fopylo

On a daily basis I go to sleep some time between 4:30-5:30 and wake up sometime between 16:30-17:30. I feel like shit when I wake up. I've been on a long break ever since mid February, and my break will end at the start of July when I'll start my military service, which will require me to wake up early and go to bed relatively early. So I had fucking enough of this. I'm missing all day basically and barely get to see the daylight. Gosh. So I tried something new, quite extreme: 2 days ago I woke up at 18:30, and I already knew my day is gonna get fucked and I won't be tired at all at night, so I decided to take on the challenge of pulling an all nighter, hopefully being super tired the next day so that my body will really demand the sleep at the early evening. Long story short, eventually I went to sleep at like 20:30 (which means I was awake for 26 hours), and since I tend to sleep a lot I'll probably wake up in the morning. I woke up at 8:45 and felt shitty for the amount of hours I slept, however it wasn't that bad because I felt a little good that at least I got up in the morning. This same day I went to sleep at like 4:15 and woke up today at 17:30. Great. I fucked it up again. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I go to sleep and wake up at normal hours?? And more importantly, why the fuck am I sleeping for so many fucking hours?? (sorry for the cursing) Damn, I really do feel shitty waking up like that. And more so, I actually feel tired waking up, not energetic for the start of the day. Is it a health problem, psychological issue for sleeping for SO MANY hours? Damn...

@Phil That's good news, as long as I am in the flow and always know how to keep the conversation going. I don't think I quite get it, but I believe with practice I'll improve. Kinda skimmed this part, but I really don't know anymore what to talk to her about. I've harassed those few 1-2 topics already. And again, if she is more leaning towards dtf then I don't know why I should even divert from it and bring in new topics. This notion kinda buggles me, but also gets me curious.. maybe I should try initiating a meeting already? I think I'll start by texting her more (and not being ghosted) and then talk about meeting up. Btw, from some investigation with a friend I have a hunch she might be older than me in like a year or two 😬. But maybe I'm wrong. Talking from experience I see 😏 Yes, so my plan before getting to see her in person was to make sort of a talk about the meeting location and practicals on the phone. Face cam is a little anxious for me lol idk.

Nice

@WhiteOwl Ok I see, but isn't there some value in roughly planning? If I just go with the flow, then yeah, perhaps I'll be in control moment to moment as I go along and things might even look very different a few years from now, but I might look back and be disappointed a bit. Please explain

@Phil Yeah we've covered the basics. But 1 - the whole conversation can't be filled with yes/no and clear simple answers. Eventually more open questions/conversations need to take place. And 2 - It's very difficult, considering she doesn't reveal almost anything about herself, while I on the other hand have posts from my life experiences and she knows quite a bit more about me than me of her. As a joke I took a picture of my hand and sent her (it had some silly context) and then told her that since I showed her my secret hand she needs to also send one of hers, but she refused (it was all done in lightheartedness). She seems quite like a private person. I spoke with a friend of mine and told him I am a little cautious in case this is some bot or some shit, but he doesn't really think so, and I'm trying to believe it's real. Thanks you! Makes me quite happy to read this 😊 Am I rude for asking what exactly makes me attractive, since you actually spoke with me? What do you mean by "something off putting" and by "something that creates a little tensions"? I met her out of nowhere on Instagram. She's an odd case. Apparently we have a mutual follower (a guy from my small town my age) and she lives far away in the north. Also, a friend from my camp is a mutual follower, and he is not near none of them. The friend from camp also doesn't have an idea who she is, but apparently she followed me and him. Anyways she liked my latest post, then just for fun I decided to like her latest post, and then she liked the one before, and so did I... and we continued until all posts have been liked and it was quite funny for me lol. Then I wrote to her 'lmao what is this game we're playing' and then she said 'wanna play a different?' (here, you're getting even more context). After some texting I realized that those simple short answer questions are eventually killing the conversation. And just ask them out of nowhere? Also, I've already thought of plugging those type of questions already, but I've thought about the fact that she seems to want to make out mostly and so I believe starting to float around with those kind of questions can be a little turn off. Noted. Thanks Ok so she didn't explicitly said she wants to make out. The more full version was that I asked her something like 'So Thursdays you go party?', she said yesss, then I said "maybe sometime I'll see you at a party", and then she said the "and then we'll make out". But then she acted like it was quite sarcastic and jokingly said it, and then to discover it's probably half true. I totally agree with you lmao 😂. It's her fault, no mine. She was bringing those topics out of nowhere lol. But yeah, I've been thinking about it and it might be hella weird to then meet up in person after those conversations. You have a point there. I'll tell you what though: There was a few months ago this girl on tinder I matched with, and she was very beautiful (still is lol), and she also seemed kinda nice with the way she was texting. Thing is I was moving very quickly and asked her if she wants to meet up in real life sometime next week. She told me that maybe she can, but nothing ever happened. This is not the first time it's happening. I've been learning from experience that asking a girl if she wants to meet up fairly early is turning them off. Feeling the pain of not having met this girl from Tinder, I couldn't allow myself to ask quickly if a girl wants to meet up or else I'll lose her. And also, I am a relatively nice guy and so I don't like to be too pushy when it seems like she's still kinda uncomfortable/unsure. Yesterday morning I wrote to her 'good luck' and she only saw it like a few hours ago, almost 2 days (but she's been online sometimes), but she didn't respond to that. She sorta ghosted this message, and now I'm stuck because I don't know what to do and how to keep it flowing.

