fopylo

@MazE You don't know though how your friend feels when he's not around you and if he's trying to make people like him by acting like a clown. But for your question, hmm... hard question. You know, actually not really.. paradoxical haha. For my closer friends, I care less for being liked and trying to be funny to get their attention (but I still have a little bit of care), and with people I'm not close to but know, I seem to care way more. Thanks for lighting this up for me! (more like getting me to think about it) Damn bro you speaking facts. I did become a 'clown' because it gave me attention (love), and then I saw the downside of this role (not so much respect) and so now I want to be a 'leader' to gain respect from others (also love). Having a strong vision is about playing some role/ identifying with some role to achieve this vision, no? Working at it is putting pressure on yourself to become/achieve someone/something which you aren't/don't have currently, no? Well then, I can tell you my vision is to be a person with traits and capable for managing a squad, help make decisions and be heard, be taken a little more seriously. If this is not a vision, then what is? That would be perfect, but this is the military we're talking about. Not every decision is being followed 'willingly'. Some people are just better at making the right decision even if there is reluctance to it. They believe something like "I don’t care if you call me an insensitive b*****d, as long as I remain an efficient b*****d"

@Phil Ok so you say that until I start my service to let go of putting pressure on myself by trying to become a leader (someone whom I'm not) and just be myself in the service and then make assumptions? Oh shit man. I think I made a mistake all along. Contemplating "leadership", I think what I meant more is to be more charismatic, since I think a leader is more about inspiring people and charisma is more about being heard and have strong confidence in the words you speak out of your mouth. I don't know if this really makes such a big difference but I just wanted to clarify.

@Phil It seems like you're saying that a 'leader' (thought identity) can be broken into simply a person that has traits of 'responsibility', 'recognizable', 'empowering' (also thoughts), and these thoughts can be even further broken down more and more until you get the pure raw state of someone just being true to himself and does what feels right (good) to him. Is that what you're saying? What is the difference? What do you mean? How am I skipping over/ averting the emotions? How do you know that? And what would be the solution to it, to not skipping over and averting, in the exact moment of a situation of that kind ? How can you let self referential thoughts go? You constantly experience thoughts arising and changing... Do you mean to let go of, say I read the responsibilities of the higher position, to focus on the responsibility purely rather than about the responsibility in relation to me, how far am I from this responsibility, whether I am capable/uncapable, yada yada...?

@Faith Nice, though we are going to stay in this house for many years (the next house we move to in 2 years is being built and it's just across the street from the new house, same concept, same neighborhood.

@Faith Thank you. I just came back from like a 1.5 hour walk with the intention of finding this new house (I don't quite remember exactly where is was with all those twists and turns) and also just to walk a little, move my body and clear my mind (eventually I didn't even find the house and that's why I was walking for so long lol). But yeah, I did walk a lot in the new area of the town, the neighborhood you could say. I wasn't so impressed. Not too much light, streets not fully built yet and many houses under construction. I was looking out my window just now and for a second I imagined I'm at that place with lots of earth, far from the center, with that lonely lamp. Took a second to realize I am now right back in the original place, and the big differences of view. I remember experiencing such things. I hope it does turn out to be what 'absolutely needed to happen'.

