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Going crazy moments


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It isn't something constant, as I said moments.

Sometimes I have those moments when I really don't have anything to do.

No new video from a Youtuber I watch. No video I have in mind to search for. Don't feel like vaping anymore. No new dm's or notifications from a forum (like this, or actualized.org). Too tired to read interesting 'advice' on a forum. No anime episodes airing out. Not the time to eat, don't feel like.

I just can't distract myself! Ahhhhghghghgh!

I've been defeated...ugh.

I lost in the game of trying to distract myself. Lost badly.

I am in need of distraction. But distraction isn't bad.

Distraction isn't bad.

Distraction isn't bad..?

Please don't tell me distraction is bad. Please.

(for the love of god)

I really don't want to see it as something bad, please.

This is my behavior. You also get distracted.

I really want to believe it's ok to be distracted. Why not love it?

But sometimes I just get crazy off of it, and in this moment I just wish to resolve it.

I really want to fill (Phil) myself somehow, lol.

What do I actually want? Because it seems I want to distract myself, and I seem to like it.

I distract myself everyday, and it's only sometimes which it can get me crazy.

Sometimes I just fall onto my bed straight off from sitting in front of my laptop just to get things off, kind of a rest, some kind of letting out.

I try not to contemplate too much in those situations, as my mind is already not in the best shape and I am just suffering.

I just need some sort of solution for when feeling this overwhelming distraction... Yes! I am feeling overwhelm (lol, quite an on-the-spot insight I just received. Perhaps in most cases when I feel like I'm super distracted and can't take anymore the idea that I can't distract myself anymore, it can certainly be that I feel overwhelmed). This is funny because I intended on saying that I feel slightly better after writing all of this, until this point, and that now I feel less crazy. I laid down my overwhelming feeling by expressing how I just can't fucking distract myself, and all those reasons why. Maybe it's frustration..? I guess: Overwhelm - trying to find ways to distract myself, not finding a way, and repeating that loop, building more weight. Frustration - I just can't fucking distract myself, it doesn't work, and I fucking hate it and it's annoying.

Emotions are still labels, still thoughts, very general, like a 'category'/ 'type' of thoughts.

Will love to hear what are your thoughts about this, maybe even advice..(?)

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In moments like that, it doesn't really matter what you do, just get up and start doing something. Walk, dance, do some yoga or anything that will ground you into your body. Keep bringing your awareness back to sensation and breathing.


Find interest in something. Anything.


Express emotions, don't suppress. Cry, yell, scream, kick and punch things - whatever you can do to let it all out. If you can, write or create some sort of art.

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Oh man, can relate so much to this 😅


What are the actions you're taking throughout the day? 


Like what behaviors/habits are occurring each day?


Each day is a series of behaviors/actions, I'd write down each behavior you're doing that hurts you, and transmute it by writing down a healthier form of that behavior. 


If your behaviors are feeling good, then your days will feel better.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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3 hours ago, ivankiss said:

just get up and start doing something. Walk, dance, do some yoga or anything that will ground you into your body.

I mean, I get into those situations mostly while I'm in my room sitting on my desk in front of the laptop late at night. Doing walking, dance and other movements might make noise and I'm also too tired for it/ don't feel like doing it.


3 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Keep bringing your awareness back to sensation and breathing.

'Bringing awareness'... What does it actually mean? Is it perfectly equivalent to 'notice that you experience sensations and accept them'?

The breath is even harder to understand. Is breath and sensation in different categories? I can feel overall general sensations running through my body, and can accept them - experience the birth of and death of the sensations. I can feel air going through my body, but 'breath' is a concept, an image of me breathing/ my breathing/ breathing occurring in my body.

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3 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Cry, yell, scream, kick and punch things - whatever you can do to let it all out. If you can, write or create some sort of art.

When it gets very extreme I fall onto my bed and just give a loud sigh/moan, or perhaps whine it out while my pillow is covering my mouth so that it blocks most of the sound so that it allows me to not be scared to express. When a little less extreme, but still extreme, I either write about it on the forum or on a private journal (and probably then express in a forum), could also be as a song. But those cases are quite rare since inherently I already have a problem of holding onto beliefs that disable me from creating art, and constant hiding and lying games

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I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault… I get out immediately.


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

-Portia Nelson



For some reference of ‘where you’re at on the path’… and what’s next. Some foresight. 





If one defines activities as distraction, the ‘other side of that coin’ is traction. What is it you desire traction with? What self referential beliefs can be dispelled, to allow the traction? 


‘Holding’ emotion to be ‘just thoughts’, is like trying to create the life you desire in a country where you do not speak the native language. Indeed, it would be ‘annoying’, until it is recognized ‘annoying’ is a concept, and blame is the emotion, is what is felt.  In that recognition, the guidance of how the conceptualizing feels is received. In that recognition, one no longer blames, no longer deflects & projects, but instead learns (willingly receives the guidance of) the ‘native language’. Likewise, pessimism & boredom are guidance for creating in alignment. To create in a country speaking Spanish, insisting on English, is unknowingly, willingly, experientially isolating. 


Trying to feel higher than contentment, without honoring, acknowledging, expressing, understanding the guidance of the emotions below contentment…  one keeps ‘stepping in the same hole’. Often referred to as behavioral and or thoughts patterns, or loops, or ‘not getting anywhere in life’. 


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@fopylo IMO those are actually good moments. It's like a break, a breather, and always brings a bit clarity. The next fun things are coming.


Vaping or watching anime isn't a failure. If you enjoy these "distractions", what's the problem? Let yourself enjoy what you enjoy. In fact, enjoy it more. Do it consciously, stay aware.


The next time if/when this moment comes, take a pen and a piece of paper and write down all the fun, good-feeling things you want and is coming to you. A new anime show, a new youtube video, a new interesting forum thread... etc. 🙂


There must be an effortless way.

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Don't think distraction is bad. Empty mind is a devil's workshop. Distraction is healthy if it helps you cope and grow no matter how slowly. The mind needs something to chew on. 

Although distractions that are unhealthy, addictive and drain your spirit are only going to be enjoyable for so long, at last you crumble 


Learn to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy distractions. Distractions that help you normalize your mental state are healthy. Distractions that cause deterioration of your mind and body are unhealthy. 


So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. 

My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. 

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