Mind Games

[Celestial]

The fragility of the mind is astonishing, everything can be all good and all that has to happen is one person says something that is triggering and then I can experience triggering for the next 20 minutes or more. This can't be the right way to live, I notice how I tend to get sucked into "negative" thinking, and whenever this happens there is a sort of this 'leaving' the present aspect, overlooking the moment.

[Phil]

@Celestial

If I might, with respect to the experience of leaving the present moment…

 

There is an experience of thoughts arising about a mind, yet there is never an experience of a mind. 

Similarly there is an experience of thoughts about getting sucked into negative thinking, yet there isn’t an experience of getting sucked into, nor of positive or negative thinking or thoughts. (Those would be arising thoughts / thoughts about thoughts). 

 

I get the phrase, the implication of ‘getting sucked into thoughts’. This is not meant as a correction or judgement at all. 

Just a pointing to the ‘difference’ being noticing the thought is happening, not what the thought(s) are about. 

Goodness is always prior to, never becoming - always Goodness. Not even becoming an everything. 

Thus everything can never be all Good. Everything is a thought, about Good / Goodness. 

Goodness is already Goodness, just as a thought is already a thought. 

What is itself can not become about itself. 

[Celestial]

@Phil

I can see that conceptually, but some thoughts and circumstances/perspectives just seem to cause the nervous system to get agitated/stressed and then there's a resistance reaction to not want to feel these sorts of feelings and then maybe narratives that arise that possibly exacerbate the whole situation. It is possible to live without getting triggered?

 

It very much seems to be mostly about "social" stuff, Insecurity, shame, embarrassment etc. Wanting to be viewed a certain way, fear of being vulnerable and honest. I mean, I haven't even told my friends really ever or anyone at work for that matter that I'm interested in non-duality. I know I just wrote out a story but it's been on my mind somewhat.

[Phil]

@Celestial

Not only is it possible to live without getting triggered, as weird as it sounds the truth is that is already the case. You aren’t actually getting triggered, you’re experiencing triggering. You aren’t a culmination of thoughts, feelings & a nervous system… there is an experience of thoughts, feelings and a nervous system.

 

The mind is interpreting experience one way and feeling is saying it’s another. Feeling in the fundamental sense, prior to emotions, can not change. Conditions & limiting interpretations don’t apply. The nervous system is stuck in the middle getting knocked around. The best thing you can do for the nervous system is accept (feel) what feeling is saying. Don’t leave it at ‘these sort of feelings’. Recognize which emotion is specifically felt. That in & of itself is very connective. It’s like speaking the same language vs living in a country were everyone else speaks a different language. Most if not all of the discordant thoughts will just not arise anymore the more emotions are acknowledged and recognized. 

 

Doesn’t happen overnight. What expedites is very counterintuitive initially. What’s wanted is feeling great. What’s focused on is what isn’t wanted / what’s wanted to be avoided or stopped. This is the ‘you can’t get from there to their situation’. Getting from there to there is basically trying to get to feeling great, while still holding discordant interpretations.

 

First the interpretations, as the activity of thought or thinking have to fizzle out. If you try to do that, that’s what’s focused on, and so that doesn’t work. This is where simple exercises like returning attention to feeling breathing in the stomach or breathwork, work. Attention is on an ‘other than those thoughts / interpretations’, and the activity of thoughts then naturally unwinds. Then the nature shines through a little more, a little less obscured.

 

Then better feeling, more aligned interpretations, insights, clarity, etc arises naturally. When this is allowed, you might say you really begin to ‘see’ what you really are undeniably first hand, and then any inclinations to try to be different, or for experience to change so you feel better, more stable or secure, just fizzle out too. 

