Feeling shame and insecurity in relationship. How does one turn vibration around

[WhiteOwl]

@MandyBut its like.. Emotional guidance sure showed me all the way that something was off. And emotional guidance showing me a completely different attraction with the new girl. How can that be wrong? I would really go against my intuition and feeling to go against that.

[Mandy]

9 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

So what do you suggest i do from here? Is it just karma giving me what i deserve or is there a chance for a good relationship with her.

Slow down. You're looking for an answer, a resolution, and missing the entire magic of all of what's coming to the surface. The girl doesn't matter. Nothing is being decided about the current girl, that was the same obsession with the last girl. Now it might be more apparent that it's not about the girl.

 

Slow down. Take your mind off it, go for a walk, drink some water, or do something similar, sleep on it maybe, come back and read through the whole thread again. 

[Mandy]

Just now, WhiteOwl said:

@MandyBut its like.. Emotional guidance sure showed me all the way that something was off. And emotional guidance showing me a completely different attraction with the new girl. How can that be wrong? I would really go against my intuition and feeling to go against that.

It's always a different attraction because NEW attraction comes WITHOUT resistant judgement and thought patterns about the person. It's new, and it's unexplored. So Awareness resonates. What does that say about the girl?

 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

Terrible analogy, I apologize, but my daughter LOVES her new stuffed animals. The handful of ones she keeps choosing are the ones that if we had to move we'd take with us. There's nothing like "time" to see through the appeal of the novel to what truly resonates. There are exceptions mostly in the cases of people who are in a place where they aren't looking for a partner, don't need a partner and are taken by complete and total surprise. (Terrible metaphor returns) If every single time you go to the store you beg to see the stuffed animals and throw a tantrum if you don't take one home, then you really want to do the "take your time" thing. 

[Mandy]

Does this say anything about the relationship or what you should do? Will another decision help a decision made too soon? Nope. That would be like the little old lady who swallowed a fly. You swallowed a fly? Cool. Ok. Stop there. Do nothing. Chill. 

[WhiteOwl]

@MandyThank you friend 🙂 

[WhiteOwl]

15 hours ago, Phil said:

eeling already is, like the sun is already shining. Feeling is un-obscured, not focused upon. 

So its basically a constant letting go?

 

[Phil]

 

1 hour ago, WhiteOwl said:

So it’s basically a constant letting go?

I don’t know what “it’s” means, but constantly letting go seems to be a thought about a second self in time. Perhaps thoughts such as that can be let go via questioning if the thought is true in the first place. 

 

Likewise, if insecurity is in relationship, a premise has been set in which you can feel secure, or have a relationship, but not both. 

 

If you feel insecure, there’s absolutely nothing that can be done about that because, that’s how you feel.

 

If insecurity is an emotion you experience, there is something that can be done about that. 

The belief that’s how you feel can be inspected & dispelled, by investigating the actual, or direct experience.

That jealousy feels slightly better than insecurity is like a clue pointing to a worthwhileness of inspecting direct experience. 

 

You know insecurity is how you feel, you know insecurity is in relationship, you know you feel insecure around people she knows, you know insecurity is not an emotion but is some thing you can show, you know anxiety is a thing you have, you know there are others and others can see how you’re feeling (the insecurity), you know what others do and don’t like, you know you can feel the thoughts of others yet can’t feel thoughts directly experienced, you know there are feelings (of worthlessness & insecurity), you know you feel doubts, you know you understand, you know emotion in a thing in time which goes on for years, you know it hurts as in is localized pain, you know there is an issue, you know sadness and shame are real and caused by thinking, and you know there is a feeling of inferiority / insecurity which destroys life and can be eradicated. 

[WhiteOwl]

8 hours ago, Phil said:

You know insecurity is how you feel, you know insecurity is in relationship, you know you feel insecure around people she knows, you know insecurity is not an emotion but is some thing you can show, you know anxiety is a thing you have, you know there are others and others can see how you’re feeling (the insecurity), you know what others do and don’t like, you know you can feel the thoughts of others yet can’t feel thoughts directly experienced, you know there are feelings (of worthlessness & insecurity), you know you feel doubts, you know you understand, you know emotion in a thing in time which goes on for years, you know it hurts as in is localized pain, you know there is an issue, you know sadness and shame are real and caused by thinking, and you know there is a feeling of inferiority / insecurity which destroys life and can be eradicated. 