@Mandy Yes I do. I really do want this experience. It has me really curious what this is really all about and would really like to experience first hand in first person not through a screen, but up close

@Phil Thing is that sometimes I am just stuck, not knowing how to keep the conversation from dying. Usually it happens at the start, not knowing really how to start a conversation with someone new I just met. What I feel is frustration. Boredom is something I experience a lot, but when I want to express by texting her in the feeling of boredom I really don't know what to tell her. I do indeed hold them quite high because they have something they have I need. So I forgot to mention that the reason I started this thread is because of one girl I was really sure it will work out but ghosted me a lot. She gave me hints and then disappeared. This same girl however, came back and we started texting (on Instagram). Her messages are really giving the signal "let's fuck" (not even joking) like she writes to me "wanna play a different game?", "Maybe send a picture of your boxers, I like pretty boxers", "and then we'll make out (kinda sarcastic, but did kinda mean it) ". Afterwards I asked her if she wants to make out, and forwarded the question back at me. I told her that honestly I'm quite open to it. She told me that I'm rude. Then I laughed and asked her if she wants. She said she doesn't know. We don't talk so much but she is a great example, and I hope something will happen. The thing that is odd a bit is that she barely has photos of herself, and none of her face (besides profile pic, but not fully), and barely her body. Her photos are at least a year old. She doesn't like revealing herself much as I see. I hope it will go quite smooth and meet her sometime soon because in 2 months I'm off to the military. It will be nice to hang out and have fun as well, but I barely know how she looks (I know she looks quite good and I believe her body is also nice).

@Mandy Yeah well it's exactly because of sexual attraction (and attraction in general) that I can't give the same kind of talk, the same behavior, talk about anything I want that I can do more easily with a guy than a girl. I can talk with my friend about wanting sex, but if a woman hears me say that then it's over. Eh.. maybe. More like "I want sex"

@Blessed2 What? Are you serious? Yeah, it's not like I'd behave to a girl like a good male friend of mine. It's a different way of communicating, different contexts. Likewise, a woman won't talk to guys exactly in the way she talks to her female friends. I mean, this in itself sounds quite off. So say I talk quite bluntly to a friend of mine, dry text, talk about sex and relationships, talk about some drama, give high fives and bro hugs - quite normal behaviors of guys to guys. But if I behave to a woman like that it will immediately turn her off and there won't be much sexual tension. Just really imagine how some male person, some famous person, rapper, acter, boxer will act to his girlfriend like one of his 'bois'.

