Why am I Attracted to Women, a Deeper Look

[Jonas Long]

13 minutes ago, Orb said:

You have a strange obsession with trying to make people feel like they're somehow weird, wrong, not normal, unnatural. It's not helpful at all.

I could never make people feel those ways, or any ways for that matter.  I'm not wonderwoman.

[Orb]

4 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

I could never make people feel those ways, or any ways for that matter.  I'm not wonderwoman.

Yea it doesn't work, idk why you do that it's so weird. 

 

You talk about all this altruistic shit but you're pretty much an arrogant narcissistic bully which is so hypocritical it makes my brain melt.

[Jonas Long]

18 minutes ago, Orb said:

Yea it doesn't work, idk why you do that it's so weird. 

 

You talk about all this altruistic shit but you're pretty much an arrogant narcissistic bully which is so hypocritical it makes my brain melt.

I'm using humor and irony to show you your own reflection.  It's not really about me. 

[Orb]

1 minute ago, Jonas Long said:

I'm using humor and irony to show you your own reflection.  It's not really about me. 

Sounds like something Leo would say.

 

Wait a minute......are you...gaslighting me? 😲

[Jonas Long]

4 minutes ago, Orb said:

Sounds like something Leo would say.

 

Wait a minute......are you...gaslighting me? 😲

No.  

[Phil]

4 hours ago, Orb said:

😂

 

But when I see am attractive woman the arousal is very strong, does this go away? 

Why do you want it to go away? 

[Orb]

8 minutes ago, Phil said:

Why do you want it to go away? 

Feels like hunger. Like the scene in finding Nemo when the shark smells blood and his eyes turn black.

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Orb said:

Feels like hunger. Like the scene in finding Nemo when the shark smells blood and his eyes turn black.

I experience this as well. I used to experience it much more intensely. For myself a big part of it is believing that I am going to find what I’m looking for in terms of lasting satisfaction in a women. As you start to see that women are great but they aren’t going to radically change how happy you are. Then that feeling becomes less intense.

 

For some people it’s money or respect or status or any number of things. I guess the key is that none of those things are actually going to scratch that itch.

[Jonas Long]

1 hour ago, Orb said:

Feels like hunger. Like the scene in finding Nemo when the shark smells blood and his eyes turn black.

Pretend they're your mom.

[Orb]

59 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I experience this as well. I used to experience it much more intensely. For myself a big part of it is believing that I am going to find what I’m looking for in terms of lasting satisfaction in a women. As you start to see that women are great but they aren’t going to radically change how happy you are. Then that feeling becomes less intense.

 

For some people it’s money or respect or status or any number of things. I guess the key is that none of those things are actually going to scratch that itch.

I'd say it's just a strong desire to express my masculinity, in the same way females mostly desire to express their femininity. 

 

Dating, sex, marriage, providing, protecting is all a form of masculine expression and I crave it so much now. When you're not good at talking to girls it feels like a part of your masculinity is damaged.

 

27 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Pretend they're your mom.

I get what you're saying, but it's on a physiological level, like when I see a woman I'm aroused, it has nothing to do with cognition or your thought process. 

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Orb said:

Feels like hunger.

There’s one pretty noteworthy difference though. 

 

On 9/4/2023 at 4:37 PM, Orb said:

What's really going on here? On a deep level why do men want women and vice versa? 

 

I think I want to experience the "opposite" pole I am appearing as. I think that's what it is at the deepest level. Idk just felt like sharing. 

It’s like if you were water that appeared as a fish bowl then swished yourself around in a circular manor such that fish appear in the bowl. Then the fish would be curious about how being with someone has something to do with felling more whole and complete. 

[Orb]

12 minutes ago, Phil said:

There’s one pretty noteworthy difference though. 

 

It’s like if you were water that appeared as a fish bowl then swished yourself around in a circular manor such that fish appear in the bowl. Then the fish would be curious about how being with someone has something to do with felling more whole and complete. 

What is the difference? 

