The Magic of Not Taking Anything Personally

[Mandy]

Is it just by coincidence that we suffer when we take things personally? Or is that a miraculous thing? 

 

From The Four Agreements...

 

"Don’t take anything personally – nothing others do is because of you. 

What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. 

When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."

 

Apply it to any area in your life, or anything you are displeased with. What if it wasn't about you? What fills in when that assumption is seen through? 

 

[Jonas Long]

Isn't the first agreement "you do not talk about the 4 agreements"? 

[Jonas Long]

Just now, Jonas Long said:

Isn't the first agreement "you do not talk about the 4 agreements"? 

Nevermind, I was thinking about fight club. 

[Mandy]

@Jonas Long 😂 

 

Might as well post them all. 

 

"1. Be impeccable with your word – speak with integrity. 

Say only what you mean. 

Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. 

Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

 

2. Don’t take anything personally – nothing others do is because of you. 
 

What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. 

When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

 

3. Don’t make assumptions – find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. 
 

Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. 

With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

 

4. Always do your best – your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. 
 

Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret." - The Four Agreements

[Jonas Long]

@Mandy I do love that book, I remember we read it in 5th at the hippie school I went to. 

[Mandy]

48 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

@Mandy I do love that book, I remember we read it in 5th at the hippie school I went to. 

What?! That's awesome. 

[Jonas Long]

I like how 2 of the agreements are a type of cessation and 2 are active do's.  It's a nice balance. 

[Joseph Maynor]

The problem with advising people to not take things personally is we all do take everything personally.  This can’t be avoided by pretending we don’t.  All that does is create a kind of denial problem and the resentment and fallout that brings.  I think we can work on not taking as much personally when that’s warranted.  Some people don’t take things personally enough though and live a life of quiet desperation as a result.  Wisdom is about knowing what medicine is appropriate at what time.  Wisdom can’t be codified like knowledge imo.  This is the problem with words like truth which tries to put wisdom under the same umbrella as knowledge.  Taking things personally or not is a wisdom issue not a knowledge issue — and wisdom has to do with context (place and time).

Edited April 6, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Mandy]

@Joseph Maynor Taking responsibility and moving forward is a different thing than taking things personally. If I'm heavier than I want to be, appreciating how I look and letting go of the discordance and blame for having gained more weight than I thought I should have results in much faster and MUCH more painless weight loss, and more importantly, the instant result of feeling better. The more I obsess, blame myself and think of it as a personal failure, the more I suffer over it, generally the worse the problem gets. Suffering never gets you what you want, it doesn't move you forward, other than recognizing the feeling guidance. Here taking things personally means suffering, it means putting your interpretation of someone else's opinion above how it is you want to feel. We can't have real conversations, we can't communicate, we can't have communion until we are willing to love ourselves unconditionally. When we're taking things personally, we aren't doing that. We're going around being kind to others and not giving them our true opinion or challenging them because we're afraid of THEM taking things personally. OR we're getting triggered when people are doing that with us. There's no authenticity, no real communication unless both sides are willing to be vulnerable and honest. We can't be vulnerable if we're too busy protecting our concepts about ourselves, and so we disconnect from the love that we really are. Know who you really are, and when you think a thought based on who you're not feeling will let you know. 

[Jonas Long]

@Joseph Maynor check out that book, give it a read, it just may give you a perspective shift!

[Phil]

♥️

 

When conditioning & direct experience are at odds, it’s felt. 

Problem is for me / personal, like there is the experience of misunderstanding and impatience, yet understanding & patience are never actually experienced.

Or the old saying ‘no self, no problem’. 

[solereproduction]

On 4/5/2023 at 9:20 AM, Mandy said:

Is it just by coincidence that we suffer when we take things personally? Or is that a miraculous thing? 

 

From The Four Agreements...

 

"Don’t take anything personally – nothing others do is because of you. 

What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. 

When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."

 

Apply it to any area in your life, or anything you are displeased with. What if it wasn't about you? What fills in when that assumption is seen through? 

 

I like this topic, not the direction it is leading a conversation.

For as long as I remember I try to live by one rule socially the best I can, "Never take anything [personal even if it is.".

 

I had an epiphany waking up 10 minutes ago, Understanding the differences between opposite polarities of the same intellectual axiom.

 

Time, past and future are separated by current point of displacement.

Existing sets between never before and never again.

 

inertia and momentum.  life exists between expanding combinations and contracting results and life doesn't happen in straight lines, curves, or circles, just cycles in series parallel displacements present always changing forms shaped as ancestrally distributed here now.

 

Distance between live and evil is adapting to the current situation of do or didn't anymore.

 

Now why did it take 4 hours to list the 4 agreements? 

 

Here is mine that covers history to current events as a species in the midsts of self destruction self induced.

1.  What 16 great great grapndparents wished were true.

2.  What 8 great grandparents believed possible.

3.  What 4 grandparents teach next generation is socially true.

4. What 2 parents educate their children to respect as all anyone needs to know to save humanity.

5. Great great grandchild get to choose how to ignore not is eternity or else.

 

Eternal Hell is an intellectual design from within history of this species pitted against itself.