@Phil Dying into them is what I said. I mean being very wide open and vulnerable the them while fully trusting them. If a valuable woman shows up, then I prefer playing it safer in order to keep her around. If I play it very unsafe, then I have a high risk of losing her

I'm soon (in a little less than 4 months) turning 20. I'm then getting recruited into the military (at a month before 20), so basically starting my military journey at 20 years old. The military lasts a minimum of 2.8 years of service, which you can lengthen if you choose and then you can get into higher positions and higher payment. So the minimum age I finish the army is about 23 years old, and mind you, but that sounds quite late already. Most people get recruited at like 18-19 and finish at around 21 years old. After the military service then you start your real life (college, uni, living on your own). About the military, I have a somewhat desire to become an officer, just like my dad was, but than means to sign for another year in the military (finishing at 24). Since I'm in some unique program, they are more flexible with me, so if worst comes and I really want to end my service, they'll allow me to cut my service shorter. Thing about becoming officer is that currently on my profile I have a low match for it, but it can still change during my service. But in any case my leadership skills aren't great and below average so I might not be able to become one. In that case, it could make more sense to decide to cut the service shorter. So I am finishing my army service at like 23-24. This feels like I've already spent all my early twenties. Now that I'm out of the army, the question is what carrier should I pursue. Say I start at 24, which sounds already late, what should I study? Should I even go to uni? (Luckily, here in Israel it costs about 5,000 usd a year) What should be my job? I know I also want to be financially free, but when will I have the time for this, for building a new skill that I can sell online? It takes 3 years for a bachelor's degree, so minimum age for when I get my first degree is 27 years old. 27 years old. Do you understand what this means to me? Where is my life? Goddamn, starting life in my thirties? What if I require a second degree? And what if I want to start an online business for financial freedom? Before all that I also have a desire to learn Shaolin Kung Fu in China. I want to go to the Qufu school for like a year. I also want to travel the world. I want to also create music, maybe even a Youtuber. You know, I want to live enough life when I'm still young and physically capable. Man... but in the military I will barely have freedom for like 3-4 years (won't have freedom to travel). But for travel I need money, preferably passive income, or a remote business. But I will be in the military. And I'll need to somehow live off once I finish the military. And also, I want to have relationships with women and start testing this kind of ocean because marriage won't be far away (don't want to get married later than 35)

Powerful

@Mandy Interesting how this clears out the distinction between concept of emotion and actual emotion. Concepts run freely, free to think about anything, and the actual emotion experienced is but only relative to you, not anyone else, but you. This gives the room to massive acceptance. This insight ceases judgement towards oneself. Judgement of one's own thoughts are beliefs and ways you see them to be true - the meaning, what is 'acceptable', how you 'should' respond to it. But... the truth is that you may be some crazy mf (sorry lol) who feels Joy imagining swimming with sharks, and someone else can feel fear, and say it is more 'acceptable' and normal in society to feel fear - but it ain't matter - those are judgements and beliefs, not the truth of what you actually feel about this thought. It takes a great deal of shedding off judgement on the thoughts. Many people keep reinforcing what is sane and what is abnormal, what is acceptable and what you should avoid. Not always telling you explicitly, but you easily adapt to those ways of thinking, subconsciously. This is freedom... Ain't it?? Zero judgement about my own thoughts. I can still give meaning, I can still decide on principles to run my life, but I do them in regard and in intent to feel good, to feel true. Ain't it liberating?? It is so fucking simple - Be where you are now, and let the thoughts that feel more relieving, more true, relative to you, to arise. I think I kinda nailed it. By the way, I gotta give some credit to Frank Yang, for showing me an 'absurd' perspective about this whole path. He is very wise and one psychotic of a man 😂, which inspired me to contemplate freedom and see the bigger meaning of it. But of course, most of the insight was me going through experience and seeing for myself.

@Mandy Yeah right. Let's add to this madness: If thinking about the concept of fear (scenarios that are considered fearful like horror movies, getting bullied, or even snakes), and it feels quite exhilarating - it feels quite good! (this is an example) And also the (positive) anticipation of feeling bad, feels good. OMG lmao

I was having the thought "I would like to experience more emotions other than the good ones like Joy. I feel like life would be boring if I'd only experienced those good emotions on the scale. I would like to experience a variety of emotions as well as anger, revenge, frustration..." And little did I know... - this thought actually felt good.. wtf. I have realized that the concept of being angry, wanting revenge, being frustrated, this variety - feels very uplifting. Perhaps the actual experience of these emotions won't feel as good, and most likely won't cause me to be thinking in this way as right now. Very cool and twisted lol, I can't believe I feel optimistic about the concept of experiencing the lower emotions. Damn

@Faith Sorry, it was an expression of awe 😉

What the actual fuck. This is amazing!

