Tired of feeling a lifetime of suppression

[Serenity]

6 minutes ago, Mandy said:

You just enjoy the pandas. There isn't a painbody and repression is impossible because you are feeling itself already. Repression would be avoiding the feeling by believing it to be something else. Like a painbody. Or depression. Or someone's fault. Of that time of the month. Or the full moon. Or November. Or what you ate that morning. It doesn't exclude it it's just moving to what's wanted. 

 

I can never be happy again because I ate something bad for breakfast in 2000 and now I'm just repressing the memory and trauma of the bad box of cinnamon toast crunch my mom bought on clearance. 

But what if i keep feeling nauseous and still vomit it years after?

 

Edited November 27, 2023 by Serenity

[Mandy]

3 minutes ago, Serenity said:

But what if i keep feeling nauseous and still vomit it years after?

 

Why does it need an explanation? If you don't want to vomit old vomit, don't eat it again. Eat something else. Panda on the menu. 

[WhiteOwl]

On 11/27/2023 at 7:07 PM, Mandy said:

I can never be happy again because I ate something bad for breakfast in 2000 and now I'm just repressing the memory and trauma of the bad box of cinnamon toast crunch my mom bought on clearance. 

Well, when talking about the pain body or trauma, isnt it necessary to deal with the emotions (feel them) at some point if you dont want them to pop up in your life. I can be in a happy flow state with my family but walking into a different situation BAM stuff comes up no matter how good i was just feeling. Thats what referred to as the pain body as i see it?

Do you say its better to never look at anything thats uncomfortable and just look at memes instead for example?

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl I would absolutely catch the boomerangs I threw.  When stuff comes up, why is the stuff automatically unwanted, bad, uninvited? Why not invite it in for tea? You threw the boomerang for the fun of it coming right back at ya, you asked, you launched the rocket, and now it's coming back. As soon as I feel a strong reaction I KNOW there's some awesome alchemy about to happen here. First impulse might be to duck, but those things are like heat seeking missiles. What if it's just what you want? What you seek is seeking you? 

 

Sometimes the memes are what you asked for and sometimes the boomerangs come from the most unexpected places, the seemingly most insignificant joys or annoyances. Not two, no distractions. If it feels better, it feels better. Sometimes I journal and dig in and it feels better and I uncover something and others time I dig in and I know I'm just digging myself into a deeper hole. Feeling is the guide. Synchronicity is the dance, memes, symbols, colors, songs, words, all just join in the play. Shadows are just part of the light show. 

[Phil]

On 11/27/2023 at 11:34 AM, Serenity said:

I want it all to clear up

Anything inspected amply is clarified. 

[Serenity]

6 hours ago, Phil said:

Anything inspected amply is clarified. 

Thank you. This makes a lot of sense.

[solereproduction]

On 11/27/2023 at 11:34 AM, Serenity said:

It's just a rant. But I am tired of having what Eckhart Tolle calls a painbody.

 

I hate it. It hurts. I want it all to leave and disappear for good. I recognize it in my nervous system as feelings of duality that are present in a whole range of spectrum. From very dense and painful (fear, unworthiness, anger) to just mildly uncomfortable.

 

I want it all to clear up. I keep expressing (hours per day!!!!!!), doing ceremonies, aligning myself with my purpose. But it feels like it's not enough and it's still hurting in an excruciating way.

 

Yeah. Who is hurting. BLABLABLA. I know. The ego is hurting. Not the real self. But I still operate from the ego level and i'm just interested in turning it somewhat functional first.

 

 

Have a rhetorical question because my brain processes vocabulary differently than most people I have discussions with.

 

So isn't suppression what one does upon others while oppression is done upon oneself by others?

 

it is like my brain goes with suppression stops something from continuing and oppression prevents something from starting.

Edited December 1, 2023 by solereproduction

[Joseph Maynor]

Some people and (I'm not saying you're doing this) seem to repeat a bunch of narratives that reinforce their own suffering.  Ideas are a double-edged sword.  On the one hand they can help us log important lessons-learned.  On the other hand, rigid ideas can cause us to impose false distinctions on reality, especially on how the future will go.  The future doesn't exist and can be created fresh all the time.  Ideas can mess up the future because you're not open to things being different from how you think you know they are.  If you take so many ideas seriously (truth), magic never has a chance to show you something otherwise.

Edited December 2, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Serenity]

On 12/1/2023 at 8:49 PM, solereproduction said:

Have a rhetorical question because my brain processes vocabulary differently than most people I have discussions with.

 

So isn't suppression what one does upon others while oppression is done upon oneself by others?

 

it is like my brain goes with suppression stops something from continuing and oppression prevents something from starting.

I think many people can use these words in different ways.

 

But I like to call suppression feelings that are conscious (the person is aware of having them) but unexpressed to the world. Repression would be feelings that aren't even noticed by the person who feels them.

 

And then oppression would be the amount of pressure put towards an individual on a social context for him/her to suppress its authentic self, through some kind of dominance behavior.

[Serenity]

17 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Some people and (I'm not saying you're doing this) seem to repeat a bunch of narratives that reinforce their own suffering.  Ideas are a double-edged sword.  On the one hand they can help us log important lessons-learned.  On the other hand, rigid ideas can cause us to impose false distinctions on reality, especially on how the future will go.  The future doesn't exist and can be created fresh all the time.  Ideas can mess up the future because you're not open to things being different from how you think you know they are.  If you take so many ideas seriously (truth), magic never has a chance to show you something otherwise.

Yes, that's very true.

 

I am exactly trying to challenges these narratives at the core, by moving the energy around my emotions.

Edited December 3, 2023 by Serenity

[Phil]

Just in the ‘by definition’ sense, suppression is a conscious intentional act. 

So ‘by definition’ suppression can’t be something you’re doing. 

[solereproduction]

On 12/3/2023 at 5:10 AM, Serenity said:

I think many people can use these words in different ways.

 

But I like to call suppression feelings that are conscious (the person is aware of having them) but unexpressed to the world. Repression would be feelings that aren't even noticed by the person who feels them.

 

And then oppression would be the amount of pressure put towards an individual on a social context for him/her to suppress its authentic self, through some kind of dominance behavior.

Everyone can use vocabulary in different parables. The word right means more than opposite of left. adjacent to front, back, up, down, in, out.

[WhiteOwl]

On 11/29/2023 at 12:20 AM, Mandy said:

I would absolutely catch the boomerangs I threw.  When stuff comes up, why is the stuff automatically unwanted, bad, uninvited? Why not invite it in for tea?

It just sounds like you (or Abraham Hicks who i also listen to) don't encourage looking too much into the past. I have been doing that a lot. Asking questions and sitting with it, feeling the emotions surfacing and just being with them. 

 

I know i have asked this multiple times, but its still not hitting home. 

 

For example asking the question "Who feels insecure or unworthy to this woman"? Contemplating that puts a lot of emotions to surface. Sitting with them and feeling the emotions, realizing at the same time there is no-one who feels them seems to be a good thing. So i've read and also did contemplative intensives where that was the thing practiced pretty much.

I just realized when writing this that its not actually going into the past. Its a very present experience so to speak, so maybe i answered my own question. 

 

I guess there is no-one to heal, so it can be an endless trap of trying to find things to heal to finally only have good feeling.

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl Yeah, it illusory that you can look back at what was, it's always becoming, always refreshed and anew which is why feeling like it's an old persistent problem feels so off. That's guidance that's like, "slap yourself awake, look again! Really look." 

[solereproduction]

On 11/27/2023 at 11:46 AM, Serenity said:

MORE AWARENESS IS THE ONLY REAL CURE. 

 

 

Awareness to what?   Eyes are the gateway to visual awareness.

Ears are aware of sound.

Nose is aware of smell.

Mouth is aware of taste.

Skin is sensation to touching and being touched by air, water, temperatures, other things outside the flesh.

Emotions are instinctive awareness to everything outside your body your brain recorded since conceived and changed from a fertilized cell to the position you are still occupying time uniquely you.

 

More awareness you won't find looking for any other way you came to exist than simply occupying time here equally evolving in a perpetual balancing universe as anything else outside your skin you navigate around, between, without, within, alone or everyone else around you evolving same way separately as you are in your own skin since conceived.

 

Be more aware that genetics has always been eternally separating each reproduction native in this atmosphere and everyone you ever knew never believed that is possible and yet it is the only way to explain the past, current events, the tomorrow nobody knows for sure.

 

why, evolving never exceeds adapting to the moment here.

 

I interpret the word suppression as self inflicted, where oppression is applied by other people and situations not in your control when forced to comply or be shunned forever.

 

Edited December 15, 2023 by solereproduction

[Phil]

On 12/15/2023 at 3:31 PM, solereproduction said:

Awareness to what?   Eyes are the gateway to visual awareness.

Ears are aware of sound.

Nose is aware of smell.

Mouth is aware of taste.

Skin is sensation to touching and being touched by air, water, temperatures, other things outside the flesh.

Emotions are instinctive awareness to everything outside your body your brain recorded since conceived and changed from a fertilized cell to the position you are still occupying time uniquely you.

 

More awareness you won't find looking for any other way you came to exist than simply occupying time here equally evolving in a perpetual balancing universe as anything else outside your skin you navigate around, between, without, within, alone or everyone else around you evolving same way separately as you are in your own skin since conceived.

 

Be more aware that genetics has always been eternally separating each reproduction native in this atmosphere and everyone you ever knew never believed that is possible and yet it is the only way to explain the past, current events, the tomorrow nobody knows for sure.

 

why, evolving never exceeds adapting to the moment here.

 

I interpret the word suppression as self inflicted, where oppression is applied by other people and situations not in your control when forced to comply or be shunned forever.

 

Awareness is aware.