 

It also comes to mind that judgment is unsolvable. If you’re trying to solve or figure this out, that won’t really work. When judgement is already happening it’s already felt. The solution really is that there already isn’t a problem. There’s the discord & the out of whack nervous system, but there isn’t per se a problem. The key there is really seeing from behind the judgement, and not in front of it such as in what other people might think. Whenever there are discordant thoughts about what other people think, there is unnoticed judgement of other people, for what they think or might think. The wanting of other people to think & behave towards us in certain ways reveals the certain as in aligned ways we want to be thinking and behaving. So instead of thinking about other people judging, notice the judging of other people and their thinking. One way to put that is love them so much you honestly don’t care what they think because one, they’re feelin it, and two, you love em so much that it just really doesn’t matter. You want to feel the love and you want them to feel the love. It’s then seen as trivial and never having been a problem in the first place. But again, doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient. Tortoise & the heir. Take it easier on yourself. Let expectations go. Let what’s known about feeling or how things will go, go. Take time to just sit and be with feeling, without a goal or expectation. 

 

[Celestial]

@Phil

It seems during the experience of triggering, it is harder to know the exact emotion, there's just a very prominent feeling off offness and aversion/escaping from the feeling. I will try to feel the emotions more fully though. 

 

Is there any difference between feeling and accepting the emotions versus feeling and accepting the sensations? Tad confused about that. Also  is acknowledging an emotion the same as feeling/ accepting it?

 

 

 

On 7/9/2023 at 2:01 PM, Phil said:

Take time to just sit and be with feeling, without a goal or expectation. 

 

Recently this has been the sort of "meditation technique" that I've been resonating with.

 

I'm beginning to see that it's all about fully feeling and 'being with' the emotions that are normally resisted and neglected/avoided.

 

Will need to re-read everything you wrote to let it sink in more but thank you it is all appreciated.

 

 

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Celestial said:

@Phil

It seems during the experience of triggering, it is harder to know the exact emotion, there's just a very prominent feeling of offness and aversion/escaping from the feeling. I will try to feel the emotions more fully though. 

The ‘experience of triggering’,  ‘a very prominent feeling of offness’, ‘easier or harder to know’ and ‘I will try’ (no offense I hope 😬) are the aversion. It’s like a switcharoo, where what’s believed is ‘held’ to be what’s known. The actuality, or what those labels are covering up,  is the emotion(s) experienced. It’s not about doing, changing, knowing, easy, hard or believing… only about what is already the case, already being experienced. It’s much more of an observation and a de-mystifying / dispelling & therein clarifying, than it is work or any kind of doing, trying or effort. It’s very much the opposite really. It’s self-love. It’s an allowing of the emotions felt to be recognized, and a receiving of the guidance therein. 

 

 

2 hours ago, Celestial said:

Is there any difference between feeling and accepting the emotions versus feeling and accepting the sensations?  Tad confused about that.

Great question.

Emotion is how thoughts feel, sensation is how the body feels. Feeling is the ‘raw clay’ which doesn’t come or go, can not be made into or become something (such as a doing), and is what thoughts, emotions and sensation actually are. 

Acceptance and confusion are the activity of thought about separation. 

 

2 hours ago, Celestial said:

Also  is acknowledging an emotion the same as feeling/ accepting it?

It’s like standing in the rain… there can be the thoughts ‘I’m feeling it’, ‘I’m not feeling it’, ‘I’m accepting it’, or ‘I’m not accepting it. Acknowledging is ‘I’m already wet’. 

 

[Celestial]

@Phil

No offence taken 🫠, I really want to understand this stuff.

 

 

 

Is it enough to just 'be' with the feeling of embarrassment and shame without inwardly acknowledging that it is specifically shame and embarrassment that is felt?

 

Maybe what I'm getting at is why is it important to acknowledge the specific emotion as opposed to simply just be with the feeling.

 

If shame shows up, and I acknowledge it, what then does it mean to receive the guidance? 

 

Like, if I'm at work and I start experience triggering, and I recognise that what I'm feeling is Insecurity (and I just feel and 'be' with the Insecurity), is that enough?

 

 

I hope I'm being clear enough.

[Phil]

5 hours ago, Celestial said:

 

Is it enough to just 'be' with the feeling of embarrassment and shame without inwardly acknowledging that it is specifically shame and embarrassment that is felt?

I’d look at that as ‘is it enough to be with the thinking of embarrassment and shame without inwardly acknowledging the emotions that are experienced?’. 

