fopylo

This is quite confusing me. Esther Hicks talks about how your desires are in a certain high vibration and that you must allow yourself to raise your vibration to that of your desires, from your current vibrational state. The question is then: how do you know what is the vibration of your desire? For you to know that, you would be already in that vibration (since you focused your attention initially on the desire, and it felt good, you felt good as it activated within you).

@Indisguise A trick I use when I get overwhelmed by life (which is almost default already) is to express how frustrating this whole situation is, and that it is so annoying and irritating (maybe also my impatience for it). It doesn't sound like it'll practically fix stuff, but I can tell you that this new vantage point is way better than the one of being overwhelmed. This kind of relief feels like you're 'starting to take control' and imo the first step in getting back to 'riding your life'.

@Blessed2 LMAO I can't believe she got through with this

Because the meditation of emotional awareness (my experience with it) creates discord and is antithetical to the basic meditation? I would still like to meditate on emotional awareness without all this discord arising... I think it's still important to mention that it is quite a 'practice', which is - the practice of allowance, which isn't for granted. Allowing isn't easy for everyone since we hold on to many things we truly believe. I think there's some beauty in it

@Phil What I meant is that I don't understand what you meant when you said the intentions are clashing. So you say that the intention of emotional awareness meditation is mental and emotional equanimity, and the intention of basic meditation is to bring discord to rest... How both these intentions might clash? Allowing, yeah. I like this, especially this: This is a nice way to frame it. I'll start thinking about it that way: it's not about you, the one who is suffering, slowly becoming better at accepting yourself, having inner peace, authenticity, and progressing towards enlightenment. But rather it's about allowing the clutter of thoughts and beliefs to settle down and know that you are already the result you want (this inner peace, authenticity, joyful), and it is a process (meditation and expression) of allowing your source to flow through you.

@Phil Yeah I know, this is what I didn't understand. How are those intentions clashing? What intentions? Creating the many distinctions among the different emotions - "anger", "discouragement", "blame" - is certainly engaging with the mind. Good point. Haven't considered that. But then the question that comes to mind is - what does it then mean to be consciously aware of your thoughts vs not being aware of your thoughts? What is the difference in experience between meditating on thought/emotional based meditation and just going about your day to day 'normal' life? Well then I guess this occurs in a progression towards no mind, allowing your vibration to be very high, rather than by trying to shut it off. You knew before you posted it that you wouldn't get away with it easily ha ha Well of course! When people like Leo say that they've meditated for a long period of time and starting to achieve permanent results such as inner peace, self love, authenticity - it obviously sparks something in me to want to chase it as well, not to mention the pressure of trying to start early so that my 20's will be great. If beliefs = focused thought(s), and you feel the thoughts (like you said "One already automatically effortlessly if feeling thought"), then why am I still suffering from beliefs? Why? Isn't it awesome to experience thoughts of joy? Thoughts spark emotion, creativity, and many other stuff.

@Phil I am interested to here as to why. How the intentions might be clashing results? Yeah, but I can tell you something certain: My life experience would have been much worse if I hadn't come across Leo's channel and consumed his content, if I hadn't read your replies, had a session with you, read some mind blowing books. I have to get the theoretical understanding first, no? I mean, pretty much everything you're talking about is wisdom, but where did you get this wisdom from? You surely are a fan of Esther Hicks' teachings. You use terms like 'belief', 'thought', 'resistance', 'letting go' - which I bet you wouldn't have used if you were not to read some books and/or learn about this wisdom of reality, conceptually. This is too much engagement with the mind I meant more like if you give space for your feelings, and prioritize feeling the thoughts rather than engaging with the thought, then you are more in contact with the way you feel, and naturally prefer better feeling which will happen automatically, I guess. I find 'letting go' to be quite misguiding, as it seems to mean 'push the thoughts aside'/'get rid of it', and also a subtle implication that it is better not to have a thought than have a thought. The key missing point is that you always have thoughts arising, you're living within a sphere of thoughts, of mental evaluations, which are always here and you can't get rid of it. You can only distance yourself for playing with it. Letting go means shifting focus to a better feeling thought. What? but you are the one always talking about 'moving up' the emotional scale, which is changing emotion. What does it mean to allow feeling?

I've just done a 45 minute meditation focused on emotional awareness. I'm reading the book Ask and It Is Given by Esther Hicks, and a lot of the content is focused on thought vibration and LOA. As I'm meditating I have thoughts, natural thoughts, that arise. Each thought that arises has a certain feeling to it, which translates into body sensations and a general intuition of harmony/discord, of whether this is in alignment or not, of whether it is closer to the experience you truly desire - the relationship with YOU. And the more you ponder a thought, it expands and becomes clearer, attracts similar vibration thoughts, and the vibration becomes more powerful to notice how you feel. With that said, when I was meditating, thoughts arose, and with each one I was assessing how it feels in my body and what it tells me about my relationship (alignment) with my true self. Assessments are also thoughts. So when I'm having a thought I am trying to assess it with feeling it, which is another thought, holding onto the original thought. I am basically scared of dying into the thoughts. I am scared because when I die into a thought, experiencing it, there is no room for a different thought (the assessment) to intervene, and I want to assess, I want to understand, but when I'm dying into a thought there is no room for that - there is also no I for doing so. I know you might say that this is good to die and lose your sense of self in order to experience fully. However, in this stage of trying to understand what the book is talking about, I value understanding the experience, and to know from direct experience how this LOA works, in real time. But yeah, this was a recipe for disaster. I was experiencing so much resistance, and still pushed through. Even when I was experiencing this strong resistance and had enough already of this session, I still focused on feeling the discord, and more importantly, on the feeling, for feeling tends to move towards alignment. But again and again, I fell back into this pit-hole of strong discord, and I really hated that experience. Sometimes meditation do be like that, and sometimes not. Fucking hell, 'just enjoy meditation' - that was my initial intent.

