fopylo Posted September 3, 2022 Author Share Posted September 3, 2022 So fucking numb Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 4, 2022 Author Share Posted September 4, 2022 Wow I actually had a good meditation session! What? Yeah, a 30 minute session. I was focusing on feeling, putting priority on feeling and letting the thoughts that want to shine rise to the surface as a form of expression, using the assistance of the sense of the breathing to 'lead' the feeling. No matter what appears... No matter what you live - A warrior fighting a dragon, the person meditating, the beautiful sunset... As all Thoughts. Beyond all thoughts... There is the truth in such, the truth within of Feeling; Of feeling good; Whole. No matter what appears... You are always there, my child Do not worry, I did not leave you alone. You are safe, I'll always remember you; I'll always be by your side; And even if I forget... I know you'll always come to remind me - The happiness in finding you ❤️ Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 6, 2022 Author Share Posted September 6, 2022 Discordant thoughts... though I think it's better to state them: I want to get my perfect pitch back. I want to get back to playing the piano well. I want to get back into language learning. Damn... thinking about the current absence of these feels way off... Fuck. But yeah, imagining getting back to it feels inspiring. Nothing gained by thinking about the absence. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 8, 2022 Author Share Posted September 8, 2022 My short journey back to meditation, back to The Way. A slight change in approach, a change in priority... Thanks to the help of @Loop and Leo Gura: Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 8, 2022 Author Share Posted September 8, 2022 Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 8, 2022 Author Share Posted September 8, 2022 There is something beautiful I find with these types of music, and there are more, but mostly the instrumental. There seems to be an emphasis on expression which feels amazing, and this is how I would express if I knew how to play those instruments. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 9, 2022 Author Share Posted September 9, 2022 I guess meditation isn't that beautiful after all... Well, not that it isn't an art, but it can be ugly, and I have tried skipping this point. Leo said that it will get very tough sometimes, and I might very well suffer a lot from the meditation for like 2 years. Fuck. Not that I want to believe it will be 2 years, but mostly the idea that I might and will end meditation sessions feeling more awful than before I started them. Could it be because in the process of letting go I am feeling the pain deeper, and then build beliefs around this stronger pain, making the suffering even greater? Funny how it can counterattack Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 10, 2022 Author Share Posted September 10, 2022 I would love to be this person... especially the way he treats this girl. If I had a girlfriend that I love I would like to take her into the wonders of this world through my music and express music to her. This man is inspirational. Haha, ay yo what am I on? Nothing too serious, but had that desire going on. Wow I'm such an INFP Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 10, 2022 Author Share Posted September 10, 2022 Meditation... So much trying, doing - putting effort in to it when effort is not needed. But there is the belief that one is doing something for the sake of achievement. Trying to get there. So much fucking trying. If I just don't do anything than where am I? Not conscious of this feeling really Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 12, 2022 Author Share Posted September 12, 2022 There's this 'substance' that's starting to be more realized... This coming-ness to I. The True form Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 15, 2022 Author Share Posted September 15, 2022 Just did a 30 minute meditation: I wasn't trying to be nobody. Wasn't trying to achieve anything. Wasn't trying much. This approach really helped clear my mind, lot's of the overthinking settled down. In a sense, all I did was sit still with eyes closed for no reason. Well... maybe simply to be with everything that comes/is, and not resist it. It might've been a good session, maybe not. Honestly I don't know. Perhaps there was a little bit of trying to remain flowing and a slight resistance trying to avoid falling into thought stories. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 15, 2022 Author Share Posted September 15, 2022 Perhaps I could say this was a little journey of just being Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 15, 2022 Author Share Posted September 15, 2022 Does love always feels like... love? What is love? Is it just the letting of everything arising to be? But it still doesn't feel... well, AMAZING, you know? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 16, 2022 Author Share Posted September 16, 2022 I planned to exercise today. Didn't happen... I don't feel like doing much. There is some numbness. I am just not doing anything, well, more like - watching anime, jerking off, vaping, and bits of junk food. I don't know how I feel about that Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 16, 2022 Author Share Posted September 16, 2022 "The True Self is pure transparent empty awareness" - Leo Gura On his video of The Enlightened Self Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 26, 2022 Author Share Posted September 26, 2022 So I've been studying in an intensive pace for preparation for the course... There is quite a lot to cover in only a month and a half. Fuck. I'll need to push myself. I don't want to suffer. I don't want to lose myself in it. After all it is supposed to help me get into a better place... 4:00 am now... sleep is fucked. Deciding to quite my job. This is the space, of being alone here, in this break period. The future is yet to unfold. Another chapter about to be told. It can't hurt enough. All those beginnings... overwhelming changes. I know how it's like. God please don't make me forget who I am, the inspirations I idealize, lost within the fog of science and work. Please don't pull me into a person that isn't aligned with my ideals. It might be great in many aspects, but now.. now, I have my ideals. Don't forget Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted September 26, 2022 Author Share Posted September 26, 2022 love is the point of the game. Once you're in love you've defeated the system and won the game of life Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted October 28, 2022 Author Share Posted October 28, 2022 "When you focus on you, you grows. When you focus on shit, shit grows." - Dwayne Johnson Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted November 6, 2022 Author Share Posted November 6, 2022 I really like Japanese music, especially if it is used also in anime (extra points). I just feel very like myself. It is what I really like and find myself enjoying Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted November 8, 2022 Author Share Posted November 8, 2022 I'm starting a new phase. Just don't forget: Insaneintherainmusic Becoming a Shaolin monk Anime Japanese I want to become an artist (music) Coloring my hair in the future Keep exercising and reaching peak levels of fitness Know how to backflip Keep practicing the piano. Don't lose this musical gift. Don't give up on learning languages. Keep in touch with friends from the bootcamp, from camp, and some high school friends, and of course with O and S. This is somewhat exhilarating.. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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