I've already made a post on it, and I've been trying to look for it for so long I was frustrated, and thought it got removed or something. Sadly, I found it to be in the acutualized.org forum, and looking back, I really hope I'd have posted it here (although this forum probably didn't exist). Anyway, here is the short thread: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/78984-depression-starts-hitting-and-disappointed-with-the-dreamboard/ I don't expect anyone to really go to this website and see what I'm talking about, 'going out of their own way' so to speak, but if you do then it is highly appreciated. So, since I've posted it there have been minor changes: 1. My father is getting a house somewhere else (in the same small town, a duplex, top floor. 2. The plan is to rent this house for 2 years and then buy (he already bought) a duplex just in front of it across the street which currently is being built. Today my father took me and my brother before lunchtime to see the place we're renting for 2 years (we are the first tenants), and it seemed pretty.. fine I guess. Taking things into proportion, this is only for 3 people and most of the time I (and soon my brother) will serve most of the time in the military. But yeah, still feels quite far from everyone and everything. It is in the new area of the small town, quite at the edge, and the view is basically duplexes, duplexes which are being built (it's sort of a place of duplexes), and lots of earth. The colors aren't appealing, as well as the 'newish' style of design - colorless (greyish and white ew). After a while I started feeling sad that I'm actually gonna leave my current house. I really wish I could stay here, but that is the cost of divorce. This is really the perfect house... Not because of the price. The view from my room, I like it. We have a garden and a greenish area. Our house isn't crowded among other houses and isn't low (on the surface level of the main attraction structures). Our house was really in the center of the small town, not crowded, very close to the businesses, 1 minute walk from the park, and the sunset looks beautiful from my room. I just don't know how I'll find myself in the new environment. I mean, how will I find the greatness of this new place; it is just no match for the current house. The rooms are smaller, everything is greyish-white, no garden, view sucks. Man, my childhood was in this house, so much memories. I'm quite scared of this change; it is a radical change for me. I guess the fantasy of having this house to show to my future kids that will visit their grandparent is a long lost dream. Man, how reality can hit hard; how it can slap you so hard in the face you start doubting your anticipations and lose hope. Yes, I might be a p***y for whining on this sort of stuff while other people have gone through much more than me, whatever, so it be. What I was hoping to get of this post: 1. To express and release some grief. 2. To receive better-feeling perspectives from you lot that can ease my way through this situation (which is appreciated). Later on in the day I tried improvising a bit on the piano, trying to let my emotions and flow to translate into the equivalent subjective musical expression. I didn't record it but I do remember a bit, and I was thinking maybe to compose a tune for the feeling of leaving home. I got a suggestion from actualized.org to take pictures of the house and of things I'd like to remember, but I just don't want to overwhelm myself/ stress out about it (FOMO). Packing is on its way, and it is kinda heartbreaking to know that I won't be living much longer in my messy comfy room and that soon I'll need to pack up all things which piled up for many years (and try not to get too attached by nostalgia) and empty. This is exactly why I put it in the emptying category; because I'm literally trying to empty out my grief and fear of change, and needing the courage (freedom) to open a new chapter, a new life phase. A renewal, a healing. If you read my post from actualized.org and also this, I really appreciate you. Thank you 💚

@Phil I like what you wrote, hearing that from a leader like yourself. Just some things came to mind while reading it: You say a few times that once you release the 'becoming a leader' and don't try to become a leader, then you'll see that the truth is that you're already the leader, but it just doesn't seem right/to make sense for me. Do you say we are all natural born leaders? This simply isn't the case in our society. And if everyone were to be leaders then a leader won't mean anything. But I totally agree with a leader being someone that empowers other people rather than to 'Lord over' them, and to light the potential in people. But how does he not believe in goals, identity, responsibility and recognition? - Almost every leader has goals, is responsible (to some extent), recognizable, and believes himself to be the 'leader' that will help and guide. I didn't understand this and I want to understand what you said. And by the way, being a leader seems very awesome. I strive to someday become an empowering leader (like in the personality test there are 4 personalities that emphasize the leadership trait, and the one I resonate most with is the ENFJ - the personality you got. As opposed to the other leaders, the Protagonist is the warmest and focuses on empathy and empowerment). But, as you know, I'm not so far from the start of my military service, and as you might guess it's built with structures of power, hierarchical, this game you might call it. Having dispelled illusions won't suggest you to become a commander, or even a squad leader or officer. You must possess and show traits of leadership, managing people, confidence, decision making, you know.. Thing is, that maybe I'm just not suited for it, which is a little disappointing considering my father to be an officer and fine with managing people. I feel insecure, and sometimes rage that often in the environment with more grown ups he doesn't really listen to me when I try to suggest an idea/solution, quite ignoring me, dismissing what I have to say and trying to figure it out with the other adults as if I'm not one already. My voice gets softer, I get anxious, not making much eye contact, feel uncomfortable and want to leave

@Loop Yo I just realize a lot of people here are INFP, and also INFJ.

@Nowt You can view it on your profile as well

@Phil Not surprising 🙂 @Mandy Yay!

@ivankiss Good luck with it man!

@Nowt Mediators are automatically more introverted. Perhaps you mean Assertive Mediator/ Turbulent Mediator

@Lotus it sounds like listening to music that reminds you of a specific time that made you feel amazing and thus improving your mood

Dude I was watching some youtube videos on reiki and I don't get what the hell they want from me. The woman is showing me her hand and somehow transmitting energy to me, what? The question is why did you even want to get into it?

@PhilCurious about you☺️ 🤍

The great thing about those tests and you guys sharing is that it can give you a greater idea of the type of person you're talking to behind the screen. Since it read me like a book, I can say with some confidence that I bet your guys' answers described you in a shocking way. It can really help understand the mindset, the way someone views life, cherished values of the people here, and most importantly - the opportunity to better relate to people here.

@Faith Yeah, as it says on their website they suggest you retake the test 5 months from now exactly because your new experiences may shape your personality and highlight different traits in you. I'm sure most of us won't be with our personality type our whole life. @Indisguise It is indeed shockingly accurate. It's all fun and games but I certainly wouldn't dismiss it and I do believe it can serve very much to you in knowing yourself better and what might fit your current lifestyle better. @Lotus Bro what? How are you both? 😂 @ivankiss Yeah, but no need to worry. As I said, retake the test 5 months from now as the website suggests. Personality traits can change and morph with new experiences. Still tho, it can help you a lot along your path. @Orb Yo, let's go! lmao. INFP-A or INFP-T?

