blessed journal

[Blessed2]

On 7/13/2024 at 4:57 PM, Phil said:

If interested, be specific. Questions naturally arise & dispel limiting discordant beliefs. Colloquially speaking, ‘processing’ occurs, resulting in alignment & relief, the uncovering of true freedom. 

 

99,9% of the time I just don't get what you're saying. I do in a sense that the I know the words and can decipher what those words are saying. But it feels like trying to eat watery soup with a fork. I'm not getting anything out of it.

 

Asking questions feels like ordering more of that watery soup, but still having only the fork. 😂

 

[Blessed2]

I'm excited that I passed the exam and got into the school. Can't wait to see if I'll make new friends and stuff. I want more people and action in my life.

 

The studies are also quite interesting and I got a feeling that it's a pretty good fit for me in the sense that the vibe of the area we're doing there is familiar and easy to navigate for me. Like for example, my mom does social services for living. So I kinda know how those professionals usually think like and what they like to hear etc. So I think I can do a pretty good impression to some folk if I want to.

 

Though the discordant thing is that even though I can make a good impression, can I actually fulfill the expectation? The social anxiety, the emotional turmoil, the alcoholism, the nihilism, the despair, the pessimism.

 

Another discordant thought is that even though there is probably a lot of different paths and opportunities in the field of social services, can I like actually get the house, the car, the freedom, the abundance and the excitement & optimism I want?

 

Is there actually a million dollar paths and opportunities there for me? Feeling certain & clear that there is, would make me feel so much more excited and joyful to study. Feeling uncertain, doubt, pessimism that there isn't, can be a deal-breaker.

 

 

[Phil]

12 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

99,9% of the time I just don't get what you're saying. I do in a sense that the I know the words and can decipher what those words are saying. But it feels like trying to eat watery soup with a fork. I'm not getting anything out of it.

 

Asking questions feels like ordering more of that watery soup, but still having only the fork. 😂

 

 

 

Maybe start smaller. 

 

On 7/12/2024 at 10:07 AM, Phil said:

Take advantage of all resources available.

That make sense? Like therapy, rehab, Reiki, journaling, etc?

 

On 7/12/2024 at 10:07 AM, Phil said:

 

Failure, problem & judgements are discordant beliefs

Does at least the concept that there is no actual failure or problem make sense? 

That there are subjective beliefs which don’t resonate…?

Failure goggles, problem goggles, judgement goggles…?

[Blessed2]

25 minutes ago, Phil said:

That make sense? Like therapy, rehab, Reiki, journaling, etc?

 

Yeah. 

 

Also medication possibly.

 

That suggestion / thought feels inspiring. And it's already happening and on the way.

 

27 minutes ago, Phil said:

Does at least the concept that there is no actual failure or problem make sense? 

That there are subjective beliefs which don’t resonate…?

Failure goggles, problem goggles, judgement goggles…?

 

Yeah, it makes sense. There being no failure and judgement makes more "easily" sense. 

 

That there is no problem doesn't quite as "easily". Like for example, if an alcoholic would drink hard for months or years in a row, and tries to quit, the withdrawal could be actually lethal. That would seem like a problem.

 

And that drinking heavily would make one lose all money, gain weight, make one unable to work or study etc, that seems like a problem.

 

Or that the drinking would be hard to quit. That seems like a problem.

 

Or more fundamentally, that life isn't how I want it to be, and I'm not feeling great, and I don't seem to find a way to feel great, that seems like a problem.

 

But conceptually yeah, that it could all be like a false reality like in The Matrix, yeah it makes sense that there wasn't really a problem.

 

 

[Phil]

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

And it's already happening and on the way.

👍🏼♥️

 

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Yeah, it makes sense. There being no failure and judgement makes more "easily" sense. 

 

That there is no problem doesn't quite as "easily". Like for example, if an alcoholic would drink hard for months or years in a row, and tries to quit, the withdrawal could be actually lethal. That would seem like a problem.

Is that a problem in direct experience, or a hypothetical scenario which isn’t actually happening?

Therein is that actually a problem?

 

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

And that drinking heavily would make one lose all money, gain weight, make one unable to work or study etc, that seems like a problem.

“Would” - this is another hypothetical scenario. 

“Would make one” would be assertion. 

In direct experience there is no assertion. Only seems so in hypothetical scenarios. 

 

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Or that the drinking would be hard to quit. That seems like a problem.

“Would be”, also a hypothetical scenario. 

More money, more fitness and more ability aren’t problems. 

 

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Or more fundamentally, that life isn't how I want it to be, and I'm not feeling great, and I don't seem to find a way to feel great, that seems like a problem.

Even that there is a self separate from life, is a belief, not an actual scenario and therein not an actual problem. 

 

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

But conceptually yeah, that it could all be like a false reality like in The Matrix, yeah it makes sense that there wasn't really a problem.

Real reality ♥️, false (and discordantly felt) beliefs. 