 

Sexual desire seems to be a fetter on the path, it's very powerful, I mean for every guy I'm pretty sure we've all done ridiculous risky stuff in the name of boners. Like I'll see a beautiful woman in my job and then it's like oh my god I want her 🥹, what do I do in this position? Lol

[Jonas Long]

6 minutes ago, Orb said:

What is the difference? 

 

Sexual desire seems to be a fetter on the path, it's very powerful, I mean for every guy I'm pretty sure we've all done ridiculous risky stuff in the name of boners. Like I'll see a beautiful woman in my job and then it's like oh my god I want her 🥹, what do I do in this position? Lol

If it's seriously getting in the way of your life there are support groups for that.

[Kevin]

29 minutes ago, Orb said:

I'd say it's just a strong desire to express my masculinity, in the same way females mostly desire to express their femininity. 

 

Dating, sex, marriage, providing, protecting is all a form of masculine expression and I crave it so much now. When you're not good at talking to girls it feels like a part of your masculinity is damaged.

 

I get what you're saying, but it's on a physiological level, like when I see a woman I'm aroused, it has nothing to do with cognition or your thought process. 

Much easier said than done but definitely stop believing that you’re bad at talking to girls. It’s not helpful. I would recommend when you’re at your job be friendly but not overly forward. Just strike up conversation with these girls. When you’re not at work, be forward.
 

If this seems too difficult, look into doing a pickup bootcamp. There is a lot of toxicity in the pickup community for sure. However, doing one of those is valuable because you talk to a bunch of girls and you start to realize it’s not that big of a deal.

[Mandy]

19 minutes ago, Orb said:

What is the difference? 

 

Sexual desire seems to be a fetter on the path, it's very powerful, I mean for every guy I'm pretty sure we've all done ridiculous risky stuff in the name of boners. Like I'll see a beautiful woman in my job and then it's like oh my god I want her 🥹, what do I do in this position? Lol

You already answered this question beautifully in the makeup thread, it was a complete and total epiphany level, oh holy shit insight. 

 

 

[Orb]

16 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

If it's seriously getting in the way of your life there are support groups for that.

Thanks for the suggestion, my situation (like anyone elses) is complex, there's some old "wounds" from younger age related to sex and stuff that could be impacting the arousal thingie. But it can all be healed or transmuted thank God.

 

@Kevin good point, it'd be awesome and funny to just convince myself I'm a total ladies man even if it sounds ridiculous. Ive thought about finding some like minded friends and going to social/party events and chatting with girls. The area I live in so far is more family-centric though.

 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

You already answered this question beautifully in the makeup thread, it was a complete and total epiphany level, oh holy shit insight. 

 

 

Huh? What insight?

[Jonas Long]

@Orb if it's causing you this extreme level of disress it might be bordering on a pathology.  

[Kevin]

7 minutes ago, Orb said:

Thanks for the suggestion, my situation (like anyone elses) is complex, there's some old "wounds" from younger age related to sex and stuff that could be impacting the arousal thingie. But it can all be healed or transmuted thank God.

 

@Kevin good point, it'd be awesome and funny to just convince myself I'm a total ladies man even if it sounds ridiculous. Ive thought about finding some like minded friends and going to social/party events and chatting with girls. The area I live in so far is more family-centric though.

 

Huh? What insight?

Keep an open mind. It sounds ridiculous until it doesn’t. I grew up feeling so socially awkward, especially around girls. And by no means am I claiming to be a ladies man now. Not at all. But through talking to a bunch of girls I realized they’re awkward as fuck too. We’re all just doing our best. And eventually you’ll talk to a girl who likes you and then you will feel like a ladies man because when a girl likes you, you can say some stupid shit and she’ll be laughing at your jokes.

just gotta get into those situations.

 

Like I said keep an open mind and eventually you’ll meet people and things will work out for you. I’m sure of it.

[Mandy]

32 minutes ago, Orb said:

Huh? What insight?

 

[Mandy]

Did that actually link properly? The comment about the girl you saw and how you didn't recognize her.