Holding back my Personality Around People

[Orb]

1 minute ago, Phil said:

Nah. These are just more thoughts experienced. 

Bruh. I said nothing in the beginning. What is there to say about me? Nothing.

[Phil]

17 minutes ago, Orb said:

Bruh. I said nothing in the beginning. What is there to say about me? Nothing.

That ‘nothing’ is a thought experienced. 

 

What can you share about your true nature as awareness?

[Orb]

1 minute ago, Phil said:

That ‘nothing’ is a thought experienced. 

 

What can you share about your true nature as awareness?

🤫

 

How about that? ^ 

Edited November 24, 2023 by Orb

[Phil]

1 minute ago, Orb said:

🤫

 

How about that? ^ 

It’s a cop out, but suit your unsatisfied self. 🙏🏼 

[Orb]

Just now, Phil said:

It’s a cop out, but suit your unsatisfied self. 🙏🏼 

Woah woah woah. 

 

I said stuff earlier of what I am. 

 

Then I said what I am not. 

 

But still apparently that wasn't enough. 

 

Idk what else, honestly. 

[Phil]

Apparently that’s ample. 

In reality; it isn’t. 

[Orb]

8 minutes ago, Phil said:

Apparently that’s ample. 

In reality; it isn’t. 

What answer would be correct then? 🤔 I don't wanna leave you on read either.

Edited November 24, 2023 by Orb

[Phil]

6 minutes ago, Orb said:

What answer would be correct then? 🤔 I don't wanna leave you on read either.

Correct answers would be experience(d). 

I don’t know what leave you on read means. 

[Orb]

1 minute ago, Phil said:

Correct answers would be experience(d). 

I don’t know what leave you on read means. 

Oh 😅, that means not responding at all. 

[Blessed2]

18 hours ago, Orb said:

Honestly, I don't experience any problems at all within anything. It's more of a form of reactivity that doesn't feel good. It's not an indication of wrongness or incompletion. 

 

Thanks for the response! Somehow it just "came up", an intuition that you might have an interpretation that this "holding up" is some kind of a problem about you. 🤔

 

Maybe it's projection, or of course it's projection? 😁

[Blessed2]

This is a very odd (not in a bad or wrong way) thread. Just... Weird progress of conversation. Very odd. Not sure why I get this feeling.

 

@Orb Maybe read the whole thread again at some point. Might bring up some "unnoticed" themes. Like a tarot reading, you know.

 

Do you have a tarot / oracle deck? Ever have readings like that?

 

Edited November 24, 2023 by Blessed2

[Orb]

20 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

This is a very odd (not in a bad or wrong way) thread. Just... Weird progress of conversation. Very odd. Not sure why I get this feeling.

 

@Orb Maybe read the whole thread again at some point. Might bring up some "unnoticed" themes. Like a tarot reading, you know.

 

Do you have a tarot / oracle deck? Ever have readings like that?

 

I'm gonna read more books that's for damn sure. 

[Orb]

I know I sound incoherent lol.

[Phil]

21 hours ago, Orb said:

Hey guys I'm hoping we can work together to get to the bottom of this once and for all. 

Maybe there is an assumption that there is something to get to the bottom of, and direct experience wise thoughts are appearing about there being people. Being aware of these thoughts would be ample. Trying to get to the bottom of something might be a goosechase, while simply being aware of these thoughts is enough, and which is already the case. 

21 hours ago, Orb said:

One of the essential fetters in my life lately has been this tendency to hold back expression around people. 

Self referential dualistic thoughts, about there being a person who has a life for whom people are problematic for. 

21 hours ago, Orb said:

There's a fear that if I'm fully myself eventually someone will tell me to shut the fuck up 🥺😂. 

Maybe this feels off, and the guidance is essentially ‘hijacked’ or obscured by the thought ‘a fear’, which seems to objectify guidance as a thing or object. “A fear” might give an impression that fear is known, as in an object. What feels off might very well be that fear is not known, in spite of the claim, or, the thought which claims if you will. 

21 hours ago, Orb said:

 

How can I be fully myself (alignment/not caring) around peeps? 

And that might lead to the belief you are not already, as consciousness / awareness, already fully yourself. 

21 hours ago, Orb said:

 

I've been chatting with my girlfriend and she's highly perceptive, like she catches shit that I don't even notice in my behavior and it's been great for healing.

Healing is a tricky word. What or who is being healed? A separate of consciousness self? A body? A mind? A belief? A habit of thought? … A person?

Perhaps unfettering clarity, presence, the truth, consciousness, or awareness resonates…?

21 hours ago, Orb said:

We're both on the same page about it and she is aware of this tendency.

That she is aware denotes that you, as a person, are aware. Given the context this doesn’t seem overly semantical.

 

This sounds very much like what’s referred to as the “hard problem” of consciousness. 

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Phil said:

Self referential dualistic thoughts,

Any examples of this? 

[Phil]

1 minute ago, Reena said:

Any examples of this? 

“My personality”. 

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Phil said:

“My personality”. 

Can you explain what's dualistic about this?

Isn't personality a singular composite term?

[Orb]

@Phil okay, I'll just keep on meditating and being aware of thoughts. 

[Phil]

19 minutes ago, Reena said:

Can you explain what's dualistic about this?

Isn't personality a singular composite term?

The implication is there is a self (1), which has, a personality (2).  

Only a finite self could have a finite thing, aspect or quality. 

And there is no finite self. 

[Devin]

18 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Phil okay, I'll just keep on meditating and being aware of thoughts. 

Wouldn't nonduality meditation be more aware of sensations, including those of "thought" such as sounds and pictures, but not awareness of "thoughts"? Isn't awareness of thoughts, awareness of separation? Like there's a thought and then everything else.