Celestial

Because the water never seems to boil until you go focus on something else. I don't know, what does that mean in this context?

I could say many things but suffering could be something like not feeling whole or completely fulfilled. I am suffering, I don't know what else to say. No evidence but I also don't have any evidence that freedom isn't the case. No matter, as in not dependant on the situations and experiences of life. I don't know man, being alive seems to come with suffering I guess. I could act smart and say just a bundle of thoughts, memories, emotions and senses but I do feel like a separate being and it feels like there's other beings I interact with. I could say awareness, consciousness or whatever but it feels like I think and have ideas.

There's gotta be some sort of realisation right? I get that 'enlightenment is already the case' and everything but without the direct realisation im just stuck in mind world.

@Phil The shrooms always seem to bring stuff up, its quite amazing.

It just came out like that but I was originally going to title the thread something like 'does enlightenment eliminate suffering'. Maybe again refers to 'after awakening', or 'once someone is enlightened'. Idk

I was also gonna say, what actually is enlightenment? Because I'm not really sure. @Mandy are you saying that suffering doesn't get eliminated because it never existed? It definitely seems like I'm unaware of what enlightenment is.

Does enlightenment eliminate suffering for good? Like is it possible to be completely free in this lifetime, no matter the condition of one's life? Does an awakened person still sometimes suffer even the slightest amount or is the suffering just poof, gone. These are some questions I have about awakening as I think I might have some preconceived ideas about what enlightenment is all about.

I am leaning towards getting back into taking psychedelics a bit more often, I really want to utilise mushrooms for going deep with emotion/trauma/shadow work as they reliably allow me to delve deep into discordant thoughts as they generally just beautifully bring up all of the junk and ickyness that I would normally like to suppress and not feel. I am really eager to heal and to purify and feel all of the 'shadow' material and I think mushrooms can be great teachers, cutting straight through the bullshit to show me what needs to be felt. Sometimes when I've taken them in the past I'll notice some shameful or discordant thoughts coming in and I'll notice myself beginning to think I'm having a "bad trip" so I try and change the thoughts or focus on something else or try and talk my way out of those feelings. But I think what I've been missing is the mushrooms are showing me exactly what needs to be felt, and instead of pushing away those feelings, I should be fully feeling them, without narrative, simply focusing on the felt sense. So, Universe, I'm ready to feel all of the feels that need to be felt and please bring forth what I would normally try to escape from. 🙏

Time to absorb into the I-sense. With a wish to experience Kensho. Time to forget the I.

I notice that there is always this activity of second guessing myself about spirituality in general. Like I think ok cool I'll focus on inquiry and awakening and then do inquiry for a bit and then I'll think that I need to focus on emotional healing and shadow work so then I'll do that which means that I won't be doing much inquiry. I think it's just the mind trying to 'hold on'. It seems to be about the resistance to experience. Its just mind identification.

I can sense that there is deep peace and enjoyment beyond or on the other side of this suffering. It's as though if I'm willing to just feel everything and accept everything then boom, easy peace and complete fulfilment. Now if I could just see the steps clearly and go through it.

One of my ears is blocked at the moment and it's a bit annoying. I'm also fed up with constantly feeling angst and suffering. Typically seems to rise up socially. An unwillingness or fear of expressing myself truly.

Im thankful for mornings. Im thankful for bird calls. Im thankful for toilets.

I'm thankful for the body. I'm thankful for glasses. I'm thankful for meditation and stillness.

I am grateful for the wind. I'm grateful for Earth. I'm grateful for the experience of alignment.

I am grateful for Bach. I am grateful for Bluetooth earphones. I am grateful for the feeling of relief.

I am grateful for today. I am grateful for music. I am grateful for the sun.

Beautiful, another chapter of my life I can see opening. A chapter of wonder and unknown. Unknown beauty.

Sadness experienced today about the past, missing experiences from a few years ago. Missing the people as well. This was coupled with a yearning to experience child like excitement and wonder again. Have started doing TRE again the past few days and I suspect it has brought up some emotions/stuff, so just trying to take it easy. Loving music at the moment.

Feeling like I'm not allowing my full expression, like I'm holding back. Scared to just be myself. Scared of what people think, want to feel amazing all the time and to have zero cares in the world. Want to flow with life.

Fucking Epic

🤍

I'm sorta thinking, the only really true worthwhile thing to do in this life is to realise the true nature of existence. To align my life with this truth and to live from a place of truth, authenticity and Love. This would be the most worthwhile service I could undertake for Earth in general. I mean it's either that or to just live in this bubble of conceptual, mind-identified matrix of ups and downs. I want to be fully present to life. I can feel this pull to really start to investigate my true nature, like a gravitational field that wants to find itself again. I did mushrooms for the first time in a while yesterday because I felt drawn to and it started off with me just experiencing so much self doubt, self judgement and all of these completely discordant perspectives about myself and the life that I am living. The theme was sort of "what the fuck sort of life are you living you loser". Then I decided to just sit back in my lawn chair in the backyard and just let go and let the mushrooms wash over me. The mushrooms sort of feel like teachers in that they just bring out all of the perspectives and bull shit that is normally not looked at.