Holding back my Personality Around People

[Mandy]

6 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Mandy I still don't understand what the resolution to this will be.

 

Plus I'm not interested in being some nondual missionary, I wanna be able to hangout with people and be expressive without trying to spread ideas. 

There isn't a resolution. You're writing it, and there's no conclusion. 

 

Nonduality isn't about spreading ideas and there are no missionaries. 

[Phil]

11 hours ago, Orb said:

@Phil is this rooted in the belief that there are people?

 

(Holding back my Personality Around People)

 

16 hours ago, Orb said:

One of the essential fetters in my life lately has been this tendency to hold back expression around people. 

 

16 hours ago, Orb said:

How can I be fully myself (alignment/not caring) around peeps? 

 

16 hours ago, Orb said:

I notice I get people pleasy

 

11 hours ago, Orb said:

I've been spending more time around people for a while

 

32 minutes ago, Orb said:

want to express my personality fully with people

 

32 minutes ago, Orb said:

in social spaces with groups or church I clam up

 

9 minutes ago, Orb said:

I wanna be able to hangout with people

 

 

Yes. It’s all rooted in the belief that you are a person, and there are people. 

Notice every reference to people comes with a self reference (a self referential thought) to “myself” as a person. A finite, separate object. 

 

16 hours ago, Orb said:

There's a fear that if I'm fully myself

Fear’s an emotion, felt, not an object (‘a fear’).

Guidance for these thoughts. 

 

[Orb]

2 minutes ago, Mandy said:

There isn't a resolution. You're writing it, and there's no conclusion. 

 

Nonduality isn't about spreading ideas and there are no missionaries. 

Okay, I live in a state that is majority Christian, my boss is Christian, my girlfriend is Christian, my friends are Christian, idk what the fuck to do at this point other than just stay quiet, make a buttload of money and eventually move out.

 

My mom is Christian, my business mentor is Christian, and they want to pull me deeper into that world and my mom even wants me to become a pastor.

Edited November 24, 2023 by Orb

[Mandy]

Just now, Orb said:

@Mandy I just want a family and to live a peaceful life, I don't care about being some Jesus rebel figure. 

Jesus isn't an action figure. It's more of what you're writing. 

 

You're trying to buy your way to "heaven" like the rest of them. By doing the right things. The peace passes understanding, it's not for you and you won't know when you've got it. 

[Orb]

3 minutes ago, Phil said:

Yes. It’s all rooted in the belief that you are a person, and there are people. 

Notice every reference to people comes with a self reference (a self referential thought) to “myself” as a person. A finite, separate object. 

 

Fear’s an emotion, felt, not an object (‘a fear’).

Guidance for these thoughts. 

 

Does this align with the ox herding stage "transcending other"? 

 

It's a pain in the ass because it's all just cultural bs, the truth is everywhere and is everything already. So the condition that I can only be happy if I construct a life where everyone talks about nonduality seems like another condition veiling unconditionally. 

[Orb]

3 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Jesus isn't an action figure. It's more of what you're writing. 

 

You're trying to buy your way to "heaven" like the rest of them. By doing the right things. The peace passes understanding, it's not for you and you won't know when you've got it. 

That's society and business. I guarantee everyone here who is successful has to smile and nod at religious people they work with or people who have different views from them. 

[Mandy]

1 minute ago, Orb said:

Okay, I live in a state that is majority Christian, my boss is Christian, my girlfriend is Christian, my friends are Christian, idk what the fuck to do at this point other than just stay quiet, make a buttload of money and eventually move out.

 

My mom is Christian, my business mentor is Christian, and they want to pull me deeper into that world and my mom even wants me to become a pastor.

The Jews were very accepting of Jesus. He said and did all the right things, got a nice Jewish wife, and they had several children, tithed to the church, were very successful in real estate and lived happily ever after. 

 

It's not two. It's only in the story that it is. However as far as the Author is concerned, the possibility that it's gonna burn in flames is not excluded, it's the charge of the whole thing, and that's what you wanted. 

 

Everything you want is not found through the mean of manipulation and pretense. 

 

There's no state and there's no Christians. 

 

Live on the edge, the razor's edge and see how long you can stay there. There's no place that's safer. 

[Phil]

1 minute ago, Orb said:

Does this align with the ox herding stage "transcending other"? 

