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On the Brink of Leaving Society


Orb

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This is difficult to share but I feel overwhelmed sometimes lately. 

 

I've been in debt for a while now and I'm called by collectors everyday and have to hang up, I don't have a lot of money in the bank. 

 

The car I have is a few payments behind too. I also don't eat the best food since I don't have access to the organic super healthy stuff.

 

I want money, but I feel like I'm selling my soul everywhere I go. 😕 

 

I got a job at a car dealership since I have a friend who's pretty successful in the business for a few years and honestly it's overwhelming for me. I gotta open up and chat with people and I feel uncomfortable and intimidated by the people there. I'm pretty soft, I don't fuck with people much or bust people's balls, I also never know what to say back when people bust my balls. The hours are also insane. I don't think I'm a good fit. This saddens me. I was so excited for this job yet deep down I don't like it at all. 

 

I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't have any money (in fact my balance is negative), I'm sunken down in debt, and now I'm in this job that I hate. 

 

This has led me to believe that it might be more favorable for me to just give my car back to the lender or sell it or something, quit my job, pack a bag, and just leave. I wouldn't know where I'd go, but I'd be gone. No more being super broke, no more feeling disappointed all the time, no more having to be someone for my family to be proud of. 

 

I can't do this society stuff anymore, it's like doing 100 things just to keep a roof over your head. I don't see any other option other than to leave society, I will remain living, but just unplugged from the matrix.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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25 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Keep that job.  I'm struggling myself to work hard myself.  I guess the question is how do we engage with a job to do those things without feeling totally awful.  

Idk what to do dude. Like stuff seems so beyond fucked I just wanna curl up into a ball and give up.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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Do you get some additional form of a fixed salary or is it completely commission-based? And how long you've been working there? If you've just started to work recently and you can only earn money throught commissions then yeah, you are probably in over your head and you should quit and find an easier but still decently paid job. If you've already been working there for longer and you have a certain confidence in yourself that, in spite of you hating that job, you can make a certain garantueed income each month, then I'd say keep that job for some time, perhaps you'll eventually change your mind or you'll find something better. But the most important thing is to get rid of that debt, you probably already know how, you know - start regurarly putting money each month towards paying off your debts from the smallest to the largest and lowering your living standards until they're paid off, that kind of thing. I would also reflect fairly long as to why you got yourself into those debts in the first place. Was it trully necessary or usefull, or smart to take those loans? If not, then learn those lessons.

 

I would also recommend being a monk with a roof over your head, bed to sleep in and all that funny stuff, instead of being a homeless monk. I don't know, just a suggestion.

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4 minutes ago, Reborn2 said:

Do you get some additional form of a fixed salary or is it completely commission-based? And how long you've been working there? If you've just started to work recently and you can only earn money throught commissions then yeah, you are probably in over your head and you should quit and find an easier but still decently paid job. If you've already been working there for longer and you have a certain confidence in yourself that, in spite of you hating that job, you can make a certain garantueed income each month, then I'd say keep that job for some time, perhaps you'll eventually change your mind or you'll find something better. But the most important thing is to get rid of that debt, you probably already know how, you know - start regurarly putting money each month towards paying off your debts from the smallest to the largest and lowering your living standards until they're paid off, that kind of thing. I would also reflect fairly long as to why you got yourself into those debts in the first place. Was it trully necessary or usefull, or smart to take those loans? If not, then learn those lessons.

 

I would also recommend being a monk with a roof over your head, bed to sleep in and all that funny stuff, instead of being a homeless monk. I don't know, just a suggestion.

It's a little bit of both, commissions and what they call a "draw". 

 

And for the debt the answer is clear lol, impulsive spending. 

 

I've also lowered my living standards and don't really have anything luxurious or well beyond my means. The most expensive / fancy thing I have is an apple laptop, and I got that to help me with another business idea.

 

Maybe my destiny is to become a monk 🤔

 

I feel like I've failed the society game, like no matter what I can't fit the framework.

Edited by Orb

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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I know I sound dramatic! 

 

Ugh, being a young human is a pain in the ass. Every new experience feels so intense 😫.  You always feel lost and confused when it comes to doing taxes and shit like that. It makes me freeze up and sabotage myself.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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1 hour ago, WhiteOwl said:

Would you like it more if you felt comfortable and weren't intimidated by people? 

Yes 100% I wanna feel like everyone's my family. 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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3 hours ago, Mandy said:

I notice that in avoidance of expressing jealousy, we often come up with excuses that look like pride or the sense that we have better higher, morality. Don't fall for it, just express the jealousy. 

Yea maybe it was unexpressed jealousy? 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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18 hours ago, Orb said:

but I feel overwhelmed sometimes lately

Overwhelment is an emotion. 

An emotion is either felt now or not. 

“I feel overwhelmed” is a belief. 

“Sometimes lately” even more so. 

 

“I feel overwhelmed” is a belief loop which rules out that overwhelment is guidance for thoughts. 

 

Overwhelment remains guidance for thoughts. 

 

 

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19 hours ago, Orb said:

I've been in debt for a while now and I'm called by collectors everyday and have to hang up, I don't have a lot of money in the bank. 

Overwhelment as guidance points to how thoughts (spiraling “into time”) feel.  

 

When one doesn’t make a case against oneself, one doesn’t experience overwhelment. 

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

 

The car I have is a few payments behind too. I also don't eat the best food since I don't have access to the organic super healthy stuff.

The Loophole Shake.

One ‘loophole’ aspect is that it’s much cheaper than whatever diet you have going currently. 

Another is clarity.

