Blessed2

If I was a christian, I'd probably say something like: God has three sides, or thee attributes like a hand has five fingers. They are father, son and holy spirit. Jesus is the son.

Day 25. 2 x 25 minutes done. Walk done. Workout done. No drinking. Did some cleaning today. It was actually quite fun.

The minimum age of criminal liability is 15yrs here.

Welp, there was a school shooting today in Finland. A 12 year old shot and killed another 12 year old. And wounded 2 more. The interesting thing here is that the kid won't be going to prison, cause of the young age.

What-you-are-not claims what-you-are as an experience or knowledge a you has or gains, in time.

I'd say it very much does reflect back. It reflects perfectly and instantly. So much so that it cannot really be even called "reflection". Thoughts about 'others' are thoughts about 'you'. "Other person" is a projection of what you think you are. You don't call a pine tree "other person", but you call a human "other person", cause you think you're a human and not a pine tree. Whatever you think is or could be true about others, is automatically what you think could be true about you. The word "could" is very important here. It might not be that you think it is true about you, but could be true. For example, you might think that someone else is guilty of something, but you are not. Yet there is the underlying belief that you too could be guilty in some situation. And that right there is something that a case could be made to call it simply "hell". There is no more innocence, there is no freedom or love. Similarly, when there is a belief that someone could be a hopeless case, there is no more grace. There truly is hopelessness. Brings in mind how lots of religious folk say that god is omnipotent etc, yet there is still great fear of "the enemy", satan. As if the will and power of an omnipotent god could be thwarted, and his plan could be in doubt. That is not omnipotence. Similarly, that there is guilt and hopelessness is not innocence, grace or infinity. If you talk about spirit and infinity and god and love, make it make sense!

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It's also surprisingly hard to "humanely" execute a person. I once went down a wikipedia rabbit hole on all the methods of capital punishment and it seems that there really is no reliable methods. All of them can fail (and often do), or cause needless pain etc.

Sometimes thoughts come up that certain people are "hopeless cases". But I don't want to think that of others, cause it really just curve balls and bites you in the ass. If there really is someone who is a hopeless cause, it automatically holds the possibility that you could also be a hopeless case. I'd go with grace-against-all-seeming-odds here. Mad love, mad devotion. I mean we probably both agree that God is infinite. I wonder if anything can per se be removed like that. I mean it sounds logical and rational, but it's not like logic and rationality hasn't ever failed us. 😂 Does death really do anything? Like how physical energy cannot be destroyed. The thought that some people could be just waste of space is also a curveball and comes back in form of you could be a waste of space. And again, God is infinite, yes? Then where does this shortage of healing / well-being (rehabilitation) come from? Is there not enough in infinity, even for hopeless cases?

Day 23. 2 x 25 minutes done. Walk done. Workout done. No drinking. There was moments today when I felt the unobscured flow. Great feeling.

Maybe compassion is just what uncovers when projection goes.

"By their very seeking they lose it, for that is using the Buddha to seek for the Buddha and using mind to grasp Mind. Even though they do their utmost for a full aeon, they will not be able to attain to it. They do not know that, if they put a stop to conceptual thought and forget their anxiety, the Buddha will appear before them, for this Mind is the Buddha and the Buddha is all living beings." - Huang Po

Day 22. 2 x 25 minutes done. Walk done. Workout done. No drinking. 🙏🙏 In a zoom call some time ago Phil mentioned something about "just staying positive". Today that hit me a bit. I mean just staying positive. I was just thinking about some stuff, something about getting old and that I will grow old and eventually be an old man. All these worries I have right now got really small somehow, and the point of "just staying positive" really hit. It's such a simple thing but very powerful.

That's just boring boiled veggies. All the cool kids eat Shithole Shake.

😂😂

AKA vegetable puree soup. 1. Get a bunch frozen vegetables, many different kinds. All that stuff you know you should be eating. 2. Boil them, add some salt 3. Add spices if you like 4. Put all of it in a blender and blend until smooth And add more water if it's too thick. It'll probably taste like shit, but you can just drink it from a pint or a shaker or something in a few minutes without tasting too much of it. At least you're eating what your mom wants you to eat.

"The very doubt 'can I realize?' or the feeling 'I have not realized' are obstacles to realization." - Ramana Maharshi Damn. 😂 It really just uproots the entire tree.

Day 21. 2 x 25 minutes done. Workout done. Walk done. No drinking. It was a good day today. Cleaned the house a bit more. Ate healthier foods. Entertained a thought to join a gym and start working out. It got pretty close to drinking again but got through it. Thank God for a sober day. 🙏

✖️ You -> are aware -> and thinking thoughts ✔️ Awareness -> thought -> "you"

Day 20. 2 x 25 minutes done. Workout done. Walk done. No drinking. I cleaned up at my house today. Didn't get everything done, but I washed all the dishes and stuff like that. But maybe that's a little victory still. It was crazy cause I had planned to have a cleaning day today. But when I woke up in the morning, I felt horrible. I took very, very small steps toward getting ready to clean. There was tons of despair and powerlessness. Even suicidal thoughts. I was right at the brink to give up the plan and start drinking in the middle of the day. But then I took just a little while to sit quietly, not even meditate but just sit and feel body sensations. Then a slightly better feeling thought appeared and I put on some music and started washing dishes. It was really just the music that did the trick. Taking those few steps from the couch to the stereo system really helped a lot. I was very close to start drinking later too. I gotta say it's pretty much just grace that kept me from going down with it. Just kept myself busy until it was too late to even get any alcohol. It's not possible to buy alcohol here after 21:00, only bars are open. Luckily I don't really like drinking in bars, So the days when the craving/urge is strong, I just gotta keep myself from buying any until it's too late. After that it's easy. Sometimes it hangs by a thread. There has been moments when I have been literally outisde, walking toward a store to buy drinks but then I manage to take just a minute or two or three to pause, maybe literally stand in front of the grocery store. And then a thought comes, that maybe I can get through just tonight without drinking. And then I stay sober. It's pretty much just grace, truly. And when the day is over and I stayed sober, I'm so grateful for it. Thank God for a sober day. And thank God for the alcohol laws in this country.

The separate self seeks peace, yet if/when it finds it, there is a discomfort cause the peace may be lost. That is not really peace. Peace or happiness is sought by trying this and that, doing this and that, filling any requirements the peace/happiness holds. Yet if it can be found by doing the right things, it can only be lost if you happen to do the wrong things. That ain't peace or happiness. If it can be found, it can also be lost. If it can be acquired by meeting certain requirements, it is not water proof because those requirements can be failed to meet. There just isn't any real peace in this equation. You just run around never really being able to truly rest.

Day 19. 2 x 25 minutes done. Workout done. Walk done.

@A Tim Thank you 🙏