I Believed Non Duality Was Making me a Wimp

[Orb]

😭😭😭😭

 

How can you do this "work" and not look like a pansy little bitch 😭😭. 

 

Gosh I feel like crying all the time and I feel so afraid around people. 😞 

 

It's clear that I am not the thoughts arising and it's very freeing but this whole "system" is completely at the mercy of itself. 

 

When it's clear that I am not in the thoughts arising and therefore there aren't any problems, how can I hold back bodily/physical fear around people any longer? I feel like a baby 👶. I want to cry all the time. How the hell am I supposed to work here all day and cry?

 

There's deeper feelings beyond thought-induced ones that are still triggered and it's not a problem at all but geez, how am I gonna have friends or anything if I'm crying all the time and REALLY feeling fear, jealousy, anger, etc.

Edited April 3 by Orb

[Orb]

Please understand, this has nothing to do with thoughts. 

 

It's like having a clear/calm mind, then seeing your dad who used to beat you as a kid and then a trigger arises. 

 

I just don't want to hear "oh this is just thoughts believed" 😭😭

[Jonas Long]

5 minutes ago, Orb said:

Please understand, this has nothing to do with thoughts. 

 

It's like having a clear/calm mind, then seeing your dad who used to beat you as a kid and then a trigger arises. 

 

I just don't want to hear "oh this is just thoughts believed" 😭😭

You just heard/said it, of course you don't need to hear it, that would be redundant. 

[Orb]

I'd say a good first step is to not judge. 🙂

 

yea, when i see people, i feel a mix of fear and embarrassment/shame that is prior to thoughts and i want to cry. But crying seems out of place in this world we've made.

[Phil]

14 minutes ago, Orb said:

I'd say a good first step is to not judge. 🙂

 

What else?

[Robed Mystic]

51 minutes ago, Orb said:

😭😭😭😭

 

How can you do this "work" and not look like a pansy little bitch 😭😭. 

 

Gosh I feel like crying all the time and I feel so afraid around people. 😞 

 

It's clear that I am not the thoughts arising and it's very freeing but this whole "system" is completely at the mercy of itself. 

 

When it's clear that I am not in the thoughts arising and therefore there aren't any problems, how can I hold back bodily/physical fear around people any longer? I feel like a baby 👶. I want to cry all the time. How the hell am I supposed to work here all day and cry?

 

There's deeper feelings beyond thought-induced ones that are still triggered and it's not a problem at all but geez, how am I gonna have friends or anything if I'm crying all the time and REALLY feeling fear, jealousy, anger, etc.

It just means you're getting somewhere.   What you are unlocking is your feminine side.  Let it flow.  Enlightenment is, among other things, about the unity of both the masculine and the feminine attributes- the bringing  together of the strong but also the vulnerable.   In order to reach Enlightenment, from my experience, one has to let go of any predisposition.  And if born a man - it is very easy to fall into the predisposition of being the strong, silent type.  But there is a whole other side.  In order to unify both sides you must be able to embrace feminism- as hard as that may be.  So it's okay to let your emotions out - in fact, wearing them on your sleeve should be congratulated- not demonized. 

Edited April 2 by Robed Mystic

[Orb]

55 minutes ago, Phil said:

 

What else?

Just cry and be as I am. Just be sad.

[Orb]

@Phil I don't want to use the emotional scale. This stuff is freaking hard. This isnt some thought stuff like oh just think an aligned thought. 

 

This is like face the father who beat you when you were a kid. Can you think your way out of the fear felt? No, it's prior to thought, it's in the nerves. 

[Orb]

I'm feeling way better. 

 

Feeling is key 🙂.

 

Feeling is feeling.

 

Feeling is awareness not aware of any objects (or subjects 👀).

 

The rhythm of creation goes on without effort. 

 

was there ever REALLY effort to begin with?

[Joseph Maynor]

I'll give you the advaita vedanta answer.  I think realizing that the Self doesn't control ego is key.  You have to pull that "I thought" out of what's happening externally (and internally in the mind).  Those thoughts and feelings aren't yours.  Rest in the Self as your identity.  The Self is the detached nondual witness consciousness.  The mirror (the Self) doesn't care what's being displayed as its image (Maya/Illusion).  Notice when the "I thought" is being applied in a subject-object way, and when it is, bring it back into the Self.  The Self is the only I.  Let the images on the mirror do what they want and know they can never affect the mirror itself.  It's a change in identity -- or more accurately a clarification of identity by removing delusion.  Anyway, it's fun to "practice" this.  It's a hoot at the very least.

Edited yesterday at 02:31 PM by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

On 4/3/2024 at 12:14 AM, Orb said:

I'm feeling way better. 

 

Feeling is key 🙂.

 

Feeling is feeling.

 

Feeling is awareness not aware of any objects (or subjects 👀).

 

The rhythm of creation goes on without effort. 

 

was there ever REALLY effort to begin with?

♥️✊🏼

Happened to me. Happened. Isn’t happening now. Didn’t happen to me. 

[Dima]

On 4/2/2024 at 12:42 AM, Orb said:

😭😭😭😭

 

How can you do this "work" and not look like a pansy little bitch 😭😭. 

 

Gosh I feel like crying all the time and I feel so afraid around people. 😞 

 

It's clear that I am not the thoughts arising and it's very freeing but this whole "system" is completely at the mercy of itself. 

 

When it's clear that I am not in the thoughts arising and therefore there aren't any problems, how can I hold back bodily/physical fear around people any longer? I feel like a baby 👶. I want to cry all the time. How the hell am I supposed to work here all day and cry?

 

There's deeper feelings beyond thought-induced ones that are still triggered and it's not a problem at all but geez, how am I gonna have friends or anything if I'm crying all the time and REALLY feeling fear, jealousy, anger, etc.

Nice one. Find who is not satisfied so to speak. Just thinking, doesn't exist as entity. Then just enjoy the ride 😊

[James123]

On 4/2/2024 at 2:42 AM, Orb said:

😭😭😭😭

 

How can you do this "work" and not look like a pansy little bitch 😭😭. 

 

Gosh I feel like crying all the time and I feel so afraid around people. 😞 

 

It's clear that I am not the thoughts arising and it's very freeing but this whole "system" is completely at the mercy of itself. 

 

When it's clear that I am not in the thoughts arising and therefore there aren't any problems, how can I hold back bodily/physical fear around people any longer? I feel like a baby 👶. I want to cry all the time. How the hell am I supposed to work here all day and cry?

 

There's deeper feelings beyond thought-induced ones that are still triggered and it's not a problem at all but geez, how am I gonna have friends or anything if I'm crying all the time and REALLY feeling fear, jealousy, anger, etc.

You should do retreats with pychedelics, at least for begining.