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Mind Games


Celestial

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I want to feel and be peace in every moment.

I want to experience the forgiveness of the universe.

I want to cry tears of absolute joy and thankfulness.

I want to feel completely aligned.

I want the guidance to become clearer.

I want to feel the guidance more fully.

I want to transmute all suffering into absolute joy.

I want to experience mind-blowing synchronicities.

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On 5/29/2023 at 12:24 AM, Celestial said:

Think I sort of faked going through the scale, didn't earnestly feel each emotion and made everything up 

Don’t ‘cheat yourself’ of feeling good about progress! Not using the scale, to using the scale, is a great step! Even if ‘you faked it’! Note the step - allow yourself to feel good about it! 🙏🏻 

 

Literally stop and take a look around. Ya started off as a baby. Look how far you’ve come. Don’t overlook this, don’t take it for granted. Feel good about it. Let any judgments go. You’re doing great - don’t rob yourself of acknowledging & feeling this! See the ‘half full’! 🤍 & feel the alignment of doing so / allowing so. 

 

On 6/1/2023 at 8:38 AM, Celestial said:

Feeling frustrated regarding shoes of all things to worry about.

Emotion is guidance with respect to thoughts / interpretations.

Experiencing frustration and worry leaves room to consider it’s how the interpretation feels, and leaves room to allow a more resonating interpretation / thought to arise. 

 

The subtle underlying implication of ‘feeling frustrated’ is that frustration is how you feel, as in indicative of you…  but how you feel / what you feel like / what you actually are  is very literally - unconditional love. Which is why some thoughts feel as they do, to you (frustration and or worry). Every occurrence / experience of a discordant emotion actually ‘tells you’ about yourself. The scale ‘leads you right back to yourself, love, by expressing (after worry)… doubt. And after frustration… pessimism. (And so on). 

 

 

 

(I hope the two cents is welcomed… never know with journals if I should ‘chime in’). 

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17 hours ago, Phil said:

(I hope the two cents is welcomed… never know with journals if I should ‘chime in’). 

100% welcomed and appreciated. 

 

17 hours ago, Phil said:

Don’t ‘cheat yourself’ of feeling good about progress! Not using the scale, to using the scale, is a great step! Even if ‘you faked it’! Note the step - allow yourself to feel good about it! 🙏🏻 

 

Literally stop and take a look around. Ya started off as a baby. Look how far you’ve come. Don’t overlook this, don’t take it for granted. Feel good about it. Let any judgments go. You’re doing great - don’t rob yourself of acknowledging & feeling this! See the ‘half full’! 🤍 & feel the alignment of doing so / allowing so. 

Appreciate that 🙏.  Sometimes I tend to zoom in and ruminate.

 

How would you go about not 'faking' the scale and instead, fully feeling each emotion? I'm a bit confused as to how to feel frustration for example, and then to switch to feeling pessimism etc. It seemed like I was just trying to bring thoughts to mind that correlated with the corresponding emotion that was higher on the scale.

17 hours ago, Phil said:

frustration 

Is that a typo or deliberate? I'm curious 😅.

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3 hours ago, Celestial said:

100% welcomed and appreciated. 

🙏🏼

 

3 hours ago, Celestial said:

Is that a typo or deliberate? I'm curious 😅.

No, not a typo. 

 

3 hours ago, Celestial said:

How would you go about not 'faking' the scale and instead, fully feeling each emotion? I'm a bit confused as to how to feel frustration for example, and then to switch to feeling pessimism etc. It seemed like I was just trying to bring thoughts to mind that correlated with the corresponding emotion that was higher on the scale.

Frustration is already (in this example) felt. That’s the key aspect to be acknowledged, noticed, recognized. 

 

If someone asked you how to experience breathing, what would you answer?

Of course, the answer would be you’re already experiencing breathing - there is no “how to breathe”. 

 

The difference is not attributing the frustration directly felt, to a ‘separate self’… which is ‘frustrated’. 

 

You might say, think, believe - but I am frustrated! 

To which I’d say no, you are experiencing frustration. 

 

The difference is - frustration is not true of you, is not true of how you feel…. it’s how an emotion feels. 

 

Then we can question - why? 

 

Why is this emotion, frustration, felt?

 

It’s guidance for the thoughts. 

 

What’s the ‘big deal’ with believing it’s how you feel? 

That it isn’t. 

It’s not how you feel… it’s how some thoughts feel. 

 

To reference sensation as a way to communicate…. Let’s say I throw you a rubber ball and ask you how does it feel. You might say round, kinda soft, a bit squishy. 

If I asked - is that how you feel?

You would say no. It’s how this rubber ball feels - to me. 

Same for emotion. 

Same for thoughts.

 

This makin sense?

 

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11 hours ago, Phil said:

 

No, not a typo. 

🤔

 

11 hours ago, Phil said:

 

This makin sense?