No, it’s quite literally the opposite. 

Essentially what you’re saying is how you feel and be is related to and contingent on others. 

[Mandy]

2 minutes ago, Orb said:

That's society and business. I guarantee everyone here who is successful has to smile and nod at religious people they work with or people who have different views from them. 

Smiling and nodding or saying namaste in the present when in Rome cultural way is far different from becoming a Pastor to make your Mom happy and probably a lot of stuff in between. Success is a poor telephone game down the line effect of judgement compared with alignment. 

[Phil]

In initially adopting the practice, one begins to see the root of suffering is not the world (or people in it), but the conflicts and in-equanimity arising ‘in’, or, of one’s own mind.

[Orb]

@Mandy I can't have this conversation with you or anyone from this forum bc I think my situation is pretty unique. It's easier said than done. You're typing on a forum basically suggesting I let go of everything I slowly built up since the car crash. I'm in debt real bad and it's impacting my mom. Every single thing in my life is connected to that church including my current career. What am I supposed to do just leave?

[Orb]

2 minutes ago, Phil said:

In initially adopting the practice, one begins to see the root of suffering is not the world (or people in it), but the conflicts and in-equanimity arising ‘in’, or, of one’s own mind.

Idk man no one here is giving me a straightforward answer. 

 

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

No, it’s quite literally the opposite. 

Essentially what you’re saying is how you feel and be is related to and contingent on others. 

What I meant was is this current blockage the obstacle to that stage. 

[Orb]

Okay got it guys thanks. 

 

So I just quit my job, break up with my girlfriend and find a new group that's related to nonduality and leave my moms house.

[Mandy]

2 minutes ago, Orb said:

Okay got it guys thanks. 

 

So I just quit my job, break up with my girlfriend and find a new group that's related to nonduality and leave my moms house.

No one is suggesting action, but inner alignment. That would just be more manipulation. 

[Orb]

3 minutes ago, Mandy said:

No one is suggesting action, but inner alignment. That would just be more manipulation. 

But everything you told me was action wasn't it? 

 

Look, I initially just wanted to know how can I be more humorous an goofy and confident with people, it's annoying that it's veered off into this nondual Jesus stuff. I'm not Jesus and I don't like this all or nothing stuff. I don't want to be in conflict, I'm not interested in changing culture or adopting disciples to hear my nondual message.

[Phil]

9 minutes ago, Orb said:

Idk man no one here is giving me a straightforward answer. 

12 hours ago, Phil said:

 “people” isn’t a natural belief. 

 

 

10 minutes ago, Orb said:

What I meant was is this current blockage the obstacle to that stage. 

Emotional guidance isn’t a “blockage”. 

[Phil]

@Orb

What can you share which is true about yourself? 

[Mandy]

5 minutes ago, Orb said:

But everything you told me was action wasn't it? 

 

Look, I initially just wanted to know how can I be more humorous an goofy and confident with people, it's annoying that it's veered off into this nondual Jesus stuff. I'm not Jesus and I don't like this all or nothing stuff. I don't want to be in conflict, I'm not interested in changing culture or adopting disciples to hear my nondual message.

Where did I tell you what to do? 

 

Ok. I hear there's a certain "How to be funny" video on youtube for people who have issues with that and need to become a funny person. Might not apply for church humor, I dunno.

 

Just saying it's better to air some of this out now, cause it's gonna come home to roost eventually if you don't explore it now. I just hope your flower is pure, cause she's more than likely thinking her's is. And endless things like this. 

 

There really isn't a problem, if there isn't a conflict. You're thinking it veered off, it didn't veer anywhere, it went where you're avoiding. 

 

[Mandy]

If you don't want to feel like a wolf in a sheep pasture, realize that they aren't really sheep, they're just thinking they are and you aren't really a wolf, you're just thinking you are. But that would be nonduality, so we can't go there. Lots of good reasons to keep your mouth shut if you're a wolf in sheep's clothing cause the teeth are a dead giveaway. 

[Orb]

1 minute ago, Phil said:

@Orb

What can you share which is true about yourself? 

Well when I'm talking to friends, I can talk clearly without feeling like I'm choking. I can feel confident talking to guys at groups and girls too and not be awkward. Thats all I want.