 

Actuality of being a character role lodel on theworld stage of lets pretend this species isn't part of natural evolving as eternally separated now. Otherwise there is no rank, power, wealth, fame, philosophy worth dying for, ideology worth compromising with, reason to live other than accepting now is eternity and dealing with it honestly and instinctively aware each eproduction is equally existing here now.

 

Equality isn't equity and equilty is make believe life isn't avialable tomorrow as every reproduction only gets to survive the moment here.

 

Life isn't a miracle, the fact this species is still existing after all it does within itself is.  Mankind is about to end the miracle of still existing to make dreams reality of promises made and promises kept all 5 generation gaps left living forward here now.

 

Define self fulfilling prophecies better than I have here, including history to current events since dawn of civilization?  Nobody will try, because everyone's brain knows how accurate this is.

 

but I won't take it personal. I understand why everyone minds their society's rule of law.  Pandora's box of what if's.

 

Edited April 7, 2023 by solereproduction
add context to clarify life's specificity to evolving forward now.

[Mandy]

[nurthur11]

On 4/6/2023 at 6:56 PM, Phil said:

♥️

 

When conditioning & direct experience are at odds, it’s felt. 

Problem is for me / personal, like there is the experience of misunderstanding and impatience, yet understanding & patience are never actually experienced.

Or the old saying ‘no self, no problem’. 

 

+ I recently felt at moments that conditioning and direct experience were not at  odds and it felt good, like tranquility, joy and self leadership. Do you mean something what i am mentioning here?

 

@Mandy

 

Is so hard not to take things personally, but I will try. !!

[Phil]

39 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

+ I recently felt at moments that conditioning and direct experience were not at  odds and it felt good, like tranquility, joy and self leadership. Do you mean something what i am mentioning here?

Yes, what’s pointed to (and pointing) is the nature of our being. 

Like how there is an experience of misunderstanding, yet never of understanding. 

Or how the default is peace, which is the nature of our being… and for there to be conflict, war, etc, the peace must be it. 

Then it’s like “where’d the peace go!?”.

The peace is still This! 🤦🏼 

[Joseph Maynor]

Is there a way to not take things personally?  Maybe, but who does this?  No one.  It's obvious that everyone takes things personally whether they admit that or not.  I've seen too much to believe too much here.  Everyone has ego even people who fantasize (and/or give a persona of) the alternative; namely, the ideal inverse reaction to ego.  We take everything personally on some level.  And that's good on some level too.  It just depends.

Edited January 28 by Joseph Maynor

[Rose]

On 4/5/2023 at 1:30 PM, Mandy said:

@Jonas Long 😂 

 

Might as well post them all. 

 

"1. Be impeccable with your word – speak with integrity. 

Say only what you mean. 

Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. 

Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

 

2. Don’t take anything personally – nothing others do is because of you. 
 

What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. 

When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

 

3. Don’t make assumptions – find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. 
 

Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. 

With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

 

4. Always do your best – your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. 
 

Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret." - The Four Agreements

Somehow this seems like BS, like something taken out of the bible. Especially things like “speak with integrity” - there are many situations where speaking with integrity is best to be avoided.

 

”Always do your best” - trying to always do my best has exhausted me, made me depressed and an anxious person. Living life as a C student has given me freedom and easiness.

 

I don’t like following any rules like this and this just seems to me like some spiritual nonsense that can be easily debunked and shown how it can actually be harmful.

 

I am surprised the 4 agreements is so much crap and everyone is going crazy over it. It could be there is more subtext but as far as I know it’s a small book so…

Edited January 28 by Rose

[Mandy]

@RoseOk, but that's your personal opinion, and the premise of the thread was not taking stuff personally, so it's kind of humorous in that way, isn't it?

 

 "Doing your best" could be taken to mean that you need to achieve a lot, but it just means focusing the best you can on the thing you're doing while you're doing it, and then forgetting it when it's done and not doubting yourself, criticizing your work, etc. Just giving it your all, then letting it go. If you get straight A's but don't have time for friends, exercise or healthy meals, that's not doing your best, it's just obsessing over grades. If your best is 30 minutes of studying, then kick ass at studying for 30 minutes, cut out distractions, focus hard. Then give yourself a break and drop the thoughts that say you that you didn't do it for long enough, or didn't get to that one section or whatever. That's your best. 

 

 

[Jonas Long]

Taking things personally is like having unprotected sex with everyone you interact with.  Sure, it's fun.  But also dangerous and unnecessary. 

[Jonas Long]

8 hours ago, Rose said:

Somehow this seems like BS, like something taken out of the bible. Especially things like “speak with integrity” - there are many situations where speaking with integrity is best to be avoided.

 

”Always do your best” - trying to always do my best has exhausted me, made me depressed and an anxious person. Living life as a C student has given me freedom and easiness.

 

I don’t like following any rules like this and this just seems to me like some spiritual nonsense that can be easily debunked and shown how it can actually be harmful.

 

I am surprised the 4 agreements is so much crap and everyone is going crazy over it. It could be there is more subtext but as far as I know it’s a small book so…

Maybe you should read it before taking on this level judgement towards it?  It is a small, easy read.  And you don't want to annoy yourself by being one of those "judgemental" types afterall, do you?