Much appreciated. None of it is known, almost.

 

Sadness is not real? Shame not either?

 

"I" feel completely different and clear now. When thinking about some past situation (the one in the op in this case), emotions starts to be felt in the body. Isnt it adviceable to go through that as a feeling of relief always follows?

[WhiteOwl]

On 11/26/2023 at 11:15 PM, Mandy said:

You could say it's karma, and you did a crappy thing and deserve the flip side of what you got, which is what you're getting. But deserving is not a thing. No one deserves anything. All karma is, is love rejected coming back around like a boomerang thrown and forgotten about, and either you catch it and appreciate the surprise and magic of it or it hits you in the back of the head, unaware. Even then it's still something to appreciate and laugh at because it will make itself known. 

I see what is meant i guess, but again sorry for not being able to unconditionally love everyone and everything. I wish it was that easy at this point, but it just isn't. The new relationship has given feelings of excitement and fun that my old never had and that i always longed for, it might have a complete new set of challenges also though. The communication is different now, also what i wanted.

 

I was not being a good partner for her because i was not feeling great with her. I tried to for so long but i couldn't. I am not sure i agree it was a crappy things to end it for that reason. Dragging her around while waiting for me is not the best position for her is it?

 

You also might have gotten the impression that i was more into it than i was because i was always talking good about her. 

 

 

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl No I wasn't saying it was a crappy thing, it was more of a tongue in cheek example of a judgement. "You could say......" 

 

You needing to be unconditionally loving towards everyone is a condition. Unconditional love isn't a quality possessed by anyone. 

 

Karma doesn't work like that, it's not punishment for sin, it's not karma at all, it's unconditional love. 

[Blessed2]

What are you feeling?

 

Shame and insecurity.

 

Does that feel great, or not great?

 

Not great.

 

What is the feeling telling you?

 

That the thought is not true.

 

[Phil]

1 hour ago, WhiteOwl said:

Sadness is not real? Shame not either?

 

You are real. Experience is appearance. 

 

You could ask “Is ___________ real”, and put every single word in the entire dictionary in that blank, and the answer is there is no such thing as a dictionary. The dictionary is apparent. The reality of ‘it’, is only that which is appearing as. 

 

1 hour ago, WhiteOwl said:

"I" feel completely different and clear now.

Awesome. 

 

1 hour ago, WhiteOwl said:

When thinking about some past situation (the one in the op in this case), emotions starts to be felt in the body. Isnt it adviceable to go through that as a feeling of relief always follows?

In that same regard, clarity… emotions are not things, and thus are not in the body.

 

Thoughts appear. Thoughts which are in actuality, vibration. The vibrational frequency varies. Some are discordant with that which is appearing. Some feel aligned with that which is appearing. The scale is a tool which can be used to vibrationally align thought with that which is appearing. 

 

The feeling of relief is you. You don’t follow the use of the scale. You unfetter of the discordant thoughts, via using the scale. 

[WhiteOwl]

20 hours ago, Phil said:

In that same regard, clarity… emotions are not things, and thus are not in the body.

 

Thoughts appear. Thoughts which are in actuality, vibration. The vibrational frequency varies. Some are discordant with that which is appearing. Some feel aligned with that which is appearing. The scale is a tool which can be used to vibrationally align thought with that which is appearing.

But in that sense, is there no point in fousing on a discordant thought to look at the emotional reaction?

for example the question "why do i hold myself back" contemplating that puts forth a lot of emotions to look at and let go that seems to get in the way in some situations.

Isnt it possible to "drain it" so whats thoughts about doesnt get the same reaction anymore. Atleast thats what "i" have been doing a lot.

Thats what i thought could be described with words like purification. 

 

And there is no self doing it, but i don't know how to describe it on other terms.