Emotion is guidance. 

 

5 hours ago, Celestial said:

 

Maybe what I'm getting at is why is it important to acknowledge the specific emotion as opposed to simply just be with the feeling.

What’s ‘the feeling’? 

 

5 hours ago, Celestial said:

If shame shows up, and I acknowledge it, what then does it mean to receive the guidance? 

To acknowledge the emotion experienced. 

 

5 hours ago, Celestial said:

 

Like, if I'm at work and I start experience triggering, and I recognise that what I'm feeling is Insecurity (and I just feel and 'be' with the Insecurity), is that enough?

I hope I'm being clear enough.

I’d let the framing of ‘enough’ and ‘not enough’ go. It’s an unnecessary judgement. 

When insecurity is felt, type or write what thoughts are being experienced. 

Then express jealousy. Write what you do want. 

 

Another consideration… when the thoughts arise about shame & embarrassment… what does your inner being say about this?

Is it agreeing? Or is there discord felt? 

[Celestial]

13 hours ago, Phil said:

What’s ‘the feeling'?

The feeling of shame/embarrassment but that'd just be thoughts I guess. 

 

 

13 hours ago, Phil said:

Another consideration… when the thoughts arise about shame & embarrassment… what does your inner being say about this?

Is it agreeing? Or is there discord felt? 

Whatever the thoughts "shame & embarrassment" are pointing to, definitely doesn't resonate with my inner being.

 

I sort of view "shame & embarrassment" as descriptions of certain feelings, and those particular feelings feel very discordant. 

 

[Phil]

9 hours ago, Celestial said:

The feeling of shame/embarrassment but that'd just be thoughts I guess. 

How do those thoughts feel? 

Thoughts like shoulds, should have’s, comparative thoughts & expectations based on comparisons, judgements, shortage, lack etc… 

9 hours ago, Celestial said:

Whatever the thoughts "shame & embarrassment" are pointing to, definitely doesn't resonate with my inner being.

Be most literal and specific… what exactly are these thoughts pointing to? 

9 hours ago, Celestial said:

I sort of view "shame & embarrassment" as descriptions of certain feelings, and those particular feelings feel very discordant. 

Check now. Are feelings (plural) actually found in direct experience? 

[Celestial]

On 7/12/2023 at 10:27 PM, Phil said:

How do those thoughts feel? 

Thoughts like shoulds, should have’s, comparative thoughts & expectations based on comparisons, judgements, shortage, lack etc… 

They feel really bad, it feels like the whole body reacts to those kinds of thoughts. 

 

On 7/12/2023 at 10:27 PM, Phil said:

Be most literal and specific… what exactly are these thoughts pointing to?

I mean I'm not too sure but they're both centred around me so they feel very personal. But I guess to be more specific they would be pointing to interpretations of experience or discordant ideas. Idk

 

On 7/12/2023 at 10:27 PM, Phil said:

Check now. Are feelings (plural) actually found in direct experience? 

I would say that there's only feeling, but what is felt changes.

[Celestial]

Been avoiding meditation the past few days, and trying to distract myself to avoid feeling. I feel jealousy when I see other people just doing they're thing and just being able to be outgoing around everyone. Sometimes it seems like the more I get into spirituality or whatever, the more suffering I experience. But I do see a light at the end of the tunnel where there is peace with everything. And maybe all of the suffering im experiencing is for the benefit of me. The shit I need to work through and love in order to be free.

[Celestial]

It's like i know that my suffering is self created, I know that it's all just stories, beliefs and the way I'm seeing things but I can't seem to fully unhook from this at least at the moment, now that's just another story I'm telling myself as well. I'm partly hedging all of my bets on experiencing a big release on retreat and sort of viewing that as a reset to my life. I have started doing things that resonate more like fitness, diet is spot on at the moment, haven't had any alcohol for months now even though I think it'd be fun to drink with my mates. But then every time I drank all of this spiritual stuff went out the window. I mean, only like 4 months ago I was completely addicted to weed so I should be proud of myself for where I'm at. I should love myself for how life is going and the direction it's going. I think what my heart deeply desires is to know what true eternal peace is.