Yes, but I'm inclined to ask, if emotions and thoughts are simply felt by me, and not actually how I feel, then what does the "me" actually feel like, without emotion or thoughts. Or is it the same identical to experiencing the top of the scale?

 

If that makes any sense...

 

 

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Experiencing doubt regarding the spiritual journey and how to use certain tools. Experiencing doubt regarding the guidance scale.

 

Struggling to feel disappointment

 

Feeling overwhelmed with the amount of content and different paths in life. Feeling overwhelmed with not knowing what to do or not knowing what actually is resonating with me and not with the conditioning that I've adopted. Feeling overwhelmed with constantly needing to prove myself or to appear a certain way to others.

 

Feeling frustration with not knowing how to ask the right questions. Feeling frustration regarding inflation and how much the cost of living is while the wages haven't matched this increase. Feeling frustration  regarding thoughts and rumination. Feeling frustration that my Dad is living in a nursing home, shouldve had way more time to spend with him while he was healthy. 

 

Feeling pessimism with life and people. 

 

Experiencing boredom with all of the seemingly pointless resistances i have to life and to expressing properly. 

 

Feeling frustration with the scale and not knowing if I'm doing it correctly, not knowing if its about the feeling or the expressing. 

 

Feeling contentment with the birds outside, with their bird calls. Feeling content with the weather and the trees. 

 

Feeling hopefulness regarding the universe, the direction of humanity.

 

Feeling optimism about today and the peace of sleep tonight. Feeling optimism about reading ask & it is given and the messages contained in the book.

 

Feeling eager about the upcoming retreat and how it will go. Feel like it will be very fruitful and potentially life changing. Eager to feel everything that comes up while on retreat.

 

Feeling passion about food and health. Experiencing passion regarding running, meditation and the roller-coaster of life.

 

Doesn't feel like I'm able to feel real joy right now. 

 

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2 hours ago, Celestial said:

🤔

 

Yes, but I'm inclined to ask, if emotions and thoughts are simply felt by me, and not actually how I feel, then what does the "me" actually feel like, without emotion or thoughts.

If there were a most ideal line of thinking and or a best use of thought - this is it. 

 

2 hours ago, Celestial said:

Or is it the same identical to experiencing the top of the scale?

 

If that makes any sense...

What “scale”? 🙂

 

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On 6/4/2023 at 1:56 PM, Phil said:

What “scale”? 🙂

🧐🤷‍♂️ don't know what to say.

 

15 hours ago, Phil said:

Any expression is great relative to that it isn’t suppression.

 

Yet expression can be ‘hijacked’, made out to be about the ol’ separate self, the “me”, the ‘individual’.

 

The scale is shadow ‘work’ as much as it is alignment. It’s as much a clearing out the ”me” of thoughts as it is a refocusing on wanted. “Wanted” communicates, points, but even “wanted” is too much. Wanted = what is already the case. Such as with ‘stream entry’ - you’re being ‘the stream’ the whole time (not in the stream), and thoughts arise, sometimes to the contrary - and thus the clearing out is experientially a ‘returning to the stream of life’, which in truth you never could leave and never would want to. Hence, discord. It’s a tool / exercise, with the secondary point being expression / release, and the primary point being ‘walking yourself back to yourself’ / clearing out the illusion of a separate self via expression. 

 

Analogously, the loophole shake framed up likewise as an exercise / tool…

 

Ice cubes, chocolate almond milk, protein power, cacao and a banana in the cup… isn’t quite the loophole shake experience. There’s still the putting on the lid, putting the cup on the blender, blending… and then actually drinking the shake. Framed as a tool analogous to the scale, now it’s complete. The exercise ends with the taste. The main point wasn’t making it, but rather drinking it. 

 

Same with the scale. 

 

Expressing worry, disappointment, doubt, frustration and the like is relatively better than not / than suppressing. But continue, keep going, ‘reach for the better feeling thought’ - taste the pessimism, the boredom, the contentment, the hopefulness. Taste (allow the feeling of / allow the alignment) positive expectations, optimism, the enthusiasm, the eagerness. Allow the Happiness, the passion, the joy, appreciation, empowerment… the Freedom, the Love you are. Don’t stop short on “your self”. 🤍

🙏 this is helpful.

Edited by Celestial
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Experienced Insecurity today because I was comparing myself to others and also judging myself. Could feel the nervous system flaring up. Took probably 5-10 minutes to return to a state of calm. Not too sure why but I just felt like expressing that as it was pretty uncomfortable. But it doesn't happen  as much as it used to so I'm grateful for that and it's always a good time to inspect the thoughts when agitation occurs. Very obvious that it is my perspectives and beliefs that feel discordant.

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Did a 5km run earlier, straight into TRE when I got home. Felt good but there was still this overarching feeling of resistance present. Like something was preventing me from feeling free. Think I'm taking things too seriously. Been really enjoying running lately though. Sometimes ill be going through a hard stretch during the run and the next minute it'll feel mostly effortless, like I'm in the zone. It feels really good. It also feels really good how much easier running feels and how quickly the body adapts to being able to run longer and faster.