@Faith Thank you

@Faith Hi, so just now I've thought of what you said and decided to give it a shot. Now it is past midnight, but at around lunch time I saw her coming out of the car to the house from my window and she looked tired up, a bit stiff, and like she's not having the easiest time. Just a few minutes ago I approached her while she was brushing her teeth and asked her: "hi, um how was it at work today?" (this was quite a step for me) And she replied "It was hard. You mean the knew job? - because you know I work 2 jobs.. Yes it is quite hard", to which I asked: "Do you enjoy it?" She said "You know.. that this job.. it is almost exactly like the previous job, just better quality." "It is harder but I get paid more." "Do you like this new job more than the previous?" I asked. "Well... maybe.. maybe I liked it more.. (she seemed quite unsure, perhaps leaning more to her previous job)" "Thanks you for asking me. How was your day today?" Her face expression didn't change the whole conversation, with that same worn out face, even when asking that question - perhaps she's just tired, which is understandable. In contrast, I was smiling excitedly and answered "Fine, I mean, nothing special. Here all day". We then moved on to talk about me and some upcoming events I have, both of us with are similar expressions. We then cut it goodnight. It was a fraction from what you advised me to do lol, but I took a step further, and perhaps let my mother express (in a monotone, tired dead voice) that it was hard and thanking me for asking (?) Maybe it will give her better energies for tomorrow, but idk... She goes to sleep very late (now it's 2:30 am and she basically gets up at like 8:00).

@Faith Yeah, I believe so. I am surprised to say that I don't know much about her. She was never really engaged with the family, quite absent from some meetings. Also, we barely ever meet with the family from my mother's side. I am not in contact with them. But anyways, my mother is working 2 jobs. In fact, yesterday, when I wrote this post, she also moved to a new job - similar to her other jobs (her 2 jobs have to do with secretary work in the dental field). She still has 2 jobs, and is working a lot and always coming back tired. She also doesn't have much hope and a slight vision for a better change

@Faith Oh man just forget what I said then

@Faith Good point I didn't want it to be seen in that way, certainly not trying to make others feel bad. All I said was that you can do this from a smarter place, knowing the consequences you believe can occur to you and trying to avoid it. But also knowing those consequences, expanding on them from overthinking, and fearing your basic identity to be shown. It's your approach to that topic

@Phil Getting stuck is an interpretation that I am stuck. What are you on? I mean that I don't have the time to waste on all the effects and methodizing the whole arrangement, come on.. I want to move swiftly without getting stuck too much (yeah I know those are thoughts and that I don't 'have time' to waste, just expressed the thoughts). What do you mean by 'better feeling interpretations'? What are some examples? Pessimism is one of the trickiest emotions I've came across. Not much the emotion, but rather how is it related to impatience (how is it relief from it/moving up)?

@Lotus @Phil The same could be, as an example, that I really enjoy playing the piano (I really do) and I have this unique experience when playing the piano and I really love it. Would I like to sometime record myself playing the piano, or record myself in general and put out music? Yes, very much. Would I be willing to go through the 'amateur phase' and face all the upcoming challenges like learning the software and everything? No. It takes out all the fun man! I would like the music in my head to be manifested outside the way I hear it in my head. Getting stuck for 1 hour because I can't find the right effect to use is just no fun and a big turn off. Then I just give up. Surely there are Youtube channels out, but they are just long and not so on point (the ramble a lot) and have effect that they try selling you

I think people who are very much against revealing their identity are actually living in fear. Trying to hide, to live anonymously, as @Joseph Maynor said, isn't a healthy way of communicating. However I wouldn't go all in and reveal my entire persona here, well because I do in fact hold myself more privately, like I do want some distance. And I do understand there's some fear involved, well, only when this topic arises, otherwise you just go about your day and forget about it. Hopefully people here don't constantly avoid talking about themselves from the place of fear.

