Mind Games

[Celestial]

8 hours ago, Phil said:

Yep. 🤍

🤍

[Celestial]

Feeling like I'm not allowing my full expression, like I'm holding back. Scared to just be myself. Scared of what people think, want to feel amazing all the time and to have zero cares in the world. Want to flow with life.

[Celestial]

Sadness experienced today about the past, missing experiences from a few years ago. Missing the people as well. 

This was coupled with a yearning to experience child like excitement and wonder again. 

 

Have started doing TRE again the past few days and I suspect it has brought up some emotions/stuff, so just trying to take it easy. 

 

Loving music at the moment.

[Celestial]

 

Beautiful, another chapter of my life I can see opening. A chapter of wonder and unknown. Unknown beauty. 

[Celestial]

I am grateful for today.

I am grateful for music.

I am grateful for the sun.

[Celestial]

I am grateful for Bach.

I am grateful for Bluetooth earphones.

I am grateful for the feeling of relief.

[Celestial]

I am grateful for the wind.

I'm grateful for Earth.

I'm grateful for the experience of alignment.

[Celestial]

I'm thankful for the body.

I'm thankful for glasses.

I'm thankful for meditation and stillness.

[Celestial]

Im thankful for mornings.

Im thankful for bird calls.

Im thankful for toilets.

[Celestial]

One of my ears is blocked at the moment and it's a bit annoying. I'm also fed up with constantly feeling angst and suffering. Typically seems to rise up socially. An unwillingness or fear of expressing myself truly.

[Celestial]

 

I can sense that there is deep peace and enjoyment beyond or on the other side of this suffering. It's as though if I'm willing to just feel everything and accept everything then boom, easy peace and complete fulfilment. Now if I could just see the steps clearly and go through it.

[Celestial]

I notice that there is always this activity of second guessing myself about spirituality in general. Like I think ok cool I'll focus on inquiry and awakening and then do inquiry for a bit and then I'll think that I need to focus on emotional healing and shadow work so then I'll do that which means that I won't be doing much inquiry. I think it's just the mind trying to 'hold on'. It seems to be about the resistance to experience. Its just mind identification.

[Celestial]

Time to absorb into the I-sense. With a wish to experience Kensho. Time to forget the I.

Edited April 14 by Celestial

[Celestial]

I am leaning towards getting back into taking psychedelics a bit more often, I really want to utilise mushrooms for going deep with emotion/trauma/shadow work as they reliably allow me to delve deep into discordant thoughts as they generally just beautifully bring up all of the junk and ickyness that I would normally like to suppress and not feel. I am really eager to heal and to purify and feel all of the 'shadow' material and I think mushrooms can be great teachers, cutting straight through the bullshit to show me what needs to be felt. Sometimes when I've taken them in the past I'll notice some shameful or discordant thoughts coming in and I'll notice myself beginning to think I'm having a "bad trip" so I try and change the thoughts or focus on something else or try and talk my way out of those feelings. But I think what I've been missing is the mushrooms are showing me exactly what needs to be felt, and instead of pushing away those feelings, I should be fully feeling them, without narrative, simply focusing on the felt sense. So, Universe, I'm ready to feel all of the feels that need to be felt and please bring forth what I would normally try to escape from. 🙏

[Phil]

Enjoy the trip, let the mushrooms do the work for you.  🙂

[Celestial]

@Phil

The shrooms always seem to bring stuff up, its quite amazing.