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

 

I want money, but I feel like I'm selling my soul everywhere I go. 😕

That isn’t what you feel like, it’s a belief indicative of spiraling / blowing things out of proportion.

”I want money”, “But I’m focusing on excuses, suppression & ‘selling my soul everywhere I go’ ”.  

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

 

 

I got a job at a car dealership since I have a friend who's pretty successful in the business for a few years and honestly it's

 

overwhelming for me.

Can’t possibly be the thought. Must be “it”. 

It, is a thought. 

Overwhelment is guidance for thoughts.  

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

 

I gotta open up and chat with people and I feel uncomfortable and intimidated by the people there. I'm pretty soft, I don't fuck with people much or bust people's balls, I also never know what to say back when people bust my balls. The hours are also insane. I don't think I'm a good fit. This saddens me. I was so excited for this job yet deep down I don't like it at all. 

Uncomfortable is not how you feel. Intimidated is not how you feel. 

Emotion is guidance for thoughts about. Thoughts about are what’s felt. 

“I feel uncomfortable” is a thought, believed, and is not how you feel. 

“I feel intimidated” is a thought, believed, and is not how you feel. 

 

The space in which a thought as to what to say back would arise is already full. 

 

If a different job with different hours is preferred… alignment is focusing on that. 

Not all this suppressive self referential horseshit. 

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

 

I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't have any money (in fact my balance is negative), I'm sunken down in debt, and now I'm in this job that I hate. 

What about what I’ll no longer do? 

Less is so much more. 

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

 

This has led me to believe that it might be more favorable for me to just give my car back to the lender or sell it or something, quit my job, pack a bag, and just leave. I wouldn't know where I'd go,

How can one do what is aligned, by skipping over alignment?

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

but I'd be gone.

Wherever you go, there you are. 

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

No more being super broke, no more feeling disappointed all the time, no more having to be someone for my family to be proud of. 

Disappointment is guidance.

Believing “all the time”, disappointment is felt. 

Believing “to be someone for _______”, disappointment is felt. 

Pride is a belief. An excuse to keep making excuses. 

 

Disappointed is the suppression & obscuring of the guidance of, disappointment. 

 

19 hours ago, Orb said:

 

I can't do this society stuff anymore, it's like doing 100 things just to keep a roof over your head. I don't see any other option other than to leave society, I will remain living, but just unplugged from the matrix.

It’s not “society stuff”. Self-reflect on prior choices regarding money, and move forward in alignment. 

If whatever non-society and unplugging is, is not suppression & aversion, but sincerely resonates, do that. 

The matrix isn’t a place one enters and leaves. 

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9 hours ago, Phil said:

Overwhelment as guidance points to how thoughts (spiraling “into time”) feel.  

 

When one doesn’t make a case against oneself, one doesn’t experience overwhelment. 

 

The Loophole Shake.

One ‘loophole’ aspect is that it’s much cheaper than whatever diet you have going currently. 

Another is clarity.

 

That isn’t what you feel like, it’s a belief indicative of spiraling / blowing things out of proportion.

”I want money”, “But I’m focusing on excuses, suppression & ‘selling my soul everywhere I go’ ”.  

 

Can’t possibly be the thought. Must be “it”. 

It, is a thought. 

Overwhelment is guidance for thoughts.  

 

Uncomfortable is not how you feel. Intimidated is not how you feel. 

Emotion is guidance for thoughts about. Thoughts about are what’s felt. 

“I feel uncomfortable” is a thought, believed, and is not how you feel. 

“I feel intimidated” is a thought, believed, and is not how you feel. 

 

The space in which a thought as to what to say back would arise is already full. 

 

If a different job with different hours is preferred… alignment is focusing on that. 

Not all this suppressive self referential horseshit. 

 

What about what I’ll no longer do? 

Less is so much more. 

 

How can one do what is aligned, by skipping over alignment?

 

Wherever you go, there you are. 

 

Disappointment is guidance.

Believing “all the time”, disappointment is felt. 

Believing “to be someone for _______”, disappointment is felt. 

Pride is a belief. An excuse to keep making excuses. 

 

Disappointed is the suppression & obscuring of the guidance of, disappointment. 

 

It’s not “society stuff”. Self-reflect on prior choices regarding money, and move forward in alignment. 

If whatever non-society and unplugging is, is not suppression & aversion, but sincerely resonates, do that. 

The matrix isn’t a place one enters and leaves. 

I think some more TRE, emotional awareness, and exercise will help whilst partaking in certain unhealthy habits. 

 

I find daily meditation lowers my inclination to partake in unhealthy habits. 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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@Phil now it feels like everythings working out. I made another sale today 🙂. It seems like im actuall destined for success as long as i stay out of the way.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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1 hour ago, Orb said:

I find daily meditation lowers my inclination to partake in unhealthy habits. 

 

Place yourself in a space where you can't do that substance at all or as much for at least 8-10 hours per day.  When I was quitting alcohol I worked from the library everyday for like a month.

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Don’t compare yourself to other people.

 

We were not all brought up equal… we shouldn’t be upset that we are not at the same place someone else our age may be. You can’t compare people who were raised in two parents family vs. people who come from a broken home, people who had to immigrate vs. people who didn’t.. people who are of different ethnicity.. height.. who have generational wealth.. who didn’t have to deal with substance abuse, etc.

 

Your goal is to find what it is that makes you happy. You can look for a different job, different place to live, but in the meantime, try to do your best at this job.. do it as a challenge.. as if you’re playing a role of a good salesman.. use it to experiment, to learn new skills.. don’t think in black and white terms.. 

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