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Having doubts about friendships and alcohol. On one hand, drinking and getting drunk is fun but on the other hand, I would like to avoid the toxicity and the hangovers of alcohol. And I would much rather be able to FULLY enjoy myself while out socialising while being sober. I also feel a bit weird for choosing not to drink sometimes. Why does the one activity that most people do have to be toxic to the body? Currently confused and experiencing a little bit of emotional turmoil. Could be related to a long TRE session I did the other night. Brings stuff up to the surface I guess. Will go for a run soon and I'm sure I'll feel better after, but I'm after freedom, not just feeling better.

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Interesting how I can avoid meditating for a few days or only meditate a little bit, feel bad about not meditating, choose to meditate and feel the relief of just sitting in silence and then do it all over again. It's like part of me knows that meditation is the best thing ever and another part of me just wants to avoid the silence and stillness. So much easier to just be on technology all day. Really looking forward to the 10 day retreat in august so I can thrust myself into healing and stillness for 10 whole days without any distractions. It's like, I know if I don't meditate, I'll be ruminating about wanting to meditate which is actually an activity that is preventing me from meditating because I'm focusing on not meditating. I really wish there was this button I could click and it would slowly and gently lead to deep peace. I have ideas about what living from peace is like though. Like I'm not sure if it's possible to completely eliminate suffering. Sometimes when I hear people talking about their awakening experiences I experience doubt because I'm just not sure if I could experience something similar, it feels like I'm too invested in being a human and all of the things that come with that like work, relationships, family, societal norms etc. I can see how this is all just thought but I guess this is where I'm at.

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Just did a 25 min sit and it made me extremely excited for the upcoming retreat and I also realised I was being kind of dogmatic about meditation, believing I needed the most "pure" technique or the technique that I heard someone that I look up to say is good. I overlooked simply meditating the way that resonates with me in the moment. 

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Contentment is felt with regard to all of the seeming dramas and worries, being at peace with what was previously judged and resisted. Although not perfect but recently much better.

 

Hopefulness is felt about the upcoming retreat and how it will be full of healing, clarity and peace. Hopefulness is also felt regarding general life and the outcomes of every situation. It is always realised that all of the "problems" in life aren't really seen as massive issues from the perspective of hindsight. Therefore, there's hopefulness experienced for the future as it is exciting as I'm not sure where its headed.

 

There is optimism felt with regard to the upcoming retreat especially. Everytime i think about it, I start to feel excitement and I really enjoy that feeling of brining it to mind.

 

Happiness if felt whenever I think about my family and also I feel happiness whenever I accept certain things that used to annoy me, things that its not worth getting hung up on. If I just accept and allow, happiness is felt and also appreciation. Almost as if they're synonymous. Happiness is felt with regard to people. Everyone's just doin they're own thing and that's awesome. If everyone is allowed to be how they are, then I feel happiness. If I allow experience to be how it is during meditation then this sort of peace and happiness begins to bubble up into experience and I love that. Even writing about happiness now is making me feel empowered and eager for more.

 

Passion is felt with regard to the spiritual path and the blossoming of full peace. Passion is felt with wanting to be a positive force in this world and to start doing things for others. It feels really good to help people and to just be something that radiates happiness. I want to become this beacon of positive energy and peace. 

 

Love is felt when I bring to mind my life and everything that I have ever experienced. Love is felt when I think about my current path, and everyone in my life. Even people that trigger me I have the capacity to deeply love. Its only up to me. I can choose to resist or I can choose to love and to allow. Love is felt when the non act of allowing everything comes to mind. 🖤🖤🖤 

 

 

 

 

 

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Leading up to and including during the upcoming 10 day retreat I want to allow more fully everything in experience. I want to feel, acknowledge and accept the things that I normally don't want to feel. I want to feel and accept the sensations that I habitually shy away from. I want to feel and really acknowledge the sensations that the body habitually tenses up and contracts when in contact with. I want to allow everything to be as it is. Truly, to be able to be with "difficult" emotions and to be able to have equanimity with suffering.

 

The goal at least right now, would be, to be able to move around the world, communicate authentically and openly with people, to be able to accept and love myself and to be who I am. I want to move around and interact with the world as peace. Effortless allowing of life, as it is.

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Wrote a bunch of new stuff on the dreamboard, feels good to think about. Wrote "picking mushrooms" or something similar. Went picking with my Mum and found a grand total of two. Lol, guess I should've been more specific. Wrote some new stuff that I'd like to experience and I'm keen to see the things pop up.

 

Earlier I had this weird feeling that I've woken up from life before, but I couldn't put my finger on why I felt that or what exactly the feeling was but it felt very interesting and beautiful really.

 

Honestly wouldn't mind getting blown open 'Nirvana'. To be sent into utter freefall into life. Not that I'm not into life now but life without the mind's constant bullshit.

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