Edited November 28, 2023 by WhiteOwl

[Phil]

5 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

But in that sense, is there no point in fousing on a discordant thought to look at the emotional reaction?

Emotion is guidance which is not-of-this-world (not reactionary). The reaction might be behavioral. 

5 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

for example the question "why do i hold myself back" contemplating that puts forth a lot of emotions to look at and let go that seems to get in the way in some situations.

Emotion isn’t let go (not a thing). 

5 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Isnt it possible to "drain it" so whats thoughts about doesnt get the same reaction anymore. Atleast thats what "i" have been doing a lot.

I don’t know what drain it means but no. The guidance won’t run out, stop, go away etc. 

 

Emotion is guidance for thoughts, for consciously creating. I’d keep it as simple as possible and reference the scale. The ‘work’ is in allowing thought to align with feeling, as opposed to expecting feeling to align with thought. 

[WhiteOwl]

11 hours ago, Phil said:

Emotion is guidance for thoughts, for consciously creating. I’d keep it as simple as possible and reference the scale. The ‘work’ is in allowing thought to align with feeling, as opposed to expecting feeling to align with thought. 

How do you see expressing thoughts and beliefs to a partner? I feel worry that i might make the thoughts persist even more or prolong them. And also fear of being judged as weak for them. Do you think its adviceable to be completely open about every single thought, even when its irrational and "weak"? Just to clear it in a sense

Edited November 29, 2023 by WhiteOwl

[Phil]

39 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

How do you see expressing thoughts and beliefs to a partner?

If you have a cut on your arm and do nothing, it inherently heals. Healing is already the case. 

If you pick at it, it’s still healing but it takes longer. 

 

The mind is not like the body in this way, as ‘emptying a cut’ doesn’t make sense / doesn’t apply. 

In this way I see expressing thought and beliefs to a partner as emptying, and encourage it. 

 

39 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

I feel worry that i might make the thoughts persist even more or prolong them. And also fear of being judged as weak for them.

Suffering however, always remains a ‘table for one’.

Expressing to a partner might sound like…

“When the thought arises about how I might make the thoughts persist even more or prolong them, I feel the guidance of worry”. 

“When the thought arises about being judged as weak for thoughts arising, I feel the guidance of fear”. 

 

39 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

Do you think its adviceable to be completely open about every single thought, even when its irrational and "weak"? Just to clear it in a sense

“When the thought arises about expression being irrational & weak, I feel the guidance of ____________”. 

 

Likewise with concept of shame and “turning the vibration around”…

”When the concept of shame arises, I feel the guidance of __________”.

[WhiteOwl]

On 11/26/2023 at 10:44 PM, Mandy said:

Different faces, different places, same awareness of what you got going on. If you end a relationship due to insecurity at least take as long as it takes to feel into what you got going on before you jump into another. Align yourself with yourself for yourself. Don't try to align with her. 

Now this new relationship ended because i feel insecure and worthlessness not able to break the pattern either by speaking with her about it. I have been trying to align myself with myself throughout all my twenties. Soon turning 30 and don't feel like i got any closer. same issues over and over. 

I feel into what i have going on constantly but that doesn't change my beliefs which seem to be a jungle i can't find my way around in.

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl One of my favorite things that Abraham Hicks says is that there aren't ever two camps of people, but if you're dividing them you might as well only concern yourself with the two piles of in the Vortex in this moment, or not. You aren't expected to achieve or graduate, the self concept of yourself as not having achieved alignment in your 20's doesn't work, it doesn't math, there's no time for the Vortex. Maybe you're not in the Vortex right now. You could move on in the Vortex or go outside her window with a boombox in the Vortex. Either way there's the Vortex, and there aren't two, a white owl and a Vortex. There's no jungle of thoughts, just a thought about a jungle. 

[WhiteOwl]

10 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@WhiteOwl You could move on in the Vortex or go outside her window with a boombox in the Vortex. Either way there's the Vortex, and there aren't two, a white owl and a Vortex. 

What do you mean go outside her window in the Vortex?

 

 

 

how do i get into the Vortex so to speak.