After reading some of Esther's book Ask and It Is Given and doing some emotional awareness based meditation I've received these realizations (I took note on that right after the meditation): Emotions: The intuitive yes/no to the experience, the relationship to the experience (thoughts and perception, basically what you are focused on). It manifests as sensations. This insight has been received only after some time meditating and contemplating. I had to strengthen my intuition, and by that I mean recognizing it more and more to realize it plays a big part in my everyday experience. The emotions are also called vibrations by some people, indicating your relationship to this experience which consists of a variety of thoughts and meanings you give it. Some thoughts and meanings have a very similar vibration (emotion) to your general vibration (emotion) you are experiencing now (can be slightly off or slightly better, more whole). By allowing the slightly better feeling thoughts and meanings, your relationship with the experience becomes better, and you feel more connected. At Joy, you are at the peak of experience and fully connected to yourself.

I really wonder if Leo is sneaking here 🤔

@Orb Well of course I'm trying to get something. Man, I've been having fun and I know how to have fun communicating with girls, but it doesn't go any further. Over and over I have those periods of wanting to have sex already for the first time, and end up masturbating to release this frustration, which doesn't completely go away. Of course when talking with a new girl + having the desire for sex, then I attach myself to it and play it safe because for me it is risky. It's not that everyday I talk to a girl. It happens like once every like 2-3 months, so yeah

Ok, let's make the premise that I still have more to understand about how women function and about dating. Also, the title isn't meant to sound harsh and red pill, just expressing my frustration in not managing to flirt well. I'll be honest and as much humble as I can be when saying this, that I am quite an attractive guy and I get the hints and rumors (I was agreed upon the girls in the camp to be the best looking guy) - but this never got me anymore, since in the end, it's just the looks, and looks don't necessarily equate to anything. However I can be social, and people say I am very funny (by the way I talk and behave), and I have quite a good body. Ok, now enough about me, you got the point. So I've had a few cases of interaction with women (Tinder, real life, Instagram). The thing is, it seems I am terrible at texting girls. I text some normal inviting messages, and it doesn't take too long until they either ghost me or the conversation died. This is really frustrating, especially by the fact that it keeps repeating itself and I honestly feel like I'm texting very normally. In real life I had some women that tried talking to me (maybe flirting sometimes) and I just didn't know what to do. I get scared. Yes, I get scared of opening myself to someone else, of being completely vulnerable to them, of dying into them. I have those constant desires of having sex, each time with a different woman that has somehow appeared in my life. Sometimes it feels like I'll never get it, and I don't want to lose my virginity at 25, I want it relatively now, such a perfect time. I must say I am fortunate to have a friend that I can talk to about all this. Ever since my first date we started talking, about my dating life and his, and give advice to each other, and follow up till this day. He had his first kiss not long ago. Off topic. Now before all you women (even men) start attacking me, shaming me, disrespecting this 'primal' desire I have, or telling me to be a 'decent' man - Just stop. I'm not looking for lectures about how to be the greatest man. Again, my desire is to simply have sex with a nice looking woman (not a proustite. Also, it's illegal here, and there's none, and I don't even intend to), to fulfill this need (desire). What I would like to understand is why I keep failing getting the girl after she starts texting me. Also, would like to know how to text and flirt well (texts and real life, but text is just the more frequent one currently in my life now).

Very interesting

@Mandy hmm... So I can live my whole life just dreaming fantasies... and I'll be ok? Fulfilled? What you said doesn't imply achieving results. I do also want results though

By the way I must say I was really hoping you'd be the person to reply to this post 😂 For some funny luck this is what happened. I really resonate with your style of delivery 😊 Thanks! 🤍

@Mandy Ok, so my theory was correct then. Trying to match the vibration to that of the desire is only because you've had an initial experience with focusing purely on the desire, like in your example "oh! I'll make some cinnamon applesauce cookies", which felt good, and now, you want to get back to this desire because you've already experienced how it feels and you believe that this same good feeling will return once you manage to allow a refocusing on this desire. You aren't experiencing this desire now but you believe that it still feels good