ivankiss

@Faith That's crazy... and beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Happy for you and your husband. Seems like a one in a million type of deal. Idk... I already kinda decided by leaving. It's just that now that I'm away, I'm doubting that decision. I think I just need to whine a bit... It was by far the most exciting and fun and beautiful experience that I had in a while. It was a very high peak... and it seems like I'm entering another valley now. Everything pales in comparison. I still don't think we're that good of a match for a long term relationship. There are things that would bother me quite a bit, when it comes to her lifestyle and views on stuff... But when it was just me and her in a room, making love, talking, etc... it was absolutely heavenly. I can hardly imagine it getting any better. So yeah, I'm obviously experiencing conflicting thoughts and emotions. I'm kinda confused and hurting... I fell in love with her, but I think we're not good for each-other overall. It's super hard to let go though.

@Faith ❤ I miss her... Can't stop thinking about us... I know the fire is slowly dying, and I don't know if I like that.

This chapter is officially done. Off to Maribor to say hi to some people, and then I'll see from there. What a ride...

One of those nights... I want a bike like this haha!

Hahaha! This is why I absolutely adore this guy. Such a good friend. He always knows what's up.

Needless to say, I am on the verge of crying, all the time. It's just too damn beautiful. This adventure that we had, this chapter, this whole journey... Everything. It's just so fucking beautiful. It cannot possibly be put into words. All the beauty that I see and feel... all these dots connecting flawlessly... it's truly divine. It feels like we spent a lifetime together. So many lessons. So much love and wisdom. So much to cherish. She is such a beautiful being. I truly wish her only the best on her journey. And who knows... maybe our paths will indeed cross once again, somewhere down the line. May she recieve everything her heart desires.

It's all about love. Love is the highest understanding. Love is the purest truth. Love is the language we all speak. As above so bellow. I am that love. Thank you for reminding me of that, O. Forever grateful.

@Faith ❤ Thank you for your support guys. Means a lot.

I went super cheesy and left this gift on her pillow. It's her birthday in a few days. I want her to have something to remember me... I got the other half.

And that's it... we just parted ways. It was absolutely heartbreaking and absolutely beautiful. Tears were shed. So long, my love.

Spiraling nights in the void Weathered coat and a dagger If I dream back my youth I can still hear you sing A voice that will die on a mountain And I fear that I've stayed here just a little too long I had to go where you couldn't follow In my weariness I still hear you singing in my mind All the fortunes they took away The shifting earth beneath us Nothing to observe The clouds at our feet Nothing to observe The sun was made a jewel Nothing to observe When at night it did sleep Nothing to observe Cast in a trench of fire I can see the sky is a ceiling And when my heart dies down I am long gone on the fields of summer's green Away from fall and famine In my weariness I still hear you singing in my mind All the fortunes they took away The shifting earth beneath us Nothing to observe The clouds at our feet Nothing to observe The sun was made a jewel Nothing to observe When at night it did sleep I am in every season the one you have always known Life did not reward you So find your way to the river and let go The shifting earth beneath us Nothing to observe The clouds at our feet Nothing to observe The sun was made a jewel Nothing to observe When at night it did sleep Nothing to observe

@Faith Yeah, that's kinda how I see it too.

@Faith Thank you. Love is real, and conditioning is why we can't be together. That's what I extracted. It seems relevant. Sits right. I guess I'm just exercising my letting go muscles.

@Phil Scary 😄

@Mandy That's beautiful. It hit deep. Thank you for reminding me. I'll keep it in mind. Much love and respect.

@Mandy I don't usually walk away from relationships. When I truly love, I'm the kinda guy that stays too long. Way past the relationship's expiration date. That's why I know that I have to do things differently this time around. Only by walking away from this can I complete the healing process. Only this way can I overcome the pain caused by my previous relationship, that left me completely devastated. If I stay, I will repeat history, inevitably. I'm just not ready. I haven't put myself back together since then. I need some more time alone to do that. I love this girl and this truly is beautiful. I know this is something else. It's so much more than just casual fun and sex. I cannot even put it into words, really. It's just something I can intuit. I'm not against casual hook ups, either. I think those experiences can be very memorable and beautiful too. But what I truly want is that one and only, true love. Definitely. Could this be it? I don't know. Maybe... I cannot help myself but be curious about where this could go. But this knowing within... it's stronger... and it's telling me that I must go. No matter how painful it is. I understand what you're pointing towards with 'focus'. And I agree. But I also feel like sometimes it's good to just sit with the pain for a while and let it transform you from the inside out. Instead of distracting yourself with a new sight. Idk... I tend to romanticize and dramatize things. This could be one of those.

@Phil @Faith @Mandy Please tell me how separation is not real and I'm not actually losing anything. It's so beautiful and it hurts so much.

Well, I know time reveals in hindsight I can wrestle with the stormy night Because your love lasts a lifetime But I can see you through the snowblind I wasn't there for you You are gone But I wasn't there for you Goodbyes are long Goodbye

Oh God... two days till my departure. It's starting to hit me quite hard. This month with this girl was absolutely amazing. I fell in love so deeply. It's so hard to walk away. It hurts already...

Yup, it's the turbine. I don't know much about cars, but this was obvious to me right away. Thank God. This is not such a big deal. It will delay things for me a bit though. The car is at the mechanic, it should be done towards the end of the next week.

It means you can rise upwards or spiral downwards from it. It's like a breaking point. I think what you're looking for is interest. Find something you're interested in. Not a distraction, but something that you are genuinely interested in. Interest is amazing. It captivates you, awakens you and can lead you in all sorts of directions. Exciting directions.

Some say boredom is the threshold.

Undo You At life's four-way stop The tinges in your shadow drop Fate pulls you down for the count With broken promises to amount Time seal our ways To the heart of our hiding place When all our lifelines have been crossed Some scars can never heal from what we lost To fail the test and depart the strong Is to light the way where you have gone For only our funerals to come A requiem in death, a song And it seems to be That consistency is not what lingers ahead But a virtue of the dead One of these days Hours pass yet the night stays When your spirit won't turn anew The world shuts down with no goodbye to undo you Breathing lifeless We are not afraid to die Breathe in life's less You're afraid not to live

Looks like it's just the turbine. I hope it is. That's not such a big deal to fix.

@Phil Thanks. I'm so hungry for validation. (Said no ego ever)