[Celestial]

Just sat for 45 min doing the "just sitting" technique. Feel really good and everytime I do a longer sit I always am reminded to do more. So here I am reminding myself to sit more often. Almost feels like a mini purification just sitting and doing nothing. Everything feels "fresher". There was a point towards the end of the sit when I started to experience irritation and i just decided to feel into it instead of just go along with the irritation and when i did that it wasn't really a problem. 🤷‍♂️

Edited July 16, 2023 by Celestial

[Celestial]

Currently listening to loud music in the lounge room home alone, danced for a bit and have been singing, feels really good, simple and freeing. Letting loose by myself. Gonna do this more often.

[Celestial]

 

 

 

Man it's so easy for the mind to get into a whirl wind and worry about pointless stuff. Just gotta be where I am, in this moment instead of conceptualising endlessly. Listen to a vid that has the law of one in it and then I start to over think everything about it and all of the densities of consciousness and shit instead of being where I am. I haven't experienced any densities of consciousness or whatever so it's just conceptualising for me which isn't helpful really. Have meditated 45 mins for the last 8 days so stuff might also be coming up idk really. Times likes this is when I really appreciate music, always connective. 

Edited July 24, 2023 by Celestial

[Celestial]

 

Think I've gotta take it easy on myself and the people around me.

[Celestial]

Got the retreat in three days and I can feel that there's an energetic preparation going on, like its getting real. I am also noticing some nerves although I'm welcoming them. Part of me thinks that I'm ready to 'have a breakthrough' and that this retreat will facilitate that. But I'm also content to just do the retreat and whatever happens, happens. Last year when I did the retreat I went in addicted to weed, literally smoked a joint before I went in, and I exited that retreat without the urge to smoke at all. 

 

This year, I'm going in fresh. I've sat for 45 mins for the last two weeks, no weed recently or alcohol. I feel like my being is ready to release a lot of suffering. I've written a lot of stuff on my dreamboard that I'd like to experience and just the other day I added Kensho, so I'll see where that leads.

 

Overall, I'm excited and nervous about the retreat and I'm looking forward to experiencing whatever I need to experience to purify the mind and body so I can be filled with more love. 

 

Also, this new ufo stuff is getting interesting, I think its all unfolding perfectly and it seems like a thing that the universe wants to experience lol. And it seems like its all just going to get more clear. The main thing I'm worried about is, it seems like no ones actually talking about how we're going to be peaceful with whatever the crafts are, it seems like people are either, concerned with "national security" or with the technology that the crafts seem to possess. Isn't it fucking amazing and magical that there's other beings that are visiting Earth and crafts showing themselves to people? Yet the US is worried about fkn national security.

 

In my opinion, if these are beings, they are completely non-hostile, full of love, wanting to connect with us. When me and my brother witnessed a craft it completely felt like we were supposed to see it, like literally stars aligning type event. I hope sightings become more frequent so more people will know that et's are in fact real.

[Celestial]

I'm sorta thinking, the only really true worthwhile thing to do in this life is to realise the true nature of existence. To align my life with this truth and to live from a place of truth, authenticity and Love. This would be the most worthwhile service I could undertake for Earth in general. I mean it's either that or to just live in this bubble of conceptual, mind-identified matrix of ups and downs. I want to be fully present to life. I can feel this pull to really start to investigate my true nature, like a gravitational field that wants to find itself again. I did mushrooms for the first time in a while yesterday because I felt drawn to and it started off with me just experiencing so much self doubt, self judgement and all of these completely discordant perspectives about myself and the life that I am living. The theme was sort of "what the fuck sort of life are you living you loser". Then I decided to just sit back in my lawn chair in the backyard and just let go and let the mushrooms wash over me. The mushrooms sort of feel like teachers in that they just bring out all of the perspectives and bull shit that is normally not looked at.

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Celestial said:

The mushrooms sort of feel like teachers in that they just bring out all of the perspectives and bull shit that is normally not looked at.

Yep. 🤍