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Mind Games


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It seems that a lot of the time, I'm distracted. When I'm feeling the most joy, I am the least distracted. Is it as simple as: paying attention=joy? So many different maps, lineages, religions, techniques. Which one should I pick??? 

Maybe whichever one I pick is exactly the right one.

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Time for some meditation, it's strange how I know deep down that meditation is beneficial, yet I still resist it. 

Maybe just gotta do it.

I saw a comment on a forum that said something along the lines of: The fact that you suffer during meditation is proof that the meditation is working.

That resonated with me. We are so accustomed to being distracted all day: Thoughts, technology, people, money, work; the minute we strip all of that away, we must surrender to our being. The amount of distraction is crazy and I don't even know how far the rabbit hole goes.

Fun!

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31 minutes ago, Nowt said:

@Celestial I love that you just shared the video above. I've never seen it, but it's where my family and I go on vacation every year. Never seen any video of them there though. Lovely to see them so happy there 😍

Just found this song and the one above today, so peaceful. You and your family picked a good spot. 😊

Plus how's the Ram! 😆

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Been experiencing a lot of discordance lately, don't really know why. Less meditation than usual. 

Completed an intense 10 day retreat, return home and I'm finding it difficult to just sit. 

 

There was a post about what it means to be yourself- tbh I don't even know lol. We are ourselves but sometimes the actions that we take or the things we think just feel robotic or insincere. I wonder what true sincerity would feel like. Sometimes it feels like I'm on autopilot, avoiding doing things that deep down I know will bring peace into my life. People always say that suffering is one of the greatest teachers.

 

I can imagine what total peace may feel like-- amazing. But is what I think it might be like anywhere close to what it IS like? 

 

Reading back on this post, full of self reference. 

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When I experience anger, it's interesting to see how sometimes I feel like I have to stay angry, like if you're angry you might as well stay angry for a bit, what a joke! 😅

It's when I get caught in the anger, even when I notice this, there is still lingering discordant feelings in the body, surely it's possible to "drop" anger the moment it's noticed that one has been caught in anger.

 

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My Dad had a stroke about 7-8 months ago, mostly affecting his movement. To be honest, it hasn't really sunk in. He is in a nursing home now and I mostly try not to over think about it too much but I think it's affecting me more than I'd like to admit. 

 

I'm quite young, and my Dad is relatively old for someone my age. I always worried and sad as a child at the idea of losing my Dad at an early age. I spent a lot of nights crying in my bed about my Dad. Never told my brother or Mum about it back then. I mean, I love him so much. Getting emotional writing about it now but I guess that's good. 

 

To be honest, I'm really worried about how my Dad is at the moment. He's the stoic type so mostly if I ask him how he's going he'll say "fine" or something like that. But I feel that he's not really. And it just makes me really really sad. He's bed bound, and although he is the same person as before the stroke, his energy and personality isn't as cheery and carefree as he was, it really pains me. It does feel good to cry about right now because there's nothing else I know to do. 

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Writing down thoughts is self-guidance. Makes it easier to recognise behaviours that were previously swept under the rug. Allows intuition to arrive and it feels great to just write down whatever is coming to mind like right now I have no fkn clue what I'm about to write ha ha . Journalling is deeply healing 

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Gonna needa start exercising more, diet is spot on atm, not so much rigorous exercise. Recently got interested in barefoot shoes so I ordered a few pairs for different occasions, going to try to transition into wearing them exclusively. Excited to try them out 🙂

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