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Taking "others" into consideration when creating


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I wrote some month ago about a situation with the girl i was dating who i figured had feelings for my good friend (and her good friend) and likewise. I drew back completely, and it has turned into a situation where they are not talking much and she didn't want it (her best friend is his ex). It was a huge mess for them and i could suspect that she doesn't want it because the whole sitatution was too much to handle for her. I don't clearly understand it, they have known each other for atleast 6-7 years and i am quite new in her life and relatively in his. 

 

I have been fantasizing about seeing her again i was very attracted to her at the time. Now i recently started hanging out with her a few times again after 3 month of not seeing each other, and i was getting some vibes back for sure. I ended up telling her how i felt and still do, which was a huge release as its been kept inside for the whole time. 

 

Thinking about it working out in some way for me and her brings up a lot of thoughts about if they (my friend and her) might be a better match. That she likes him more. That i am ruining something for them by trying.  Maybe he wants it more than me, and then i kind of don't want to get in between. 

 

All of those thoughts feel discordant so it cant be aligned. 

 

I love my friend and i also like the girl a lot and would be interesting to see more. So the question is, should i consider them and their situation when thinking of what i want? "Their situation" is also my beliefs and interpretations.

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Posted (edited)
48 minutes ago, Phil said:

@WhiteOwl

Did you say they’re not talking much and she didn’t want it (him)? 

If I got it right it doesn’t sound they have much a situation going on.

Yes thats what i said. She seems confused about it though and it appears very unresolved. Like they created some little trauma. Or she did.

 

they used to be very close friends. 

Edited by WhiteOwl
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@WhiteOwl

You crazy kids. 😆 

 

My two cents is keep in close touch with Source as it were. Honestly allow preferences to be expressed. Careful with “I’ll be happy if / when”. 

Be happiness with and without, because you are happiness. 

 

How you go about that triangle y'all got goin, lol, idk. 

 

As far as the “others” aspect.. this can be done honestly, sincerely, openly, and conscientiously. Likely a lot of learn as you go.  

 

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Better get out of this mess. Real practical pro tip - You ain't getting anything in that situation. 

Find someone completely different to date.. 

 

So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. 

My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. 

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If a relationship, job, living situation or place, etc doesn't feel aligned, alignment must be found first before changing the situation. Otherwise the situation is replayed in another person, job, living situation or place. 

 

19 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Yes thats what i said. She seems confused about it though and it appears very unresolved. Like they created some little trauma. Or she did.

 

they used to be very close friends. 

What does it seem like this would be?

 

Can you help her find alignment as a friend unconditional of you being part of her future? Can you step outside of that and want, and know and focus on the best for her unconditionally? That is also the best for you. And that is the only ground in which a fulfilling relationship can bloom. 

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5 hours ago, Mandy said:

Can you help her find alignment as a friend unconditional of you being part of her future? Can you step outside of that and want, and know and focus on the best for her unconditionally? That is also the best for you. And that is the only ground in which a fulfilling relationship can bloom. 

Makes a lot of sense. And yes i can honestly. It was like telling her how i felt during the last 3 month changed how i feel about the whole situation. It just wanted to be expressed like everything else. Now i don't feel i "need" her in the same way and just want the best for her, also cause she seems kind of troubled. Of course there is some fear that i might help them find each other, but i also can't go into a relationship with someone where that is hidden. So its a win no matter what. 

Thanks for great reply💚

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@Joseph Maynor Where did you get "good or not" from that? If you look at things through the lens of "everything is crap" everything will look like crap. It's not that it IS crap. By getting rid of what you believe to be a crappy thing, you won't get a good thing in it's place, you''ll get what you believe is another crappy thing, cause it's the lens. That's what this points to, examining the lens, the emotion, not judging the thing good or bad. In other words, @Blessed2's crap goggles. 

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