Graceful Words & Internal Strength

[Reena]

I won't be able to love her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Drink plenty of water 

Try to cram more activities into the day schedule. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                           

 

 

 

 

 

get a hat on your trip       write down emotional chart 

 

 

    refer to Tolle      watch a video on healthy habits. 

 

 

 get a charger for phone and AA  bts. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 7 by Reena

[Reena]

 

My mentors

Dr Eric Berg 

 

 

[Reena]

My current mentors

Mary Bryant Shrader

Dr Eric Berg 

Dr Alan Mandell

Patrick Teahan

Goatis

Irene Lyon 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 7 by Reena

[Reena]

Reminder

 

Create email ID to send to my sister. 

 

[Reena]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I think the kind of love i want in my life is reciprocal love. If I can't get an appropriate response, I don't want to love. This stems from my belief that harmony is a 2 way street. I can't love someone who doesn't love me. Am I selfish?

[Reena]

High quality mentor.

[Reena]

Today I have a dental appointment.

 

[Reena]

Just talking to her makes me ill.

[Reena]

Intellectual growth was one of my goals

 

Ask mom about fibator.

 

 

[Reena]

Sometimes I hate her to the core.

Then all sympathy runs out of the window.

[Reena]

So the dental appointment went terrible. It was for her teeth. And she was throwing a tantrum in public. And she yelled at me for nothing.

 

[Reena]

 

 

 

.                                             

 

 

.                           .                            

 

 

 

 

 

 

.                                .                  

 

 

 

Edited April 8 by Reena

[Reena]

Living with a mentally ill mother can be a tough thing. Sometimes I think she should have been institutionalized. Sometimes I think why did she become a mom? What was the point of raising children with hatred and abuse?

She sabotages my health. She triggers my buttons. She does the exact thing that gets a rise out of me. She bullied me as a child. She will say passive aggressive mean things that make me feel I want to smack her. 

My emotions switch between compassion and pure hatred. 

Her chaotic parenting caused me to develop Borderline Personality disorder or BPD. 

It's hard because people will never understand the struggle. 

 

[Reena]

I was Britney Speared on the Actualized org forum. 

 

 

(frankly I feel Britney's pain,..... To have a toxic parent and then have the whole world microscopically judge your every move, every word, every mood.... That can cause a mental breakdown. Can't blame her. I was famous on that forum. I had 100 followers. And I was Constantly under the spotlight and even minor stuff I did used to be blown up by the men on that forum. It was a harrowing experience. All the incessant bullying and chasing me around and feeding into my insecurities and watch it play on my fears and anxieties. Those people were some of the most unempathetic people I have come across.) 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I find my solace in people who I don't have to directly interact with. That way I don't have to know what they are thinking about me and not have to deal with all the mental gymnastics that comes with human social perception. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For some people, telling them that you are NEURODIVERGENT is not enough. 

 

 

 

Edited April 8 by Reena

[Reena]

I should start treating my mother as a rival or competitor and not a friend. She doesn't deserve to be called a mother. She always tries to compete with me. She always tries to outdo me. Effing narcissist. She is immature and I have to parent her and I'm sick of it.

[Reena]

Just try to make your life as simple as possible and you'll always have peace. 

[Reena]

To my lover who is no longer my lover - 

 

 

If I deserve the worst of your hate then I also deserve the best of your love.

 

[Reena]

I barely slept. I did have a nightmare too. After many days.

I