Hey guys! I came across a website that will test you by asking you questions and based on the answers is generates what personality type you are out of the 16 personality types in this model. It's very insightful, and I highly recommend you to take it as well. It guessed my personality type quite accurately, and then everything written on it - how you live your life, strengths & weaknesses, friendships, relationships, parenting, career - it read me like a book! Here is the link to the test: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test I am an INFP-A Let's share our results! 😊

@Pieherto Bro I don't understand what you're quite saying.. It isn't that encouraging when you say that time will pass fast and I'll become 27 before I know it 😂

@Valley2Mountain Wow dude I'm actually very relieved to hear that from you, from another fellow Israeli who can relate to me. This is so awesome. I didn't know there are Israelis here. How was your service? Btw I'd like to talk to you more if you're ok with that. Ahi ze mamash tov lishmoa, sof sof mishehu shemevin oti tov yahasit po

@Lotus ? Sometimes I can lose myself in the jokes and try to be overly funny/silly than what is natural for me in the moment. That is when I feel I need to affirm my place in the group if I am starting to feel a little 'out', or just to get the attention I'm seeking. Someone like that doesn't get much respect. It resembles a people pleaser/ nice guy. There are people who are funny but aren't a nice guys and people pleasers. I want to be like them, but it scares me a bit. I feel like if I were to be both a very funny guy and also a charismatic leader, I would be very powerful. I have this fear of success, believing (from experience) that things always come easily for me (talent wise, quick learning) and that I'll be seen as trying to be superior and be shunned for it. No, but he gets respect. Basically I want to know how to become a leader and if there are any books or sources that helped you, or if you can just give me advice.

Throughout my life, more like from end of middle school through all high school, through the 6 month pre-military camp, and until now I've sought my identity and found myself to be more of the funny/silly guy of the group. Not stupid per se, but have funny outcomes and things I say and ways I behave that make others laugh. This brought me quite some attention, and the feeling that I have found my place in the group. I've kept being the clown, the funny one, because this always felt like my place in the group, or so I've thought. Every once in a while the question comes up "am I meant to be a leader?" and "can I become a leader?", and I usually just ignore it, compromising for my comfy place in the group, although I can tell you that being the clown of the group isn't always fun. Recently this question has came up more - "Can I be a leader?" - the question itself becoming more clear. Can I really? I've never really been a charismatic person, I don't know how to lead well, and my social skills in group conversations suck (I don't know how to talk and that people will listen to me and to gain respect)... This change to become a leader is a big shift in identity, and can be a bit scary to suddenly be more of a responsible, reliable, charming group member. And as I'm getting closer to my recruiting to the military, this question becomes more dominant, as well as those thoughts above. Like I said in some earlier post, I have some desire to become an officer, just like my dad was, but not only because my dad was. Also because of the higher respect you get, the responsibility you have, and the influence you can give. Perhaps I do have some hidden leadership skill, because otherwise I probably wouldn't be ruminating about it that much. To be honest, most of the times when meeting one on one with a friend, or even 3 friends, I usually like to be the one in charge, sort of the responsible one. It just feels better. (Just like in sexual relationships you have the one who is more dominant and the one who is more submissive, the one who likes taking the role of a hunter and the one who prefers being the prey - these result in sexual tension and connection) - Likewise, I like hanging out with people with whom I feel more dominant and in charge of the situation, but sometimes I prefer variety. The thought of becoming more of a leader is a thought that actually feels more true, relieving, than the thought of always being the clown of the group. However the thoughts 'always being the leader' and 'always being the clown' don't feel good, and being both doesn't seem that easy. Perhaps the goal is becoming simply me, living always in the identity that feels most natural for me in the moment. But still, I face the problem of having a hard time talking in social environments. Whether I'm relieved in the clown or in the leader role, I still need respect. I was having a hard time getting attention from the people I was trying to talk to in a group, and I couldn't finish sentences without the attention quickly moving to someone else. This sucked. So, without going into concepts of emotions and what I'm focused on (Because yeah, I know I'm focused on how much I'm not a leader and feeling those emotions of Jealousy and Rage, and focusing on a more relieving thought is asking the question of how do I become a better leader, and feel anticipation and more calm. And I'd like to hear the suggestions)

@Mandy play the piano, see the daylight @Phil What do you mean?

@Blessed2 Some behaviors that are more common among men that might be rude/untactful with women. More like eminem

@Phil So then I don't know what to talk to her about. What can I talk to her about before I initiate a meeting? Stop what?