feeling not so good as we speak, life in general is hard for me. I have emotional highs and lows. Depression. Insecurity. Despair. Sometimes feeling so damn horrible I fear I lose my mind. Quitting would probably make it even worse. And I feel like I don't have the adequate tools + resources to even get through whatever life in general is to me, not to mention what quitting and the withdrawal would be.

 

It makes me feel like life is unfair. And that life is horrible. I'm stuck not able to quit. And quitting and using both feel quite terrible. So it really does seem like a prison.

 

This is one of those things where I notice the mind going for 'death is the relief'. Because whatever this life is, seems like suffering. Too much work. Too much fighting. So it's quite natural really, to kind of want to run from it.

 

Yeah, it could be that these are beliefs. That somehow life is not the battle and suffering it seems like. That true peace and happiness is within my reach. Not in quitting, not in fixing myself and doing the 'right things' or something. But it really seems like life is the battle.

 

I just don't see it. I just don't see the peace.

Edited by Blessed2
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27 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Entertaining an idea of quitting caffeine + nicotine both cold turkey, just waking up tomorrow morning and not consuming any.

 

I would feel better about myself if I managed to quit. And I just know that I would feel so much better. Especially nicotine is quite harmful for focus, mood etc. It kind of gives this 'heavy' energy, spreads over the body.

 

Though at the same time I somehow just love it.

 

Damn, I don't like this at all. I feel like I'm stuck and it's not in my control.

 

I have been using it for years now. Started somewhere mid teens. Around the same time depression etc. began. Makes me wonder what role did the habit play there.

 

I use it a lot. Not cigarettes, but swedish snus. Which kind of has it's own trouble. There is a lot more nicotine. And it's easy to use it almost constantly. I'm like a chain-user. Sometimes might even fall asleep with it.

 

I'm already feeling despair and doubt, that I could not do it. I would probably be quite devastated. I'm already feeling not so good as we speak, life in general is hard for me. I have emotional highs and lows. Depression. Insecurity. Despair. Sometimes feeling so damn horrible I fear I lose my mind. Quitting would probably make it even worse. And I feel like I don't have the adequate tools + resources to even get through whatever life in general is to me, not to mention what quitting and the withdrawal would be.

 

It makes me feel like life is unfair. And that life is horrible. I'm stuck not able to quit. And quitting and using both feel quite terrible. So it really does seem like a prison.

 

This is one of those things where I notice the mind going for 'death is the relief'. Because whatever this life is, seems like suffering. Too much work. Too much fighting. So it's quite natural really, to kind of want to run from it.

 

Yeah, it could be that these are beliefs. That somehow life is not the battle and suffering it seems like. That true peace and happiness is within my reach. Not in quitting, not in fixing myself and doing the 'right things' or something. But it really seems like life is the battle.

 

I just don't see it. I just don't see the peace.

When you write or think, ask yourself, is this thought upstream or downstream? Does it feel better or worse? Does it feel like digging into the problem, the story, etc, or like loosening my grip on it? Ultimately, only you know for yourself. However, from reading the resonance in your words, these that aren't crossed out are the only downstream thoughts here. Yes, expression is great and all that, but, it's great because it moves us downstream. Tuning in to the feeling of upstream vs downstream is the difference between expression and practicing beliefs.Try to write or journal and think, consciously moving upstream. Choose or feel for thoughts that soften the situation, drop the focus on the pain point, go general, write about what you want. 

 

All that you want is downstream. 

 

If you've heard of the konmari method, it's where you go through all your things, take each thing individually and put it in your hands and ask yourself while feeling the vibration of the item, "does this spark joy?"  and then only keep what sparks joy. Do the same with your thoughts. It's already only one thought at a time. Only believe or "keep", what sparks joy, what feels better. Don't hold onto the rest of that stuff. Sometimes in the expression, we SEE that that thought DOES NOT resonate, and we see that we can discard it. But if you miss this step, and are just holding onto all of it, making your case, and the relief you're looking for will elude you. It's here now. Just turn downstream. 

 

 

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