I was planning to go to a friend's concert, and my mom volunteered to take me. She told me she'll be ready in 5 minutes, then another five minutes... then making coffee.. I was starting to get worried that I'll miss his performance because of all my mother's preparations (she knew ahead of time). By the time we got there, I was only able to see the last 2 performances and that's it (missed my friend's). I told my mother to come fetch me. On the way back in the car we were arguing a lot, and she is saying that I need to be more appreciative, and if we were finally heading out like 40 minutes late then I could've just said "well, since it's already late then I think I won't go". This made me furious! How dare she even say that? I told her that she is shedding of responsibility and that she should've said that she's sorry for making me late, but she was so defensive in her position on me being the one that should thank her and also making the choice to go with her. But she was the one that offered me to go with her! Her way of thinking is very shocking (I told her) and also that she is a bad example. She told me that the way I see things now are like that but in a few years I would appreciate all the care. As if. I told her that also 2 years ago she told me that and she always says that to me, and for quite many years I find myself hating her over and over again. Now, I told her, I'm soon 20 years old and I still think she is wrong. My parents are getting divorced (I already talked about it in other topics in actualized.org and here, and that my parents are finding their new houses). My mother is planning on moving to a city about 30 minutes from the small town in which I live, which means I won't be visiting her often. I also don't really intend to. Anyways, she was then telling me that she has lots of things on her head like her work and her future, and that she is doing the best to help me. I've heard these stories not once. She keeps floating around in her life and is very selfish. She is always trying to protect her identity from getting hurt more than it already is. She will blame anyone but herself. I believe also my brother doesn't like her that much, but probably not like me. My mother is stuck and thinks she's right and doesn't know how to get help, and I don't intend to be the one who helps. She thinks she knows how stuff work here. She is close to 50. I don't know how my mother took this argument. She might have been offended by some things I said, but I don't know. She tends to behave naturally (back to default mode - minding her own business, floating around, going out, in her room).

@Phil Yeah but 'drink a pepsi' is less vague than 'discouragement'... The question that comes to mind is "How do you distinguish among the different emotions?" What is the cutting line? If your answer is "by how it feels".. Then by what method do you categorize an emotion by the sensations? What certain sensations and thoughts do I need to experience in order to conceivably experience the emotion of discouragement?

@Phil And by that, I assume you don't mean emotions (such as jealousy, anger, boredom), because these are more labels, thoughts, to believe. I assume you mean sensations in the body, like an itch, cool in the area of the stomach, stiffness, relaxation in the area of_... Emotions are also concepts. Man.. emotions are so vague, you know? Like, what are emotions? An emotion is literally a category of thoughts together with sensations in the body, mixed up (conceptualized) and we call this emotion.

@Blessed2 I think he said only members who've been recruited...

So thoughts arise which don't resonate... In these instances, should I put my focus on feeling the thoughts rather than believing the content? Also, why am I resisting feeling? Why am I fearing death? Why do I have beliefs in the first place?

I think it would be a very fun thing to do, for people to share their usernames from actualized.org. Not everyone kept their original name, and I think it can be a really fun thing! I myself have been mindblown that 2 profiles from different forums are actually the same person, like wtf?! That is, of course, only if you want to share. Mine is pretty simple: Fopylo (same name)

Vaping, vaping, vaping Just keep vaping Hmm.. cold Frozen skull Is it really worth it? Is it really cool? Patterns keep repeating themselves Life is on repeat I never know when I dive into a new reality As though new realities keep appearing New realities, old realities Always giving birth Life is on repeat My desires, my will, my power All of it - compromised And all of my dreams - sacrificed Stuck in the same position Noticing my hands And here I realize that it is all the same and nothing changed Cold air filling my lungs Fear of addiction floating up sometimes... Deadened...? Life is on repeat I want to shout a change I want to die I want to merge with the ever dying experience, which isn't actually dying, but thought makes it seem so, which is dying Why do I need to change? Why do I need to grow? Can't I just fuck myself around? Can't I just play around? Can't I just get back to living - before spirituality was a thing? New aspirations, new hope As though they haven't appeared before... Excitement for what's coming, relief from what's gone As though they haven't appeared before... The willingness to do something different, perhaps even... Change your life around? "Yeah! Go ahead man, you got this!" Have you ever thought about this?? Life is on repeat But I just want to be like him! Please, show me how, give me the answers I beg... Life is on repeat I don't know much about being alive I don't know much about being I don't know much about simplicity I can still say that everything keeps returning Every thought might reappear The meanings and value, back to the original And emotions, always coming back for a visit, As though they haven't appeared before... Life is on repeat

When it gets very extreme I fall onto my bed and just give a loud sigh/moan, or perhaps whine it out while my pillow is covering my mouth so that it blocks most of the sound so that it allows me to not be scared to express. When a little less extreme, but still extreme, I either write about it on the forum or on a private journal (and probably then express in a forum), could also be as a song. But those cases are quite rare since inherently I already have a problem of holding onto beliefs that disable me from creating art, and constant hiding and lying games

@ivankiss I mean, I get into those situations mostly while I'm in my room sitting on my desk in front of the laptop late at night. Doing walking, dance and other movements might make noise and I'm also too tired for it/ don't feel like doing it. 'Bringing awareness'... What does it actually mean? Is it perfectly equivalent to 'notice that you experience sensations and accept them'? The breath is even harder to understand. Is breath and sensation in different categories? I can feel overall general sensations running through my body, and can accept them - experience the birth of and death of the sensations. I can feel air going through my body, but 'breath' is a concept, an image of me breathing/ my breathing/ breathing occurring in my body.