[Mandy]

21 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Or more fundamentally, that life isn't how I want it to be, and I'm not feeling great, and I don't seem to find a way to feel great, that seems like a problem.

 

FUCK GREAT. How about OK? Pessimism is just continuing to come up with reasons why you don't feel great. Without those thoughts and reasons it's just OK.

[Blessed2]

On 7/15/2024 at 2:41 PM, Phil said:

Is that a problem in direct experience, or a hypothetical scenario which isn’t actually happening?

Therein is that actually a problem?

 

Hypotethical.

 

But it could happen, in the future. 😄

 

[Blessed2]

On 7/15/2024 at 2:42 PM, Mandy said:

FUCK GREAT. How about OK? Pessimism is just continuing to come up with reasons why you don't feel great. Without those thoughts and reasons it's just OK.

 

"Feeling just okay" is thinking about feeling in the future, not actually feeling now. "Just okay" feels like pessimism here. So the question doesn't make sense. 😄

 

Contentment feels like contentment.

 

It seems that due to using this forum for all this time, being this direct in terms of feeling and thought has caught on. Well, well, well. How the turntables.....

 

[Reena]

Just now, Blessed2 said:

 

"Feeling just okay" is thinking about feeling in the future, not actually feeling now. "Just okay" feels like pessimism here. So the question doesn't make sense. 😄

 

Contentment feels like contentment.

 

It seems that due to using this forum for all this time, being this direct in terms of feeling and thought has caught on. Well, well, well. How the turntables.....

 

How would you describe contentment? 

 

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Hypotethical.

 

But it could happen, in the future. 😄

 

Is that right? 

 

As in, there’s an experience of a future? And not a presently appearing interpretation about?

 

What could healing be, if not that recognition?

 

What could love be, if not this? 

 

Right here. Right now. 

[Phil]

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

It seems that due to using this forum for all this time, being this direct in terms of feeling and thought has caught on. Well, well, well. How the turntables.....

[Mandy]

On 7/20/2024 at 5:09 AM, Blessed2 said:

 

"Feeling just okay" is thinking about feeling in the future, not actually feeling now. "Just okay" feels like pessimism here. So the question doesn't make sense. 😄

 

Contentment feels like contentment.

Exactly! 😂 Ideas about boredom or contentment not being good enough are pessimism. Or the thought that joy or passion just aren't for me, they're out of reach. Which is a really hilarious idea when you write it out. 

 

Captain Obvious, it's so simple and immediate it's overlooked. 

[Blessed2]

Alright. Went through a darker valley but it's starting to get better now.

 

Let's continue the daily logging.

 

Don't want to call it a "challenge". Let's not call it anything.

 

15 minutes twice a day formal sitting meditation.

 

Through the emotional scale twice a day.

 

Inspecting discordant beliefs at least once a day:

1. Write it down

2. Point out the I's and me's, self-inquire

3. What the thoughts/beliefs feel like, and how do I react when I believe them

4. "Who would I be without that thought?"

 

Diet change. Starting with breakfast. I've been eating 1-2 organic eggs, 1 avocado, 1 tomato, juice, and some carbs. That feels pretty good. Continuing with it. Maybe throw in the GOL powder when I get some.

 

Possibly adding something like 10-20 minutes expressive journaling, but first I'll read a book about it.

 

[Blessed2]

22.7.24

 

2 x 15 minutes

 

2 x emotional scale

 

Inspection

 

Breakfast

 

 

In the pessimism town (literally a town known as the town of pessimism) with friends, experiencing pessimism. Maybe tomorrow we'll go for a coffee in a pessimism house (literally a house called "pessimism house"). Might as well buy some pessimism merch. Maybe a t-shirt or something. Maybe I'll post a photo, or maybe it's pointless and pretty sure it won't be that fun either.

 

Edited July 24 by Blessed2

[Phil]

If you’re looking for a sign.  

[Blessed2]

7 hours ago, Phil said:

If you’re looking for a sign.  

 

Possibly. Or maybe it's just totally coincidental.

 

Edited July 23 by Blessed2

[Blessed2]

23.7.24 (Yesterday)

 

2 x 15 minutes

 

2 x emotional scale

 

Inspection

 

Breakfast was oatmeal with blueberries straight from the outside

 

 

Visited the pessimism house. I knew I wouldn't find any fun pessimism merch and I was right!

 

Got a bit drunk and smoked some weed. Experienced some fear. Thoughts about being too high, not being safe.

 

 

[Blessed2]

24.7.24 (Yesterday)

 

1 x 15 minutes

 

2 x emotional scale

 

Inspection

 

Breakfast

 

 

Was kind of a hassle. Today too.

 

[Mandy]

I think the emotions are visitors to the house in the Rumi poem, not the actual building. 

[Blessed2]

On 7/25/2024 at 7:02 PM, Mandy said:

I think the emotions are visitors to the house in the Rumi poem, not the actual building. 

 

😂😂

 

I guess whoever came up with this didn't care what Rumi has to say: