What part of my feminine is attracted to bad boys and why?

[Reena]

I read somewhere that some women (not all women) are attracted to bad boys. They mistake  narcissism for confidence. In my own experience, I'm generally attracted to a guy who is going to look like he will own me, possess me, someone who is authoritarian, strict, dominant, controlling yet caring,disciplining, leader like, powerful, tribalistic, truth and honesty oriented, punishing kind, rough, macho, sadistic, ruthless, badass, go getter etc. 

I'm not attracted to the gentleman kind of men. In fact I am more attracted to the "negging" type of men who use the push pull technique on women. 

It seems I tend to derive some sort of energy or fuel from these men. I find them motivating or "strong." 

That becomes the basis of my romantic attraction. 

I'm curious to find out why this happens. What part of my feminine is attracted to such bad boys kind of men and why does this romantic phenomenon happen? What factors are within this attraction pattern or precisely what polarity components are attracted to each other in such a dynamic? 

Thanks. 

[Reena]

This woman nailed what I was trying to say. 

 

[Reena]

 

[Reena]

I agree with these women.

 

 

[Mandy]

If you had the resources to pay someone to do things you don't want to do, like mopping the floors, or whatever, wouldn't you hire someone to do them for you? 

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Mandy said:

If you had the resources to pay someone to do things you don't want to do, like mopping the floors, or whatever, wouldn't you hire someone to do them for you? 

Yes definitely I would. 

[Mandy]

5 minutes ago, Reena said:

Yes definitely I would. 

If your inner dialog is abusive to yourself but you think it's doing you good (you think it's necessary like mopping the floors) it can sometimes be a relief to outsource it. 

[Reena]

15 minutes ago, Mandy said:

If you had the resources to pay someone to do things you don't want to do, like mopping the floors, or whatever, wouldn't you hire someone to do them for you? 

But what does it mean in the context of this topic? 

[Reena]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

If your inner dialog is abusive to yourself but you think it's doing you good (you think it's necessary like mopping the floors) it can sometimes be a relief to outsource it. 

Haha. I'm laughing. 

[Reena]

Some of the things I gathered. 

This article sheds light on the phenomenon of the dark triad and how it's linked to the light triad. There is an interplay going on. 

In my observation the Beauty and the Beast where the character Bella falls in love with her kidnapper (a theme I constantly get drawn to in my romantic dreams) is found to be somewhat true in real life too. Some women do fall for the stereotypical bad guy. 

Because it probably indicates security to them. 

I think women are attracted to the dark triad in a man. The qualities that are necessary to protect her. 

 

[Phil]

47 minutes ago, Reena said:

I read somewhere that some women (not all women) are attracted to bad boys. They mistake  narcissism for confidence. In my own experience, I'm generally attracted to a guy who is going to look like he will own me, possess me, someone who is authoritarian, strict, dominant, controlling yet caring,disciplining, leader like, powerful, tribalistic, truth and honesty oriented, punishing kind, rough, macho, sadistic, ruthless, badass, go getter etc. 

I'm not attracted to the gentleman kind of men. In fact I am more attracted to the "negging" type of men who use the push pull technique on women. 

It seems I tend to derive some sort of energy or fuel from these men. I find them motivating or "strong." 

That becomes the basis of my romantic attraction. 

I'm curious to find out why this happens. What part of my feminine is attracted to such bad boys kind of men and why does this romantic phenomenon happen?

You really just want to fall in love with someone and see how many way you can share this love with each other. 

 

47 minutes ago, Reena said:

What factors are within this attraction pattern or precisely what polarity components are attracted to each other in such a dynamic? 

Thanks. 

Which is really what every one wants. But when one who wants to really just fall in love with someone and see how many ways they can share this love with them catches wind of all these expectations and complications & having to contort themself to accommodate an idea of a self… they move along, continuing on their journey to find one they can just fall in love with and see how many ways they can share this love with each other. 

[Reena]

@Mandy

My first theory - 

Also when I'm imagining sex, because I never had real sex so I don't know how sex would exactly feel like in real life, I'm imagining sex from my masturbation, something like the guy pushes into me and then pulls out. It's like if he is in there then it won't stimulate me sexually at all. But it's the feeling that he is pushing in and pulling out that creates a sort of escalating tension within me that finally leads to me orgasming. This is a sexual tension that builds up. I think in similar fashion if you corelate the phenomenon of sexual tension to emotional tension, shouldn't the guy have to do the exact same thing to mimic sex or attraction in her mind? So fundamentally if you observe the nature of sex, it involves the push pull thing, then obviously the push pull also needs to operate emotionally as well to stimulate her mind in a similar manner. It means he has to generate emotional tension where he is nice one minute and an asshole the next minute, he has to stimulate the woman emotionally like that. Because that will mimic sex in a way. If that makes sense. 

Second theory - 

The Bodyguard archetype. I think women who are like me are looking for the Bodyguard archetype. The protector, the security guard. 

So a security guard cannot be someone who looks like a delicate handsome prince who can never use a sword. The security guard has to look ruthless, intimidating, cruel and tyrannical. Because that will communicate power, security, protection to her. So it makes sense that she will be attracted to a bad boy because in her mind the bad boy will protect her from any harm. 

 

My third theory - 

The dark triad and the light triad. I have observed around me that women who are more masculine, braver, leadership oriented are attracted to a passive nice kind of a guy. And women who are a bit submissive like me are attracted to a dominant male. It's like it doesn't matter what gender. I have seen this polarity play out a lot. In this polarity, the people of the light triad are automatically attracted to the people of the dark triad and vice versa. Because opposites tend to create conflicts, tension and shadows that help them become whole or reconcile. 

 

[Mandy]

@Reena Yeah, I think that tension and resolution is how anything that involves emotions seems to work, to write a good novel or a piece of music is the art of building and resolving tension. Nothing ever really happens though, the only ones who seemingly experience a novel are the author and the reader, never the characters themselves, they are only fictional. 

 

So far in all the abusive relationships I've observed, no one has any energy left after fighting to actually raise their kids, have a home, kick ass in their careers, create a fun life together, etc. We don't need extreme circumstances and situations that cause adrenaline dumps in order to feel, it just seems so sometimes. It's hard to ignore emotional guidance when it's screaming at you, but you don't have to ignore it ever even when it's more like boredom. The message could be just as sharp, urgent and clear. 

 

[Reena]

Insecurity is attracted to security.

Infantile is attracted to maturity 

Powerless is attracted to powerful

Light triad is attracted to dark triad 

Empathy is attracted to narcissist

Follower is attracted to leader

Simple is attracted to complex

Weak is attracted to strong

Dominant is attracted to submissive 

 

It's the phenomenon of polarities of vibe, personality, chemistry and character. It comes from primordial energy of creation. Creation is through sex. Sex is push and pull and the energy of friction. Friction is tension. Sex is the escalation of tension. Dark triad is needed for survival. It's the fuel. The stimulation. The engine. Light Triad is needed for healing, repairing, reconstitution, for hope and renewal. To maintain momentum. Two forces balancing each other. One Sympathetic and the other Parasympathetic. Like the systems in our body. One of stimulation and the other of resistance. So balance is maintained. 

 

[Reena]

If dark triad runs amok, it will be very  destructive like everyone fighting in a club and a state of total panic and disarray, complete destruction. This will be stimulating but it will lead to over stimulation if not controlled resulting into blockage of growth and fertility. You can't have peace. Although this stimulation is necessary for creation, it's like your coach in the gym motivating you to exercise and counting your situps. 

But if the coach now gets a bit extra edgy, then he will make you do such rigorous exercise that you end up sore and injured and basically not even able to walk. So you definitely need that coach, that stimulator, motivator, yet you don't want it to be too frightening. 

So this is where you introduce someone to diffuse the situation. It's basically escalation and de-escalation. Like inhaling and exhaling. You'll need to send a meek amicable person to the club to break up the fight and restore some peace and order. Here you'll need an empathetic peace loving person, someone who is the light triad. 

 

So this brings me to the conclusion that the fundamental forces of life constitute the forces of Push or stimulation and the forces of Pull or retraction or resistance or softening or reducing extra stimulation. This creates the right balance and rhythm to continue life. This is metaphorically similar to Sex 

 

Too much of either is a problem. Too much Push means injury and destruction. Too much Pull means laziness, zero stimulation, stagnation. 

This means that fundamental life force is about the Swing. Not too much force. But some resistance as well. Some force. Some resistance. Like Newton's third law of Motion. Every action should have equal and opposite reaction. 

 

 

[Orb]

@Reena the part on the lower left side right next to the middle. That's the part.

Edited November 19, 2023 by Orb

[Reena]

Yea I'm attracted to these types. Found the stereotype that I'm physically attracted to. My last boyfriend wasn't tattooed like that but he had that attitude like "go get it." I can say leader archetype, gets me attracted everytime. 

 

Edited November 19, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

I have understood that this is something I should accept and own. Rather than feel defeated or judged. The social conditioning of women can create moral conflict. And that's what I have been dealing with for some time. Women are told to act a certain way that fits the social standards of acceptable. But they aren't asked about this. They aren't asked if this is also what they want. As a result it creates conflict between what she wants versus what she is told she should want. It's like be a good girl and learn to suppress your emotions. But this is the cause of unhappiness. There's derived instinct. Which is understandable, it comes from experiencing something. Yet there is that natural instinct that existed from caveman times. The thing that cannot be tamed out of yourself or it remains as a repressed vestigial component inside you still being triggered every time. It's almost like you should be eating healthy but your brain is attracted to chocolates and candies. This is the untamed inner child.. I can call it the tribal side. 

[Jonas Long]

It's usually daddy issues.

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Jonas Long said:

It's usually daddy issues.

I'm thinking if I didn't have daddy issues, would I still be attracted to such dudes? And my heart says yes. It's the battle between the brain and the heart. The brain is designed to accept what society tells us. But heart says something else. 

Also a large number of women in the video linked said that they love bad boys. It can't be statistically possible that all those girls have daddy issues too?

I mean it's not girls with daddy issues have daddy tattooed on their forehead or smell a certain way, right? Like the interviewers didn't just coincidentally end up meeting all girls with daddy issues lol. 

So no. When a certain subset of women (which is quite large) keep saying that they like bad boys, then this is a larger phenomenon not addressed properly, because it goes against traditional conventional society norms so most women are just suppressed from saying what they want. They simply have to go by social rules. But then they fall for these kind of men and sometimes outgrow it. But deep down it's a suppressed instinct thing. 

And a woman who keeps questioning her sexuality and keeps removing layers and layers of deposited social conditioning perhaps reaches a point where she realizes that she is undeniably attracted to the bad boy and she shouldn't be ashamed of it. But society guilts her saying it's a daddy issue. I'm like no girl, like what you like and own it.